What should my husband do if he finds an ambiguous online chat?

I am a young mother who just gave birth to a baby, and I should be immersed in happiness. My husband and I both belong to the post-80s generation. He was born in the countryside and has a stable and well-paid job, commonly known as "Phoenix Man". I am a city girl with a normal family and a stable job. After marriage, through our own efforts (mainly his), we not only paid off the foreign debt owed by buying a house, but also bought a car. Generally speaking, our life is dull and happy. In the second year after marriage, by chance, I met a male netizen through online chat. As soon as we hit it off, we got to know each other a little. Gradually, our topic is getting deeper and deeper, and there are many ambiguous and explicit languages. We also often contact each other by phone or send messages to each other. I never thought about what it would be like to be with him, just to kill time and get rid of loneliness. Once, while on a business trip, we also met, but nothing happened. I thought it would be buried deep in my heart. But many things always make people unprepared and unexpected. I was just pregnant, and by chance, my husband knew about it. He was furious and repeatedly pressed me, claiming to divorce me. In order to prove my innocence, I voluntarily confessed our meeting process and showed him the chat record. But he is always skeptical of what I say. Not only did he check all my chat records, together with the phone list, but he even asked me all the details of the meeting over and over again. Once I couldn't remember some details or didn't answer carefully enough, he questioned me again and again and scrutinized every word I said. During that time, his mood fluctuated greatly and people became very nervous. And I also feel very self-blaming, very wronged, very painful, very angry, very helpless ... I thought this situation would change after the baby was born. But now that the child has been born for several months, his attitude has changed from excitement and anger to melancholy now. He doesn't care about this family, and he is lukewarm to me. Besides spending a few minutes hugging and coaxing the children every day, he goes out to play cards every night and doesn't come home until late at night. Whether he is in a better mood or not, it has become an excuse for him to go out to play cards every day (I think), so he often quarrels with him and makes a scene. He is a man with strong self-esteem. He worked hard outside from childhood and formed an independent and what he called a set of views on right and wrong. At first, the comfort and enlightenment of his parents and family had some effect on him, but his capricious attitude and stubborn attitude made everyone feel helpless and disappointed, and finally they all gave up ... This is a fast knot in his heart. He always thinks that his parents and family can't understand him and can't really understand his feelings; He always thought I had feelings for that netizen; He has always been annoyed that I don't listen to his warnings and meet netizens; He and I have been married for four years and talked with this netizen for three years. Now, like the most familiar strangers, we live under the same roof and have no language communication. Our marriage has existed in name only. He said, "He doesn't want a divorce. He is so disappointed in this family. But he doesn't want to change the present situation, because I made the mistake first, so he doesn't want to improve our present relationship with a positive attitude. But if I can't stand my present life and insist on leaving, he will sign and the house will be mine. " I am tired, confused and helpless. I don't think I'm wrong to the point of unforgivable. I don't know what to do. I never realized that it hit him so hard, and I never really understood his character. I tried to adjust my mentality, but found that nothing I could do could change the status quo. He is sensitive, willful and uncertain. It seems that the problem is not me, but that he is deeply involved and unwilling to come out. Does he still love me? Did I compromise? I have no self-esteem. Can our marriage continue? -The reader wrote to Su Qin to reply: You said: I don't think I was wrong to the point of unforgivable. It may be true in the eyes of some men who are not so loyal to their feelings. In the eyes of other men who demand high emotional loyalty, such mistakes are enough to destroy his confidence in love. I've been thinking: what else in this world makes my husband and man collapse more than seeing his wife flirting with other men? I thought about it for a long time, but I didn't come up with it. Perhaps in the eyes of women, this is purely an emotional problem and a boring move to pass the time. Since there is no real knife and gun to do one thing, why should men be so stingy? But in the eyes of men, this is not the case. Men are more possessive than women, occupying not only her body, but also her spirit. In particular, the more men who live in poverty as children, the stronger their possessiveness when they grow up. Because of their inner feelings, their hearts are always wrapped, especially afraid of betrayal. In fact, this is a man who pays more attention to his feelings. As long as he still has a good feeling in his heart, he can be a good husband. But once that feeling is gone, it is difficult for him to have the strength to pretend to be generous. Here, I don't want to say more about your mistakes. But you must understand that your mistakes are far more destructive than you realize. You have been married for four years, flirted with this male online friend for three years, and met each other. You know, for a wife, this is not a simple mistake. But as a new mother, I understand that what you need most at this moment is love and consideration. Your grievance is also justified. But after all, you have to pick up the fruit yourself. If you don't want to leave this marriage now, you should probably learn to adapt to "one's married life", that is, love yourself. Maybe when you live optimistically and calmly, he can gradually get out of the shadows. But at present, there is no need to expect him to make a big turn, because such a knot can not be completely opened in a year or so. No matter who is generous or stingy, closing your eyes will always remind you of scenes. What you can do now is to inspire him to be calm and willing to communicate with you. Or you should make it clear to him that during this time, ask him to give the child a chance and a normal room for growth. So, even if he doesn't want to, don't hurt each other with cold violence. Of course, there are all kinds of possibilities in the future: either really separate. Or spend more time to continue marriage. I just want to tell you that any kind of love is related to dignity. When a person can no longer maintain his dignity, happiness will become more and more irrelevant to him in the future. You are the same as him.