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Humorous jokes that can be used in speeches.

A joke with a super sense of humor can add special color to a boring life. The following paragraphs are used in your speech, which I compiled for you. I hope they will help you.

Jokes that can be used in speeches (hot articles)

1. A patient has sparse white hair: Doctor, what can you do to make my white hair disappear? Doctor: Don't worry, it's simple. You'll be fine when you're bald.

2. After watching If You Are the One 2, I understand that in China, the so-called successful men not only have a house and a car, but also have money and leisure, but also drink a brand of white wine, buy insurance for a company, travel by business jet, spend a holiday in Sanya, live in a villa in the bay, propose marriage on the Great Wall, pinch their feet in the foot washing room, and of course, the most important thing is to marry a beautiful stewardess as a wife.

3. Our Chinese teacher: Please turn to 120 yuan. The whole class is dizzy. What is the teacher's nickname? Money fan? Ha ha.

Dear TV station leader: I am a TV fan. Recently, it has been found that there is an increasingly bad trend, that is, TV dramas constantly interrupt advertisements, which is extremely irresponsible and ignores the audience. I suggest making great efforts to stop it. It's best to have only advertisements, not TV dramas and so on.

5. It was boring between classes, and some students played with questions. Q: Who is Shixian? A: Li Bai. Q: Who is the poet saint? A: Du Fu. Q: What about Shi Gui? A: Li He. Q: What about the poet king? A passing classmate blurted out: Simba!

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

7. Although you are a little dark, you are very enthusiastic. You attract everyone with your unique brilliance, making people want to be with you, especially in the cold winter, so I want to send you a message today, saying that I am very rare for you, briquette.

8. I bought a new car at home and went out for a ride with my husband excitedly. I feel very happy when I look at my gentle and considerate husband, new car and new house. I can't help feeling as happy as a dream. When I opened my eyes, was it really a dream?

9. There is a baby (male) in the dormitory, which is a little honest (stupid). After the lights went out at night, everyone chatted. He said, when I have money, I will find three girls. Our tastes were adjusted by him, he said, and then what? He said calmly, playing mahjong?

10. A department employee had a dinner party and set two tables. Hairy crabs on the dining table, wild and small; The hairy crabs on the staff table are cultured and very big. The leader was very angry, and the director of the office explained that their desk was carried by people!

1 1. You can get the whole world with love or lose the whole world with hate.

12. If I lost you because God gave me something, I would rather have nothing, I just want you to come back to me!

13. Throughout the ages, human beings have been weaving dreams and hopes for generations. Looking up at the sky, the starry sky shines with the whispers and pious prayers of ancestors; That dream is so real and so far away, because it is the eternal pursuit in the heart and the floating prosperity and fantasy in reality.

14. Dreams, like a seed, are sown in? Mind? Small as it is, it can blossom and bear fruit. Without dreams, it is like living in a desolate desert, cold and lifeless.

15. Happy birthday! Let me bless you, let me laugh for you, because on your birthday today, my heart is as exultant and happy as you! Happy birthday to my baby!

16. Digital Baby Awu saves the world at the age of 8, Poké mon Xiao Zhi 10 travels around the world, Dragon Ball Wukong 12 takes part in the first martial arts meeting in the world, Master China 13 takes an examination of senior chefs, Naruto Uchiha Itachi 17 takes a kaleidoscope, and One Piece. !

17. It is worthwhile for an American to talk about his color change. Hero? In two words, with primitive weapons and communication equipment, bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and Zarqafi, three world-famous war generals, fought against the United States.

18. After getting married, his good friend once said to Yang privately: It's really unfair to a girl. You can be a grandfather. ? Yang was very dissatisfied after listening to it: I am even more wronged. Her grandfather is two years younger than me, and I have to pretend to be a grandson!

Jokes that can be used in speeches (classics)

1. If time can go back, I must spend my childhood with you. We play hide and seek, steal sweet potatoes, fish in the river and beat grasshoppers. Then I hit you, you cry, I will make you happy, play with you, and then hit you.

2. The soldier called the officer: Report to the officer that the enemy was too cunning and their hiding place was unexpected. The village chief replied: Idiot! Shoot at places you don't expect!

Matches and cigarettes are in love. Matches tried to kiss cigarettes, but they were refused. Matches ask: Why can't I kiss you? The cigarette said:? Honey, I don't want us to die together.

4. You were practicing in a mental hospital, and suddenly a psycho came after you with a kitchen knife. You turned around and ran until you reached a dead end, thinking it was over. The patient said, here's the knife. It's your turn to chase me.

5.? You're giving me the cold shoulder now! How good you were to me before you got married! If you encounter a puddle on the road, you can carry me there. But now you pretend not to see it. ? It's not that I didn't see it, it's that I didn't see it all. How slim you were then, look at your fat body now.

6. This snail was run over by a tortoise while traveling on the road, and was taken to the hospital for emergency treatment. The snail woke up and the police asked him about it. Snail: I didn't see it clearly He was too fast.

7. A beautiful female teacher, whose birthday is coming, was asked by her boyfriend what gift she wanted. She felt the opportunity came, so she said shyly that she wanted something that could represent eternity, preferably a gold ring with diamonds. As a result, her boyfriend sent her a message saying: Silence is golden!

8. Wife: I am so angry! Husband: Honey, what's the matter? Wife: A man peeked at me several times in the car today. Husband: This shows that you are very attractive! What are you angry about? Wife: He is not handsome at all!

9. I dreamed of you last night: we walked by the river and snuggled together. You look up at my eyes and spit out three words affectionately, woof!

10. Men take medicine to stand up, women take medicine to stand up, and pigs take medicine to grow up. You don't take medicine, but it's the most amazing thing, because you only eat text messages!

Jokes that can be used in speeches (selected articles)

1. My girlfriend said she was going to learn judo, but her father strongly objected, saying, who dares to marry you after a girl has studied judo? She said coldly, see who dares not to marry!

2. During the Water-sprinkling Festival, someone suddenly cursed: Who the fuck threw me away? People advise: it is a blessing to vote for you. Bitch: Come on, which idiot threw boiling water at me?

3. I added a sister today; She said she was fat, 120 kilograms! I don't think 120 is fat. Just ask her out to meet, boy,1.4m!

I hope you are my sun? No, you are my flashlight. Because the sun shines on everyone. I just want you to take care of me alone.

My son laughs happily every day. The wife asked her son:? Why are you so happy every day? I said beside:? Because he has no wife. ?

6. Tell you a news that I have an infectious disease, and I have infected you with happiness, happiness, smiles and blessings. Dear friend, what should I do?

7. I miss you for breaking the telephone line, burning the mobile phone card, emptying your wallet and taking all the sleeping pills. Hey! But I still miss you.

8. You are fat, and your man's love for you has not changed, but the average love for each piece of meat is less. This is too lethal. It's too lethal.

9.? Yesterday, I bought a Kangxi dictionary at the bookstall. This is the song version. If it weren't for the Song version, the price wouldn't be so expensive! ?

10. Dancing is too tiring. Singing is very expensive. Why don't we have a reunion, miss the taste of campus, avoid being single and heartbroken, give back to each other and make some pairs!

1 1. The flies in the crown are no more noble than those in the toilet.

12. Young girls are precious, but young women are more expensive. If there are rich women, they can both be thrown away.

13. There are only two things I can't do in my life: neither this nor that.

14. Buying a computer without broadband is like having wine and meat, and becoming a monk before eating.

15. Sorry is a kind of sincerity. It doesn't matter. This is a kind of grace. If you give your heart, but you can't get grace, it can only show the ignorance and vulgarity of the other party.

16.? Especially diligent? These five words, I thought about it, and I did the first four?

17. How far your thoughts are, how far you roll; You can roll as fast as the speed of light

18. You are gold, I am coal, you will glow, and I will heat up. Don't mess with me, or I will melt you.

19. If there is love in the sky, it will be old. If there is love, people will die long ago!

20. You are fat, and your man's love for you has not changed, but the average love for each piece of meat is less.

2 1. God saw your desire and created water; God saw that you were hungry and created rice; God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me; However, he also saw that there is no idiot in this world and created you by the way.

22. We haven't eaten for several days, and everyone is like pancakes.

I held you in my arms that night and told you to put that thing on your ear. It's cool that you don't wear it. It's the safety period, okay? What if the traffic police catch you not wearing a helmet?

24. Without wind, clouds will not move; Fish can't swim without water; If there is no sun, the moon will have no light; Without you? Stupid people do not exist.

They will never understand how important stupidity, laziness and worthlessness are to our happiness.

26. Someone told you that I use mineral water to flush the toilet. How do you respond? All I peed in was a royal salute.

27. If the incense burned for one year can meet you, the incense burned for three years can know you, and the incense burned for ten years can cherish you. Therefore, for the happiness of my next life, I am willing to convert to Christ!

28. It is said that history is a little girl's braid, and I smiled slightly. Is history so beautiful? The accurate statement should be: history is a person's beard. As time goes on, the black drops become white drops.

29. If the weather is fine, you will be fine. In this weather, it seems that you have left!

30. I have been by your side, worrying about you again and again. Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I always knew you couldn't take care of yourself. Every time I walk away, you jump out of the pigsty.

3 1. The sage said: Women have two advantages, but there is a loophole. Men have one advantage without advantages, so men often seize the two advantages of women and make up for the loopholes of women with their own advantages.

32. Optimists invented yachts, pessimists invented lifebuoys; Optimists build tall buildings, pessimists build fire hydrants; Optimists are hard racers, pessimists are doctors in white coats. Finally, the optimist launched a spaceship, and the pessimist opened an insurance company.

33.a: You are all pretending to be b B: Everyone else is pretending to be B, and you are the real B.

The news said: as a grassroots cadre, people's affairs are their own affairs. Then he went on to say that most of his own affairs are trivial matters.

35. Your brain is either not big or moldy! !

36. How can you get married without experiencing scum? No one can be a mother casually.

37. I really want to call your grandfather in person: Dad!

38. I was in pain when you left me silently. I don't know what to do. It's my fault to watch your back leave. I hate myself. Get up early to catch the bus.

39. If garlic is federal, bananas are confederate, grapes are feudal, oranges are counties, mangoes are centralized, and coconuts are empty kings.