Humorous jokes on campus.

Humorous jokes from campus A humorous person can not only tell jokes, but also know jokes told by others. Here, I collected humorous jokes from campus to test how high your humor cell index is!

Campus humor 1 1, painting miracle.

Two friends visited the art exhibition. Many spectators stood in front of a self-portrait of a famous painter.

A friend of mine looked at this painting for a long time and said in surprise, "How odd! Look at his hands in his pockets. How can he draw himself? "

2. Give me back my beard.

A scotsman went to the barber shop to have a shave. He is a poor man and lives by selling hairbrushes. The barber took a brush and asked him how much it was. "A shilling." The barber thinks it's too expensive.

"This is sixpence," he said. "If you think it's not enough, you can take the brush back." The Scotsman picked up the hairbrush and asked the barber how much he had just shaved. "A penny." The Scotsman took out half a penny and handed it to the barber: "If it is too little, you can give me my beard back."

I'm not home yet.

The husband got a little drunk and started flirting with the sexy girl who played the piano.

At this moment, his wife came up to him and said, "Don't forget to remind me to prepare some ointment for your bruised eyes when you get home." "But aren't my eyes bruised?" Habibou asked incredulously. "Aren't we home yet?" The wife said with a sneer.

4. It's best to walk

Allahan bought 65,438+00 donkeys. When he counted on the donkey, he found that there were only nine donkeys. When he came down to walk, the number of donkeys was exactly 10. When he rode on it, it was 9, and when he jumped off, it was 65,438+00. After ten repetitions, Allahan came to the conclusion: "It's better to walk!"

Campus humor joke 2 1, college entrance examination, math exam. It was cool, and I fell asleep by accident. I am dreaming. The invigilator called me: wake up, students. There is still half an hour to hand in the papers. Let your papers dry. They are too wet to tie up. ...

The teacher reprimanded Xiao Ming: "Your handwriting is so scrawled that normal people can't recognize it." Xiao Ming said, "But if I want to write one stroke at a time, you will scold me for making too many mistakes."

My parents came to see me at school and took them to the hotel at the school gate at night. When registering, the front desk casually asked, "Do you have a membership card?" ? I also casually replied "yes". And then ... and then there's the harsh interrogation of parents. ......

4. "I am a geography teacher in high school. Yesterday, I talked about the Volga River in Russia. I said: There was once a very famous painting. Do you know what it is? Student: Tracker on the Volga River. Student: Teacher, do you know another very famous song? Me: ... Student: Tracker's Love on the Volga River. "

5. "Xiao Xin made a new girlfriend online, and everyone bragged about how beautiful his girlfriend was ... One day, Xiao Xin looked at his girlfriend's photo and said enviously," This is really like a little fairy. " ..."

His roommate was curious for a moment and couldn't help but want to borrow photos to see the fairy who came to the world, ready to be "amazing"; As a result, there was only one question after reading it: "When did you come to the world as a fairy ... did you land on your face first?" 』"

6. A Qiang always dozes off in class. The teacher can't bear to wake A Qiang up from his lethargy and ask him, "Do you know why the rabbit lost in the tortoise-hare race?" 」

"I don't know," A Qiang replied sleepily.

"Because the rabbit is dozing off," the teacher said angrily. ....

"oh! I see. " If A Qiang realized that all the turtles had not dozed off. "

7. When my classmate was lovelorn, I went to comfort her and said, I'm sorry for your loss. By the way ... after hearing this, the female classmate thought for three seconds to wipe her tears and squeezed out a smile and said, you are a comfort to so many people. ......

8. When I was at school, I was on a bus with my classmate, and his cell phone rang ... He said to me loudly, "Shit, it must be that grandson again, so he came to me when he had no money", then he took out his cell phone and said, "Hey, Dad …" Then he continued, "Yes, I don't have any money, so you can give me some money. . "The whole car can't hold it. ......

9. There are six people in a dormitory. The fourth one snores, which often keeps us awake. Once the second one can't stand it, it's a slap in the face. After waking up, the fourth one looked at the second one in horror, and the second one said, Have a nightmare, and the second brother will cover you with a quilt. Old four said sadly, thank you, second brother.

10, Xiao Zhang doesn't like studying, and his grades are very poor. When the university was about to graduate, he asked the professor, "Teacher, what books should I read after graduation?" Professor: "job advertisement."

1 1. A gangster rushed into a bank, pointed a gun at the cashier, threw him a pocket and said, "You have one minute to fill your pocket, or you will become a geographer!"

Although the teller was extremely scared, he still had no heart: "Are you ... are you wrong?" ? It should be that you will become history ... "

The gangster frowned and said shyly, "From the time I was studying, I was most afraid of history ..."

12. I have been teaching art and design for many years, and I often encourage students to be creative. Another painting exercise in junior high school is "Association of hands". There is a black drawing paper in my homework. After reading it for a long time, nothing was drawn on either side. Only on the side of the drawing paper, I vaguely found the name, class and proposition written in pencil: "I can't see my fingers."

13, people who go to college are sometimes naive. Last week, the new monitor of our class took office and announced at the class meeting that the whole class would be organized to travel on New Year's Day, and the destination was decided by the whole class. As soon as I opened my mouth, I discussed with my deskmate where to play, and finally we decided to go to the zoo. For convenience, I wrote a "zoo" on the ballot.

After collecting the votes, the monitor sang in front of his classmates: "One vote for Nanshan Ski Resort, one vote for the Great Wall ..." Suddenly, the monitor raised his hand with a ticket and shouted: "Who wrote this 200? The funds for this activity are limited. If you don't play, you can't send it to 200 yuan! "

14. Teacher knowledge of nature introduced all kinds of poisonous snakes in the forest to the students on the blackboard and taught them all kinds of emergency measures.

The teacher then asked, "What should you do if you meet a cobra?"

The student said eagerly, "break its glasses first!" " "

15, the most charming short message: the meteor of love says to you: love+love = very love, love-love = the starting point of love, love * love = infinite love, love/love = the only love!

16, the teacher asked two unruly children to stay after school and wrote their names 100 times. One child has been writing and going home for a long time, while the other child is still writing. The teacher asked, "What the hell is going on?"

The child whimpered and replied, "This is really unfair! His name is Hanjin Frank, and my name is Ali Zarour Bin Hassan Ibrahim La Boudoul Rajim. "

17. In the first class after the long vacation, the rogue teacher asked the students passionately, "Do you miss me?"

The students unanimously answered "No-".

"But I miss you!"

The students are puzzled: "Y?"

"Because I love you!" The teacher's passion remains the same.

There are many questions in the classroom.

"Don't believe it? Hey, it forced me to complain about the history of revolutionaries! " The teacher said sincerely, "It was the first time I set foot on the glorious post of teacher, and an old teacher who devoted his life to education gave me lessons." . He said that the most important thing to be a good teacher is to love your students. "

The voice of doubt is gone, and the expression of doubt is still there.

"He also told me," the rogue teacher continued, "that if you can't do the above, you should at least do half of it, and that is the female student who loves you."

18, freshmen report to the school.

Teacher: "Parents' names? "

Student: "Li Dameng."

Teacher: "What's the relationship with you?"

Student: "No, he often hits me!" " "

Toby's father bought Toby a small football. He took it to school and had a good time.

The teacher came over and touched Toby's head and said, "Toby, you are a pupil, not a kindergarten child anymore, so you should know how to care about your classmates." Lend your ball to that poor little boy who has no father, will you? "

Toby hesitated for a moment and said, "Can I lend my football to his father?"

20. Teacher: "Which tooth of a person appears at the latest?"

Student: "Dentures."

2 1, "The boiling room has always been an inconspicuous place, but the place where love takes place has always been irregular. Perhaps it is in such a place that people will love each other for life, at least they will meet the right person. Therefore, in the spirit of "Three Lights Policy", we will not let love run away anywhere. So, when you make up your mind to meet love, you can start working hard for the boiling water room! Premise: bring at least two open bottles, otherwise it will make people feel insecure, at least not diligent enough. Time: It is the peak time to turn on the water after dinner, so it is not recommended to do so in winter, because it is easy to ignore the foggy places in the boiling room, and then it is impossible to regard inferior girls as running dogs. . . . . 。”

22. One day, I asked my mother who was watching TV in the mirror, "Mom, do you think my face has lost weight recently?" My mother turned her head and studied it carefully for a long time. She said, "My face is not thin, but my eyes are thin."

23. First: In high school, the whole school must wear school uniforms, and one repeat student never wears them. The teacher in charge of this field squats at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw that the classmate didn't wear a school uniform and asked him why he didn't wear it. The classmate was furious and said, My mother is not dead. Why should I wear mourning clothes? Second, an art teacher is very famous. A newspaper had a large-scale report with photos, so he boasted in class: "Recently, students always told me that you were really great, and you published photos in the newspaper ..." A student: "Looking for you?" From then on, the art teacher refused the student to attend the art class. Third: in Chinese class, the teacher asked a sleepy classmate to answer the question, and the classmate was speechless in a daze. The teacher said helplessly, "You will." ......

24. The chemistry teacher did experiments on dilute hydrochloric acid and zinc. He prepared the test tube and poured some hydrochloric acid. After waiting for a long time, there was no response. I am puzzled, so I asked a classmate to answer: This classmate, please tell me why there is no bubble.

Classmate: Teacher, you didn't put zinc!

Teacher: This student answered very well!

When explaining the word "miracle", a teacher gave an example: a man jumped from the eighth floor and escaped unscathed. He wants students to create "miracles".

But a classmate replied: lucky.

The teacher was disappointed, so he said that the man climbed to the eighth floor and jumped down, but he was still not injured.

A classmate replied: by chance.

The teacher was very angry and had to say, that man climbed up the eighth floor again and jumped down. ...

Before the teacher finished, a student replied: He is used to it.

26. In the composition class, the teacher's topic is The Value of Life.

A student who sells seafood at home wrote: "Live fish is 80 yuan per catty, and dead fish is 20 yuan per catty; Live shrimp per catty 100 yuan, dead shrimp per catty 30 yuan; Live crabs are 40 yuan per catty, and dead crabs can only be thrown into the trash can. Therefore, life is precious and we must cherish it.

27. A wise man taught one of his students, "When it rains, you rush into the rain, hands in the air, and you will find out the truth". A few days later, the student came back and said,' I did as you suggested, and the rain flowed into my neck, and I felt like a complete fool',' Yes', and the wise man said,' Is this the truth?

When the bell rings, the classroom is still very noisy. As soon as the teacher knocked on the table, it suddenly became quiet. Then the teacher shouted, "The bell is ringing, can't you hear it?" After a silence, a deep voice came from the corner of the classroom: "When did you hear the bell ring?"

29. The girlfriend of the math department wants to break up, and the boyfriend asks why. Woman: You are poor and have a bad personality. There are five or six people in front of you who love learning more, but your grades are in a mess! Man: You exaggerate! Woman: I'm almost there!

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