A joke that can make people laugh instantly.

The professor bet with the farmer. The professor said: I have a question, you don't know, give me five dollars; You give me a question, I don't know, how about giving you 500? Farmers agree. Professor: How far is the moon from the earth? The farmer handed the professor five yuan. The farmer asked: what animal is going up the mountain with three legs and down the mountain with four legs? The professor tried to find a solution, but lost 500 pounds. The farmer received the money, and the professor asked, What animal is it? The farmer handed the professor five dollars, said he didn't know, and then went to sleep. Beggars and Farmers A playboy lost all his ancestral business and had to become a beggar along the street. One day, a beggar met a farmer, and the farmer said to him, "You are also a seven-foot man, with no shortage of arms and legs. Why not work to support yourself? " Hearing this, the beggar was not ashamed at all. He picked up a branch and wrote four sentences on the ground: "Eat a thousand meals in the morning and stay in a thousand pavilions at night. I will do whatever I want without violating the laws of the court. " After reading the poem, the farmer also picked up a branch and added two words after each poem: "Eating a thousand meals is not enough; Spend the night in the Wan Hu Pavilion and cover the grass; No violation of court laws is no problem; Let me go all over the world, dogs bite! "Jokes that make people laugh instantly 2 1. Traveling by plane, sitting next to a couple. When I handed out the set meal on the plane, I said to my husband: Look at the one next to others, the woman can't finish it, and the man eats the rest. It's so loving. Husband said faintly: Will you be left behind? 2. My uncle came to my house as a guest, but Xiaowen said to his mother, "Mom, I'm going to the zoo to see monkeys. "Mother growled at once," What monkey are you looking at? Your uncle is here. Which zoo are you going to? My wife bought a hamster and a cage. I asked her how much it was, and she said how many hamsters and cages there were. I complain that this cage is more expensive than hamster. The second goods replied: "Do you think you will be higher than the current house price? "4. When I was in high school, I was the penultimate in my class. I never came to school and spent all day in Internet cafes. But the strange thing is that he comes to every exam and is never absent. Later, we found that the penultimate member of the class would go to the Internet cafe to give the penultimate member 10 yuan before each exam, begging him to take the exam ... 5. When I was in college, I heard a roommate say that one of his friends felt: "My brother is getting married." A message: "Your boy won't get on the boat first and then make up the ticket, will he?" Congratulations! " Later, I replied: "It's not me, it's my brother ..." 6. The wife asked her husband: "If I am crazy, will you still love me? The husband said firmly, "Love! "The wife pondered for a while and said sadly," You really love me! ""7. The wife asked her husband, "Do you like my tenderness or are you infatuated with my sexy figure?" The husband was embarrassed for a while and replied, "I like your sense of humor!" " ! "8. When walking with my boyfriend, I like to hug his waist and pull his clothes by the way. Walking one day, he suddenly said, "Will you stop pulling my clothes?" I was unhappy and said, "can't you have a baby when you talk to me?" "Then he said," Don't pull my baby clothes, ok? "Me:" ... my wife is not only not afraid, but also gently says, "Mao Ge, stop screaming, my husband hasn't gone on a business trip yet." 10, "I like to get to the bottom of it since I was a child. My wish is to be a detective when I grow up. Now I am the editor-in-chief of a newspaper. What about you? " "I like to play since I was a child. When I grow up, my wish is to go shopping with a lot of money. Now I am a bus conductor. " 1 1. I went home at night and heard crying in the alley. When I got closer, it turned out to be a disheveled woman crying. Asked what happened, the young lady replied, "I was violated by a pervert!" " Me: Are you all right? "The young lady replied," He suddenly grabbed my chest from behind and let me go ... "I said," Why are you crying? " The young lady replied, "because ... that pervert actually said it was unlucky to hug a man." "12, the boss sat there depressed after work, and the secretary asked why? Boss: "I received a letter from a guy yesterday saying that if I don't leave his wife, he will kill me!" " "Secretary:" Just leave his wife! " Boss: "but that guy didn't sign!" " Once, a very bad eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan and asked him to tell a joke. Ji Xiaolan said, "Once upon a time, there was a man. "Then there was a long silence. The eunuch couldn't help asking," What's next? " Ji Xiaolan replied, "There's nothing down there! 14, one day in class, the teacher asked Xiaoli, "What is the motherland?" Xiaoli said, "Teacher, the motherland is my mother." The teacher said, "That's a good answer." Then the teacher asked Xiao Ming, "Xiao Ming, what is the motherland?" Xiao Ming said, "Teacher, the motherland is Xiaoli's mother." 15, late at night, my husband didn't return. The daughter is anxious to call her mother: "Mom! He hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! " Mother comforted softly: "silly child, be good, don't think the worst, something may have happened!" " "Jokes that make people laugh instantly 3 1. Today, my colleague found a mobile phone without a password, so my colleague found a note in the mobile phone to call my sister's number. The other party put through: Brother, what's up? Colleague: I found your brother's cell phone. Recipient: Thank you! Wait a minute. Then the other party hung up. About half a minute later, the phone rang and my colleague picked it up. The other party was a woman: Brother, someone found your mobile phone. 2. I just told my mother that my breasts are big and small, and then my mother said, can such small breasts be divided into sizes? Me. . . 3. After work, the female colleague mysteriously said, "Brother, come on, I'll tell you a secret! "Out of curiosity, I followed her to the teahouse and saw no one around. She said to my ear, "Brother, I saw a child from China in a foreign country some time ago. She speaks Chinese fluently. Later, I saw another foreign child in China. This girl speaks standard English! "I said, what's the surprise? The female colleague said plausibly, "I wonder, what's the point of them going abroad?" "I used to learn from my brother. People's aura is very important. Fight with others, you will be better than others, and others will lose three points first. So, my brother and I began to practice the gas field, save some bangs, practice muscles, and then practice seriously. Look at people with calm contempt. The key is to be tough, to be tough. Finally, they were angry because they stared at their mother at home. My roommate stewed a pot of meat for me when I came home. Roommate: "Don't be angry if I tell you something for the sake of stew for you." Me: "Not angry. Roommate: I used your wife today. "Me:" Nothing, just use it. Roommate: "The point is, I didn't know your wife was afraid of fire." ... "Me:" ... You wait here, and I'll get the knife. "6. It doesn't affect me at all that many songs are dropped by K. For me, as long as the fruit bowl is not removed. 7. A college monk just graduated and recently found a job. The master said that my son would definitely lose his job in the future. I said only six months. How did you know? The master took a deep breath of cigarettes and said helplessly, Lao Tzu bought him five brands of milk powder, but the porridge was a bowl of dry porridge, and Xiong Haizi had no choice. 8. When I first went to college, I wanted to lose weight. My father suggested that I buy a pair of expensive and thin pants. "That sounds reasonable. I spent 1000 more on a pair of pants when my brain was hot. But after a long time, I can't lose weight. Then, forget it, now those pants are on dad, and it feels like he played a big game of chess. 9. Three people in our class chase after our school flower together. Today, the campus beauty asked us a question. Q: "If you had 10 billion property, a mansion, Maserati and a 500 billion company, which would you choose?" A: "I choose 65438+ 1000 billion property, and money can solve the problem." B: "I choose Maserati so that I can have a girlfriend." C: "I choose a 500 billion company, which operates better than Wanda." I silently said, "I just want if." Then the beauty queen was with me. 10, if I meet you, I need to spend all my luck! Please stay away from me, I want to save my luck to play mahjong! 1 1, in early winter, I said I wanted to buy a down jacket, but my mother didn't agree, saying that I didn't wear a few, but they were all under the bed. Then my mother found all the down jackets at the bottom of my wardrobe! I feel ok after wearing it. But my father thought it was out of date and asked my mother to buy me a new one because they almost fought. In the end, I was witty, and when my mother wasn't paying attention, I secretly stuffed the money in my down jacket pocket to my father, which solved the dispute. . . 12, I pursued my dream, and others said I was naive and ridiculous, but I persisted. It turned out to be really childish and ridiculous. 13, I have always been a very self-disciplined person. Since we have said that we want to lose weight, we will definitely keep talking, keep talking! 14, the first guy who knows that milk can be drunk, what did you do to the cow? 15. At the current rate of rising house prices, I don't want to afford a set of affordable housing. I just hope I can afford an affordable grave when I am old! 16 once, I drove my friend's car into a lane and was grazed by an oncoming car. Everyone was wrong, but my friend wanted to apologize as soon as he got off the bus. I asked him, "You are usually arrogant and bossy." Why are you so amiable today? He said, "I saw the younger son of another driver in the car. I want children to see their father respected. "At that time, I thought this friend was very handsome! 17, look in the mirror at night and look at your body as white as jade. Sigh: Good cabbage! Why can't I find a pig? 18, "This is the first reason. The second reason is that if you let me in and don't arrest me, even if you want to close the door and beat the dog, you won't spend so much time playing psychological warfare with me. Is it necessary if you just want to arrest me? 19, I 1.8, find a girlfriend around 1.7, and take it home to my mother today. After seeing my girlfriend home, my mother said to me, let's split up. I looked frightened: Why? My mother's words shocked me instantly. Mom said: she is so tall that I can't beat her if the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good in the future. . . 20. I never hold grudges. Usually I report my grievances on the spot. 2 1, everybody, does anyone want an iphonex? If so, please leave a comment on the color and memory you want. If you look good, please send me a link directly. By noon tomorrow 12, I will draw three lucky friends and announce which three people are so thick-skinned. 22. My mother's Nokia has been used for 10 years, and it is broken. I spent 2000 yuan to idle fish and bought her a second-hand apple 6. After dinner, my mother watched the video of Lingtong on her mobile phone. I asked, mom, what are you going to do if my son is like this in the future? Mother suddenly raised her head and stared at me with a blank cloth, slowly saying, strangle, reborn! 23. Leave till tomorrow what you can't finish today. If you are lucky, you won't have to do it tomorrow when you die. 24. Meng Haoran has a good friend named Wang Wei, which you can't imagine. One day Meng Haoran wanted to marry a concubine, but his wife didn't agree, so he made a big noise and said, "Why don't you learn from Wang Wei?" Meng Haoran said: "Vienna". Meng Haoran's wife: "Meng killed". 25. I am disappointed in Alipay. I have called the customer hotline several times before to reflect the problem, but I have never done what I always wanted them to do. Do some messy functions every day, you don't need them at all. I just want to ask you, why is the function of "viewing the rich nearby" not ready to go online? Don't say sorry to me, because we don't matter. 27. There is a small party. Not including women, there are nine men. When we paid the bill, all nine of us stood up and took out our wallets. The waiter is holding the bill next to me. Then, I looked at the eight of them standing in pairs. Nobody stopped me. I paid eight yuan before I got up. He pointed at me and said, "What are you robbing?" ? My heart said, if I don't grab it, my left hand can't stop my right hand! 28. Now, what you can't get up is your grades, what you can't get down is your weight, what you can afford is chopsticks, and what you can't get into the bed! 29. Daughter: "Dad, I can't do this arithmetic problem. Can you tell me? " Dad: "What's your sentence?" Daughter: "A man earns 5000 a month and his wife spends 5200 a month. Ask ... "Dad:" Don't ask me, ask your mother. She is an expert in this field. " In the past, my motto was "Don't bully the young and the poor". After years of struggle, it was finally changed to "Don't bully the poor." 3 1. My wife and I met in Tsinghua and got married after graduation. I have known each other for seven years, and my heart is full of endless regrets. Today, my wife said, "Honey, do you think I am a very thrifty person?" I asked doubtfully, "What do you mean?" The wife pointed to the clothes on her body and said, "I have worn this dress for three years, and it has many holes. I don't want to throw it away." I said unconvinced, "Wife, compared with me, you are not frugal at all." I have been using that washboard since the day we met. Am I still using it? " 32. I want to buy things when I am angry. When I buy things, I have to spend money. When I spend money, my money becomes less. I get angry when I have little money. 33. If you watch a big tree turn into an exercise book, do you still have the heart to do your homework? In order to protect nature, we don't do our homework. 34. Friend: "I received the mobile phone you bought for me. how much is it? I'll give it to you now. " Me: "Just give it to 4300, and keep the change." Friend: "OK, call right away." Me: "How can you call without my card number?" In less than 3 minutes, I received a text message. Dear customer, on March 6th, you successfully recharged RMB 4,300.00, and the balance of your recharging account is RMB 4,366.88 at present. 35. Someone asked Picasso, "Why can't you understand your painting?" Picasso said, "Have you ever heard of birds chirping?" "yes." "Is it nice?" "Not bad." "Do you understand?"