50 words of humorous story

A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I have diarrhea when I eat, cucumbers and watermelons, how can I get back to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

A Mr. Zhang left the company's human resources department. One day when he went to the bar, the bartender said: Mr. Zhang, I heard that you have stopped working in human resources recently? ! Mr. Zhang was panicked after hearing this, and the bartender quickly changed his words. I heard that you are no longer available? !

A shooting star flashed across the night sky, and I quickly made a wish, hoping that you would become more beautiful. Unexpectedly, just after I made my wish, the shooting star came back with a "swish" and said to me: Brother! Are you sincerely trying to embarrass me? !

A Yuan is studying abroad. One day, he found that his living expenses had been used up in advance, so he hurriedly sent a telegram to his family asking for help. There were only four words in the telegram: Out of ammunition and food. A few days later, Ayuan received a call back from home: Hold on!

You know that our friendship is full of rich meanings to me. I cry when you cry, I laugh when you laugh, and I will not hesitate when you jump out of a tall building. He stuck his head out and said, "Wow! It's weird if you don't die!"

I heard that your mobile phone does not have a text message function, so I sent this text message to test it. If you receive it, it is confirmed that it has the SMS function and it was sent by me, please reply to me: I have it, it is yours!

A man went to Northeast China on a business trip and lost a dollar on the street. The police said, "We will help you find it." The man went back a month later, and the street where he lost the money was dug up for road construction. When he opened the door, he couldn't help but sigh, "The mop.com in the Northeast is real."

If someone bullies you, tell me! I beat his face into a color screen, his head into a vibrating one, his ears into a chord shape, his nose into a straight shape, and his front teeth into a flip-up shape, in short, I made him look second-hand!

Music is played every time the pigsty is fed. A pregnant sow always hides in a secluded place and is intoxicated with herself. The owner comes to chase her away. The sow said, "Don't make any noise, I'm in prenatal care."

Health tips: After eating a full meal, stop smoking, take a bath, get angry, loosen your belt, brush your teeth, brush your teeth. Toilet, Qijie drinking, Bajie, do you know?

I have a request: treat me to dinner, I hope you can satisfy me. Otherwise, I will write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front: Apply for a certificate.

Sha Seng took the math exam. The invigilator stared at the beads on his neck for a long time and sneered: Hehe! You've disguised your abacus like this. Don't try to cheat. Take it off!

When we were young, we were childhood sweethearts. I would sing and you would dance with me. I could sing two hundred songs and you could dance two hundred dances, so people affectionately called me Erbai Ge and you Erbai Wu. !

A couple came to a wishing well. The husband bent down, made a wish and threw a coin into the well. The wife also wanted to make a wish but accidentally fell into the well when she bent down. The husband was shocked, then smiled and said to himself, "It's so effective!"

God gave me a treasure basin, and it will become whatever I want. I accidentally thought about you once, and it transformed into you. I couldn't stop thinking about it, and it kept changing, and in the end the whole house was filled with you. I am worried: How can I feed so many piglets?

When my little nephew was four or five years old, he found a dollar on the floor at home. He happily picked it up and saw that it was "1992" money. He unhappily put the money away. Lost: "This money is expired"

You are kind like a cat, you are loyal like a dog, you are cute like a bird, you know the way like a horse, you are brilliant like a butterfly, and you are diligent like a Bee, you look alike in everything, no wonder everyone calls you a beast.

I have always been by your side and worried about you again and again. Have you had enough to eat today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I've always known that you just can't take care of yourself. Whenever I walk away, you jump out of the pig pen.

I dreamed of you last night: we were walking by the river, cuddling each other.

You raised your head and stared into my eyes, and uttered three words affectionately - woof woof woof

Someone saw you today. You are still so charming, wearing a plaid vest, walking slowly, looking detached and comfortable You look so cute. I wonder how you could beat the rabbit back then?

Do you know why we are destined? We met as early as a thousand years ago. It was autumn. You ran with me in the wind and left tooth marks on my body. This has become an eternal legend. At that time, my name was Lu Dongbin.

When the factory director was negotiating with a foreign businessman, the foreign businessman had an itchy nose and sneezed. It happened that the translator next to him also had an itchy nose and sneezed too. The factory director said unhappily: There is no need for an interpreter. I understand!

When Carrot met the customer, he respectfully handed over his business card. The customer looked at the business card and asked: What is your name for Korean ginseng? Carrot's small waist straightened up, "I'm so jealous!"

A boy was chasing after him, and the girl was not interested in the boy. Because the boy was stalking her, the girl said loudly to the boy: What the hell are you doing? What do you like about me? Can't I change it? !

The host announced: Next, Zhang Ming brought a song "Buffalo", and he rushed out behind the scenes: "I'm sorry, what Zhang Ming dedicated to everyone was "Water Wheel", but the music sounded, it was "Water Wheel" by Zheng Zhihua. "Sailor"

I'm sorry for sending you a text message so late. If it disturbed you, I'd like to tell you - you deserve it! Who told you to go to bed earlier than me, haha

If being good-looking is a mistake, I have made a big mistake. If being cute is a sin, I have already committed a heinous crime. Being a real person Difficult!... You're fine~ You're right and you're not guilty... I really envy you

A person on the bus stepped on another person's foot, and the person who stepped on him scolded him: Are you blind? ! The reply of someone who stepped on someone: I'm not blind, didn't I just step on it?

A group of relatives and friends were on a blind date at a fast food restaurant. The young man was courteous and polite. In order to test whether he smoked, his future father-in-law handed him a French fries: How about one? The young man swallowed his saliva and said: Thank you, no.

A shy boy asked a girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: The one you like. The boy asked with a sad face: Can't he have a flat head?

The wife asked: Does the wig I wear look good? The husband said: It reminded me of something I had forgotten for a long time. The wife said: Is it me when I was young? The husband said: I remembered that I haven’t bought the mop at home yet!

There was a man who was selling popsicles at the market for the first time. He was too embarrassed to shout. There was a man next to him who was shouting: Selling popsicles! , he had to shout: Me too.

"This child looks exactly like me!" The eldest brother proudly said to his friend, "Don't be sad." The friend comforted, "It doesn't matter if the child is ugly, as long as he is healthy and lively."

Late at night, the child started crying. The mother was sick and could not comfort him. The father picked him up and prepared to sing a lullaby. As soon as he started, the wife begged for mercy: Let the child cry

Someone in Huangshan It is written on the stone wall: My wife and I came here and had a great time, so I left this message as a memory. A few days later, another line of words appeared next to it: I was more happy when I came here without my wife, so I left this note as a memory.

The mosquito drinks a lot on your arm, and you are awakened by the bite. The moment you swing it to hit the mosquito, the mosquito says to you: Your blood is flowing in my body!

In the restaurant, woman: Are you planning to marry me? The man is silent. Woman: Don’t think no one wants me. If things get popular, I’ll find someone to marry right here! The waiter came over: Miss, you scared away all the customers in our restaurant.

I saw you on the street that day. You were with a man. I could tell at a glance that he was not a good person. He kept slapping your butt behind you.

I was very angry and said to him: Donkey driver in front, stop!

I wish you the twelve zodiac signs: Alliance like a rat, strong like an ox, bold like a tiger, cute like a rabbit, confident like a dragon, charming like a snake, romantic like a horse, docile like a sheep, naughty like a monkey , as beautiful as a chicken, as loyal as a dog, and as long as a pig!

An obstetrician and gynecologist started his own practice. After returning home on the first day, his wife asked him: How was your result today? The doctor replied: It's not too bad. Although the mother and the baby were not saved, the baby's father was finally saved.

I miss you and have a warm feeling. Seeing you is a painful expectation. Loving you is my lifelong pursuit. Dreaming about you is my eternal feeling. In fact, beating you is where my happiness lies!

On the road of friendship, sometimes you can’t see me. It’s not that I forget you, let alone let you walk alone. It’s that I choose to walk behind you. When you fall, I will run up to you. , Hehe, I step on it! I step on it! I'll step on it!

I heard that your mice have moved and flies have entered the hospital. I just saw your cockroaches in the supermarket coming to buy freshener and bed bugs coming to buy perfume. Brother, just wash your feet!

I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is - your endurance has earned my respect; the bad news is - I will work extra hard to fix you!

It’s just a gust of wind, but it’s so eternal; it’s just a dream, but it’s so real; you lower your head and say nothing, but I can’t calm down. I finally can’t help but say to you: You Say it before you fart!

I accumulate a meteor every night just to miss you, and finally it turns into this meteor shower! I thought to myself, you little boy, I don’t believe I can’t kill you!

A man saw a beautiful girl on the playground and wanted to strike up a conversation, so he picked up an object from the ground and walked over and said: Classmate, did you drop this Allegro brick?

You danced gently on a lotus leaf, and your elegant figure fascinated everyone who saw you. One of the poets exclaimed: Oh my God! Pig leaves! Another poet shook his head and said: No, it’s Luo Miou!

One donkey can carry 100 kilograms, two donkeys can carry 200 kilograms, but you only brought back 400 kilograms of grain with three donkeys. Why?

Tomorrow morning you will see a mosquito lying on your pillow, with a will next to it: Even though I tried hard all night last night, I couldn’t prick your face. You are so thick-skinned that I have no shame in living here. In the world, please don’t suspect murder, I committed suicide!

Female: Why were you so obedient to me in the past, but you had two quarrels with me just three days after we got married? Man: Well, generally speaking, my patience has its limits.

You can reflect my shortcomings better than a mirror; you are more knowledgeable and talented than Zhuangzi; you are more strategic than Sun Tzu; therefore, we all affectionately call you "Mirror Zhuangzi"

A piece of cake fell down and it became discouraged and depressed. Who can encourage it to stand up? The answer is: you! Because there is something called: pig encourages cake!

The lion and the bear each planted a tree and pooped on it. As a result, the tree planted by the lion grew very lush, while the tree planted by the bear was short and small. The bear said with emotion: Lion excrement is better than bear excrement!

I heard that you are going to be a guest at our house during the Chinese New Year. My brother will pick you up on my behalf. In order to confirm your identity, please hold two high-quality cigarettes in your left hand and two bottles of Maotai liquor in your right hand.

Money is a useful thing, but it will only bring you happiness when you feel content. So you should give me the extra money so we both can be happy!

On New Year's Eve, I dreamed of you. Happy New Year to you: Happy New Year! I woke up from my dream with a sneeze. I knew you missed me, so I called you right away to tell you to bring the red envelope!

In the vast sea of ??people, when you receive this sincere blessing, please bang your head against the wall with all your strength. Do you see that the countless stars in front of you are my blessings.

I will give you a bouquet of roses, and I will rely on them to express my feelings; I will give you a big peach blossom, and my fortune will depend on it; I will give you a bowl of tofu curd, and I will laugh after eating it.

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Falling in love with you is a last resort, leaving you is a last resort, and forgetting you is absolutely impossible!

You are the skin and I am the flesh; you are the suit and I am the buckle; you are the coffee and I am the bean; loving you all my life is not enough