A super funny joke!

1. Men don't pick up girls, their hearts are sour, and women don't pick up girls, which is really distressing. If you see a girl, you will pick her up. If you don't pick her up, you'll send her to reform. Can you pick up girls? Brother?

2. A woman in her twenties is like a football, and she has to be carried away. More than 30 years old, like basketball, you have to pat away; More than 40 years old is like football, you have to play it; Being in your fifties is like a golf ball. You can drive it away with a stick.

God saw that you didn't have a lovely friend, so he created me. But before that, God saw that there were no idiots in the world and created you.

4. Today's four fools: you can't hang yourself in love; Take medicine without disease or disaster; The contract is invalid after signing; Giggle after reading the text message!

I've always wanted to say three words to you, but you know their weight. I'm afraid I won't even have to be friends anymore. But I can't control my emotions and get up the courage to say to you, "You are a pig!" " "

6. Read the following words and you will get a job with a monthly salary of 2 million. The test questions are as follows: What's the problem? ? It's not only neither neither nor both.

The Ideal of Celebrities in Three Kingdoms

Cao Cao's ideal:

All the people in the world are surnamed Cao, and there are too many troops to get.

Liu Bei will stop playing the devil's advocate, and Kong Ming will become a fool tomorrow.

Sun Quan's ideal:

Da Qiao stopped bothering me, and I burned Cao Cao again.

Guan Yu will die tomorrow, and Jingzhou will return to my arms.

Liu Bei's ideal:

Everyone in the world said I was fine, and Adou stopped taking stupid foam.

Xian Di bleeds every day. Tell me to get up and fight Cao Cao.

Zhuge Liang's ideal:

My wife laughed in the dream of plastic surgery and shook her feather fan.

Wei Yan carried bones every day, and Sima became a big shemale.

About the ideal of:

The world will enter my sword, and Sun Quan and Lv Meng will enter my prison.

Zhuge Cunfu was laughed at by me. He wanted his eldest brother to go back to the Han Dynasty.

Zhang Fei's ideal:

When Cao Cao saw that I asked for mercy, Sun Quan saw that I was scared to pee.

When others saw me, they all said yes, but Kong Ming said I was not stupid.

Quotations from Super Baby

My nephew loved sleeping when he was a child. Once he slept until dawn, and he cried and said, "Turn off the lights, turn off the lights!" "I said," It's the sun. " He said impatiently, "Turn off the sun! "

Colleagues educated the baby and said, "Study hard in the future. You see, mom didn't learn well before, and now she has to go to school. Dad always has to work overtime if he doesn't learn well. " The baby burst into tears. The teaching goal was achieved, but the baby cried and said, "poor mom and dad!" " "Colleagues are dizzy!

Once a father asked his children, "Who is in charge of the family?" Without thinking, the baby said, "of course it's dad." Dad is the head of the family. " Dad listened and left happily. The mother knew and said to the baby, "Baby, who do you think is in charge?" Well said. I'll buy you candy. "the baby said," it's mom, mom. " "Didn't you say that dad is the head of the family?" "Yes, but mom is the head of the family, and wherever her head turns, her neck turns ..."

My colleague will go to kidney calculi and rest at home. His little nephew asked kidney calculi what it was, and he said that if you pee, you pee. His little nephew said in dismay, "Uncle, when you pee, you must spread your legs, and be careful not to let the stone hit your feet!" " "

Once my little nephew went to a restaurant for dinner. The waiter saw him cute and joked with him, "When you grow up, shall I marry you?" Who knows the little nephew said solemnly, "No, your boyfriend is going to be jealous, be afraid!" " "cold! He is only three and a half years old.

Occasionally, one day a male colleague was drinking and eating in a roadside restaurant. He saw a little girl in her early thirties looking very cute, so he went up to tease her: "Shall we play together?" The little girl glanced at her colleague and said, "No, my mother said the little girl played with the little girl." My colleague never gave up and said, "I'm a woman, too. Will you play with me? " ...... Later, the girl's answer was classic: "I don't believe it, take off your pants and show me!"

When I was a child, a little boy and a little girl took a bath together. The little boy wanted to show off their differences. But the little girl always thought that what she didn't have was installed by the little boy himself. Such a desperate pull ... as a result, it's terrible!

My sister's child. I once asked him, "Is the big one better or the small one?" He replied, "The big one is good." My sister asked him again, "Are you a big bad guy or a little bad guy in the future?" "Big bad guy." Laughing down!

Complete works of classroom "answers"

1. In high school, the whole school had to wear school uniforms, and a repeat student never wore school uniforms. Teachers in charge of this field look at it every day and ask why they don't wear it. The classmate was furious and said, "My mother is not dead. Why should I wear mourning clothes? ! "

2. In Chinese class, the teacher wakes up a sleepy classmate to answer questions. This classmate is in a daze and can't speak. The teacher is helpless: "Hey, will you do it in the end?" ? No, you scream, too! Classmate: "Cheep." "The teacher is sweating.

The middle school entrance examination is coming. One day in geography class, the teacher reported a place name on it. Let's talk about local minerals. After talking about many places, the teacher suddenly said, "What is produced in Jiangnan?" The boys in the class said in unison: "Jiangnan produces beautiful women!"

In biology class, the teacher said, "In fact, weasels don't eat chickens. Once, scientists locked chickens and weasels together. What will happen to you the next day? " A classmate chimed in: "Is the chicken pregnant?"

Interesting information

To the heartbroken boss:

The company will go bankrupt, I think it has something to do with the name? ! "-employees of Huidao Co., Ltd. stay.

Give big eyes:

Please don't say to me in an envious tone every time: "Small eyes are really good, and the teacher won't find you dozing off in class." Okay？ I don't know whether to be sad or lucky.

For an eight-year-old daughter:

Please don't ask me in public: "Mom, where is my condom?" Oh, my God, it's called "big insurance", okay? -Mom who really wants to disappear on the spot stays.

To the son of genius:

Although you are afraid that your classmates will smell your fart, I don't think you can absorb it by lowering your head and inhaling. I doubt that you will get 100 in the Chinese exam.

Satisfied enough? Choose me if you are satisfied!