The more lines you have in "Tonight's Talk Show for Post-80s", the better. Thank you very much! ! !

Dead Fat Wang Jianguo, Lai Bao, Dandan

Set off firecrackers to drive away the fear of the unknown future, such as when you get married.

Nowadays, there are people renting boyfriends and girlfriends online. How can parents identify real boyfriends and fake boyfriends? Ask him at the dinner table, have our children’s infectious diseases been passed on to you? Those who say everything is fine are lies, but those who jump up suddenly are true.

Celebrities will act as guest stars, and you will act as walk-on actors.

The goddess said: I have a level 10 piano, a level 6 clarinet, and a level 8 English. What are your specialties? Wang Jianguo thought for a long time: I am over 60 in World of Warcraft.

My wife always asks me: Husband, why are there always a few clothes in our wardrobe? Yes: you always buy skirts.

She said: If I buy more, I will buy it. After I buy it, I will post it on Weibo and buy it. You should chop it. Isn’t there anyone who sells knives on Taobao?

When I got married, the scene was like this: the emcee asked: From now on, whether I have a cold, a stomachache, or don’t want to play with you or watch football with you, you Are you willing to marry her? I really thought about it for five minutes. Then asked: wzj When you are poor, have no house and no job, are you willing to let her live? This guy is her ex-boyfriend.

Everyone has a douchebag in their circle of friends. I looked at my circle of friends and found that this rule was broken. Why is everyone a dope!

I ask you again, are you convinced? Don’t help! Okay, you boy is really good at standing up on your own without helping me.

The only thing the couple does not need to argue about is who will have the child.

Teacher Rui

There is an American cartoon called Transformers. When I ate a popsicle and ate a screw, I asked what it was. The answer was: Transformers version. Say: What exactly is it. Answer: Optimus Prime’s relic. .

Eating less kimchi can cause cancer. This is why two people in Korean dramas got cancer as soon as they got together. Some people thought it was bad blood, but it was not, it was kimchi.

It’s too silly for me to wear a brand name every day and go to a high-end office building to get a cup of Starbucks. Obviously the other person has a very unsophisticated Chinese name, so I have to call him by his English name

To be honest, Chinese culture is really broad and profound. We learn a lot of pretentious and very useful things from childhood, called idioms . What trouble does a real man have without a wife? There is no hope for a child and an old man to bully him. To explain, why bother? Tongsou and Yaoyao are both bachelors because they have no wives. Right? This shows that we in China have had the habit of celebrating this festival since a long time ago, called Singles' Day.

In fact, bachelors are not only boys, but also some girls. What are they called female bachelors now, right? I met a little girl who was a bachelor. No one really wanted her. In the end, I had no choice but to persuade her. I said no, just go and practice religion. Why? After you become a believer, you have a Lord.

This is because as a married person, I have always thought that the establishment of Singles’ Day is unreasonable, because in my eyes, singles celebrate the holiday every day, so why should they have a Singles’ Day? , it makes no sense

Why do many people with girlfriends or married people pretend to be single outside? At this time, there is a way to tell whether these people are pretending to be single. Because everyone must be using their mobile phones when eating now, right? Real bachelors are on Weibo, and those with girlfriends are on WeChat.

On Father’s Day today, I happened to be working in Shanghai. Unable to return to the background, I said to call my dad and wish him a happy Father's Day. Phone call, Dad. Happy Father's Day. My dad said, so are you. I said, Dad, Happy Father’s Day, which means my father is celebrating the holiday and my father is happy. Yes, you, not father, do you have hope this year? No hope, is there hope next year? No hope either. What about the year after tomorrow? Hey hey hey... Then I'd be happy as hell.

My good friend Dandan came home on the National Day one year. After taking the train home, the first thing he did when he walked in was that his parents had drooped faces and came back alone again. Come on, eat, eat. While eating, his father said, let me tell you, our Laodan family is pointing out that you will continue the family lineage. If you are still alone next November, don't come back. You know, you are not allowed to enter this house.

That day I was here on Weihai Road, in front of the TV station, and a girl recognized me. Are you Wang Zijian? Can you take a photo with me? We were chatting, and while we were talking, a girl suddenly rushed over, pushed me, and immediately started crying. Her acting skills were terrible. She cried, dear, who is she? Ordinary viewers, who else could it be?

I came to Shanghai and made an appointment with a girl to talk about work in a coffee shop in Shanghai, because my wife is in Beijing, right. I was making a cup of coffee there. My wife didn’t know. She had a sixth sense or something. She came to Shanghai directly by plane. She didn’t know how to find me, so she opened the door and entered the cafe. Push me, honey, who is she. How can I explain, this is just an ordinary audience. I think she looks like your classmate from Cheung Kong Graduate School of Business.

I have a friend who sells watermelons. Selling watermelons is nothing, and he makes a lot of money selling watermelons. How did he do it? There is a big vegetable cellar at home, and the watermelons harvested every summer are kept until If he stores the vegetables in the cellar until winter and then sells them, the price will increase several times, but he just won't tell others. Every time a girl asks, what does your family do? Our family sells watermelons. The quality was a bit low back then, right? But he was troubled, so he asked me what to do if I built it myself. I said it’s not like you don’t have money. Your family is so good. In this way, you are not, how should I put it, you said selling watermelons? This is definitely not okay. Didn't you say that you have a vegetable cellar? You can make money by taking back the watermelons in the summer and storing them in it, and then selling them in the winter. Yes, isn't this a watermelon seller? You said you are doing futures.

In order to get rid of the single life, many people are trying their best to find wives and girlfriends, so there are so many dating shows in China, and the ones that agree are a pair of female guests who look good. They are all beautiful. Then one by one the male guests went on the show. Don't believe this kind of program. Basically, except for "One in a Hundred" and "Who Can Choose One in a Hundred", they are all fake. Sometimes many people have no choice but to seek medical treatment in a hurry. For example, my good friend Jianguo was very distressed when he didn’t have a girlfriend, so he appeared on all the love and marriage programs of all the guardians in China, and every time he went on the program There is only one line, because as soon as he appears, the lights go out. He only had one sentence, thanking the program team for giving me the opportunity, thank you.

Later we advised him, you have to get out of the virtual world, don’t believe those TV shows, you have to get a girlfriend in reality. All the hard work paid off, and he got to know a girl in real life. They always chatted, texted, and chatted online. After about a few months, he finally went to the girl's house one day. After going to the girl's house, everything went very smoothly at first. At the most critical moment, the girl said, "Wait a moment. I'll turn off the light first." As soon as the lights were turned off, Jianguo conditioned reflex, thank the program team for giving me the opportunity, thank you. Isn’t this destructive? Isn’t this what normal people would do? This big brother, what would you do if a girl turned off the lights? You wouldn’t cherish the opportunity given to you by the program team. .

The Four Heroes of Leather Shoes - Gelatin, Milk, Jelly, Capsules

Wang Jianguo: I was bitten by a dog, can I become a dog hero? You have rabies.

Passing a small note, the teacher saw it. The teacher is the little girl’s mother

Dear Earthquake and Volcano are not scary as long as you are here, because you are more scary

Take out a cigarette, shout at the volcano, light it for me

From the first day of stock trading, my generation has declined. When I meet someone, I ask, how is the stock? .

Everyone has advantages at work, but they all hate having one person called a leader.

It is very hard for office workers. The salary is monthly, but the workload does not include traffic.

Every time the subway opens, a few people fall out. I decided to bring a pot of cactus to work, and when I got off the subway, I saw it was aloe vera.

You are just like F11, you are always there, you just don’t know what to do with it. You could say I look like F4.

At the airport, someone asked me, buddy, do you have a lighter? I said yes, here it is. Oh, disposable, I also have zippo.

With such a lighter, you expect others to borrow it.

I want to tell him that I am Lei Feng’s younger brother: Lei Di. i am leifeng's brother leidi. You are lady?

Hey, what's your last name?

Those who don’t help others when they fall will surely have no one to help them when they fall down in the future.

When the books are in use, I will miss them. If you don’t use insoles, you should rest your feet.

Encountered a robbery by a taxi driver: Special 2 young man: You can do anything, can you stop the meter first