Who has a super-super funny text message to spray rice!

Baidu, look at the "Funny SMS" page.

Thousands, whatever you choose ~

/s？ cl = 3 & ampwd = % B8 % E3 % D0 % A6 % B6 % CC % D0 % C5 % CF % A2

But you ask

I'd better talk about it ~

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An alien came to a rural area and met a farmer. The alien made a gesture of "3" to the farmer, the farmer made a gesture of "5" to the alien, the alien made a gesture of "7" to the farmer, and the farmer gave the alien a thumb.

The farmer came home and said to his wife, "I just met an alien." He is too clever. He said three, I said five, he said seven, and finally I gave him a thumb. "

The alien returned to his own planet and said to the king, "Great! Great! " The king said, "What's the matter?" The alien said, "I just met a farmer." I said I killed three people. He said he killed five people. I said I shot him with a gun. He said he killed him with his thumb. "

I used your tender body to drive me close to my naked body countless times. The gentle touch and irregular movements made me enjoy a thrill. While I was enjoying myself, you gradually lost weight. Oh, poor soap!

A catty and a half of Erguotou, a two-year-old veteran in love, a three-year-old who eats, drinks, gambles and drinks, and a four-year-old who cheats and steals. This person is young and promising, and when he grows up, his IQ is low. I know that this person is you, but I still insist on reading it. Admire! Admire!

Your gentleness is like an angel coquetry, your beauty is like a stunning peacock, your thoughtfulness is like rheumatism cream on your heart, and your eyes are like lovely giant pandas!

If a star falls on your head tonight, please don't worry This is a gift from my immortal brother. From then on, you will live a carefree and happy life, because you are stupid.

Crying, silly and happy days are gone? I warned you not to be greedy, but you just wouldn't listen. Now you should remember that pigs will be slaughtered when they reach a certain weight.

Time is really wonderful. Recently, due to the strong solar ions, there will be no signal in the sun. Don't panic. Please put your other hand over your head to block out the sun when you are talking on your mobile phone! Remember, the higher the better!

You have high blood pressure, high blood lipid and low position. No speech at the conference, no speech at the meeting, prostatitis. The political achievements are not outstanding, the performance is not outstanding, and the lumbar disc is outstanding.

Call you an idiot, you can read, call you an idiot, you will be angry, call you an idiot, you will reply to text messages, call you a log, and you will read your mobile phone!

The protagonist of Father's Day is father's love; The protagonist of Mother's Day is maternal love; The protagonist of Children's Day is very cute; But the protagonist of April Fool's Day is U, and the director is me! Happy April Fool's Day!

1. God knew you were thirsty and created water. God knew you were hungry and created rice. God knows you have no lovely friends, so he created me. However, God knows that there is no fool in the world, and he created you by the way.

Someone told me that "you are as smart as a pig", and I was furious after listening to it! ! I know you! ! What an insult! I'm sorry about that pig!

3. When the Tang Priest took three disciples for a short rest, he went to Pig Bajie and said angrily, "You pig head, you still have leisure to read short messages!"

Please go to the nearest telephone pole and shout "My illness is saved" to the wild advertisement above.

Last night, I dreamed that you fell into a stinking cesspit. After climbing up, you said: after all, you have a good life, and even the cesspit smells good.

6. Deleting the address book. All information will be lost. A moment, please. ...

7. Chasing you, chasing you and I chasing you, just like a hunter chasing a fox; Kiss you, kiss you, I kiss you, just like an old man eating corn.

8. Bajie met an old man and asked, Shit! Yue Lao! Why did you separate me from Gao? Yue: She is a person, and you are a demon. I'm afraid your child will give birth to a shemale.

9. The people who come home from work are poor people, drunkards at 9 o'clock, perverts at 1 1, gamblers at 2-3 o'clock, and wild ghosts who don't go home!

10. Shuai Shuai is a handsome guy, but you should be the eldest brother, the taxi driver is the eldest brother, and the message taker is the pig.

1 1. Xiaoming always sleeps in class. The teacher criticized him: Can you stop sleeping? ? Xiao Ming replied: No, because I am a poor student.

12. I saw you wandering in the supermarket the other day. You put your hand into the machine that can check the price, and the result shows: Pig's trotters 8 yuan, you think there is something wrong with the machine, so you put your head in. I almost died laughing when I saw it: pig head 18 yuan!

13. Frankly speaking, I like you very much. Your eyes, walking posture, happy expression, coquetry and cuteness, and even the way you sleep fascinate me! But what annoys me most is that you don't catch mice and you keep losing your hair!

14. One day, we came to a wishing pool. I bent down and made a wish, and then threw a coin into the well. You wanted to make a wish, but when you bent down, you accidentally fell into the well. I was startled and muttered, How clever!

15. Do you have a TV? Watch CCTV 1. The White House was bombed and the whole building collapsed. The police have sealed off the whole of Washington, 19 people were killed, 32 people were injured, 1 1 people were missing. . . 1 person cheated!

16. Since ancient times, there has been a mathematical equation that is correct (A = B, B = C), so A = C, you = animal, animal = pig, so you = pig!

17. If a star falls on your head tonight, please don't worry. This is a gift from my God, and you will live a carefree and happy life from now on, because you are stupid.

18. Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I really want to be by your side quietly. I know you never take care of yourself. Whenever I leave, you jump out of the pigsty!

19. Beauty meets beauty. There are so many beautiful women. If you treat beautiful women, you can't get a wife.

20. Some people say you are a pig! I seriously criticized him! How is that possible? How can people tell what they look like?

2 1. Someone passed by the cemetery, heard a knock at the door, fell down and saw someone, so he was relieved and asked, why? They carved my tombstone wrong and are changing it!

22. Do you know, dear? You have lost a lot of weight recently! I see it in my eyes, but it hurts in my heart. It's almost the Spring Festival, but your health is worrying ... who doesn't want to let their pigs kill a few kilograms more!

23. I gave you the heaviest gift since you took a shit during the Chinese New Year. You will eat a catty and be full. If you think it's not enough, please help yourself.

24. Using SMS to kill time is called letter life. While sending and receiving letters, it is the climax of letters. It is indifference to only receive and not send them. The wrong object is letter harassment, and unsuccessful sending and receiving is letter dysfunction!

Director: What did the audience say about my latest film? Projector: There is a mixture of sadness and joy in the cinema during the screening! As long as the heroine in the film is crying, the audience will laugh their heads off.

Old woman: You want to hire a heroine, I'll apply. Director: But you are late. Old woman: I came as soon as I saw the advertisement. Why am I late? Director: You are 20 years late.

The son asked his father with a collection of poems: Dad, why did the Spring River Plumbing Duck Prophet? Dad scratched his head and said, maybe poets know duck language.

How do you use realism and romanticism? Well, I usually adopt realism in bonus and romanticism in labor discipline.

Dad: Do you know why the sea water is salty? Son: Yes. Dad: Tell me about it. Son: Because the actress aunt always loves to cry at the seaside.

I heard that you went to see a play yesterday. Is that play a happy ending? B: Yes, everyone in the audience is very excited because it will end as soon as possible.

Honey, you know what? When we looked at each other, that moment was the most beautiful moment in the world. Even if I were given a village head, I wouldn't do it.

I shot you with a bunch of enchanting eyes tied with 10 thousand lies, and you fell in a pool of blood, and your scarred body was covered with Cupid's bullets.

When you have no girlfriend, you are a good citizen. When you have a girlfriend, you will be released on bail pending trial. Will be under surveillance when engaged. You will be sentenced to life imprisonment after marriage!

Customer: Why don't you sell alcohol? Attendant: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to mix your wine.

Customer: "Return the goods and compensate for the mental loss." Salesman: "Is the hair tonic ineffective?" Customer: "It's amazing. I was taken to the zoo and lived with orangutans for a few days. "

Man: "Women talk like eyebrows!" " Woman: "You mean very artistic? "Man:" No, it's getting dark. "

I shouldn't have invited you to dinner yesterday! It turned out that the boss said that letting me take charge of the work up and down was not to promote me, but to let me take care of the elevator! !

Dad hit me twice today, the first time because he saw my two-point report card, and the second time because the report card was from his childhood.

An exam in law school: "What is the punishment for bigamy?" A student replied, "Two mother-in-law."

The landlord is looking at the house with the new tenant. Tenant: "It seems that this house often leaks water." Landlord: "No, no, it only leaks when it rains."

The stingy woman asked the beggar, do you have buttons on your pants? I'll sew it on for you. The beggar said, kind lady, I have a button here. Can you sew a pair of trousers on it?

Steamed bread and noodles got into a fight, and as a result, steamed bread was crying, so I went home and asked Hua Baozi to look for noodles. As a result, as soon as the instant noodles opened, the steamed bread said, sample! I don't know you when I burn my head? Hit it!

One day, 0 and 8 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said, fat is fat. Why are you wearing a belt? !

One day I saw you squatting next to a pile of shit. You look at it and think it's shit, then put it in your mouth and taste it. It's really shit. Then you say excitedly, "Wow! Fortunately, I didn't step on it! "

Conductor: In order to support the Beijing Olympic Games, our car group launched an English popularization activity. Please show me your English level certificate. Passengers below level 4 should get off and transfer to other vehicles. ...

The customer exclaimed, "Your thumb is in my soup!" The waiter said, "Nothing, I'm used to it. Not hot. "

The coach comforted the defeated boxer: "You scared him enough in the third round!" " ""really? " "Really, he thought he killed you. "

The hunter saw a bird in the sky, fired three shots, missed it, and the bird fell. It turned out that the bird patted its chest when it saw that the bullet missed and said, scared to death, scared to death.

Sister: Have some spinach, it will add color to your face. Sister: Who wants the green face?

A lady fell and the Prime Minister held her. "Sir, how can I thank you?" "Vote for me in the next general election." "But I hurt my knee, but my head is not bad."

Teachers educate students that no amount of money can betray love for their loved ones. I will give you $65,438,000. Can you hit your parents? The student immediately asked: I hit my sister, how much is it?

Fred picked up two bottles of wine and ran away when the stall owner was not looking. The stall owner found him chasing after him and shouting, where are you going? Fred replied as he ran, don't chase. I'm going to the police station to turn myself in!

"Get up, slacker! Look, the sun is out and you are still sleeping! " "Nonsense! The sun went to bed at six, and I didn't go to bed until ten. "

Strange advertising sound company: a transfer. Lime factory: from scratch. Pawnshop: well deserved. Hat company: clothes bring people. Barber shop: penniless. Pharmacy: Ask for it.

The shopkeeper found a boy standing beside the biscuit. "What do you want to do now? Well, I think you want to try to get a biscuit. " "I'm trying not to take cookies." The boy replied.

The judge said, you claimed that you stole the grocery store because you were starving, so why did you steal the till? The defendant replied: I always abide by the rules: I have to pay for everything I eat.

The farmer was forced by his wife to attend the funeral of his neighbor's third wife. He said: I don't want to go. The wife asked: Why? Too many. Sorry, unless we can invite him back.

The first diving test will be held soon. Diving student: How can I pass the exam? Coach: Come back alive.

There is a woman standing in front of a portrait of a tramp in rags. She said loudly: think about it! I don't even have money to buy a decent dress, but I can still ask someone to paint him.

Child: Why do you want to wipe my cotton ball before the injection? Father: That's alcohol. Get your ass drunk first, and then the pain will stop. Child: But it still hurts. Father: That's because you can drink a lot.

The professor tested a 6-year-old boy with precocious intelligence. The professor asked: When is your birthday? Child: February 20th. Professor: What year? Child: Every year.

Teacher: Why can fish only live in water? Student: Because there are cats on land.

Little Tom is used to pampering himself at home. When he came home from school on the first day, his mother asked Tom anxiously: How are you at school? Did you cry? Tom replied, I didn't cry! The teacher cried.

There is a saying in China that "money is like dirt, but friends are worth a thousand dollars", which is problematic. Think about it. If these two sentences are taken as the premise, the logical conclusion should be that friends are like dirt.

"You want to borrow 20,000 kronor from me, Mr. Stein. Can you give me a guarantee? " "My promise is a gentleman's word." "Well, I'll lend it to you, but you can show me that gentleman."

Tom: How is your brother? Johnny: He is lying in bed injured. Tom: What happened? Johnny: We competed to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

Father: You only know how to spend money, but do you know that money is hard to come by? Zi: Why don't you know? Listen to a lesson every time I ask you for money.

Mother: I said Fricchio, people never put their thumbs in their mouths! Fricchio: Mom, which finger should I put?

When the husband came home from work, he found his wife was not at home. There was only a note left on the table, which read: Lunch is on the cooker page 2 15; Dinner is on page 3 17.

The wife said to her husband, honey, I parked my car in the street. Husband: Why not stop in the garage? Wife: It's too dark in the street to get all the parts back.

C: Why did you take the first-class carriage with a second-class ticket? Passengers feel bullied: should I take a second-class ticket and ride in a third-class car?

Han provided: Do you know? My wife and I have never had sex with her since we got married. What about you? Xiaoding: Occasionally, when you are on a business trip.

The judge asked the prisoner, why did you print counterfeit money? The prisoner replied: because I can't print real money!

When Sasha came back from school, she said happily, Grandma, I broke two school records at the school sports meeting today. Grandma: Oh, my God! Then who is responsible for compensating others?

A farmer shows off his farm: it takes two days when I drive along my farm from south to north!

A listener expressed deep sympathy: yes, I had such an old car back then.

Do you know that?/You know what? I'm cultivating a new breed to cross pigeons and parrots. B: Why? If the pigeon gets lost, it can ask for directions by itself.

The salesman was handing out leaflets, but passers-by ignored him. Suddenly, a man came from far away and asked the salesman for many leaflets. The salesman was very excited, but he saw the man run into the toilet not far away.

Mouse: My brother is married. Dog: Who is your brother? The mouse said: lion! Dog: How can a lion be your brother? Mouse: Actually, I was a brave lion before I got married!

In the police station, the police asked the victim who was beaten, can you describe the face of the person who hit you? The man replied: of course, he was beaten for describing his appearance!

A man forgot to wear a tie at work. When the boss saw it, he said savagely, You should have an abortion when you go to work! The man was startled, and only after explaining did he realize that the boss spoke English.

The patient told the psychiatrist that I always thought I was a bird. Doctor: That's serious. When did it start? Patient: Because I am a bird.

A little boy was caught smoking by the teacher. Teacher: Why did you learn to smoke at such a young age? The little boy said sternly, alas, the motherland has not been unified, and he is very depressed. Let's have a cigarette to amuse ourselves.

Only by queuing for a long time can we truly realize that we are "descendants of the dragon".

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