Campus humor jokes

Campus humorous jokes

In school, when we are the most innocent, we always do all kinds of stupid things in school. Below are the jokes about campus humor that I compiled for you. I hope you will like the hilarious campus comic jokes.

Excellent Campus Humor Jokes

1. In the composition class, the teacher asked each student to use the simplest sentences to describe his or her own characteristics. A classmate with acne on his face wrote: "One wave is not over, but another wave is rising."

2. One day Xiao Ming told Xiao Hua a story. Xiao Ming: This story is divided into 4 paragraphs. First The paragraph is... My husband told his wife that I will give 10,000 yuan to your wife in a month. But after a month, the husband only received 8,000 yuan, so the wife said there is still 2,000 yuan? The husband slapped his wife and said : I’m making the money, what are you arguing about? The follower, Xiao Ming, told the second paragraph. One day the husband wanted to eat steamed fish, but the wife cooked the braised fish. So the husband asked why there was no steamed fish? The wife slapped her husband and said: I am cooking the food. Why are you arguing? Xiao Ming: Next is the fourth paragraph. Xiao Hua: What about the third paragraph? Xiao Ming slapped Xiao Hua and said: I am telling the story. Why are you arguing? Give me a vote.

3. The future tense of "love" In the grammar class, the teacher is teaching the tenses of verbs. He asked Eileen: "Tell me, what is the future tense of 'love'?" Eileen asked without hesitation: "Marriage!"

4. Class A: Why do ducks often use one foot? Standing? Class B: Because it knows that if it retracts its other foot, it will fall.

5. The first-grade primary school students were listless in class. The teacher reminded everyone: "Please show your energy!" So the students began to dig through their schoolbags, and finally one student raised his hand and asked: " Teacher, which one is the spirit?"

6. I have a dream: There are only 5 fill-in-the-blank questions in one test paper. School____subject____class____name____student number ____, 20 points for each blank ~ I don’t have high requirements, just pass.

7. The teacher asked: "Can we call the roll call to answer the questions?" The students said in unison: "No." So the teacher asked the girl: "Is it okay to ask the boys?" "Okay." Then he asked the boy: "Is it okay to ask girls?" "Okay" "Don't we all agree~" In the advanced mathematics class, the teacher was writing quickly on the blackboard, and there was a commotion underneath. The teacher couldn't bear it: classmates, lower your voices! One buddy said :Teacher, you will get used to it gradually! Teacher faint! The whole high school must wear uniforms. One repeat student never wears it. The teacher in charge of this aspect squats at the door every day to check. One day. The teacher saw that this student was not wearing school uniform. Ask him why he doesn't wear it. This classmate was furious and said: My mother is not dead. Why do we need to wear mourning clothes? The teacher is sweating to death. One of my brothers was in an advanced mathematics class. The teacher asked: "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is our goal in learning calculus? My brother: No cavities! In a Chinese class, the teacher said: In fact, weasels do not eat Chicken, that's what scientists found out through experiments...

8. The first class in the afternoon was a history class, and the teacher taught it with great interest. A nickname was "Three." But his classmate "Mao" was lying on the desk and fast asleep. The teacher was very angry and called Sanmao up. The teacher asked: "What do you think Wang Anshi and Ouyang Xiu have in common?" Sanmao blurted out: “They are all from the Song Dynasty. The teacher then asked: "Tell me, what do they have in common with Emperor Taizong and Zhuge Liang of the Tang Dynasty?" Sanmao was stunned and replied: "They are all ancient people." "There was a burst of laughter in the class, and the teacher simply made a mistake and played it as a game, which can also liven up the classroom atmosphere. So he asked: "Then do they have anything in common with Sun Yat-sen and Lu Xun?" Sanmao thought for a while and said : “They are all men. "The teacher then asked..."

9. Teacher: "What is the biggest thing in the world?" Student: "Eyelids." Teacher: "Why?" Student: "Just open your eyes. Close, the whole world is covered.

"

10. Tommy: "Teacher, Rabin just scolded me, let me go to the devil. "Teacher: "So, what did you do?" Tommy: "I came right here, Teacher. "Teacher: "..."

11. Xiao Ming walked to the physical education teacher and said: "Teacher Wang, from today on, I will never play football again." "Teacher Wang felt very strange: "Kicking football is a useful sports activity, why don't you participate?" Xiao Ming said: "Today I heard on the radio that 'playing football is an irresponsible behavior. "

12. A teacher from a school praised the master highly that his son was smart and well-literate, and could be used as a reading companion for the master's son. The master said: "Very good!" The teacher went home. Then he said to his son: "Tomorrow I will take you to school. In front of the master, I praise you for being smart, just because you are stupid by nature and don't know a word." Therefore, he wrote the three words "quilt, rice, and father" and asked his son to memorize them in order to answer the question. When he arrived at the school, the master asked several words in succession, but his son did not know any of them. The teacher Said: "The child is afraid of strangers. If you ask him to write a few more words, he will understand them. "So he wrote the word "being" for him to recognize, and his son was also confused. The teacher said: "What is that covering your bed?" The son replied:...

13. Smart" Teacher, why is your hair bald?" "This is extremely clever. "Then I'll just shave my head." "That's called being smart." In the store, Xiaogang stepped on the foot of an international student. The foreigner held it in for a long time before he said in Chinese: "Put your foot on my foot, and you also pressed hard." Coach Yuke comforted the defeated boxer and said, "It doesn't matter. In the third round, didn't you scare him too much?" "He's afraid of me too?" "Yeah, he thought he'd beaten you to death." "Removal of belt" A mother took her four-year-old child to the supermarket for shopping. After entering the store, she took off the child's belt. The salesperson asked strangely why? The mother replied: "He has both hands busy lifting his pants, so he can't grab it everywhere." Something...

14. Welcome at the beginning of the new semester, our senior students went to the station to greet the new classmates. I saw a little girl standing next to a big box at a loss, so I took the initiative to help her lift the box. Unexpectedly, the box weighed more than 1,000 kilograms, and I was too embarrassed to put it down, so I had to try my best to support it. After only a few steps, the girl said to me: If you can't carry it anymore, just get out. When I heard this, I immediately felt angry, put down the box, and glared at her. The girl was stunned for a few seconds, then pointed to the bottom of the box with a red face and said to me: I mean the wheels. ___ Interpretation A university professor said to his students: "In ancient times, 'LV' meant kissing, mouth to mouth, very vivid." One of the students asked: "If 'LV' means kissing, then 'PIN' Yu also means ......

15. "In the composition class, the teacher asked the primary school students to write a composition titled "My Dog", which should be no less than 150 words. Little Tommy thought for a while and began to write: "I have a dog. I call him Bobby. I like this dog. It is all black except for its head and neck..." Tommy stopped writing and counted. After counting, the number of words is still far behind. He scratched his scalp, thought for a few minutes, and continued to write: "I take Bobby for a walk in the park every day. When it rains, I won't take him out." He looked at it, but the number of words was still far from enough, and sighed. In the same tone, he wrote: "I often give Bobi a bath. He likes to take a bath, and I also like to give him a bath." He stopped writing and counted the words, and found that the number of words was not enough. He scratched his scalp anxiously, looked at the ceiling for a while, and then Look at the blackboard. After thinking about it, he continued to write: "Bobby likes to eat sweets. I often feed him sweets, but sometimes there is no sugar at home, so I don't give it to him..."... 1. Everyone knows When you speak with headphones on, your voice will be loud but you don't know it.

Once in an English class, the teacher asked everyone to study by themselves after the lecture. One of my classmates put on headphones to listen to music (of course, this is not allowed). In order not to let the teacher see it, he asked the classmate next to him to look out and said very loudly: The teacher came over and called me!! Then the teacher heard the sound and asked him: What's going on? 2. When I was in junior high school, I was the class monitor. Once, the teacher interrupted the geography class. I was concentrating on reading a novel and didn't care whether it was in class or after class. , a classmate next to me complained to himself: "The class is over. I thought the get out of class was over, so I shouted "Stand up", and it became quiet. I felt all eyes focused on me. The teacher smiled and said: You want to rebel. Suddenly everyone burst into laughter, how am I blushing?..."

16. The professor said: "You already understand the concept of 'lie'. Regarding this issue, I have already studied it myself He wrote in his book "On Lies". "Whoever has read this book, please raise your hands." All the students raised their hands in unison. "Very good!" the professor continued, "I have a new teaching example this time. The book I wrote has not been published yet!"

17. In a physiology class, the teacher angrily scolded the class Undisciplined students: "If I catch you disrespecting discipline next time, I will not distinguish between men and women, all..." Before he finished speaking, a student stood up and said: "Teacher, why don't you distinguish between men and women?" Will you be our physiological hygiene teacher?"

18. The physics teacher talked about the principle of electricity: "For example, if you touch the cat's fur backwards, you can see electric sparks." "Oh my God," a little girl yelled, "how many cats must we keep in that power station!"

19. My mother said that my IQ is only 76. I don't know how high my IQ is. All I know is that I am a very lethal person, and many people have been hurt by me. Some of them have lost hope in life, and some have even committed suicide. So I have always suspected that I have potential superpowers, and for some reason, this superpower is especially effective for my teacher. I still remember the first teacher who died because of me. I was in the first grade of elementary school at that time, and the teacher took us to the wild for nature practice classes. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willow branches branching, the teacher couldn't help but think of a question, so he asked: "Students, do you know how to identify the direction of the wind?" "I know!" A little girl in the class answered while picking up the wind direction. A piece of tree...

20. 1. Late one night, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep at night, so I sent a text message to a sister who lived with my friend: "I'm depressed, please chat with me for a while." After a while, the sister wrote back: "Okay, what do you want to talk about? The topic is up to you!" I thought about it and happily replied: "Then let's talk about a heavier topic, for example - your Weight!" After a period of silence, the sister texted back, writing: "This is too heavy, so let's talk about something superficial, such as your IQ!!!" 2 girlfriends asked their botanical boyfriend : "Today is my birthday! Why don't you send me flowers?" "What?" the boy replied: "Don't you know that flowers are the genitals of plants? Why do we cut off other people's genitals... ....

21. There was a teacher in the philosophy department who only took one question during the mid-term exam. The topic was "What is courage?" It was like everyone was thinking hard about what to write. When... a classmate handed in the paper... it's not like he didn't write a word! But he only wrote five words: "This is courage!" Absolutely! The teacher gave him full marks, but it was better at the end. It's easy to get to the final exam. This teacher still only takes one question.

The topic this time is "This is the question, please give the answer." Isn't it weird? Everyone still can't write it, but the student handed in the paper quickly. What did he write this time? He wrote "This is the answer, please give me the answer." Points..." The teacher was so angry that he shouted angrily: "Boy, this is awesome! Come here, I have two questions for you, if you answer...

22. In class During the rehearsal of the textbook play "Thunderstorm", one of Lu Dahai's lines was "These three things without bones!" During the rehearsal, the person who played Lu Dahai blurted out: "These three things without skulls!" Everyone was stunned. Then he laughed.

23. After telephones were installed in student dormitories, phone pranks became popular for a while. One day, beautiful girl C was reading a book alone in the dormitory. Suddenly the phone rang. Little C picked up the phone and called. After several calls, the other party never responded. At five o'clock in the afternoon, a similar call came again. This was the fifth time that day. Little C couldn't bear it any longer: I hate it! ****! The next day. At noon, everyone was having dinner in the dormitory, and the call came again. Little C brought it up first: "****! If you don't talk, I won't be polite!" But a standard sexy male voice came from the other side: "Hello, Miss. !This is the 201 call service center. Because the system failed yesterday, which affected some of your calls, we apologize to you. Now we have eliminated the fault, but we still need your help to conduct the following tests. ”...

24. Xiaofang, who has always been careless in work, works in the school library and helps clean and water the flowers. She always splashes the books next to her when watering the flowers. It took a week for the situation to improve slightly. One day, she was carefully watering a pot of bright flamingos. She saw the teacher in charge of the library standing aside and staring at her. She thought the teacher would praise her for getting more and more. Careful, but unexpectedly the teacher said to Xiaofang with a straight face: "What you are watering are plastic flowers!!"

25. The teacher wrote a couplet: The country is prosperous, the family is prosperous, and the country is prosperous. : The sky is magnificent, the earth is magnificent, the heaven and the earth are magnificent! The second line I answered is:,, you! As a result, I was kicked out of the classroom

26. What is the most important thing in the four years of college life? For the young master, the most important thing is to eat! What about after eating? What about eating? Well, it is very similar to the garbage transfer station. The young master only eats in the campus cafeteria. To be honest, I am an old man who has been shamelessly earning a living for four years in college, so he is nicknamed "Idiot". Some people don't understand that eating for free also means eating for free! Which place on campus has the best food? Is there any need to ask? The first choice is that the food of the dormitory roommates is the best. Otherwise, distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors! Young master told everyone that one semester, just eating from the roommates’ meals will be enough for the young master.

27. In class, my classmate talked to me about how his girlfriend Wen Jing had abandoned him. He was really wronged. But his chatter made the teacher unbearable and shouted: "You don't have Wenjing, but I still need to be quiet!" My deskmate got angry and stood up. I jumped and said hurriedly: "You don't have Wenjing, but you still need to be calm!! ”

28. We had to do a terrible group dance at the art festival - it required violent and difficult movements such as rapid falls, high leg lifts, etc. As a result, everyone couldn't stand it after just a few days of practice, and some I was covered in bruises, and some muscles were strained... My right leg was seriously injured and I couldn't control it at all! I went to class on the third floor today, and my God, I literally lifted my right leg straight up step by step. Send it away. The most annoying thing is - while walking, I heard two girls behind me whispering: "Schools in big cities are more formal. If this were our hometown, people with polio would not be able to go to school at all!!"

29. There was a student at the University of Science and Technology who was about to graduate from his senior year. He still had no job and no girlfriend. So he went to tell his fortune, "You will be poor until you are forty years old..." The student listened. His eyes lit up, thinking that there was a turn for the better, so he asked: "What then?" "Then you will get used to this kind of life..."

30. College students always like new and exciting things.

For example, when playing cards, the loser has to shout "I am a pig" or hug a telephone pole and shout "My disease can be cured" or other feats. You see, most people in Shantou are creative - they play cards in the dormitory, and whoever loses has to go up the mountain alone at midnight to copy the inscriptions on ten tombstones! The most terrible thing is that everyone goes up the mountain together the next morning to find the tombstones and proofread them!! As a result, after one semester, I didn't memorize many English words, but I could memorize the 216 inscriptions on the back mountain very well. More importantly, everyone's literature and calligraphy skills have been greatly improved. Many people even learned to use small seal script to make signatures...

31. In a high school politics class, the teacher said: "Zhang San, Li Si, Wang Mazi, these people..." came a sentence from the corner of the back row: three people. For the beauty in college - fight!

32. In history class, a student openly dozed off in class, and the teacher woke him up and asked him to answer questions. "Who is the author of "The Art of War"?" The student said sleepily, "Only Sun Tzu knows." "Who is the author of "The Tao Te Ching"?" The student replied arrogantly: "I don't know."

33. In class, the teacher talked about biological diversity! Halfway through the lecture, he asked the names of two classmates who had been talking. The classmates didn't answer...The teacher then spoke: He couldn't even answer his own name. Mental retardation is also a type of biological diversity.

34. One day, the Chinese teacher stood on the podium with a roll call and suddenly said to us: "Oh, it's so rich!" We asked: "What's so rich?" Teacher: "There is food. (Fan) There are vegetables (Cai), porridge (Zhou), soup (soup) and fish (Yu)! It’s time to eat! ”

35. “One day, the teacher asked the students in the class to collect Three sentences, published the next day. After Xiao Ming came home, he went to ask his mother, sister and brother. His mother was cooking: "Go away! I am very busy!" My sister was listening to her Walkman: "As long as I like it, What's not allowed?" My younger brother was watching TV: "Invincible Iron Steel." The next day, when the teacher asked Xiao Ming... Xiao Ming: "Go away! I'm very busy!" Teacher: "How can you talk to the teacher like this? ?" Xiao Ming: "As long as I like it, what's wrong?" Teacher: "Who are you!"..."

36. "When I was a freshman in high school, In our school's monthly exam, someone in the class cheated. At that time, one of the math questions we took was a proof question. Because the proof questions were difficult to write, everyone didn't pay much attention. There was a classmate who was a loser. He made a cheat sheet and it just happened. His cheat sheet contained the proof question that was passed in the exam. But he could hardly finish writing the proof question in the exam. So when he was collecting the test paper, he might have been too nervous, so he picked up the glue and put it on The cheat sheet was posted on that question... As a result, he got a big fault and became a legend on campus... Once, when the teacher was giving a lecture, in order to make the students fully understand the meaning of charity, he gave an example Said: "If a donkey is carrying a heavy burden and struggling uphill, but the owner still beats it desperately, I go up to stop it. Bede, what kind of virtue do you think this reflects?" Bede said quickly: "Brotherly love.""

37. The first gathering in college was at the zoo. The reason everyone agreed was: Only here can we feel that we are still personally hindered...

38. On this day, the class bell rang for a long time, and there were still seven or eight students who didn't come. The old professor called his name as usual, and the students answered "Qin Ming" one by one. "No one answered. The old professor called "Qin Ming" three times, but still no one answered. He raised his head slightly, looked at the class carefully from behind his reading glasses, and then said in confusion: " Is this person very unpopular? Why doesn’t he even have a single friend? ”

39. The teacher asked Xiao Ming a question in class, but Xiao Ming stood up but said nothing.

Teacher: Xiao Ming? Teacher: Xiao Ming? Teacher: Xiao Ming! What’s wrong with you? Do you know the answer? At least squeak! Xiao Ming: squeak~

40. One day in class, the teacher was teaching What is four times four? Xiaomeng didn't even listen to the lesson! The teacher said angrily: "Let me ask you, what is four times four?" Xiaomeng replied: "I... I don't know." "Go home and ask your parents. ! "The teacher severely criticized Xiaomeng. After school, Xiao Meng went home and asked her mother (Mother of Ultra): "Mom, what is four times four?" Mom didn't hear and said, "Make a bowl of rice." Xiao Meng then asked her father ( Father of Ultra): "Dad, what is four times four?" Dad just woke up and said, "It's so comfortable!" Xiao Mengyou went to ask his brother, who happened to be answering the phone and said, "You're making me angry. Dead!" The next day, Xiaomeng went to school. The teacher asked yesterday's question again, and Xiao Meng said: "Make a bowl of rice." Campus humorous jokes and funny jokes

1. The Chinese teacher asked several senior high school students: "Many of you are saying, ' Who can explain to me the word "make paste"?" One classmate thought for a moment and said, "If you want to come, everyone will make trouble. If you don't come, you will make trouble." The teacher chuckled: "That's a scoundrel!" Another classmate said: " You don't want to make peace, I don't want to make peace, everyone doesn't want to make peace." The teacher laughed again: "Mahjong terms!" Another one rushed to say: "I don't want to do good things, but I don't dare to do bad things. The best thing is to do peace." The teacher shook his head: " "Specialize in wiping mud!" It was the fourth person's turn: "A person is in trouble and has to escape." The teacher's eyes lit up: "This sentence is good because he uses a homophonic rhetorical device! "

2. "A class monitor fell asleep in class and asked his classmates to call him after class. The classmate pranked him. A: Get up, get out of class is over! The monitor rubbed his eyes and said: stand up! At this time, I saw only a dozen sleepy classmates. Stand up and say: Thank you, teacher!"

3. Once I was tutoring a junior high school child and found the following horrible words in his English textbook: Dad died (bus) Ye died (yes) Brother died (girls) Mis?......Death (school)

4. The school organizes mathematics exams and allows students to use calculators. In the examination room, the students were all busy writing and using calculators to calculate various test questions. At this time, an exclamation suddenly came from a corner of the examination room: "Oh my god, why did I bring the remote control at home!" The school organized a mathematics examination and allowed students to use calculators. In the examination room, the students were all busy writing and using calculators to calculate various test questions. At this moment, an exclamation suddenly came from a corner of the examination room: "Oh my god, why did I bring the remote control at home!" Students in the adult education class were asked to answer the following questions after careful consideration: "What if?" I tell you for sure that the earth will be destroyed in six months and all life will disappear. What would you do?" After a few minutes of deep thought, a student raised his hand. "What will you do?" The student quickly replied: "I will ask my mother-in-law to move in with us." "No? Live with your mother-in-law?" "That's what I want to do most. Because it will be the longest and most difficult six months of my life.”

5. In college dormitories at night, students often talk about their ideal partners. On a summer night, the air was extremely hot and stuffy. A boy in the boys' dormitory could not fall asleep, so he talked about his requirements for his future girlfriend. Xiao Yang is a handsome boy with a cheerful personality who is very popular with girls. He said proudly: "For me, I will just find someone who is 1.6 meters tall, slim and handsome." Wu is not very handsome, but is the president of the school's literary club. He said slowly: "I don't have high requirements for my girlfriend. As long as she matches me, has a gentle personality, and has long and bright hair." That's okay." Xiao Wang was not very talented and not handsome enough, but he was good at flattering. He sighed and said, "Oh, I have the lowest requirements for my girlfriend, as long as she doesn't affect the appearance of the city." .....

6. In a large class in a kindergarten, the teacher asked the children to ask questions, and everyone asked one after another.

One child kept his hands in the air, but when it was his turn to ask, he put them down. The teacher asked him: "What's wrong? You've been waiting for so long. Why did you put your hands down when it was your turn to speak?" The child replied: "It's too late, it's already wet."

7. Late Returning to the dormitory from self-study, I met my fairy sister on the road, so I followed her. I always wanted to strike up a conversation, but didn't have the guts to step forward until the fairy sister was about to walk into the girls' building. I gritted my teeth, stepped forward, and asked the sister loudly: Classmate, are you a woman? Later... Later, I enjoyed the eyes of the fairy sister for two years.

8. It’s a hot summer day and I’m bored. Since girls moved into the dormitory building opposite, I’m lucky that the bathroom in the girls’ building is opposite the boys’ building. As a result, telescopes were out of stock in stationery stores near the college. Girls are not stupid either. Not long after, the curtains in the department store near the college were out of stock. The leaders of the college expressed concern. In the second semester, all the girls across the street will move out, and all girls in the college will live in the newly built girls' dormitory area. However, after the newly built girls' dormitory, there was still a new boys' dormitory that was about to be completed. So, a few days later, posters were posted at the entrances of nearby stores: Our store has a new batch of high-end telescopes and extra-thick curtains at favorable prices.

9. In the hot summer, a teacher fell asleep in class. When he woke up, he was embarrassed and coaxed his students: "I just dreamed that Duke Zhou was going to "The next day, the student was also sleeping soundly during class. The teacher was so angry that he woke up the student with a ruler and scolded him for sleeping in class. The student argued: "I also went to see Duke Zhou. "The teacher asked angrily: "What did Duke Zhou say to you?" The student replied: "Duke Zhou said he didn't see you yesterday." 10. In the middle of class, the teacher walked up to Xiao Ming. "Xiao Ming, why don't you pay attention to the class?" The teacher asked, "What are you doing?" Xiao Ming raised his head and replied: "Teacher, I am writing a motto." "Oh, really?" The teacher said as he picked up Xiao Ming's Workbook. I saw it read: Motto: I swear that I will complete my homework on time in the future. If I don't complete it on time, then I will never swear again. ——Xiao Ming;