Humorous jokes and short messages for men and women

Collection of short messages of male and female humorous jokes

In study, work and even life, everyone has tried to edit short messages, which has enhanced the interactivity and entertainment of users. How much do you know about SMS? The following is a collection of short messages of humorous jokes for men and women that I have carefully arranged. Welcome to share.

Text message 1 1, Xiao Qiang turns on the radio. A gentle voice came out: "If the skin color is pink and the fluff on the face is soft, it means that it is very healthy ..." When I heard this, I couldn't help touching my face, looking in the mirror and laughing again. At this time, I heard the announcer say, "This time our lecture on raising cattle is over."

The defendant promised that if you could only put me in prison for half a year, I would get 5000 yuan. Later, the defendant got his wish, and the lawyer said while collecting money, this is really tricky. The judge had hoped to be acquitted.

I miss you like a pumpkin, love you like a cucumber, smell your golden cantaloupe and kiss your cantaloupe. Hate you as a cucumber, eat you as a watermelon, call you a melon, and call you a fool.

4. When I am frustrated, I am not worried when you are by my side; When I am lonely, I am not lonely with you by my side; You are my biggest reliance, I wish you a happy May Day!

5. Son: "Mom, what is a honeymoon?" Mom: "It's just a man and a woman going on a wedding trip." Son: "Mom, have you ever taken a wedding trip with your father?" Mom: "Of course. We had a great time! " "Son:" Did you take me? "Mom:" I took you there. You were with your father when you went, and with your mother when you came. "

Male and female humorous jokes SMS 2 1. In recent days, my boyfriend rarely sends greetings and concerned information, saying that saving electricity and money is a low-carbon life, and my girlfriend is very unhappy. One day, my boyfriend wanted to kiss, but my girlfriend pushed her away and said, in order to reduce carbon dioxide emissions, this is still free!

2. My heart is so tired. Are your legs tired? Woman: What's it to you? M: I feel that you are always walking around in my heart recently. Woman: Your heart hasn't hurt, has it? I went back to wear high heels.

Before getting married, he said to me gently: marry me, you are a very important part of my life. After marriage, I asked him: What part of his life am I? He looked at me and pointed to his six fingers.

4. "What do you think of me?" A man confidently asked his new girlfriend. "I think you are like a cigarette you smoke." "oh? Do you want to say that you are as chic as smoking? " The man asked happily. "No, it's like smoking."

5, the three-character classic of love, love is nothing more than three words. "How are you" is the prelude, "I love you" is the beginning, "Love me" is the process, "I hate you" is the variation, "Marriage" is the upgrade, and "Forget it" is the end.

6, considerate boyfriend: boys take their girlfriends for a walk and pass by restaurants. The girlfriend exclaimed, "It smells good!" The cash-strapped boy said very gentlemanly, "If you like, we can walk in front of the restaurant again."

7. Q: Young man, do you love the bride? A: Love! Q: How can you tell? A: I bought her a new house and asked, Girl, do you love the groom? A: Love and Q: How to prove it? A: The new house he bought is spacious and bright, and we will be very happy after marriage. Q: Will you love him like this forever after that? A: If the house price appreciates in the future, I will love him more!

8. One day I took my girlfriend to the mall. My girlfriend took a fancy to a lipstick, but I think it's too expensive. I said, "You look better without lipstick. This is called natural beauty. " My girlfriend was very dissatisfied and said, "It's a good thing I didn't ask you to buy clothes, otherwise you would definitely say that I look better without clothes. This is called beauty."

9. Mike: "Mary didn't want to marry me, and later I told her that I had a rich uncle." Jason: "Then she must have agreed to your proposal!" " Mike: "No, she is my aunt now." "

10, I sing a song, which contains loneliness. About your loneliness, I know the plot, romantic Valentine's Day, sweet and sweet. Can you hold hands with me until I grow old?

In view of the rising divorce rate in China in recent years, the Ministry of Civil Affairs recently issued a new regulation: marriage, as a special job, should also be given pre-job training. Anyone who wants to get married must go to the marriage training center for training, including testing whether they are ready and learning how to get along with each other. Only after passing the exam can you get a license to get married, otherwise it will not be handled.

2. Lazy sheep was shopping in the street and found the wolf chasing him, so he ran away. After being exhausted, he stopped and said helplessly, "Mr. Grey Wolf, please eat me. I will never run again, because I am exhausted. " I only heard Big Wolf say, "To build a harmonious society, wolves and sheep are never right, not chasing you but going to the World Expo."

3, rich, the house has a home; With money, marriage is lost with love; With money, Rolex has time but no time; With money, everything is there, and troubles are coming. So, give me your money and let me help you share it!

4. Mei Mei applied for this job, and the company offered an annual salary of100000. Mei Mei hesitated, and the general manager added:100000 yuan refers to after tax. Mei Mei agreed at once, saying that after signing the contract immediately,100000 plus sleeping, how can the welfare be so good?

5. Give me sunshine, and I will be brilliant; Give me the moon, and I will be romantic; Give me the land, and I'll plant some Chinese cabbage for everyone to steal!

6. I have your blessing when I am happy, your comfort when I am frustrated, your happiness when I meet you, and my life is satisfied with you. In the new year, let's wish each other a happy new year! Happy forever! New beginning, new hope, new day, new sunshine.

7. The old couple watched TV and suddenly broadcast the beauty contest live. When the old man saw it, he blushed and turned into the house. The old lady smiled: the old man is quite feudal. After a while, the old man came back, sitting straight with a pair of reading glasses on his face.

8. A woman is on a business trip and will go home in a few days. She asked the man, did you miss me when I was away? The man said, yes, I miss you every time I eat. Women are secretly happy. The man went on to say: but I don't want to now, I have ordered takeout!

9. The ancient thief, carrying an axe, shouted: I opened this mountain and planted this tree. I want to pass by here and sell the road. This is illegal. It is legal for modern road builders to collect tolls when building toll stations. This is the progress of civilization.

10, M: I is your husband's best comrade-in-arms. I want to get a souvenir from him, ok? Woman: Yes! I am his legacy!

Today, my wife asked me how I remember her after so many years. I lit a cigarette silently and told her that when I was in kindergarten, the teacher said that 5 yuan was punished for wetting the bed once, 6 yuan twice and 7 yuan three times. At this time, you suddenly stood up and asked the teacher how much is it a month? You have left an indelible impression on my heart since then.

2. Aunt Li said: When dancing in the square dance, although sometimes it's just a fling, although many of them are just confused about love, it doesn't matter. Where can there be so many lives?

3, you are: wearing a hat without a brim, pretending to be a chef; Standing on the room to pee, pretending to keep watch; Riding a car and farting, pretending to vent your anger slowly!

The water in Dongting Lake is green, and our relationship has just begun. You are my heart, you are my liver and you are three quarters of my life. Your eyes are like two stars on the horizon: a big one and a small one; Just like the moon on 16: more white and less black.

5. Go to the store to buy something to settle accounts 100 1 yuan. I said to my boss, "Forget a dollar." The boss agreed. So I put down a dollar and left. My boss chased me for five blocks and asked me to pay 1000. Alas, in this society, there is no commitment between people, which is really chilling.

6. In Shanghai, if we love each other, take her to the Bund when the lights are dim, watch beautiful cruise ships cruising along the river and hug you in the whistle. After standing for 3 minutes, someone will speak Anhui dialect in northeast Henan and say, Sorry, big brother, I'm taking pictures here.

7. In Shanghai, I will redouble my efforts to give you a home you want, warm and open the door to see the sea. Live a happy life. Well, the house that can see the sea in Shanghai is Jinshan, where the house price is the cheapest. Come on!

8. My friend said that you and I are a flower stuck in cow dung. I told my friend that you and your girlfriend are actually the same, except that you are a cow dung and fell on flowers.

9, one center on the Internet, two basic points: the personal situation centered on bubble MM, basically shameless, basically untrue. This policy is most fully implemented among men.

10, at the party, the young man stared at the plane pendant around the girl's neck. The girl was embarrassed and asked, is my plane nice? A: That airport is more beautiful!

1 1, "Why are they running?" "The person who runs in front will be rewarded." "Oh, that's what it is. Why are the people left behind still running? " ... a game.

12, Xiaoxue asked her father, "Dad, do you have any books that compare KB?" "Yes, of course." Dad said, "I read your dad's books for more than 20 years and still think it's KB." "ah? Really? What book will have the feeling of KB after reading for more than 20 years? " "Marriage certificate."

13, Aunt Wang said, have you seen the red fan in my hand? When the fan is shaken well enough, you can hear the sound of time, like the wind, which is very nice. Unexpectedly, the first time I heard the wind, my youth passed away. Aunt Wu said: Do you know the difference between square dance and Tai Ji Chuan? Square dance, the warmer you dance, the colder Tai Chi will be.

14. Read with me. If you read it correctly, there will be a grand prize: I hope I can forget it, and I will forget it in the future. Wow, you scream really well. I will give you a bone!

15. In Shanghai, if we are in love, we will go to Taopu Road to have a midnight snack at two o'clock in the morning, drink a bloody cup of glutinous rice milk tea and kiss regardless of the fishy smell of saury. Well, after the kiss, you may lick out two leek teeth that were not sold out last night!

16, I woke up easily this morning in spring. There were mosquito bites and dichlorvos everywhere, and I don't know how many people died. You really hanged yourself naked … shameless!

17, beautiful street the next day. Yes, you can see the same clothes on Qipu Road on the third day, 100 yuan for 3 pieces.

18, I will chase you to the end of the world. No matter where you go, I will stay with you until you die. Only one thing, I am afraid of you damn fool!

19, there are many ugly girls on the internet, and there are many flowers. Occasionally, there are several pairs of wild mandarin ducks, which are also pheasants with perverts! Qianshan is always in love and invites me to dinner. Since there is truth in the world, you weren't there when I invited you.

Twenty or twenty years ago, dad held you waiting for the bus, and everyone laughed at the ugly child. Dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

2 1. In the mourning hall at midnight, the photo of the deceased suddenly moved. The child said to the adult in fear, "Look … that photo … seems to be moving." Adults said, "make a fuss, that's gif."

22. An old farmer is hoeing in the field. A crow flew by and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Fuck you! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Shit! You shit and wear underpants! "

23. Life without you is not wonderful! It's not fun without you! Without your desk, it is not sweet! Honey, why don't you come back? It is easier to love someone than to raise someone.

24, the woman is ugly, can't marry, and hopes to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

25. Walking on the road, I met a beautiful woman coming face to face. Suddenly, her foot slipped and she was about to fall on me. Fortunately, Lao Tzu is smart, with a gorgeous turn, and the mud on the beauty's face, I was scared when I thought about it, and I was going to hit the ground and get hurt. How to find someone ...

26. In Shanghai, if we are in love, we will go to the Peninsula Hotel for afternoon tea on a lazy afternoon on weekends, watching people come and go outside the window, handsome foreign waiters praise you for your beauty, and you look down at me shyly, and I look at you, just like a pantomime carved by time. A month's salary is enough to buy a cup of earl grey, which is worse than urine.

27. Girlfriend: "Hey, there's really nothing I can do about you men. Let me tell you something. One ear goes in and the other ear comes out. " Boyfriend: "I can't do anything about you women." Let me tell you something. I go in through my ears and come out through my mouth. "

28. Now, the pursuit of party member cadres: there is a cook at home, a nice one in the office, a cheap one around, and a vacancy in the distance.

29. Similarity between a wife and a computer: No one understands their operating rules except the supplier. The communication language between computers is completely beyond our comprehension.

30. A lady met a red light while driving. The traffic on the side watched her turn from red to green, from green to red … or stopped in the middle of the road, motionless. So the traffic police went over and asked the young lady, "Miss, is there no color you like?"

3 1, Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in the past life, all I got was the passing of this life. If so, I am willing to exchange 10 thousand encounters with you, and I can tell you that I really want to love you.

32. "I am very attentive to the education of my children. Whenever my wife and I quarrel, I always let the children go for a walk. " "No wonder you fold your child's body."

33. Take you to Binjiang Avenue, where there are many tall buildings in Lujiazui. Everyone in the street is very busy, just you and me. I hold your hand in the endless crowd, like a balloon that will never fly away.

34. I heard a squeak in the middle of the night. When I turned on the light, a mouse squatted in the corner and secretly ate. I got angry and got into a fight: "Let you eat alone in the middle of the night, let you eat alone."

A thief came to a house and found nothing. He was about to leave. The shopkeeper said, "Please close the door." The thief said disdainfully, "Your house doesn't need to be closed at all."

36. In Shanghai, if you are in love, drive you to Shengsi to eat seafood during the National Day holiday. After eating seafood, we will walk hand in hand at the seaside, as if isolated from the world. This moment belongs only to you and me. At 0 o'clock on the first day of the long holiday, Shanghainese who love to take advantage will block the toll station of the expressway. In Shengsi, it's almost next spring.

37. Dress in cloth, be a vegetarian, find a wife, do housework at home and go shopping with you!

38. Break the wife's life tenure system and implement the aunt shareholding system. Introduce the miss competition system and promote the lover contract system. Love is the source of happiness and the maker of pain, and the sequela of pain is often longer than the former.

39. Take you to the viaduct at night 10. The white lights on both sides of the north-south viaduct will set off your face well. I quietly hold your hand, the car is moving forward, and time is in the future. I want to stay at this moment. At night 10, the north-south elevated road is blocked like a constipated large intestine. Relax.

I miss my wife very much. Can you find her? I like being silently watched by you, silently watching you, and I long to be deeply loved by you.

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