I have to be happy and funny phrases. I will be there in 5 minutes. If not, please read this message again...

1. I will be there in 5 minutes. If not, please read this message again...

2. "Mom, I am 13 years old and I need to wear a bra." "No." "I want to use sanitary napkins." "No way." "Didn't my sister start using sanitary napkins when she was 13?" "Shut up, son!"

3. A very old man Farmers believe that there are gods in the world. He went to the temple every day and prayed: Dear gods, I have spent most of my life in poverty, please let me win the lottery once. Finally one day the god appeared and said angrily: I beg you, go buy a lottery ticket first.

4. The husband and wife neither live together nor divorce. This common phenomenon is called: if one does not do it, the other will not stop!

5. The English teacher asked the students to translate the KFC slogan: Wedochickenright! (an expert in cooking birds). The answers were varied: ①We are right about chickens. ②We do it right and wrongly. ③We make another bird on the right. ④The one we made is on the right. ⑤We do the right side of the bird again. ⑥We make another bird on the right. ⑦The one on the right is a bird. ⑧We are doing it again, right? ⑨Shall we make chicken? ⑩Yes! Let's do another bird!

6. Me: Wife, do you know that you are my magic horse! Wife: What am I to you? Me: You are my formula! Wife: Why? Me: Then I can deduce it for you! Strong Wife: What a God! I am not your formula! Your sister’s formula! The formulas have all been derived by others! It has been deduced by countless people and you are still making the right prediction! Me: Wife, I was wrong...

7. My sister, who is in the third grade of junior high school, changed her QQ signature after the parent-teacher meeting: the nature of the parent-teacher meeting and that of the third grader are the same, aiming to destroy family harmony.

8. Man: What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: Resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Female: Resistance. Male: If I... Female: It’s endless! After all, a woman's strength is limited!

9. The last thing you want to happen when grilling meat: 1. The meat pretends to be cooked; 2. The charcoal is cold; 3. The gecko becomes autistic; 4. The barbecue grill splits; 5. The fire is gone. 6. The meat and the shelf form a clique; 7. The sausage meat plays gangster tricks with you; 8. The black wheel blows out; 9. The onions pretend to be garlic with you; 10. The corn is hard with you!

10. I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years! We got on the double-decker bus in the dark, and there was a beautiful woman sitting next to us who was not interested in looking at her! The conductor came over to sell tickets. I thought it was an air-conditioned car so I handed over two yuan. The conductor took one look at the two of us and gave me two one-dollar tickets. I was stunned for a moment and was too lazy to explain. I continued to lean my head against the window and reminisce about my four years. The emotion made me burst into tears without realizing it! The beauty suddenly spoke: It’s just one dollar, what about it?

11. An alcoholic’s work summary: existing problems: drinking well; analysis of reasons: drinking well; experience: drinking well; corrective measures: drinking well; direction of efforts: drinking good wine.

12. Lao Li: How much salary did you receive this month? Lao Wang: 8 million after tax. I heard you got a lot of bonuses this month? Lao Li: It's a lot, just 2 million. I lost all my mahjong last night. At this time, Lao Wang's cell phone suddenly rang. Within 5 seconds of answering the call, he put his mouth to Lao Li's ear in panic and said: Carrefour, cabbage is on sale, 50,000 yuan per catty! Hurry, don't make any noise!

13. I recently found a good way to vent my stress, which is to go to the toilet. After going to the toilet, I said to the toilet with a ferocious face: "You eat shit, please!" and then flushed the toilet!

14. I just passed by a square and heard a man and woman singing an affectionate duet: Search and search for friends, find a girlfriend, kiss and hold hands, and have a baby tonight... I have never wanted to I know there is this version...

15. The boss slaps an employee, and employees from different countries have different reactions. Japanese employee: First point: Hi! American employee: Called his lawyer immediately. British employees: Call the police with a smile. Russian employee: Just give the Japanese boss a slap in the face. Chinese employees: Rant online.

16. It suddenly rained heavily in the middle of the night yesterday, with lightning and thunder, and there was a lot of movement! When my three-and-a-half-year-old son woke up from his sweet dream, I thought he would be scared. Unexpectedly, he sighed, slowly got up, looked calmly at the heavy rain outside the window, accompanied by the rumbling thunder, and under the light of lightning, suddenly struck a cool pose and shouted: "Armor Warrior Transformation" !”

17. Confession on February 14th! Confession on March 14th! Confess your love on April 1st! Nima, I will confess my love on May 20th! Are you an aunt who confesses your love?

18. After taking the bus to the stop today, a man suddenly blocked the door and said that his mobile phone was missing and refused to let anyone get off the bus. Everyone was in an uproar. At this time, someone said to call the man's cell phone and see whoever rings it is the thief. A girl took the initiative to lend her mobile phone to the man who lost her phone to dial a number. Suddenly, a man who approached the car door squeezed out of the car and ran away. The man who lost her mobile phone did not return the girl's phone and chased after her. In the blink of an eye, she disappeared, so the girl's phone was really lost. ...

19. The company worked overtime until midnight, and everyone's eyelids were fighting. One girl lamented: I really want to become a "cause" now. When everyone asked why, the girl said that it was just a person lying on a big bed with all four limbs spread out. www.eduche.com As soon as I finished speaking, a male colleague next to me muttered: sleepy.

20: A studious boy asks a knowledgeable female professor for advice! The boy said: "Excuse me, what does 'Appearance but no desire, greatness leads to strength'?" The female professor replied with full knowledge: "The first half of the sentence means that no matter how good a girl's appearance is, it cannot arouse our desire..." " Before the female professor finished speaking, the boy blushed and said, "Thank you, professor, I understand the second part of the sentence."

This article was compiled and published by "Yulu Article Network" www.eduche.com