What are the football jokes?

Summarized several interesting jokes in football. Just looking. Don't take the joke of Torres talking to his daughter too seriously. Many years later, Torres held his daughter in his arms and said to him: There was once a Spanish player who scored only a few goals in the club, but he couldn't even get into the national team. He didn't play until the last minute of the final, but he scored a goal. However, he finally lifted the big ear cup and the Roudny Cup at the same time! Hit the man who laughed at him and gave him a hard slap! The daughter said: Who has such good luck? Torres replied: ... it's your uncle Mata! Torres also said to his daughter: Once upon a time, there was a player who left Iberia to travel to the Premier League, put on a red jersey and wandered in the middle of the river, and never got anything. But at the lowest valley, he still won the championship with the matador on the bench, breaking all doubts and unifying soy sauce with greatness perfectly. Daughter: Dad is really great. Torres: Shut up! This is your uncle Reina! ! There are many jokes about Torres' conversation with his daughter, so I won't list them one by one. The origin of the nicknames of the four great talents in North London is Van Persie (Fan Ambition). The nickname came from Van Persie's departure from Arsenal. He said that his ambition to win the championship was not because of money, so the fans gave him the nickname Fan Ambition. The second place is Fabregas (loyalty method and inversion method). The reason for being loyal to the law is that Xiaofa is extremely loyal to Professor Wenger and is called "loyal to the liver and righteous courage". Later, in order to join Barcelona, Fabregas did not hesitate to post his own transfer fee, which was called "inverted law" by fans. Third place Nasri (selfish), Nasri performed well after Cesar Fabregas left Arsenal and became the core of the team's midfield. Later, Nasri left Arsenal to join Manchester City because of the pursuit of high salary, which caused dissatisfaction among fans, so he called Nasri "selfish". Alexander Song (), the fourth man who performed well in Arsenal that year, left the Gunners to join Barcelona in order to get higher honor, so people nicknamed him "Song Gongming". Pique's nickname: Barcelona's central defender Pique has many nicknames, such as "PiToutiao": Before a national derby, Pique said that he could watch all the fake moves and fake attempts of Cristiano Ronaldo, but on the court, Pique was always cheated by Cristiano Ronaldo to finish the shot, so fans called it "PiToutiao". Pickenbauer: Pique played world-class central defenders in Barcelona and salted duck national team. With his young fame and super talent, he is regarded as Beckham's successor, so he is called "Pickenbauer". Piqixi: Barcelona suffered a 7-0 upset from Bayern in the Champions League. Pique is nicknamed Pichisi because he is the defense leader of Barcelona. Picilla: Pique's wife is Shachira, and then ... Andy Lau of Drogba originated in World of Warcraft in Africa. As we all know, Andy Lau has another nickname in Africa. Because Drogba always keeps his hair shiny and smooth in every game, he is nicknamed "slippery", and I am very influential in C? te d 'Ivoire and as famous as Andy Lau. The paragraph predicted by the national football 12 top match gods: although the first game was defeated, the second game was regrettable at home, the third game fell short, the fourth life-and-death battle, the fifth theoretical qualifying, the sixth regret, the seventh battle of honor, the eighth overall situation, and the ninth subsequent training. I saw hope in the tenth game ... National football investment theory: take out 1.990 yuan, and the national football team loses money in every game, and now it is about 4.59 million yuan. Stock, bank financing? Come on, what is more stable than the national football team? ! Not every kind of milk is called Telunsu, and not every team is called Teneng to lose. China football team, which lost its career for 30 years, has been imitated and never surpassed. We don't score goals, we are just football porters. National football financing! Worth having! The story of the national football team saving people: don't spray the national football team. The national football team is the savior of one of my buddies. Last year, he had a car accident and became a vegetable. He has been lying in hospital, but he didn't wake up. The doctor said it was hopeless. . . It was not until the nurse turned on the TV one day last month, which happened to be the national football match, that he got up and turned off the TV. ............. 1, Yao Mingchu debuted and went to watch a friend's game. The home team is behind, but the players have no fighting spirit and are unwilling to play. Yao Ming can't stand the sight in the stands. He threw his fist at the stadium and shouted: Only five points behind, and 10 minutes. How can he give up so soon? ! Yesterday, we chased eight points in five minutes and came back! Come on! "Get out of here! ! "Fan Zhiyi roared on the court.

2. Torres said to his daughter, "Once upon a time, a player left Iberia to travel to the Premier League, put on a red jersey and wandered in the middle of the river. After that, he got nothing. But at the lowest valley, I still won the championship with the matador on the bench, breaking all doubts and unifying soy sauce and greatness. " Daughter: "Dad is really great." Torres: "Shut up! This is your uncle Reina! ! "

3. Shandong Luneng Taishan player Yang Xu lost to Jiangsu Shuntian with 1:2 in a match.

After the game, he said: "Jiangsu's center and defender are all sent away with foreign aid, which is not conducive to the long-term development of China football."

People send nicknames-Yang Changyuan.

4. Ba Shen, formerly known as Balotelli, is a wonderful flower in the world football, and people call it the incarnation of angels and idiots. When he first arrived in England, Ba Shen was driving a luxury car at the speed limit. He was stopped by the traffic police and found a lot of cash in the car. The traffic police asked, "Why did you put so much cash in the car?" Ba Shen thought for a moment and said in broken English, "Because I can."

5. The main players of a team are: Guan Yu, the third prince, Taijun, five brothers, mobile phone, Juan, Vader, Prophet, Facial Paralysis, Kuma, Kova, Braid Shuai, Second Brother, Football King, Bofei, Boshen ... Then the current chairman, Monkey Brother, and the former chairman, Dad. The two most successful coaches are wizards and magic birds. Nicknames are part of football culture, just like the one above. If you are not familiar with them, you will not know what I am talking about.

Busquets: It's raining. Nonsense, what happened? Busquets: Why should I lie to you? Macy: Oh, oh, really.

7, 1. Torres said that he would win the title of top scorer in the Premier League again. Diaby said he would come back. Van Persie said he was only loyal to red. 4. Ozil said that he would definitely break the door with the next single knife. Valdes said that the food he hates most is butter. Adriano said I had given up drinking. It's too cold above, come to a town building. Guoan is the champion.

8. Kaka: "I belong to God. Van Persie: If anyone is loyal to Arsenal, it must be me. I will never leave Arsenal. Mourinho: The best team lost the game. " "My team is always ten to eleven. Ferguson: "I don't sell any viruses to Real Madrid." "If you want to buy C Ronaldo, cross my body first. Bayern: We will never dig the corner of our competitors. Zhu Jun: "Shenhua either doesn't do it or does it. 」

9.28-year-old Totti said to Derossi of 2 1: Derossi, when I retire, Rome will be yours. When Totti was 32: Derossi, when I retire, Rome will be yours. Totti is 37 years old: Derossi, when I retire, Rome will be yours. At Totti's 50th birthday party, Derossi: Captain, I'm leaving first. I don't want Rome!

10, Husky: Coach, I have an idea that can improve the strength of the team. ...

McAllister: The transfer application must be written in the format, otherwise it will not be approved.

1 1. Some people don't know the odds of gambling. Here I'll give you a popular science lesson. For example, the odds of Arsenal winning the championship are 4.3. At the beginning of the season, you spent $65,438+0,000. When you bought Arsenal, the $65,438+0,000 was gone at the end of the season. Tell a joke about the Premier League. Who is the worst player in Premier League history? This question seems offensive, but there is actually a standard answer: Alibaba dia. In fact, in my opinion, it should be called "the most absurd player in the history of Premier League". "442" called him the worst player in the history of the Premier League, and "The Sun" even listed him as the top of the "top ten rubbish in football". Many people will wonder, how bad is this person's ball skills? Isn't it worse than the old man kicking shuttlecock downstairs? That's not true. This Ali-Dia is at least an amateur, and he is just so-so in the low-level league. The reason why he was laughed at by so many people is that he joined Southampton in the Premier League by making a fake, which is ridiculous. Ali-Dia is a Senegalese, but he lied that he was the World Footballer of the Year and the cousin of Liberian star george weah. He asked a classmate (a manager, but a player of his level is unlikely to have an agent) to pretend to be george weah, and called the major clubs to "brush his face and recommend" (pretending to be the future Liberian president with bridge, which is a big face), saying that Ali-Dia used to play in Paris. They cheated Bournemouth and Coventry at first, but they didn't succeed. When he arrived in Southampton, the boss Souness was obsessed with it and signed a short contract of 1 month. Soon after, he was sent as a substitute against Leeds United. This time, however, he was exposed and ran around the court for 52 minutes. Some people think that he even ran away and was replaced. In the next few months, he disappeared without a trace. Later, it was found that he joined the amateur team Gateshead and retired the following year to study business at Northumbria University in Newcastle. It seems that this is his ultimate goal. . . "442" joked that he lives in London now. If you find an old man wandering aimlessly in an old Southampton jersey at the weekend, please call Souness. It can be said that the leopard laughs very hard. Let me answer this question.

Jokes in football can't talk about the 2002 World Cup in Korea and Japan. Korea will enter the semi-finals. With super strength and unparalleled footwork skills, he conquered the Apennine Iron Drum Team and tied the Spanish matador. Finally standing on the top of Asia.

Throughout today's football, the biggest joke is that China can't find the best 1 1 person! Let's look at other sports (not to mention women's football, because women's football is too strong and unfair to men's football), which one is not only trampled by outsiders like men's football, but even makes our own people want to help outsiders make up for it! 1. crow mouth Bailey. Pele, the king of the ball, I am skeptical about this. First, I really haven't seen his game. Second, Diego Diego Maradona, also very powerful! Thirdly, the football skills and tactics at that time were much worse than those of diego maradona. I think I was able to be a goalkeeper only because of my goalkeeping skills. Bailey after retirement is really a crow mouth. He is optimistic about which team won the World Cup, which team did not appear in the group or was eliminated by the weak team. It's so amazing that all the strong teams are afraid of his mouth. 2. Protecting the ball, like Henry Li Yi, was quite brilliant when he was still playing football, and his physical quality was outstanding. He also won the league championship in Shenzhen at that time. Once again, in the interview of the game, his words were amazing. I had to protect the ball like Henry, which made countless people laugh. Li Yi's words later reached Henry's own ears. 20 17 also had an entertaining showdown, which also satisfied the wishes of most fans. Let's see who looks more like it. As a wonderful flower, Li Yi invented the word diaosi in Li Yi Post Bar. It is also awesome. When the first issue of "Galaxy Battleship" visited Beijing, the representative of China players was Miss World Footballer Sun Wen. Then Zidane asked Beckham next to him blankly, why did a woman come up? Isn't there a man playing football in China? Beckham shrugged and said, of course, there are men playing football in China, but when they play football, they are all like women who have been diehard fans for more than 20 years. They have many magical nicknames, such as Mei Laowu, Qi Xuanzong and Gao Fei ... Let's have a look. In the 20 18 season, Messi led the five major leagues in Europe with five statistics, ranking first in the number of goals, assists, key passes, free kicks and long-range shots outside the penalty area. That season, he scored 5/kloc-0 goals and contributed 2/kloc-0 assists. Although he is over 30 years old, he still surpasses himself in previous years. However, in the World Cup year, Messi could not produce excellent national team results. At the beginning of that year, Argentina was eliminated by France, and there was still no gain at the national team level. That year's Golden Globe Award, Messi unexpectedly failed to enter the top three, and finally only ranked fifth. People nicknamed him "Mei Laowu". However, this nickname is not to satirize Messi's incompetence, but the self-mockery of Messi fans to counter the unfair selection. When Zidane coached Real Madrid for the first time, Benzema was in a bad state, but he started every game, and Bell was pressed on the bench, which made people puzzled. Real Madrid, which he coached, did not have the demeanor and momentum of a giant. In the face of second-rate and third-rate teams at the bottom, they are inseparable, but they often kill their opponents, which is very hard. Champions League matches often come back to life, even winning three games in a row, breaking the curse that no team has defended its title since the restructuring. For the above three reasons, Zidane was nicknamed "Qi Xuanzong"! For domestic players, Gao Lin is a good striker, with excellent ball protection and excellent assists. However, his shooting ability is really flattering, and he often shoots some anti-aircraft guns, thus missing the opportunity. Therefore, his nickname is "High Plane". However, as Gao Lin grows old, we suddenly find that there are fewer "flying people" who miss opportunities in front of the door, but there are fewer "Gao Linman" who create opportunities. Let's play less jokes on Gao Lin and cherish his remaining football time. In the 20 15 Super League 1 1 round, in the match between Chongqing and Liaoning, Sui, the goalkeeper of Chongqing team, was standing beside the post drinking water when the other team won a free kick in the frontcourt, but was quickly promoted by Qin of Liaoning team, and Ding Haifeng pushed an empty goal. Sui Weijie didn't react in the whole process. This goal was reported by the media at that time and even went abroad, which shocked the world football. From then on, Sui was named "drinking brother". Afterwards, Sui was fined 50 thousand yuan by the club for this goal, which really lost his reputation and profit. In the 200 1 match between Shenzhen and South Korean Shui Yuan Samsung, the Shenzhen team played well, successfully won the match and won the AFC Champions Group qualifying right. In the game, Li Yi, as the starting striker, greatly restrained the opposing defender. Made great contributions to the team's promotion, in the routine interview after the game. Yi Lee excitedly said a well-known saying, "My ball control protection is like Henry". At that time, Henry had a nickname called Henry the Great, so people also gave the title of "the Great" to Li Yi. There are many villains in world football, among which Pepe is the most famous. He once looked up at the sky facing Messi who fell to the ground, predicted the position of Messi's hand as if nothing had happened, stepped on it and let Messi roll on the ground directly; He once kicked his opponent in the back with his long legs after he fell to the ground, as if to kick him to death, and was suspended 10. By March 2020, Pepe had got a total of 13 red cards. He is a villain who scares strikers on the court. There was a legend that "there is Pepe in the south and virtue in the north", and the "monk" is Pepe. When China fans first came into contact with Serie A, it was at the peak of Serie A and was known as the "Little World Cup". At that time, Juventus pursued 1-0 doctrine, and often got 3 points at the least cost. After every clue. Juventus players began to kick in the backcourt. Insist on not bottom go to, the commentator teased a group of old women who didn't want to attack. Coupled with the head coach Lippi's white hair, the title of "old woman" is more stable. In the Premier League match of 20 14/20 15 season, ashley young once appeared a magical scene, commanding Manchester United player Ashley? Yang was hit by a falling piece of bird droppings, which just fell into his mouth, and this scene was just taken by the camera. Since then, Ashley? Yang changed her name to Ashley? Item. Although Professor Yang had some bad luck in this game, this piece of bird droppings seems to have opened his second vein as governor. In the subsequent competition, Professor Yang became more and more fierce in Vietnam, which not only changed the fate of being washed, but also firmly suppressed Di Maria on the bench. This mouthful of bird droppings has also become a story! In fact, not only football, but also basketball has many interesting nicknames. Let's share three. Shao Wei is affectionately called the tortoise for two reasons: First, his physical quality is so excellent that he is abnormal. He has experienced at least three knee injuries, but every time he comes back from the injury, he is not only full of blood, but also more amazing. Every time he comes back, he has more firepower than before. This pervert's physical quality is very similar to those four in the sewer. Maybe Shao Wei really comes from the sewer. Second, he really looks like a Teenage Ninja Turtle, especially after wearing glasses. Du Fu, a migrant worker, is a mockery of Durant. He is a millionaire, but he always reveals the characteristics of migrant workers. No wonder people say Durant is really unique. 20 18, when I visited the team's new home-Datong center in Durant of Warriors. Durant, dressed as a contractor, perfectly supported the role of contractor. People who don't know him will probably regard him as a real contractor. Lu Biao, born in 1990, made a big splash in 2006. With the super quartet of semi-finals of the European Championship 19 points 10 rebounds 13 assists 1 steals and the super data of 5 1 points, 24 rebounds 12 assists and 7 steals, however, when he came to the NBA, he did not fully adapt. He shot 1 in many games, scored only single digits, and was ridiculed as "Lu". Old Jin Nan, who is over 30 years old, is still contributing his last strength to the country and deserves respect. No matter football or basketball, there are many interesting nicknames, which represent our youth. Whenever I see these nicknames, I can't help asking, "Where is our youth?" ! Some jokes about national football, jokes about world football, Arsenal monopolize eight fights, and China occupies the other two fights.

One day, Brazilian fans, Japanese fans and China fans met God. God said he could ask him a question and he would give them an answer.

Brazilian fans asked, "Oh, my God, when will Brazil win the World Cup?" God replied, "10 year." Fans said: "Thank God, I can see it in my life."

Japanese fans asked, "Oh, my God, when will Japan win the World Cup?" God replied, "50 years." Fans said: "Thank God, I should be able to see it in my life."

China fans asked, "God, God, when will China win the World Cup?" God pondered for a long time and said, "I'm afraid I'll never see you again." Japan learns football from Brazil and asks Brazil to coach it. As a result, Japan successfully entered the World Cup finals. China learned from Italy in football and invited Italian coach Lippi. As a result, China successfully pulled Italy out of the World Cup (20 18 World Cup, Italy didn't reach the final)-Q: Why does Mongolia still keep its navy? A: Hey, doesn't China still have the men's national team? -China only needs five steps to enter the World Cup: step 65438 +0. Through operation, FIFA will allocate a quota to Antarctica; Step two. China men's football team was assigned to the Antarctic Division; Step three. China men's soccer team and penguins compete for the right to qualify; Step 4: lure penguins away from home; Step five. The home game will be arranged in Sanya, and the penguins will die of heat and go out directly. According to the current reality, the only difficulty of this five-step plan is 4. Only China and Brazil can print five stars on their jerseys. -China is very good at two goals, one is table tennis, the other is football, one can't beat anyone, and neither can beat anyone. ————