2017 weekend humorous jokes

Humor can help you solve interpersonal problems and coordinate the relationship between people of the same age or those who are older than you. Below I have collected some 2017 weekend humorous jokes for you, come and take a look with me.

2017 Weekend Humorous Jokes Selection

1) "A friend of mine was circumcised. One day, the thread got swollen for some reason. There was blood all over his penis. I don't know where it came from. He took a basin and filled it with water. I said, "What are you doing?" He put the little penis in the water and said, "Come and help me see where it is bubbling." "Nima repair the fetus..."

2) Question: We are both female, why is it so easy to coax my girlfriend but my mother-in-law is so difficult to coax? Answer: Because my mother-in-law has already been fooled once... /p>

3) The photographer asked Xiaodai how many seconds he needed to prepare. Xiaodai obviously stretched out three fingers, but why did the photographer press the shutter button immediately? Because Xiaodai stretched out his middle finger, ring finger and little finger. , that also means OK!

4) After Beijingers have been breathing for days and nights, the air quality in Beijing has finally improved. The new Beijing spirit was born from this: "Through virtue, you must be strong, don't suck in the fog, work hard in the fog, and create gray again!" Facts have once again proved: sucking the fog is expensive!...

5 ) Marriage notice: If you don’t like makeup, save money on makeup. If you don’t like cheating, save money on shopping. If you don’t like snacks, save money on snacks. If you don’t like riding in a car, save money on buying a car. In addition, if you like to save money, That's the best.

6) The girl is twenty-eight years old and has a difficult life and lacks money. She went online today to seek marriage, hoping to find a rich man. Age is not a distance, height is not a gap, and I don’t care about being fat. As long as If you have money, I can be with you. If you don't have money, don't contact me.

7) When I was a child, I thought I could save the whole world when I grew up. When I grew up, I realized that the whole world could not save me... The pain of happiness exists in every corner around me. It hurts to pay utility bills, buy daily necessities, and send text messages. The joy of making money hurts, rolling back and forth in my blood. My head hurts when I work overtime. My body aches due to busy business, it would be great if my salary could be increased!

9) Making money is like a sporadic drizzle, but spending money is like a feather and a heavy snow. There are so many things in front of you, but your pockets are empty. He gritted his teeth, stamped his feet, clutched his wallet and ran away. I wish my friends success in their careers, abundant financial resources, countless money, and my hands cramping from counting the money.

10) Accumulate after accumulating, if you don’t know, you don’t know; the test is exciting enough, but you don’t know the questions; you don’t know when you go to class, and you make a lot of mistakes; you learn the same knowledge by yourself, but even if you ignore it, you will accumulate; Chinese people have a Chinese soul. If I want to learn English, it is impossible. If I am not qualified in English, it shows my character. If I am not qualified in mathematics, the teacher is fully responsible. If I am not qualified in Chinese, there is nothing I can do. If I do well in the exam, It’s all about isolation; I can’t do well in exams and I don’t know how to do anything in isolation; I’m even more worried when I go back to school every day, and the teacher’s lectures make no sense; I feel like I’m sleepwalking, and I’m criticized again and again for no reason; I have so much homework that I feel like I’m taking revenge. Doing things in the wild is like fishing for money; returning to school is a left-behind, and is being criticized every day; all homework is copied, and one department is not handed in; returning to school waits for the end of school, and drinks Coca-Cola after school; everyone flies away after clocking, just like this day after day.

11) I really want to be a boss, and there is no shortage of money in my hands; my salary is paid daily and monthly, and I can change the method if I want; my wife snatches most of the salary before I can cover it; after paying the water, electricity and house mortgage, The balance is only a handful; so tighten your belt and see you next month’s salary!

12) I don’t intend to be different, but how can I have outstanding taste?

13) Kong Linghui has worked hard to take care of his family for more than ten years.

14) It’s hard to make money during working hours. Who knows that the money in the bag is not enough to make ends meet every month. Break it into two petals, and it will still be tight at the end of the month. He quickly asked the God of Wealth to offer incense, candles, melons and fruits at home. I wish my friends to be protected by the God of Wealth all year round, to spend money without worrying about making money, and to make money without having to worry about having nowhere to spend it!

15) Female: I don’t have feelings for you. Me: OK, you can go. Woman: How did you speak? Me: I like direct people. If you tell me directly how you feel, then I will also tell you directly how I feel. Woman: You are so stingy. Me: This is called a frank exchange of views between the host and the guest.

16) When asked what love is in the world, the sage replied: "Trash!"

17) What is really scary is not playing the harp to a cow, but a group of cows playing the harp to you.

18) I have been thinking about you recently, so I have to work hard to wish you the best. I wish you to be charming, work hard, be courageous in doing things, and make a lot of money and profits. I wish you a beautiful love and a smooth life. Work hard towards happiness, and wish you always be in a bright mood!

19) Cold on Monday, braised on Tuesday, steamed on Wednesday, fried on Thursday, stir-fried on Friday, with happy seasonings and leisurely wine , I will make a blessing meal for you on this weekend. May you enjoy it happily.

20) Life should be lived no matter what. Don’t be too cold in winter, don’t be too hot in summer. Don’t pretend to be poor if you have money. Don’t show off if you don’t have money. Instead of frowning, it’s better to have fun secretly. Friends are always remembered, and life will be full of joy!

21) Why did Guan Yu die earlier than Zhang Fei? Answer: Beauty is destined to die...

22) A mouse fell in love with a cat, Sings: I love you, love you, just like a mouse loves rice, no matter how many winds and rains, I will still be with you. Cat: Don’t be pretentious, my mother said, falling in love without the purpose of getting married is just a hooligan!

23) Your lover should choose someone who is as gentle as water and sweet as honey, and your colleague should choose someone who works hard. If you have a bad temper, your friends should choose those with pig heads and dog brains and runny noses. So, my dear, wipe your nose quickly during the Chinese New Year and celebrate the Chinese New Year cleanly!

24) Napoleon: In my dictionary, look for There are less than three words "missed".

25) Eat watermelon to cool down and refresh your body, cucumber to beautify your skin, winter melon to cleanse your intestines and diuretic, and the sweetest cantaloupe. You are the same family as them, why are you hiding underground? It turns out you are a sweet potato.

2017 Weekend Humorous Jokes Collection

1) In order to spend money, you fall in love with making money. Because making money is hard, you dare not spend money. My friend, I know your difficulties, and I would like to wish you a prosperous business, a successful career, and good luck!

2) My marriage proposal does not require any conditions, only a date time: not on a single day, not on double days. ; It doesn’t work on sunny days, it doesn’t rain, it doesn’t work on cloudy days; it doesn’t work on working days, it doesn’t work on holidays; it doesn’t work on the first day of the lunar month, it doesn’t work on the 15th day of the lunar month; it doesn’t work in spring and autumn, it doesn’t work in winter and summer; when will we meet, haha, do you understand?

3) Xiao Ling thought: This is easy to handle, just open another hole and let the water flow out. So, he used scissors to make another hole in the sole of the boot. If the water in the rain boots accumulates more and more.

4) The child came to his mother crying, and the mother asked: What’s wrong, baby? Child: Dad accidentally hit his finger with a hammer. Mom: Then why are you crying? Child: Because I just laughed.

5) Cherish life--If God still lets you live, there must be His arrangements.

6) When I miss you, I don’t dare to call you, for fear of hearing your voice; the sad thing is, I always miss you, but I can’t always stop calling. So, I excitedly picked up my phone and dialed you, hello? Why isn’t it you? I’m dizzy! It turns out my phone is in arrears!

7) Once, when the bus was about to leave, a The woman with heavy makeup was chasing after me, Master, Master, don’t go, wait for me. Then the bus master suddenly said, I am in a hurry to reincarnate. The female demon quickly got out of the way, don’t miss my return home. What a good time! Then he drove away in a car!

8) Your way of speaking is called bullshit in rhetoric.

9) As long as the hoe dance is good, there is no corner that cannot be dug?

10) If someone pursues her, there is no woman in the world who will not be in high spirits. That's why women are so fascinating.

11) One day, I told you that you were a pig, and you said: It’s weird that I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally one day you couldn’t help but declare loudly in front of everyone: I am not a pig!

12) I like rainy days, I like hearing the sound of rain hitting banana trees, I like watching roses swaying in the wind, and I like watching you even more. The charming gesture of gently stroking your long hair in the drizzle, it’s so small, it won’t kill you!

13) Do you think you look better in person or in photos? - Turn off the lights and you look better.

14) The frost is coming. May you be blessed with happiness and joy, and a better life beckon to you; may good luck and wealth be brought down, and a bright future be waving to you; may you be smooth and comfortable, and may success in your work shake hands with you. . When frost comes, in addition to blessings, there are also reminders to pay attention to your health and keep warm.

15) Good people are set off by bad people like us.

16) The so-called holiday means that your family is being criticized, you have no money to go out, and you are very free every day.

17) You keep farting loudly in the office, and your colleagues can’t help but ask you if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shaking and shaking, and asked you what you were doing. You replied that I had set it to vibrate!

18) It’s hard to make money when you’re busy, and it’s troublesome. , a spendthrift, worked hard for a whole month, and spent all his money in a few days. If not for good performance, he would have to eat old food. He has struggled for decades just to get a bride. I wish you all the best in your busy schedule. Your career is prosperous and your wallet is full.

19) It is difficult to own a house or a car. We are all ordinary people. Although we have no jobs and not enough money to make ends meet, we often sleep on the streets. We like to play online games, but our personalities are gentle enough and we never have enough lovers. We will sleep with girls whenever we see them. Don't let go for no reason, be with me, we will last forever.

20) It’s fun to make money, and it’s even more fun to spend money. Everything in the world is fun. It doesn’t matter if you have money for a lifetime, money can be with you for a lifetime. Money that stays with you for a lifetime is called waste paper. In the end, it just goes out of your pocket and into his pocket. I wish you have money today and have a good time, making money and spending it.

21) That day, I was about to go to the zoo to see the orangutans, and you came. I told you my arrangement politely, but unexpectedly you suddenly turned your back and shouted: "Didn't you see that I am right in front of you? You actually want to go to the zoo to see me."

Complete Collection of 2017 Weekend Humorous Jokes

1) Today Chang'e went on a date with Bajie, the swan also saw the toad, and the Weaver Girl also obeyed the Queen Mother's order and fell in love with someone else, and so do you Don't pick, don't wait, don't hope, just make do with what you have, just love me.

2) Three generations of grandfather and grandson went out fishing together. When the grandson saw his grandfather holding a fishing rod in a daze, he said to his father: Look at your dad standing there in a daze. He is so stupid! His father was very angry and said: You are talking nonsense. Your dad is stupid!

3) Once I was sitting in the middle seat on a bus, and an old lady came up halfway. I immediately stood up and offered my seat to the old man. The old man said with a smile on his face: "Thank you, please sit down. There are many empty seats behind me." When I turned around, all the seats behind me were empty. .

4) One day, I was taking a bus. When the bus started to move, a person under the bus ran after the bus and shouted: "Master, wait for me". The driver said, "Bajie." , we’ve arrived at the station ahead, I’ll wait for you there.”

5) What you make is paper and what you use is money. There will always be such bitterness in life! I advise my friends, don’t be pessimistic. There is more money but less money. Be optimistic. As long as you work hard, you will be the best. Blessings. My friend, I wish you a safe life and endless money, all around you!

6) My ex-boyfriend sent me a message asking me to attend his wedding. I calmly replied with three words: I will go next time.

7) Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face...

8) The most painful thing in the world is to be woken up by peeing while sleeping soundly.

9) On the way to the bus, many people crowded in from the back door. The door could not be closed, and no one put in money. The driver was really angry at the time and shouted, "If you don't put in money, you will pay." I'll get out, if I don't get down, I'll get out for you! Everyone burst into laughter at that time!

10) Money is like toilet paper, it looks like there is a lot of it, but as you use it, it will be gone.

11) Son: “Dad, what is capital and what is labor?” Father: “It’s like this: If I borrow a hundred yuan from my neighbor, I have capital. If I get the money back, he has to work for me."

12) The animal kingdom chose a military advisor, and the cobra was elected with an overwhelming advantage. The tiger comforted the fox and said: Don't be depressed, brother, everyone said. Your feet are always slippery, so you are not stable enough. People like Cobra wear a pair of glasses, and you look like a cultured person at first glance.

13) Making money is as quiet as a virgin, and spending money is as fast as a rabbit; making money is as slow as a mouse, and spending money is as fierce as a tiger; making money is hard work, and spending money is endless; making money is a waste of time and money. Money is a romantic man. In fact, if you think about it carefully, why make money if you don’t spend money, so I hope you can be happy with the money and happy with the flowers!

14) Because cow dung can make flowers more colorful! So flowers have always been inserted in cow dung On the shit!

15) Making money is like sailing against the current, tired and tired, spending money is like swimming down the river, refreshing and refreshing! When making money, the days are like years, it is more difficult, and when spending money, it is fleeting and fast. Like lightning. Friends, please make more money and spend your money wisely. I wish you lots of money.

16) My eyesight is very poor. For example, can you see the thumbtack on the wall over there? You can see it, but I can’t.

17) My ideal university life is to get up at eight o'clock in the morning, have half-day classes in the morning, go to the library in the afternoon, and play games, watch movies, and read books in the dormitory in the evening, and then go to school at noon Go to bed on time and call someone to say good night before going to bed. . . . But the facts prove it. . There is still a gap between ideal and reality. Like the distance between Mars and Earth. . . . .

18) The Chinese characters that are most likely to be mispronounced: 觎觎jìyú, 龃龉jǔyǔ, 囹圄língyǔ, 魍鉉wǎngliǎng, dandy wánkù, mandarin fish guìyú, 耄苋mà odié, gluttonous tāotiè, lingering chíchú, 倥偬kǒnɡzǒnɡ, 倥得 read kōngdòng,彳亍chìchù, flattering chǎnmèi, 佝偻gōul óu. Have you ever mispronounced these words?

19) How many people shout hard work. . . In fact, I was just lying on the bed thinking about it...

20) Looking at you, you are handsome and charming, loved by everyone, and flowers are blooming, you must be the best among scum. A beast among beasts! And according to observation, you must have lacked calcium since childhood and lacked love when you grew up. Your grandma will not love you and your uncle will not love you. The left cheek needs a slap, and the right cheek needs a kick. The donkey kicks when the donkey sees it, and the pig tramples on the pig when it sees it. Those who are born with the zodiac sign of Cucumber need to be patted! Those who are born with the zodiac sign of Walnut need to be beaten! Those who are born with the zodiac sign of Motorcycle need to be kicked! Those who are born with the zodiac sign of Screws need to be screwed!

21) If one day, you are in Don't feel sad when you meet your ex-lover and his new love on the street! Someone said: "Because our mothers have taught us since we were young to donate old toys to people who are less fortunate than ourselves..."

22) Today, the princess kissed the frog, and the frog turned into a prince. The prince knelt down on one knee and said to the princess: "Thank you for saving my beautiful and kind princess. I have one more wish." The princess blushed He said, "Just tell me, I will satisfy your request." So, the prince took out another frog from his pocket. . . Another one. . . Frog￣

23) Set up a shed to sell embroidery needles - the business is not big, but the shelf is not small.

24) If you have a lot of homework, you can play cards with paper papers: "I'm good at math", "I'm good at Chinese language", "I'm good at comprehensive science!" "I can't afford it", "I can't afford it", "I can't afford it" ""Three English, I ran away first"