Why do many parents love their children abnormally?

Maybe many people, like me, see the topic, and the first thing that comes to mind is their complaints about their parents when they were young.

Two things impressed me very much.

First, my mother takes me to the market to buy food, and always makes me stand at the market gate and wait for her.

I was born in the 1980s. When I was a child, the market was always crowded. My mother thinks that dragging me is in the way, and she can finish shopping faster by herself, so she often makes me stand and wait for her to finish shopping.

I especially don't like that feeling.

When I was a child, I had no concept of time and I was not familiar with the surrounding environment. As soon as my mother disappeared from sight, I entered a state of waiting, endless.

Wait and wait, I don't know how long it's been, and I don't know how long I have to wait.

I will change from boredom to anxiety, and then from anxiety to fear.

I'm worried every time. Will my mother not pick me up after so long? She may have forgotten where I am and can't find me. Did she go to something else and forget me? If she doesn't come to see me all the time, should I wait here until evening, should I go to the market to find my mother, or should I find my own way home?

I want to go, but I'm afraid my mother will come to me. I want to wait, but I'm afraid my mother will never come to me again.

The same thing happened to my family Mr. Chen. Every time he talked about going to the streets when he was a child, his parents asked him to wait somewhere alone, but the man in his thirties still sighed.

Second, in the early 1990s, when my parents started their own businesses, they often left me with relatives.

At that time, my father resigned from the technical post in the factory and opened a small factory himself. Because he invested all his property and borrowed a lot of money, his parents decided to "only succeed, not fail".

They are often busy until late at night and fall asleep when they get home, so it is difficult to take care of me.

So sometimes my relative A comes to pick me up from school, and sometimes I have lunch at my relative B's house.

My relatives are very kind to me, but after all, I am not their child. They will definitely treat me differently from their own children.

For example, two children are sitting in the back seat of a bicycle, and I will always be sitting in the back seat. Not only does my ass hurt, but I often worry that I will be excluded.

For example, there is a fun toy that two children play with. I will always be the one who is constantly reminded not to break it, even though I often can't touch it.

For example, both children have good grades, and I will always be the one who envies the other child because they will always be praised and rewarded. Although my grades may be better, no one praises me.

If you have read the bosom friend I answered before, you may know that I had a wonderful childhood, loved and cared for by my parents, so I kept thinking at that time, if only I could be as good as before.

However, after complaining, what should I say to my parents then?

"Please care more about me" or "Please care more about my feelings"?

That's not true.

Looking back now, in fact, parents have done very well within their ability.

My father was put up for adoption when he was a child, and his adoptive parents treated him badly. His life experience and childhood topics are taboo in my family. My mother was born in a poor family with eight brothers and sisters. As the second child, she didn't get much attention from her parents.

In this way, two people who didn't get much love have been trying to give me all their love.

I had a high fever when I was a baby. The doctor said the child was hopeless. My parents took me to the big hospitals in other cities for consultation and were unwilling to give up on me.

Later, my leg was dislocated and fixed with a heavy plaster. Some people even brought more than 30 kilograms of plaster. My parents still hold me in one hand to do housework, or hold me in the other to work overtime. I have never been impatient to cry because I am uncomfortable.

I was often sick and couldn't sleep well when I was young. My parents always hold me in their arms, ignoring the advice of my neighbor's aunt that "children can't hold more, and they will spoil bad children." My father even made me sleep on my stomach.

When I was a little older, my parents would save a few months' salary, entrust friends to bring picture books and toys from Hong Kong and Taiwan (at that time, materials were in short supply, and many things in China had to be exchanged by ticket), order children's pictorial for me, read books for me and play games with me, but they would do what they learned and felt good for me.

Relatives like to say in front of me that when you were a child, you were troubled and your parents didn't know how much you suffered. When you grow up, you should repay them. I especially don't like this kind of speech that puts pressure on me. Fortunately, parents always rush to answer, and there is nothing in return, as long as the child is fine.

Before I met Mr. Chen to discuss the details of the wedding, my father specifically told my mother that when I met my in-laws tomorrow, we couldn't ask for anything. We didn't sell our daughters, we just wanted them to have a good life. My mother will come back. You don't need to remind me.

After I have children, I don't want the old people on both sides to work hard and insist on taking care of the children themselves. Once Mr. Chen was on a business trip, I had something urgent to do, so I asked my parents to help me take care of the children for a while. That day, they bought a lot of vegetables and sent them to help me play with my children. It was not until I was busy that my dad grabbed his chest and said that he was actually ill, just afraid that I was busy and didn't dare to disturb me.

All these are their deep love and eager attention to me.

After having children, sometimes parents look at us and recall some scenes. They said, hey, we read to you like this when you were young, and we played games with you like this when you were young.

Words are full of happiness and satisfaction.

But sometimes they regret to say that we are not as patient with children as you are now. We don't have many good methods in education. When you are a little older, we are too busy to take care of you. ...

Words are full of guilt and self-blame.

I always answer with a smile, you are good enough, look at me now.

I often think that parents and children will be alienated after all. Even after many years, we all understand and let go, but at those moments, we will still blame each other and blame each other, because we were born in different times and grew up in different environments, and the desires and dreams we express are often only from our own perspective, and the pressures we experience and bear are not really empathetic to each other.

But we have always loved and been loved.

So everything is the best arrangement, even if the time goes back.

When I was in college, I sent a message "I love you" to my father on Father's Day. Later, I accidentally found that my dad left a message. He changed a lot of mobile phones, but the message has been wandering around in those mobile phones and has not been deleted. It has been more than ten years.

After that, I will tell them myself every year, I love you, I love you.

At this time, if I can go back to my childhood, to every moment when I feel happy and rich, and to every moment when I feel unfair to me, I will, and only will, say to my parents at that time:

I love you, I love you!