Help give me some super hilarious jokes, thank you!

Hahahaha, it’s a joke. I have a lot of trouble. LZ, give me more points. I will try my best. 1. A Chinese teacher from Shandong read aloud to the students

A song titled "Wo Chun" Students are required to dictate Lu You's ancient poems. (Please read from left to right, haha!!!)

The Chinese teacher read as follows and a student dictated as follows

"Wo Chun" "I'm Stupid"

I smell the flowers in the dark, I am uneducated

I lie on the branch with sadness, I have a very low IQ,

I hear the flowers in the distance, I am lying on the water, you want to ask me who I am,

Easy to reach spring green. A big stupid ass.

The shore looks green, I am a donkey,

The shore looks green, I am a donkey,

The shore looks green. I'm a stupid donkey

2. A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to make a report:

"Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive ! "

(Translation: Comrades, villagers, please pay attention! Don’t talk, it’s a meeting now!!)

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: "Pickles, sausages and pickles!"

(Translation: Let's talk to the township chief now!)

The township chief said: "Rabbits, the dog has eaten today's meal, everyone is "Big bastard!"

(Translation: Comrades, today's meal is enough, let's all use big bowls!)

"If you don't want pickled melon, I'll pick up some dog poop for you. You guys lick it..."

(Translation: Don't talk, I'll tell you a story...)

Taoyuan dialect is very strange, such as " "bureau" is pronounced as "pig".

First go to the Propaganda Department of the County Party Committee and contact the Personnel Bureau for an interview. Someone from the publicity department called me to make an appointment on speakerphone.

Propaganda Department: "Hey, are you a pig? (Personnel Bureau)"

The other party: "No, you are mistaken. I am not a pig (Personnel Bureau) , my mother is a pig (grain bureau). "

I tried so hard to hold back my laughter that my stomach hurt.

The next day, I attended a county government report meeting. Roll call before the meeting.

Moderator: "Which units have arrived?"

So the participants reported their homes one by one:

"I am a male castrate (Public Security Bureau) ). "

"My name is Pig (Education Bureau). "

"I am a bit of a pig (Post Office). Telecommunications Bureau)

3. Auntie!

Hey!

Where have the potatoes gone?

It is in the basin.

Why do you eat some sediment?

The rice is not washed!

Why are all the potatoes sprouting in the bowl?

You are the only one? You know!

Beef, potatoes, and rice are auspicious ones~~~~~~~~

Uncle!

Huh?

Kung Pao chicken with a side of cucumber.

The food is gone!

Some lamb but not too spicy.

The meat is sold out!

So what can I eat for lunch?

Go and add it up yourself!

An empty plate, an empty bowl, and an empty basin means an auspicious family~~~~~~~~~

Classmates!

Oh?

Is the food in the canteen delicious?

You lied!

How does the food feel in your mouth?

It’s so cool!

Can the soup be used to wash your face and brush your teeth?

This is the truth!

Cold rice, cold dishes, and clear soup are an auspicious family!

Four masters and disciples of Tang Seng were on a plane. Suddenly the plane broke down and they needed to parachute. Tang Seng said: Disciples, now There are three parachutes, and whoever can't answer the question has to jump off by himself.

Tang Monk asked Sun Wukong: How many suns are there in the sky? Sun Wukong: 1

Tang Monk asked Sha Monk: How many moons are there in the sky? Sha Monk: 1

Tang Monk asked Bajie: How many stars are there in the sky? Bajie:. . . Jumped down.

Once again, the four masters and apprentices took a plane, and the plane broke down again. They still had to parachute. Tang Seng said: Let’s answer the questions.

Tang Monk asked Sun Wukong: When was the Republic of China established? Sun Wukong: 1949

Tang Monk asked Sha Seng: How many people died in the War of Liberation? Sha Seng: 2.5 million.

Tang Monk asked Bajie: What are the names of those 2.5 million people? Bajie:. . . Jumped down.

Once again, four masters and apprentices were on a plane. The plane broke down again and they still had to parachute. Just as Tang Seng was about to speak, Bajie said: Master, I’d better jump directly. After saying that, he jumped off the plane. .

Tang Monk clasped his hands together, "Amitabha, there are 4 parachutes this time.

"

You have to take it back after reading it

2. The devil captured the princess

The devil: "You can scream until your throat breaks... No one will come to save you. Your..."

Princess: "Broken throat...Broken throat..."

No one: "Princess...I'm here to save you..."

Demon King: "Say Cao Cao, Cao Cao will be here..."

Cao Cao: "Devil King...what did you call me for..."

Devil King: "Wow "I saw a ghost"

Ghost: "Damn! I was found..."

Damn: "Ghost, you can see me..."

p>

The Devil: "Oh, My God!"

God: "Who called me?"

Who: "No one called you..."

p>

No one: "How can I? I'm pretending!"

Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me?"

Who: "Again, you are asking for trouble? Huh?"

Trouble: "Which one is looking for me?"

Which one: "Looking for you? I'm not... Hey, there are a lot of people here."

Many people: "I just arrived...who are you?"

Which one: "I am not who."

Who: "He is not me." ."

Princess: "Are you all here to save me?"

Everyone: "I am not here to save you, I am here to watch the fun."

Lively: "What do I have to see?"

God: "It's none of my business, let's go first."

Devil: "You answer one question and then "Come on, why are so many people saving the princess? How can I continue to act as the devil?"

Go on: "If you don't want to be a good devil, why are you playing me?"

Princess: "If no one plays the role of the devil, I can leave."

No one: "If I play the role of the devil, how can I let you go..."

How could it be: " I won’t let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement."

Excitement: "What are you looking at me doing?"

What: "You actually want to "fuck" me? Rogue!"

You actually said: "How can I?"

Me: "What does it have to do with me?"

The Demon King: "Damn! I'm going crazy. ..."

Fuck: "Why are you calling me!..."

Crazy: "What do you want me to do?"

You want me to say: "I don't know anything!"

I don't know anything: "I don't know!"

I don't know: "I am here! There is someone Are you calling me?"

Someone: "I didn't call you!"

I didn't: "Who called him?"

Who: "It's unfair...I didn't..."

I didn't: "I didn't accuse you wrongly..."

You: "I'm sorry you don't dare either."

Forgive you: "Who said I dare not!?"

Who: "Please...I didn't say anything"

What am I? None: "What do you want me to say?"

I have nothing: "...you...aren't you my long-lost brother?"

My long-lost brother: "...I will be called even if my name is so long..."

Who: "...I want to leave this right and wrong as soon as possible "Land"

Right and Wrong: "So this is my territory..."

I don't care about anything. No: "Don't make any noise, Allah is talking..." ”

Don’t make any noise. Alas: “I’m not talking...”

I’m not: “I’m not talking!...”

I have nothing: "-_-...Let's go...go outside and chat..."

p>

Leave: "I'm sorry...(twisting)"

I have nothing to say: "It's none of your business...flash..." (The two brothers were angry (go out)

None of your business: "Ugh...why did you drive me away..."

Why: "I didn't want to drive you away...be good" ...Don't cry"

I didn't: "Oh...it's none of my business again"

It's none of my business: "What? Did someone call me?"

Someone: "Who wants to call you..."

Someone: "I really have to leave...T.T"

Leave: "People I'm really sorry...*V.V*" (Who fell to the ground)

None of your business: "...Aren't you my cousin?"

None of my business What happened: "...Cousin... Long time no see..."

Long time: "I'm not here..."

Devil King: "You have Is it over?”

It’s not over: “He doesn’t have me”

You: “I don’t have him”

I: “Who said that? ”

Who: “What are you asking me to do?”

You: “You actually want to fuck me?”

You: “I won’t fuck him.”

I said: "Who said I can't do it?"

Who said: "That's unfair! I didn't say..."

Said: "Why do you ask me?"

You two: "You two are so shameless!"

You two: "I want it! I want it!"

Face: "Who wants me?" ”

Who: “I don’t want it”

Devil: “Hurry up, I’m going to chase you away”

Human: “Kick me out” "Looking for K"

K: "Who is looking for me?"

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, I will K him if you mention it again!"

Him: "Don't kill me"

Me: "Who wants to kill me?"

Who: "Finally let me catch one, kill him..."

One: "Don't catch me"

Me: "I've had enough. If anyone mentions my name again, I will never let you go!"

Who: "Look at my Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms!"

Me: "Look at my Nine-Yin White Bone Claws!"

Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms: "What do I have? Something good-looking?”

Nine Yin White Bone Claw: “What’s good-looking about me?”

What’s good-looking: “Brother, I finally found you!”

What’s interesting: "Brother, let’s go out and talk."

Devil King: "Damn it...this is a marriage recognition meeting..."

3. Me I still remember the first teacher who died because of me. I was in the first grade of elementary school at that time, and the teacher took us to the wild for nature practice classes. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green, I asked, students, do you know how to identify the wind direction? I know that a little girl in the same class picked up a leaf and floated it in the air: pick up a leaf and float it in the air, and you will know where it floats. The teacher praised, "Very good. Is there any other student who is willing to show you another example?" I. I volunteered and walked out, picked up half a brick from the ground and floated it into the air...

Report to the teacher, the wind is blowing up and down now!

I can’t remember clearly what the teacher’s expression looked like at that time. I only remember that he struggled desperately for a few times and then died. In this way, I killed a people's teacher.

In the first grade, the teacher taught us about poultry.

Teacher: There is an animal with two legs. Every morning when the sun comes out, it wakes you up and does so until you wake up. What kind of animal is this?

I answered: Mom! The teacher almost died laughing!

When I was in Chinese class in elementary school, all the Chinese teachers in the school went to listen to Teacher Ni’s class. Teacher Ni wrote the word "bei" on the blackboard and asked me, do you recognize this word? I answered I don't know.

The teacher started to enlighten me, does your home have a bed?

I answer, yes.

Teacher: What’s on the bed?

Me: Mom.

Teacher Ni thought to herself, this is right, the quilt is on my mother’s body, so she continued to enlighten: Where is my mother’s body?

I answered: My dad.

Teacher Ni never expected that I would say this and make a fool of myself in front of so many teachers, so he asked in a hurry: Where is the quilt?

I answered: The quilt is on the floor! Teacher Ni was so angry that I was hospitalized with lamb disease...

Later, the school changed to a new teacher and asked us to make sentences. I completed the homework calmly and the teacher looked at me with admiration.

My sentence is:

Sad - the big ditch in front of our house is very sad.

What if - canned food is not as nutritious as fruit juice.

Innocence-it’s really hot today, a good day for swimming.

Ten points - my sister only got ten points in math, which is really embarrassing.

Easy--When I do things, I always start with the easy ones.

Ginseng - The teacher said that everyone must try their best when participating in the team relay tomorrow.

Quilt——Xiao Yu’s sanitary napkin was stolen.

Lunchbox - Xiao Ming treats defecation as the first thing he does when he gets up every morning.

The new teacher suffered a misfortune!

I was woken up by the teacher while I was sleeping in history class. The teacher asked Princess Wencheng who she married. Her deskmate reminded me: Songtsen Gampo! I didn't hear clearly for a moment, so I opened my mouth and answered: Song Dynasty cadres! Later, I failed to take the history class.

In the biology test the next day, the teacher brought a bird covered with cloth, and then he exposed the bird's legs and asked the students to guess what kind of bird it was. I really didn’t know so I handed in the blank paper. When the teacher saw it, he was very angry and asked: Why did you hand in the blank paper? May I have your name? When I heard this, I rolled up my trouser legs angrily, exposing my legs and said: Now it's your turn to guess who I am, right? The biology teacher fell down immediately!

1. Money is not the problem, the problem is lack of money.

2. Diamonds are forever, but one will go bankrupt.

3. Water can carry a boat and cook porridge.

A person who rides a motorcycle likes to wear his clothes backwards, that is, buttoning them at the back to block the wind. One day he was driving drunk, overturned, and fell on the side of the road.

When the police arrived...

Police Officer A: What a serious car accident.

Police Officer B: Yes, my head was hit in the back.

Police Officer A: Yes, he is still breathing. Let’s help him turn his head back.

Police Officer B: Okay... One or two times, I tried my best and turned back.

Police Officer A: Well, I’m not breathing...

4. "Mom, how did I grow up?" Lele looked at her childhood Photo asked curiously. When her mother heard that the opportunity for education had come, she said: "You were raised by your mother with poop and urine."

Lele cried when she heard this: "Why are you giving me this?" Huh~~~”

Five boys were told by their teacher about smoking one by one:

The first boy truthfully admitted that he had been fucked a lot; after returning to the dormitory Said:

Brother: I am responsible for all this alone, so please don’t admit it.

[Scene 1]

Teacher: Are you honest about smoking?

Boy A: No.

Teacher: Don’t smoke? Well, let's eat some root fries.

Boy A naturally stretched out his two fingers and took it...

[Scene 2]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy B: No.

Teacher: Don’t smoke? Well, let's eat some root fries.

Boy B heard the situation from A, so he took the fries very carefully.

Teacher: Why don’t you put some ketchup on it?

Yi accidentally dipped too much, so he immediately flicked it with two fingers——

Teacher: Don’t suck? The posture of flicking cigarette ashes is very skillful. Call parents...

[Scene 3]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy C: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Don’t smoke? OK, let's eat some root fries.

Boy C finished the French fries very carefully and sweating because of the previous two examples.

Teacher: Why don’t you take the chips back to your classmates?

Boy C took the fries and put them on his ears...

[Scene 4]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy D: I don’t smoke.

Teacher: Very good. Let's eat French fries

The boy finished the fries with fear and put the fries in his coat pocket

The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here.

The boy Ding Gan hurriedly took out the chips from his pocket and threw them on the ground, then stepped on them with his feet...

[Scene 5]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Very good. Let's eat French fries.

The boy just took the French fries.

The teacher said: Don't you want me to eat?

The boy hurriedly handed over the fries with both hands, and then took out a lighter...

[Scene 6]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Very good. Let's eat French fries

The boy finished the fries with fear and put the fries in his coat pocket

The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here.

The boy’s palms were already sweating and he lowered his head and said: Hello, principal!

Teacher: The principal will smell your mouth.

The boy took out the French fries from his pocket: OK, it’s still here, the fire hasn’t started yet...

[Scene 7]

Teacher: Do you smoke or not?

Teacher: You really don’t smoke? OK, let's eat some root fries.

Boy: He took the fries very naturally and ate them all.

Teacher: What a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?

Boy: [get carried away] Great China. . . . .

Scene N:

Teacher: Let’s eat some French fries!

Boy: Thank you, no.