Ask for joke news

The opposite is true. Now she is not in the mood to listen to your jokes. You must comfort her first. When she is in a good mood, you can tell jokes to cheer her up.

I don't have much, so I'll just make do with it;

In 1950s, there was a pair of wedding couplets. The first part is "My hero is a soldier who aims to liberate the island of Taiwan Province Province", and the second part is "A beautiful woman joined the army and captured Jiang Guangtou alive".

Five hundred years ago, you were my parents' worker. I fell in love with you the other day when I peeked at your posture of cutting vegetables in the window. Don't blame me for not telling you! Because there were no text messages at that time!

No matter where you are, just smile at the sky and shout "I am a beauty" three times, and I will appear in front of you.

There are four greens in the world: green grass, watermelon skin and tortoise cover the post office.

The sky is blue and the sea is deep. You and I can't get married. If you have money, we are still destined!

Always too old-fashioned, rich people are unreliable. They spend all day outside soaking their wives' cell phones to warn you that if you don't report home, you will be cuckolded immediately.

The Tang Priest assigned work at the foot of the Flame Mountain: "Wukong went to borrow a banana fan, and Wukong went to find Shui Bajie. Why do you still have time to read short messages?" ! "

The wife said to her husband who slipped out of bed in the middle of the night, you don't have to suffer from sleepwalking tonight, because that woman has traveled abroad.

There used to be eunuchs, but not after entering the palace. Monks have it, not necessarily. Foreigners are longer than people in China. What did you do to a person? Don't misunderstand me. Oh, it's a name!

Look up at Viagra and think back to that girl.

Speaking on stage is like Kong Fansen, doing things off stage is like Rainbow Bao Sen, meeting the masses is like Tai Sen, meeting leaders and arsenic!

I skin you, your muscles, your liver, your lungs, your heart, eat your flesh, drink your blood and chew your bones!

I'm in love with your girlfriend. Really. I like it very much. What should I do? Brothers are brothers, you disappear.

I love you as farmers love rice! Rats love corn!

Q: Where does the bullet hit you without pain? Answer: Hit others. (Hey hey! )

Why should I cry for you? Don't you understand that this is about money? If the rich were not separated from me, my tears would not fall.

Why is it so dark? Because cows fly in the sky, why do cows fly? Because you are blowing on the ground.

Please stop watching, or you will regret it! Your SIM card has been locked, please contact the service provider! You won't believe me if I tell you not to look!

Dear, you are going to be a mother soon. My husband wishes you a happy Mother's Day in advance!

People are not in class, it is better to study in love, to study for the college entrance examination and to fall in love for the next generation!

Don't move, Rob! Robbery, okay? Take out your sorrow, hand over your sorrow, take out your troubles, and take off your sorrow! Replace it with a short message worth 10 yuan RMB: Happy New Year!

The butterfly said to the bee, you are so stingy, pretending to be full of sweet words but reluctant to give me a word. The bee said, hum, you are talking about me. You have two antennas on your head. Why didn't you send me a message?

I wish you: fate is like a peach blossom, fortune is like a wave, love is like a rose, life is like a happy flower, and career is like a climbing vine. Don't spend too much if you have love. If you have money, don't squander it. Give me a windfall.

Do n't move Gangland raid! Those who know me stand on the left, and those who don't know me stand on the right! Those who want to laugh stand in the middle and stare at the mobile phone! Yes! Only you! Put the phone down and put your hands on your head! Listen; Happy new year!

The bell is my greeting, the song is my blessing, the snowflake is my greeting card, the wine is my kiss and the breeze is my gift! It's all for you. Happy new year! Happy new year!

The gods release snowflakes to make you forget your troubles, and the cold wind closes the window to make you feel warm; I send my best wishes for a smoother coming year and a happy New Year's Day in advance!

I reserved the first sunshine for you next year. I wish you happiness! I reserved the first morning breeze for you tomorrow morning. Have a happy day! I booked the first song of birdsong for you. Have fun! I booked my first gift for you. Happy New Year!

Condense this message and wish you a merry Christmas!

26. Don't move! You have been blessed with defense, so put down your worries and surrender to the hurdles at once. All your troubles will be confiscated, you will be sentenced to be happy for a hundred years, and you will live on the island of happiness, supervised by good luck!

I won't go back at low temperature this year, and I will catch cold every day. Pay attention to cherish yourself, don't be too tired to study, eat more fruit if you have nothing to do, who will you go to at night? Don't worry, don't fire when you are in trouble. Nourishing the heart and protecting the lungs is precious. You and my revolutionary comrades, the above reminder is free!

Thanks to CCTV! MTV, thanks to my economic company, thanks to my parents, thanks to all the fans who support me, and say happy every day to you silly people here.

29. Have more happiness and less troubles; No matter how much money you have, just be happy every day; What's the taste of life? You have to season yourself! Let yourself be happy and carefree! Have a nice weekend!

30. Small flies are rotten apples on the roadside. Father fly happened to pass by and said to the little fly, the government advised us to pay attention to personal hygiene, prevent diseases from entering our mouths, avoid eating rotten apples and go home to eat shit. (This article is free)]

3 1. When you wake up in the morning, there is a mosquito lying next to your pillow, and there is an art next to it: I struggled all night and failed to pierce your face. You are shameless. I live in this world. Lord, please forgive him. I killed myself.

32. Weather forecast: I want to hit you tonight and tomorrow, and I expect to kick you this afternoon. Affected by this emotion, I will feel 35 degrees excited at night. It is expected that this weather will continue until you treat.

Legend has it that ghosts reappear tonight and wander around. May they listen to my call and come to you quietly. Pale face, green eyes, dry hands touching your face, gently say to you: If you want good skin, use Dabao sooner or later.

34. Life is short, friendship is halal, meeting is a wish, knowing each other is a fate, meeting and knowing each other is a fate, being friends, cherishing a friend who is willing to be a bosom friend, doing God's will, being a man, greeting gently, and wishing friends a happy day.

35. Morning is the beginning of happiness, and evening is the end of troubles. Sunny days reflect your cheerful mood, while rainy days wash away all your troubles. I wish you happiness every day, rain or shine, morning or evening!

36. Send you a beautiful woman to make you laugh! Send you a blessing that makes you proud, 1 makes you happy, 1 makes you young, and sends you a dream that makes you happy! Send a true feeling, don't reply. Another peace is reliable. 1

37. The weather changes so fast that a cold snap comes quietly. I care about you because you are cute. Cover your pig's feet with a blanket at night, don't freeze. If it's okay, you can supplement calcium. Don't scold me for being too bad. Have a happy day/

38. I give my love to my bosom friend. I hope my heart can make you happy, forgive my carelessness and occasionally make you sad. I hope my heart can touch your heart. I hope my heart is sincere and I wish you all the best.

39. Little pig has four wishes: the fence around him falls down, pig feed falls from the sky, all the people in the country believe in Islam, and all butchers die. Piglets will jump up happily and giggle while reading the information.

40. Loneliness is to miss you; I want to see you when I have amnesia; Want to rely on you when you are helpless; I want to hug you when I cry. Just three words: I miss you so much.

4 1. I meet you occasionally and my eyes are discharging at me. I dare not change my position in this embarrassing situation. I want to draw a line with you with my eyes. I don't want you to open your mouth and kiss me. Oh, my God! Whose big German shepherd is not tied?

42. My heart beats at the sight of you. I am hopeless. With you around, I can sleep well. I miss you, laughing in my dream. I don't want anyone but you. Am I moved to tears? Actually, I'm talking about money. Ha ha laugh .....

43. In the past, there were countless friends, which is the coolest if you think about it. In my dream, I looked back silently, and you were still in my donkey shed, counting while eating grass, and your tail kept swinging. So you are gnawing at my tree.

44. You haven't been doing well recently, and you haven't been with me for a long time. Please apologize to me quickly and invite me to dinner. If you don't hurry up, I'll see you on your mobile phone number. Add "marriage hotline" and "unlimited conditions"

No matter how many greetings you receive, I still give you sincere wishes, no matter how much happiness you embrace, I still pray for you silently. May beauty, happiness, success and prosperity accompany you far away!

46. Busy life takes away the knowledge time, but the concern for friends often stays in my heart. Occasionally a blessing greets you, so that we can only remember each other. Wish you all the best.

There are hundreds of flowers in spring and bright moon in autumn; There is a cool breeze in summer and listening to study in winter; If there is no trouble in your heart, it is a great time in life; May you have leisure in the morning and leisure in the curtain; Dreams follow your heart! The heart follows the dream.

48. A little sincerity is worth 1200 gold. A trace of warmth can reach Wan Li cream; A greeting brings warmth and sweetness; A short message took away all my thoughts and took good care of myself in busy days!

49. Let the wind blow away your troubles, let the rain wash away your troubles, let the sun bring you warmth, let the moon bring you warmth, let love bring you happiness, and let friendship bring you happiness.

50. A full moon smells better. I wish you good health. Fish are swimming and birds are singing. So you laugh every day and have a glass of hops in your hand. I wish you a sunny day, more happiness and less sadness, and a better tomorrow.

5 1. butterflies flying, dragonflies chasing, a lot of troubles; Looking forward to flying swallows, looking forward to people returning, drinking more cups every time; Live like Xu, die together, grasp the fate and let go respectively; I hope we can be friends forever.

5 1. fate; Let me meet you; Happy: let me know you; Happiness: Let me be your friend; Care: Let me miss you; Message: I have to send it to you.

52. I'll send you eleven new ones: feel comfortable in the morning, go out smoothly, be careful on the road, be patient when things go wrong, be cautious in making friends, be considerate of others, have confidence in yourself, have love for your lover, be happy at home and feel at ease at night.

53. Wu: 366237940

54. I don't miss you because of the change of seasons, I don't miss you because of the distance, I don't alienate you because of busyness, and I don't forget you because of the erosion of time. You will always be a friend in my heart. Please take care of yourself when the leaves fall.

I'm afraid of killing you with a stick and stabbing you with a knife. I'm afraid of seeing blood; Poison you, too many fake drugs; Electrocute you; The electricity bill is too high; Drowning you; Maybe you can swim. Forget it, I still miss you.

Acquaintance is sometimes providence. No matter how deep or shallow your wish is, we should cherish it. Don't expect. No matter how happy and sad you are, remember that I am willing to share it with you. No matter how far away you are, you have my blessing.

The best information is always given to you first, and the best mood always wants to share the best wishes with you, and this time is no exception. May your mood be as clear as a sunny day and infinite happiness.

58 people are like houses, and friends are windows. The more windows there are, the more moons there are in the house. I am the biggest window facing the sun. Send you flowers in spring, cool in summer, fresh in autumn and sunshine in winter. May you have a good mood every day.

I didn't mean to upset you yesterday. How about giving you a chance to be discouraged from me now? Take out a large portion of 100 yuan, fold it in half, fold it in half and throw it at me hard.

Zhu Fu.

60. Life actually has only three days: yesterday, today and tomorrow. I wish you, yesterday is worth remembering, and today is full of opportunities. I sincerely wish you a happy yesterday, a smooth day and good luck tomorrow.

6 1. I was ridiculous last night. How could I be so rude to you and do such a thing? I sincerely apologize to you and ask your forgiveness: I really shouldn't ... grab your lollipop.

62. A brand-new journey is about to begin. I hope you cherish it in your youth, work hard, give all your heart to the years, and pay the four seasons without regrets.

63. The past time, we share together; In the future journey, we cherish each other! The autumn wind suddenly rises, and I hope my friends can study on the next floor!

Spend black June, red July, blue August and golden September. It's the lucky month for students. I wish you a higher level!

The first ray of sunshine in the morning is my deep blessing to you. The last blush of the sunset is my heartfelt greeting to you: [How are you, fool? ]

66. Newton was hit by an apple and discovered gravity; When Columbus sailed around the world, he discovered the new continent; When you look in the mirror, wow! You found a primitive man!

67. Send you a happy flower and keep it in your mobile phone. It will bring you good luck! But remember to pour some water to your mobile phone often, and water the flowers inside!

68. A woman teaches her children that if you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the tiger! The hungry tiger who came out for food heard it, and the hungry tiger waited all night and said, human beings are so hypocritical! The old lady broke her word!

69. You see my infatuation in your eyes, my hospitality in your eyes, my true love in your eyes, and I look into your eyes deeply. Wow! What a big piece of gum!

70. When I heard that you were trafficked, I was really scared. Although you grew up with dementia, it is harmless to society. Who is so bold as to dare to sell you? I'm worried about him. It's strange to sell it!

7 1. Do you want to get rich? Do you want to get lucky? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to be young forever? -Stop dreaming, wash your feet and sleep!

72. Wash your hands before and after meals, queue up and leave one by one. If you want a girlfriend, shout after reading the text message!

73. When you see this message, I have already left. I will travel all over the world until I find a medicine that can cure your smirk when you see the message!

74. Lying in bed watching your letter to me, my heart is full of bitterness. The words in the letter hurt my heart like an ice pick. The letter said: I will pay you back next month!

75. God said that it takes five thousand times in this life to turn back in previous lives. In this life, good friends like us, in the last life, were too busy looking back.

76. Send you a pair of couplets: the first pair of couplets is the thoughts of you in the wind and rain; The second part is to really love you. The horizontal approval is: the information is wrong.

77. Without wind, clouds will not move; If there is no air, you cannot breathe; If there is no sun, the moon will have no light; If it weren't for you ... fools wouldn't exist.

78. I am lonely without you. I'm disappointed not to see you. I am not qualified to say I love you. How much I miss you, a little too much! When I see you, I want to touch you hard, Nanfeng. Hu!

79. From now on, I will only hit you, ill-treat you and cheat you. If you are happy, I will make you sad. If you are unhappy, I will be super happy.

80. If a drop of water represents a blessing, I will send you a piece of East China Sea; If a spoonful of honey represents a miss, I will send you a hornet's nest and sting you to death.

8 1. You are the most beautiful in my eyes: aquiline nose, toad mouth, barrel waist, elephant leg, one mouth on each side of the nose, dripping with saliva.

I saw you the other day. You are very uncomfortable sitting in the sun. I asked you what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: "Keep your voice down, no one will call me an idiot when I get tanned!

83. I am willing to take care of you all my life, I am willing to care about your three meals, and I am willing to protect you from bullying, but can you go back to the pigsty first?

84. The Tang Priest was kidnapped. In order to demand a ransom, the burglar called the Monkey King's mobile phone. If I couldn't get through, I asked Tang Priest: What's the number of Pig Bajie? Tang Priest: I sent a text message to it, and it was watching.

85. Dung beetles fall in love with mosquitoes. Lang: What's your occupation? Mosquito: What about you, nurse? Dung beetles said with a smile, colleague, I'm a pill maker in the Chinese Medicine Bureau.

86. Fart is the gas left in the abdomen. This gas travels around and always wanders out. Those who let go are proud, and those who hear are depressed! Please stop farting!

87. The clouds are floating, which is the trace of my missing you; The stars are shining, that's how I miss you; The rain falls, which is the evidence that I miss you; Thunder and lightning, then I prayed to heaven that you were hit!

88. I have a candy. I'll give it to you. May you be happy! I have two, one for each of us, and we are very happy together! I have three pills, all for you. I want you to have more cavities than me!

89. Does the company move every day? Handling company. What will be the only meeting that can be unanimously approved by shareholders and directors? Which fairy is reading the text message? Marshal canopy!

90. Remember to eat roast duck together? You like eating duck's ass. As soon as the food comes, you put it in your mouth. I asked: Why is there no duck butt? You pointed to your mouth and said, this is your ass.

According to the calculation, you will make a fortune today. Blow an explosive hairstyle first, wear patched clothes, hold a wooden stick in your right hand and a porcelain bowl in your left hand, and walk along the street, saying, Come on!

92. I thought there was something better, but I finally found the best one right next to me. Just like you, I didn't agree with you at first, but I found out over time that you are the best bully!

I really want to leave this world with you and live in a secluded place with beautiful scenery. Just you and me, there is a piece of green grass in front of me. I lie on the grass and watch you … eat grass!

94. I dreamed of you. The sky is so quiet, the sun is so bright and the sea is so blue. You stood by the sea, and I stabbed you with a stick: hey, this little bastard, his shell is quite hard.

95. When you are empty and lonely, a pencil is your best friend. It can be cut and sharpened with a small knife. At the same time, you can vent yourself and shout: I killed the pen, I killed the pen, I killed the pen.

96. I am a lonely tree, standing on the side of the road for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, and it is in vain not to smash you.

97. Men and women walked under the tree to watch the meteor shower. Did you get a look at him? Woman: I see it! A man came out from behind the tree, holding pants in his hand and saying, you can see when you see it. What are you yelling about?

98. Your face is more beautiful than Chen Shimei, and your eyes are brighter than Zhuge Liang; My love is deeper than Lu, and my love is longer; But my promise is more empty than the Monkey King's.

99. Someone saw you today. You are still so charming. You walk slowly in a plaid vest. It is really cute. I don't know how you beat rabbits in those days.

100. 1 Love at first sight has no two hearts. I love you for three generations, and I dream about you four times a night. The ENT makes me lose my mind and my heart can't be calm. Say 10: I was wrong!

10 1. If you mess with me again, let the people of the whole country condemn you for economic blockade, political isolation, mental torture, physical destruction and abandonment of life! Look at you still arrogant!

102. A bean fell. It's discouraging and frustrating. This bean is me. What can encourage it to stand up? The answer is you! Because there is something called pig encouragement beans.

103. Pigs and dogs are jailers in the animal kingdom. One day they banned texting, and the next day they escaped from prison. The warden held the dog responsible, and the dog said unjustly, I had a rest yesterday, and it was the pig who read the message.

104. You are really creative. It takes a lot of courage to live. Everyone was dissatisfied with this, but God lost his temper. Without you, who will foil the beauty of the world?

105. You carry forward the past and keep pace with the times, always representing the direction of advanced feeding technology, the source of high-quality feed and the highest level of meat supply! Revolutionary pig!

106. I was told that you were driven away just after you came back! I'm sorry to keep you busy all day, but here's the thing: such a big bee flying in the office is really annoying!

107. wearing a "tiger and leopard" shirt, a "bird-loving" suit, a set of "seven wolves" pants and a pair of golden monkey shoes finally brought you the first applause in your life: you are so human!

108. Plant a tree and ask God to bless you; Plant two trees and ask God to take care of you. Plant three trees and ask God to forgive you. Plant ten trees, please! Be careful to pass by and kill you.

109. Friar Sand: I changed it sixteen times; Bajie: I become thirty-two: Wukong: I become seventy-two; Tang Priest: Why don't you change your cell phone on the way? The monster is reading mobile phone text messages!

120. Jade Emperor: Now the court is in session to hear the case of Erlang God's roaring dog raping Chang 'e Jade Rabbit, and call the defendant! Hey! Whistling dog! Call you! Still reading text messages! Still smirking!

12 1. There are golden arrows, iron arrows and bronze arrows. You must learn from Silver Arrow! There are 18 kinds of 360 martial arts moves, so you have to learn drunken arrows, so the famous drunken silver arrows appeared in the rivers and lakes!

122. It's just a gust of wind, so eternal, just a dream, so real, you bow your head and say nothing, but I can't help but say to you: let me know the next time you fart!

123. Before, I was just an ordinary knight. Until that day, I saw the most mysterious you in the Jianghu, summoned by the devil, and everyone in the Jianghu called me "Zhu Zhixia"!

124. Your singing and affectionate expression touched my heart. I almost swore to love you for ten thousand years, but I dare not! Because you sang "I will be you when I grow up" to a pig.

125. I like Teresa Teng, dead; I like Barbara Yung and committed suicide; I like Danny Chan, I fell dead; I like Leslie Cheung. I jumped off a building. I like you. It's up to you

126. Look at your mouse eyes, aquiline nose, eight eyebrows, ears, wick neck, high and low shoulders, long and short hands, chicken breast, dog belly and useless waist. Go back to Mars. The earth is very dangerous.

127. People should pay attention to: 1. I'm not interested. 2. I am not interested. 3. I don't understand! You have suffered from illiteracy all your life!

128. I'm Xiao Gan. I died in a car accident three years ago. I lost my head and haven't found it yet. I found my head hanging in front of your window just now. Please hold it for me.

129. I know you pay attention to hygiene. Wash your hands carefully every time you go to the toilet. Suddenly you stopped washing your hands. I'm surprised: why don't you wash your hands? You answer: I brought paper this time!

130. When I finished reading the short message you sent me, I finally understood how much affection you used for me! How unforgettable! You can't forget me! I decided: turn it off and piss you off!

13 1. Your happiness, I pay; Your confusion, I make up; Your greed, I am satisfied; Your willfulness, I give in; I love you the most; I am a professional pig farmer!

132. Do you believe in fate? In the vast sea of people, you are so special, let my eyes follow you, maybe my heart is really connected, and you really came to me. Go away, beggar!

133. You know I miss you! When I didn't hear from you, I tried because I was too sad. Noodles hanged myself. Tofu hits the head; Vitamin c is poison; The bumper car crashed into the mountain parachute and jumped off the building!

135. I love you, I miss you very much, I really want to hit on you, but I have no money. Will you wait for me? When I have money, I will come to you. Will you wait for me? I love tea!

136. I miss you when I am lost, and I miss you when I am lonely. Having you is my endless happiness. You are the person I love most in my life, but you left when I was poor. Come back! Lovely RMB!

137. It is not a crime for a man to drink alcohol. Good people also have the right to get drunk. Even if you are drunk, it is also a kind of beauty. Why pretend to be so hypocritical! Dude, it's your treat tonight!

138. I want to climb the mountain, hoping to meet you as beautiful and pure as a forest elf in the morning, but I'm worried that my heavy breathing will scare you away. Are you a grasshopper or a cricket?