How to get back together with your ex and help you save your ex?

I asked my grandfather curiously, "Do you and grandma never quarrel?"

Grandpa said, "of course it's noisy, but I have a unique trick." Every time grandma is angry, I will screw all the saucepans in my house tightly, so that when grandma can't cook, she will take the initiative to talk to me. "

This is a short story I saw on the Internet. After reading it, I think it is very suitable to share it with you, because when a person is unwilling to take care of you, you only need to do two things:

Enough sincerity;

Find your own value and let the other person need you;

When you look at the grandfather in the story, you can live clearly and know where the other person's "needs" are and where his "value" is.

It's always easy for a partner who often wants to save money, but it's hard to realize that any action you take in recovery may change the other person's judgment on you.

For example, I met a visitor before. She has been with her boyfriend for more than three years, and there is nothing wrong with their relationship. Just because of the long-term long-distance relationship, her boyfriend felt that she could no longer live up to each other's expectations and offered to break up. After breaking up, she kept a decent attitude and always cared about her.

In fact, this is a very difficult recovery case. The other party just felt that the pressure was too great and there was nowhere to release it, so they chose to separate temporarily. However, she is adamant and always complains that the other person is too selfish. She broke up. How could she break up? She also appealed to her family and friends to do her boyfriend's work.

It turned out that emotional breakup and living made a cognitive breakup. The other party was still nostalgic at the time, and later directly blacked out the contact information.

Therefore, even if your personality, experience and charm can't be changed in a short time, you should at least avoid rejecting each other after breaking up and stepping on a minefield.

Today, I will focus on sharing with you the dry goods of "How to chat after breaking up and in the early days of reunion". I hope that after reading it, I can successfully open my ex's heart through chatting and impress the other party's heartless heart.

Mainly divided into two aspects:

Closed question

I understand everyone's complicated feelings after breaking up. I want to contact each other, but I am afraid of causing their dissatisfaction. After some struggle, I posted a sentence on WeChat: "How have you been recently?"

Maybe you think this sentence is safe and can express your concern, but in fact, the other party can't answer it at all!

There are only two answers, either "nothing" or "none of your business."

Then what do you do?

Did you start asking the next question again: "What are you doing? Have you eaten? Are you asleep? "

The other party can only reply to you: "I have eaten" and "I haven't eaten yet."

After several rounds, you will find that the topic between you is indifferent, which will not only have no effect on recovery, but also push your relationship to a more embarrassing situation.

It is difficult for me to chat with my ex. You were full of expectation and excitement, and the chat ended. Next time you want to talk, the other person is too lazy to respond. After all, in order to save, one more communication means one less opportunity! ,

In fact, if you want to chat with each other after breaking up, you just need to remember one rule: the more natural, the more effective.

For example, you can ask the other person a question at work, or where the other person can help you, and then guide you to answer;

After the other person replies to you, you can express your thanks and extend the topic to narrow the distance between them;

After frequent interaction, the two made an invitation;

This series of chats was successful.

Oppressive interaction

After breaking up, many people have not left the lover mode in time, and they will strongly expose their sense of need when communicating with each other.

For example: "

Why are you going? Why didn't you call me back? ""Can you have dinner with me tonight? "

"Why do you ignore me? You are too cruel. "

.......

I also met some great tourists. It is not enough to write a short composition after breaking up. I also wrote a book about how much I can't live without him and how much I can't bear it. If the other party's response is not positive enough, I feel hopeless.

So you think of redemption as "reading and rereading"?

The other party has broken up with you. Let me be more direct. You are just friends at best. Do ordinary friends have the obligation to pay for your emotions?

Therefore, such oppressive interaction will make him very disgusted. He will feel: "If I had known, I wouldn't have added you to WeChat. Not so annoying! "

Your negative state will only strengthen the other person's choice to break up with you and amplify the disappointment value to you, so if your current state is not calm enough, I suggest that you don't be impulsive and chat with the other person with emotions, and the effect will only be worse.

The ex made a clear and heartless attitude and said to you, "Leave me alone."

This situation shows that he has a strong negative impression on you, and the contradiction between you can't be solved in a short time, so I don't recommend you to adopt the conventional method.

Because at this time, whatever you say is useless. Even if your pocket is full of sugar, the other person tastes bitter, so we might as well "preempt"!

What do you mean?

When you get back together, you can take the initiative to communicate: "I know that my previous behavior has caused you great harm, but people always have to look forward, and you don't have to stick to the past all the time."

At this time, the predecessor will have two reactions:

Tell you directly, don't bother him again, he wants to be alone;

He will naturally accept your flattery, but when it comes to getting back together, he starts to run away.

Either way, it is not very helpful to save, which also shows that it completely blinds your value and has no desire to get back together. Then we need to do the opposite and take the initiative to make concessions.

For example, "with so many things happening recently, I think we'd better calm down for a while, instead of stalemate with each other." I have been reflecting on my own problems recently. Am I too selfish to forget that feelings also need mutual understanding and concessions? Although it is a bit late to say this now, I sincerely hope that you can live happily. "

However, friends should not simply understand this sentence as "disconnected" and then blacked him out and deleted it. We just "pre-empt", speak the other person's heart one step ahead of time, and empathize with his heart from the other person's point of view. This will not only make the other person feel respected, but also leave us time for change.

Your predecessor unilaterally blacked you out without giving you any chance to explain.

If your ex decisively blacked out your contact information after breaking up, and is ready to die, then it means that he has a bad impression of you and has no expectations for feelings. At this time, no matter how many nice words you say, the other party's reaction is only hostility.

If you want to get back together, you must fight a prepared battle and do the following two steps:

① Self-reflection

What is the reason why your ex hates you?

Did you make changes in time?

How do you convey your change to him?

In fact, you can find the answers to all the questions in the past. If you want to dilute the negative impression of your predecessor, you have to face up to the reasons for breaking up and make changes from the source.

② Multiple short messages

If the other party intrudes into your WeChat, you can send a short message on your own initiative, or Tik Tok short message or Alipay short message, as long as it can make the other party receive the short message successfully.

I'll provide you with a template: "I've been thinking about many problems calmly recently." I have done many bad things before. I sincerely apologize to you. We have been together for so long that I know how important it is to respect each other. I don't want us to focus only on the current dissatisfaction. I'm willing to make a change and won't bother you again, but I hope we can become ordinary friends. Do you think so? "

Friends can make a reference or supplement according to their own situation. Don't underestimate this passage, it has three functions:

A, the beginning of the message has been paved, and you have explained your reflection after breaking up, leaving a sincere impression on the other party;

B, this passage uses the expression of "suppress first and then promote", which not only affirms the advantages of your predecessor, but also admits your own mistakes, giving the other party a feeling that you attach great importance to your feelings.

C, you also provide a solution for your relationship, just as the template says: "We can be friends", and then ask each other: "Do you think this is ok?" Give the initiative to the other party and give him enough choice space.

After such an operation, it is hard for you to refuse if you are well-founded, logical and rational.

Finally, I want to tell you that no matter what attitude the other person has after you break up, as long as you want to get back together and reconnect with him, to put it bluntly, you should make the other person feel that you are valuable.

Let him feel that restoring contact with you is a sure thing!

And it is not difficult to operate. Although the willingness to get back together depends on the other person, it is your responsibility to guide him to see your changes and let him willingly rejoin your enthusiasm!

Come on ~

Psychological test: test what your ex wants to say to you most.

1. Do you quarrel over trifles when you are together?

Yes, I often feel very tired.

Rarely quarrel over trifles -2

Occasionally, but we can make up soon -3

2. Do you think you are a person who likes self-reflection and is willing to correct mistakes?

Yes -3

Not -4

3.will 3. TA volunteered to tell you her troubles?

Often say -5

Not so much-4

Will you tell your parents the process of your love?

Every detail, I often spit with my parents-6

Occasionally, when they ask, they will say -5.

Almost nothing to say, nothing to say-5

5. How much energy are you willing to spend to get what you want?

Everything is mine, and it will be mine after all.

If you work hard, you may succeed.

Try my best to get everything I want.

6. Did you break up because there was a third party?

Yes. -a

the no . 7

7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?

Yes -d

Carbonless

The complete version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private mail.

I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.