How to communicate better after the conflict between husband and wife?

It is often not easy to communicate when husband and wife are angry, because there are too many things entangled between husband and wife, and the events that cause anger are often not in the present, but because of this matter. This practice has caused some dissatisfaction before, and I hope it can be solved through this matter now.

First of all, we must understand that anger is an emotion, not necessarily for the current events. Through this emotion, the other party hopes to get attention and readjust the relationship. Then the most important thing is to adjust your mood, not to make things right or wrong. Must do: "I understand that you are angry. You are angry because you want me to notice that you are emotional. I want to give you a chance to spread them out. " So don't accuse the other party of being angry, don't think that the other party is irrational, but give time and patience to understand where the other party is angry;

Secondly, because when the other person is angry, the object of blame is often himself, so he can't be so objective and calm. Some people will defend themselves when they hear accusations, or they will get angry, fight back or avoid them. This is not the right way to deal with communication. At this time, I should tell myself to be calm. If these accusations are not aimed at violating dignity, then I should listen carefully. What is the reason why she is angry? If you strive for control by being angry and want to listen to her when you are angry, it is constructive to listen to what she wants or just control you. If it's control, what makes her feel unsafe? How to give her a sense of security? If you think this control is beyond reason, think about it. Is there any way to make her understand your boundaries? Don't promise everything, but if you don't do it clearly, it will lay the fuse for the next dispute.

Let me give you an example. A female entrepreneur often needs to travel. Sometimes when I go out for ten or twenty days, my husband is particularly uneasy at home. She calls every day, and sometimes it's inconvenient to answer, so she turns off her phone. As a result, as soon as she turned on her mobile phone, more than 20 short messages were bombarded, which bored her to death. At first, she could explain patiently, but the more she explained, the more details she asked for, which made her irrefutable and annoyed. At this time, she will lose patience, swear at her husband, then turn off her cell phone and never talk to him again. Husband will be crazy at this time, and the two will fall into a cold war until they go home and slowly make up. Female entrepreneurs don't want a divorce, but it's annoying to have such a restless husband. Besides, she was in a bad mood and wanted to die when she swore. During the cold war, I will keep asking myself, is this marriage still needed? In the end, she still wants it, but she doesn't know how to deal with her husband's jealousy.

Only after I interviewed her did I know that her husband's death was due to inferiority complex, and she felt that she was not worthy of her. She felt that she was going to fly and grabbed him like a straw. Then first give your husband confidence and let him know that he doesn't want a divorce; Secondly, take him on a business trip to let him know what business entertainment is, and sometimes he really can't answer the phone; Thirdly, he asked later, without providing more details or calling back immediately to cultivate his patience. In addition, never turn off your phone when dealing with problems. You can put your mobile phone in another bag, but keep it on and contact it once a day to prevent him from going crazy. Finally, I asked her to write a ready-made short message, saying in her own tone: Husband, I know that you are calling to care about me, and I am fine. Don't worry, but I won't answer your phone for the next few hours. Please understand my work, I love you. When the husband is anxious, sending such a short message is equivalent to a signal, replacing the original program of swearing and turning off the phone. After returning to China, women entrepreneurs practiced this method, which was very effective for the first time. Of course, they need more adjustments afterwards. Rome was not built in a day.

Finally, both husband and wife should make sure that they want to live a good life, so try not to bring up the past, let nature take its course and only value the present. It's like pressing the restart button. Every once in a while, everyone starts again, then love and communicate well.