Humorous jokes that make women happy.

Humorous jokes that make women happy. A mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day. A nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?" The mental patient jumped up and shouted, "What's the matter with you? Can't you see that the fish tank is empty? " 2. "You see I am as strong as a bull, because I eat beef every day. "Really, but I eat fish every day. Why can't I swim now? " 3. Let's chat: Where there is water, there should be fish. Lao Li: I don't think so. Is there any fish in the open bottle? 4. "section chief, I sent you some fat and big carp." "Oh, it's the company's rectification. I can't accept this fish." "Then I'll give it to your wife!" "I can't control this, she is a mass." 5. "Hey, why did you pour the medicine into the lake?" "I want to feed the fish some appetizers. The fish here have a bad appetite, and they don't eat the bait I made with sesame oil. " 6. My classmate is plump and likes singing. He sings Richie Jen's song while washing clothes: "I am a fish …" I occasionally laugh: "How can there be such a fat fish like you?" He said with a straight face, "haven't you seen dolphins?" ! "7. Sleeping in class: Students are found sleeping in class by teachers. Teacher: "Why do you sleep in class?" A student: "I didn't sleep!" " Teacher: "Then why do you close your eyes?" Student: "I am closing my eyes!" " ""teacher: "then why do you nod?" A student: "What you just said is very reasonable!" " Teacher: "Then why are you drooling?" "A student:" Teacher, you speak with relish! "Humorous jokes that make women happy 2 1. Wife: I heard that a beautiful wife gave birth to a handsome son and a handsome husband gave birth to a beautiful daughter. Husband, let's ... \ Husband: \ Let's adopt one ... \ 2. I'm pregnant, and one day I'm going shopping. Just walked to the door of the community, my husband called. When I said I would go out to play, I heard a growl on the phone: It's because of you that you go out to play without sleeping at home in such a hot day ... 3. My wife is in charge of finance, and she doesn't give much pocket money every time, so I want to talk to her today. Honey, you can give me more pocket money every day in the future. I want to do one good deed every day. Huh? Who is Xing Yishan? How dare you ask me for money for such a thing! Xiao Wu came to work wrapped in a gauze, and everyone was curious to ask him what happened. Xiao Liu said: "Last night, he fiddled with fireworks with a cigarette, and the fireworks accidentally exploded in the room! \ \ Blow you up like this? \ Everyone asks. "No." Xiao Wu replied gloomily, "My wife called. I had dinner with my cousin yesterday. My wife is a doctor. She says my cousin's blood pressure and blood sugar are high, and he is not allowed to drink. Cousin said anxiously: drink to death! My wife said flatly: if you want to die, die early, while I am still young. 6.\ Husband, I have a crush on a bag and think it suits me very well; Seeing it, I feel the feeling of first love, so pure, so pure; It's only over 10,000 yuan, and I deserve it ... \ \ The subscriber you dialed is not in the service area, please stop talking ... \ Humorous jokes that make women happy. Two jokes that make girls happy 1 1 "I went to see a doctor yesterday." "oh! What did the doctor say? " "The doctor said, have you seen enough? ! "2. The young man asked the Zen master," I worked hard, but I didn't achieve anything in my career. What should I do? The Zen master said, "90 degrees is very hot, but can you make water boil at this water temperature?" The young man hesitated and said, "I grew up in Lhasa. "Xiaohong said to Xiaoming," You got me pregnant, and you should be responsible! " Xiao Ming exclaimed, "Does kissing have nothing to do with having children? "Xiao Hong:" Of course! If you don't believe me, go back and ask mom and dad if they are your own! "4. My girlfriend's taste in buying clothes is very poor. She thinks beautiful clothes are actually quite ugly. Because of this, I broke my heart and my mouth, and finally I wanted to open it. If she had good taste, she wouldn't like me. A friend planted some garlic seedlings in the dormitory, saying it was to add some green plants to the dormitory. He worked hard to raise them for two weeks. Yesterday, when I cooked noodles, I thought it tasted bad, so I pinched two and put them in a bowl. As a result, he came back with the remaining garlic seedlings and cried and insisted that I pay for it. As for it? I have no choice but to give him the cabbage I have planted for two months. Jokes to amuse girls 2 1, Chu and Han contended and Xiang Yu was besieged. In the camp, he thought and sighed while drinking: "Pulling up mountains makes the world angry and will not die when it is unfavorable. What can you do if you don't die? "The lyrics are sad and tragic, and the feelings are sad. The concubine who accompanied him saw her beloved overlord immersed in the love for her children and was breathless. She drew her sword and danced with a gentle song: "The seventeen-year-old concubine recalled the dribs and drabs of her childhood ..." 2. Er Kang dared not sleep alone. Every time Wei Zi returned to her mother's house, he couldn't sleep at night. Once Wei Zi went back, only to find that she didn't hear the news that Er Kang couldn't sleep. She was puzzled and asked Erkang, "How can you fall asleep this time? Sang Kang said shyly, "I'm not afraid to sleep alone." Yongqi is a quilt. I'm not afraid. "3. One day, Nezha met the Monkey King and defiantly said to him," Yaoyao asked if you dare? " The Monkey King was shocked: "Love me like you said? "4. Dayu didn't enter the house for three times, and his wife sang and missed him at home every day." Dayu missed those years, and love missed those years! "5, Huang Rong poisoning, itching. Although Hong Qigong could not detoxify, he still used internal force to relieve itching and delay the attack, so that Guo Jing had enough time to ask for help. Seeing that Huang Rong was in a stable situation, Qigong pulled Guo Jing aside and whispered to him, "Although I was only relieving itching, but …" Guo Jing hesitated, took it and sang, "Green … because of you, the grass is more fragrant? "Humorous jokes that make women happy 3 jokes that make girls happy 1" Husband, I feel so fat and want to lose weight. " "Don't lose weight, now you are ugly and fat became an excuse. My husband saw the clothes in the closet and said to his wife, "Women are animals who love the new and hate the old. The wife immediately retorted, "Who said that? We are also very nostalgic." The husband asked, "What do you miss?" "The wife said," age! "3. A boyfriend and girlfriend fell in love while sitting on a park bench. Women suddenly want to fart. Say to the man: I am a cereal bird, do you listen to it? This man is really willing to listen. So, under the cover of the birdsong of "cuckoo cuckoo", the woman happily farted. W: Does it sound like a cuckoo? Man: What a fart! I didn't catch it! 4. Just seeing the classmate's help, Weibo growled: Help me see what to do if my hand is stuck by 502! The middle finger and thumb are glued together, and I am Guanyin now! 5. The painter Xu Beihong is famous for drawing horses. The horses in his works are vigorous and powerful, with different postures, or galloping, or looking back and screaming, or flying in the air. With the maturity of the creative stage, his later works are mainly pastoral, villagers and children, and there is no trace of horses at all, because he finally realized the artistic essence of "no horse is king". 6. When attending a friend's wedding, the groom said affectionately to his parents-in-law: Mom and Dad, don't worry, I will treat her well and take care of her like a brother and sister. 7. Several monks are responsible for cleaning the clothes of the whole Shaolin Temple. The abbot often says to them, "As long as you are willing to work hard, the laundry room can be overhauled." Other monks are getting tired, only the young monk Feng Ming always remembers the abbot's teachings and washes every piece of clothes carefully. Finally, one day, things were troubled and the abbot promoted him to the deacon of the First Hospital. Feng Ming found some long hairs in the abbot's cassock. 8. My wife said to me, "Who said,' Is yours mine, mine or mine?' This is simply a contempt for family harmony. Dear, please rest assured that in our family, there is no Wu Zetian or Empress Dowager Cixi, and we will always be equal: the housework is yours and the TV remote control is mine; The loan card is yours and the salary card is mine ... "9. Wife: What if we all die and go to hell? Husband: I will pray to God that you will go to heaven. I'm alone in hell! Wife: You have a conscience! Husband: I'm afraid we're all in hell and married. For me, that's the real hell.