Humorous jokes in short messages

In modern society, mobile phones have gradually occupied people's lives, and short messages have become one of the main tools for people to communicate with each other. Short message segments have also become one of the toners in people's lives. The following is a selection of short messages I brought to you. I hope you like them.

1, the unit is a tree full of monkeys. Looking up is full of ass, looking down is full of smiling faces, and looking left and right is full of eyes and ears! ! !

You are lying opposite the theater, occupying four seats. When someone wakes you up, you only help two things. The security guard came over and said, Yuck ~ Brother, which way is it? You gnashed your teeth and said, I fell down the aisle upstairs!

Patient: I can't sleep. Doctor: these pills, red makes you dream of Dehua; Allen's white dream; Green dream of nourishing hair. Patient: What about eating them all? Doctor: Then you can see Guo Rong.

A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University!

I heard that you were surrounded and beaten by eight thieves that day. You are stunned and not knocked down. Are you good at kung fu? I learned later that you were tied to a tree. Ha ha!

6. I have a request: invite me to dinner. I hope you can satisfy me. Otherwise, I'll write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front of it: apply for a certificate. Please be kind to me, or I'll write a proposal letter, with no restrictions!

7. I heard that your mobile phone has no short message function, so I sent this short message to try. If you receive it and confirm that it has SMS function and it is not sent by me, please reply to me: I do, it is yours!

I asked my boss for a week's leave to decorate my house outside anonymous. After a week, the house has not been renovated, so we have to send a telegram to extend our leave. The boss was shocked when he received the telegram! The telegram said: I haven't finished sexual intercourse, so I'm going to take a week off.

9. Weather forecast: I miss you a little from tonight to tomorrow morning. I expect to miss you continuously in the afternoon. Due to long-term depression, the night will become a big dream and the mood will be reduced by five degrees. It is expected that this weather will last until I see you.

10, A: "The new neighbor is so hateful. He came in the middle of the night last night and rang my doorbell hard. B: Did you call the police? " A: "No, I think they are crazy. Keep playing my trumpet. 」

1 1, a man and a woman who had been dating for a short time announced their marriage. At the wedding, people asked them why they were getting married so soon. The man replied:? I figured it out. ? The woman replied:? Get over it. ?

12, the teacher is doing a family survey. He asked Xiao Qiang, Do you have a younger brother? I saw Xiao Qiang bending his head to his crotch with great difficulty? After a while: teacher, I really won't kiss!

13. When you read this message, you have been poisoned by love. The only antidote is to marry me. Forget it. Forev

14, Bajie met the old man and asked: Shit! Yue Lao! Why did you separate me from Gao? Yue: She is a person, and you are a demon. I'm afraid your child will be a shemale.

15, Jianghu knows that you are skilled in martial arts, but you can't be proud. If you do this, you will no longer be a person, but a swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman!

16, the young couple quarreled and threw pillows from upstairs. A beggar happened to pass by and was very happy. After a while, another quilt flew down and the beggar was ecstatic. So he wiped his tears and shouted to the upstairs: big brother, be kind and throw that woman down!

17, the vampire bat came back covered in blood, and the bats were very envious. They asked him where he got so much blood. He took the bat to a big tree and asked, Do you see that big tree? Answer: Yes. It: he * *, I didn't see it.

18. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

19, the man's neck is thick and big, so he has no choice but to see a doctor. The doctor asked why? Male answer:? I had sex with my wife last night and took two aphrodisiacs and got stuck in my throat. ?

20. If you shed tears, I would like to be the toilet paper in your hand; If you wake up, I will be the shit in your eyes; If you are hot to death, I am willing to be the only piece of cloth left on you.

2 1, Dear users: As most of your short messages are sent to the opposite sex, which has caused a very bad influence on society, we have suspended your short message function. Please bring your own bench to the nearby police station to learn stylistic knowledge tomorrow!

22. One day when you were walking in the street, someone stopped you and said you were ugly. You denied it and got a beating: hypocrisy! ! I was stopped the next day and called you ugly. You admit being beaten: you are not modest! ! On the third day, I was stopped again, afraid to respond, and was beaten even worse: ugly is still so shameful! !

23, take a taxi with friends to meet netizens, and see a big dinosaur waiting at the appointed place far away. A friend patted the driver on the shoulder: See that woman in front? Oh, drive over and kill her?

24. Mouse's dream: Drag all the cats into the hole and bite them to death. Crow's protest: Are we black people in the world? Wolf's plan: get a sheepskin and put it on tomorrow. What about you?

25, want to be an emperor, afraid of embarrassment; Want to be an official, afraid of many things; Want to eat, afraid to brush the pot; I really want to beat you up, but I'm afraid of getting into trouble.

26. Men are afraid: I am afraid that my young lady will get sick, that my lover will get pregnant, that the masses will write letters, and that my wife will respect herself. What are you afraid of?

27. Warning: Your mobile phone has undergone drastic internal changes due to overload and is about to explode. Please put it in an empty place immediately after reading this prompt?

28, the left eye flies out, causing your attention; My right eye flies out, I love you; When the left eye is closed, it is sweet; As soon as my right eye is closed, I am interested; As soon as you close your eyes, you can do whatever you want!

29. My female colleague received 99 roses, looked at them for a long time and suddenly asked me:? Do you know what rose sauce does?

30. I have such a female companion: if she reports that she didn't eat, I will feel hungry.

3 1, time and tide wait for no man, especially after the separation of two places like me.

32. Asking what is going on in the world is a mutual delay between men and women.

33. After the introduction of the new marriage law, my female companion said to me: Since the house is not mine, then I am not yours!

I can't see the true face of Lushan Mountain just because I cover my eyes with heavy makeup.

35. Love is like bath water. After a long time, the water gets cold. Even if you don't care about the water temperature, your skin will wrinkle after soaking for a long time.

36. I have always had you in my heart, but the proportion has changed.

If you don't be my companion in this life, I will be your son in the next life. You think I won't kill you?

38. The blender stirred away my youth, the excavator dug away my dream, the roller crushed my hope, and the electric welding machine could not sew up my sorrow!

39. Every time you evacuate darts and targets, you can return to the bull's-eye!

40. Is there a girl named? Arctic girl? It is as cold as ice and as attractive as a magnet.

4 1. Romance is a beautiful tourist destination, but it is not a place where you can stay at home every day.

42. When you walk, you will be scattered, and your memories will fade; Watch, you are tired and the stars are dim; Listen, I woke up and started complaining; I turned around and found you gone, and suddenly I was lost?

43. Wukong drew a circle, and Tang Priest was safe; Xiaoping drew a circle and Shenzhen became rich. You drew a circle and you wet the bed again.

44. How to make leaders obey you? It's actually quite simple. Send him a message!