How to overcome social phobia?

Two days ago, a brother on the Internet asked me if there was any effective way to overcome social phobia, which made me blush. I used to have the symptoms you mentioned, especially after puberty and before college. After puberty, my body has changed a lot. In addition to her voice growing taller, her hair has become particularly curly like an African. At that time, I felt different from others and felt very inferior. When talking to others, I always feel that others are looking at my hair, and then I get nervous and sweat. I guess my face must have been particularly red at that time, but I was dark, so I guess others couldn't see my blushing:)

I think one of the reasons for social phobia is that you care too much about what others think of you, because when I was in middle school, my hair was curly and dark, and my classmates often joked about me and said that I was African Congo. Because I was too concerned about other people's comments, I took all the jokes seriously. Later, I thought about it. In fact, the most fundamental reason is that I don't like myself and can't accept everything about myself.

After I went to college, my social phobia slowly disappeared. An important reason for getting better is that I improved my self-confidence from an English scum to an English bully, and then I exercised my communication skills as the head of the school English Association. I talk to people a lot, so I speak naturally. Now, I have become a chat-up expert, life coach and psychological counselor, and I have changed from social phobia to cheekiness:) I want to recommend the following ways to overcome social phobia through my understanding of social phobia in recent years.

1, learn to accept yourself unconditionally, and learn to love yourself. But accepting yourself doesn't mean being content with the status quo, so you don't have to work hard anymore. Accepting oneself means acknowledging and accepting the facts, objectively evaluating and knowing yourself, not avoiding and imagining, and not replacing yourself in reality with a perfect illusion; Accept yourself, and you will live calmly and confidently, and no longer worry about your performance, because your performance has nothing to do with your value. In this calm state, your potential can be fully exerted, and your time and energy can be spent more on your own goals than on your hard work, so it is easier for you to make progress and achievements.

2. People with social phobia often think too much. His thinking is slender, neurotic, and paranoid, and he is easy to "get hurt" and interpret others' unintentional or well-intentioned words and deeds as malicious. He will be afraid that others will ignore him, reject him, and fear that others will not reply to him after sending text messages or WeChat. For any behavior of others, he will repeatedly recall and ponder uncontrollably in his mind. Moreover, people with social phobia are often attributed internally. They always wonder if they have done something wrong and others will "ignore him" and "be bad" to him. You know, everything is beyond your control. People ignore you because they are busy with other things and forget to reply to you, or for other reasons. So, you just have to be yourself, and the rest will be natural. This is also the concept mentioned by Morita, let nature take its course and do what you should do.

3, cultivate their own interests and live a full life. If you want to solve your "problem" thoroughly before you start to live a good life, then you may never start the life you want. Learn to forget your "problems" and stop taking "healing yourself" as the primary thing in life, but actively devote yourself to your goals and interests, accumulate self-confidence through small things, and increase happiness through interests. For example, learning a new skill and knowledge, I have improved my self-confidence by learning English, and you can also improve your self-confidence by learning something that interests you.

In short, a person like me, who had a cold sweat and flushed face before talking to others, can now become an expert in chatting up people, and I believe you can also get rid of social phobia. I hope this article, which took me over an hour to write, can help you. I'm Yang Hang, a chat expert, a life coach and a psychological counselor. You can trust me privately if you have any questions.