Any funny adult jokes?

Dad asked me: Why do you keep smoking?! I said: Taiwan has not returned yet, I am upset! The doctor asked the patient how he broke the bone, and the patient said, I felt there was sand in my shoes, so he held on to the telephone pole. Shake your shoes, damn, a bastard passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two sticks! It was about breakfast. A man woke up early in the morning and found that his wife was dead on the bed. He jumped up, ran down the stairs with a pale face, and shouted loudly: "Amei! Amei!" The maid replied: "Sir! What's the matter?" "One boiled egg for breakfast is enough." 1. Do you want to Kiss Me One night, a young girl and a handsome male hired man walked side by side on a secluded country road. The hired worker carries a large bucket on his shoulder, a broiler chicken in one hand, a walking stick in the other, and a goat. They walked into a long, quiet dark alley. "I don't dare to walk with you here," the girl said, "Maybe you want to kiss me!" "I carry so many things," the male worker asked, "How is that possible?" "Yeah." The girl said, "What if you stuck your crutch in the mud, tied the sheep to it, and put the chicken in the bucket?" 2. The temptation of beautiful women. An English gentleman and a French woman rode in the same box. The woman took off her coat and lay down and complained that she was hairy. cold. The husband gave her his quilt, but she still kept saying it was cold. "How else can I help you?" the gentleman asked in frustration. "My mother always used her body to keep me warm when I was a child." "Miss, there's nothing I can do about this. Where can I find your mother?" 3. Bet that a young man walked up to a girl's back and covered her with his hands. The eyes said: "If you can't guess who I am, then you let me kiss you. Say three names quickly!" "Louis XVI?... No? Victor Hugo?... Napoleon?" Is it still wrong? Then you win!" 4. Couplet In the evening, a couple of college students were walking around the campus. At the three-way intersection, the man suddenly saw a couplet on the street sign, one of which read: South Passage, North Passage, North Passage, South Passage. So he I said to my girlfriend: I will give you a couplet to let you know... The woman glanced at the street sign on the south passage and said: Male classmates, female classmates, boys and girls, boys and girls. 5. Slow reaction. On the bench in the park, A pair of lovers clinging to each other. The man asked: "Can I kiss you?" The woman did not answer. The man asked again: "Can you let me kiss you?" The woman still didn't answer. The man got angry: "Hey, are you deaf?" The woman got angry: "Hey, are you dead?" 1. A mental patient is writing a letter. The nurse asked: Who are you writing to? Patient replied: Myself. The nurse asked again: What should I write? The patient jumped up and shouted: "You are mentally ill. I haven't received it yet. How do I know what to write?" 2. The new director of the mental hospital walked up to a patient and asked him why he entered the mental hospital. "Doctor, it's like this. I married a widow who had an adult daughter. My father married her daughter, so my wife became her father-in-law's mother-in-law, and her daughter became my stepdaughter and stepmother. My stepmother gave birth to A son who became my brother and my wife's grandson. I also had a son who became his grandfather's brother-in-law and his own uncle's uncle. On the other hand, my father said of his grandson. Said to be his brother-in-law, my son calls his sister grandma. I now think that I am my mother's father and my grandson's brother. My wife is her son-in-law's daughter and her grandson's sister. Now I don't know. My own grandfather, my brother's father, and my son's nephew because my son is my father's brother-in-law. That's why I'm here. 3. I feel calmer here than at home. Patients often have feelings of admiration for doctors or nurses. One day, a female patient came to a male doctor... Female patient: Doctor Lan, do you love me? Doctor Lan thought for a long time (in order not to hurt the patient) To prevent the condition from worsening) Dr. Lan: Our relationship is between doctor and patient. Because you are sick, I must take good care of you... (In order not to hurt the patient, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally finished) Female patient: Doctor Lan, do you mean you don’t love me? Doctor Lan (thinking hard): Hmm... Hmm... Hmm... Female patient: Fortunately... I love Dr. Chen... 4. Because Due to the economic crisis, the number of mental patients has increased sharply recently. The mental hospitals are full. In order to reserve places for those with severe symptoms, the director can only discharge those with milder conditions. To this end, he thought of a way: the doctor asked the first patient. :"What is 3 times 3? .

" "274" The doctor asked the second patient: "It's your turn. What is 3 times 3?" " "Tuesday. The doctor turned to the third patient: "Okay, now it's your turn. What is 3 times 3?" " "9. "Very good!" The doctor praised, "How did you calculate that?" " "You are so stupid. Isn't this simple? Divide 274 by Tuesday and you get it! ? " 5. Two psychiatrists were chatting together. "What is the most difficult case you have ever encountered?" one asked. "I once met a patient," the other replied, "who always believed he had a A rich uncle in South America will leave him a large fortune, so he does nothing every day, just waiting for the letter informing him to collect the property." "What's the result?" "I spent eight years. Time healed him, but then the hateful letter came!"