Ask for short messages

1. A male deer walked faster and faster, and finally became a road (deer)! ! ! !

2. Two tomatoes cross the road, a car flies by, one of them can't escape and is squashed, and the other tomato points to the squashed tomato and laughs: dig hahaha, ketchup …

The wolf said, "I will eat you!" ! ! "Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

4. The stone fights with the rice cake, and the stone flies and kicks the rice cake into the sea. ..........

Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who secretly decided to live for life, but the boy needed military service, so he made an oath with the girl and gave her a diamond.

Stone ring, and promised to meet the girl three years later today. At that time, this ring will be used as a wedding ring. It's been three years.

Yes, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and ran away from home.

However, the boy has been waiting for the girl, but the girl misunderstood the date place and became an eternal legacy.

Alas, the boy was heartbroken ... A few years later, the boy went fishing. Guess what he caught?

Rice cake! ! !

5. Is jiaozi a boy or a girl?

Answer the boy because jiaozi has a foreskin.

6. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" From then on, he became Xiao Huang.

Melon! !

7. The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I reached out to scratch it and burned myself to death …

8. Once upon a time, there was a bird.

He passes through a cornfield every day.

But unfortunately,

One day, a fire broke out in the cornfield.

All the corn has turned into popcorn.

After the bird flew over, ...

I think it will be very cold if it snows. ...

9. When will Taiwan Province Province be reunified?

When buying instant noodles

10. Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, and time waits for no one.

A song: "Recalling childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day."

Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years."

A song: "Father's Day is in ten years."

Apa: "It will be the days of the elderly in a few decades."

A song: "In a few decades."

Appa: Tomb-Sweeping Day.

1 1. Soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..."

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. Go for a while.

Maybe it's here. "

Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "Don't go ... you must find Plum ..."12. A girl was lovelorn, so I advised her: "Two legs.

Toads are hard to find, and there are plenty of men with three legs! "

13. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, what's wrong with you?"

What would be a silly child? "

17.a: "I'll take you to a place where all girls don't wear bras."

B: "Really? Where is it? Take me away! "

A: "It's in the kindergarten next door!"

18. Wang, the host of Happy Dictionary, interviewed a program audience and asked, "What do you admire most?"

Which hostess? "The audience said," It's you. " Ask Wang, "Why do you say that?" The audience said, "Because.

You look a bit like Yang Lan! "

19. Do you know what color Spider-Man is?

Red, wrong!

It is white.

I don't believe you have read Spider-Man's English: Spider-Man (a white man).

20. Why did Xiao Ming fall?

Please think twice ........................

Because the floor is slippery.

2 1. After the party, a group of animals rushed into the 7- 1 1 convenience store to buy things. Because it was too noisy, I was beaten by the clerk.

I came out, but I left the mutton alone in the shop. Why?

Convenience stores are open 24 hours a day. ...

22. The glass and coffee cup crossed the road together, and suddenly someone shouted: Here comes the bus!

As a result, the glass was hit by a car and the coffee cup was fine. Why?

Coffee cups have ears!

23. A horse said that our company has launched a new product, Ass 3, or MP3…… for short ...

24. I hate two kinds of people most:

First, there is racial discrimination;

The second is black;

Third, I can't count!

25. I want to thank madoka ozawa Gang, Ran Asakawa, Ai Nagase, Ryoko Mitake, Maria of Gao Qiao, Kawamoto Dance, You Mutong,

Natsume Mei Xi, Qin Zhi Zhi Zhi Mei, Shiraishi, Kudo Kwai, Xiaoshajing Zhenyou, Kishikawa Misui, Nishida Yuji, Zejing Yayi,

Fujisaki Ayaka, Noyama みづき, Chihiro Inoue, Yuki Matsumura and Quan Jingxiang, etc. I know the name and I don't know it.

Foreign friends whose names appear in my computer and are deleted or still in the computer: every night.

When people are quiet, accompany me through one lonely night after another; When I was at my worst, it was her.

The children came to comfort me at the right time; When I was exhausted from playing CS, it was they who made me feel unobstructed pleasure. In my depressed state

When fans don't feel it, it makes me feel HIGH ~

26. Now the accuracy of earthquake prediction has really improved a lot, only two words are missing this time: the prediction is in Heilongjiang, and the result is.

But in Jiujiang!

27. Jane Zhang said, "My fans say my idol is Ying."

He Jie said: "My fans say my idol is Jay."

"My fans say my idol is Chang."

Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

29. When winter came, I decided to keep the habit of taking a cold bath, but after washing, I found myself changing back.

What is childhood like! ! !

30. Celery was walking when he suddenly felt a pain in his stomach. Then he said "shh". What did you say he pulled out ~ ~

That's celery dung (diligence)! ! ! What color is celery (vegetable) dung?

Answer: yellow.

Because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shihuang)

3 1. There is a fat man.

Jump off the top of the twentieth floor. ...

It turned out to be .....

Fat man! !

Once upon a time, there was a piece of bread. It felt hungry and ate itself.

Once upon a time, there was a glass of beer. It felt thirsty and drank it. ..

Once upon a time, there was a virgin who felt tired and let herself fall asleep.

33. Who is the ancestor of mankind?

It's peanuts because peanuts ~ ~ ~

34. Which ancient figure was a white-collar worker?

Meng Mu's Three Movements (Thousands)

35. Zhang Fei: "Stop the old thief!"

Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Dismount and die! "

Police car: "Listen, two thieves ~ ~ ~ You are surrounded ~ ~ ~ Drop your weapons ..."

36. How did the ants die after falling from the Himalayas?

Answer: I am starving. Because it is too light, it will take a long time to float down …

37. The world's largest KB diary

Old bear was about to write a diary when he found that the diary had been used up. He wanted to go out and buy another one, but it was too late.

It is twelve o'clock. But he rode his bike and searched in the dark street. After searching for a long time, he finally found a bookstore he had never been to.

Yang went in. He likes a diary very much, so he asks his boss how much it costs.

The boss said in a low voice, "This is imported, and the price should be set in 70 yuan ..."

The old bear said, "It's so expensive, but I have to pay 50 yuan."

The boss said, "It doesn't matter, even if you are at 50 yuan."

The old bear said happily, "Thank you, boss."

The boss said gloomily, "When you buy it back, don't turn to the last page, otherwise."

Very KB things will happen, don't blame me for not reminding you! "

The old bear said, "Well, I see."

Old bear bought his diary home. He opened the package and put it on the table in front of the room window. At this time, he first thought

Take a shower and come out to write a diary. ...

After taking a bath, the old bear found that the window in front of the desk was actually open, and the wind blew away the pages of the diary …

When the last page was blown, the old bear stepped forward to stop it, but it was too late and the last page was blown away by the wind.

KB happened ... I saw the old bear let out a scream because he saw the last page, which read:

(Please pull down)

.............. pulls again. ...

Keep pulling ...

Well, I'm finally going to pull a little …

38. A peach was walking on the road and suddenly said, My heart is so hard!

A walnut was walking on the road and suddenly said, how thick-skinned I am!

There is a coke can on the road, and I feel bored when I walk. Suddenly, I said, I'm so coke!

A heater was walking on the road, helping passers-by conveniently, and suddenly said, I am so enthusiastic!

A key was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am Qu Yuan! I'll look up and down for that lock!

An electric meter was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am a scholar! Look for him in the crowd!

A tadpole was walking on the road and met another tadpole while walking. As he walked, he suddenly said, we are not QQ.

Ah!

A hawthorn is married and walking on the road. Walking, he suddenly said, my face is so red!

A hawthorn divorced, walking on the road suddenly said, my heart is so sour!

A hawthorn remarried and walked on the road, suddenly saying, I have a child in my stomach!

A tea bag was walking on the road and suddenly said, I really want to be soaked!

A dumpling stuffing was walking on the road and suddenly said, I really want to be wrapped!

A lighter was walking on the road and suddenly said that his stomach was full of gas and he wanted to get angry!

A cockroach was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am strong!

A thimble was walking on the road and suddenly said, I'm on it!

An ice cream was walking on the road and suddenly said, I'm cold!

A spider was walking on the road and suddenly said, I still want to surf the internet!

A fish was walking on the road and suddenly said, I like diving every day!

A Guan Yu was walking on the road, and suddenly he said, I rode thousands of miles alone!

An eagle was walking on the road and met a bear. Suddenly, he said, we are playing with the eagle and the bear!

A compass was walking on the road and suddenly said, why can't I find the north?

An earthworm was walking on the road and suddenly said, why can't I find my legs?

39. Once upon a time, there was a Simmons who closed her eyes and suddenly felt as if something was missing.

Thinking of hearing the doorbell ring, I opened the door and saw that the electric blanket had just returned from the meeting.

Simmons grabbed the electric blanket and said:

Brother ~ ~ You can come back, I'm freezing ~ ~ ~

4 1. There is a polar bear playing with a penguin, and the penguin plucks his hair one by one.

After that, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!"

When the polar bear heard this, he tore off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold.

! "

42. There is a hide-and-seek club, and the head has not been found yet. ...

43. Xiaohong asked: Do you use your right hand or your left hand to make coffee?

Xiaomei said: right hand

Xiaohong said: Oh, you are awesome. You are not afraid of scalding, just like I use a spoon.

Do you know why penguins live in Antarctica?

Because it's cold there ... ..

45. There is a snack bar selling jiaozi without business.

So she went to ask the teacher what to do.

The Lord said, you have to find a fresh corpse and wrap its meat into jiaozi.

Then sell it so that business will be good, but tell their family not to eat this kind of jiaozi, otherwise.

A lot of things will happen.

The boss tried it and the effect was really good.

So she went looking for the body again.

The next day, her son will bring a lunch.

But he couldn't find it, so he went to the refrigerator to look for it.

Found a lunch box. He thought it was his and took it away.

Unexpectedly, jiaozi was left by his father in the box.

He held it up at noon to watch the next jump.

The cross in the morning is 10. Why did it suddenly become five?

He tried to put the lid on again, then opened it, and it became two again!

You know why?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Because jiaozi stuck to the lid.

46. A lumberjack applied for a job.

Foreman: Try the forest ahead … See how many trees you can saw in a minute … ..

A minute later ...

Foreman: Wow ... 20 trees a minute ... amazing ... where did you work before?

Worker: Sahara forest ...

Foreman: I haven't heard of it. .......................................................

Worker: yes ... then I changed my name!

47. Wife: I am blind and will marry you if I step on shit.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ...

48. tell a story Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who secretly made a lifelong commitment, but the boy needed military service, so he made an oath with the girl.

I gave the girl a diamond ring and promised to meet the girl today in three years. At that time, the ring will be used as.

Wedding ring.

Three years later, the boy heard the news of a woman's marriage on the boat home. He was heartbroken and desperate.

I really threw the diamond ring into the sea, and three days later, the ship landed. The boy went to a small restaurant in the street for dinner. A fish was brought. He picked up

The fish bit a hard thing and spit it out. Guess what he saw.

Fish bones! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

49. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

He announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

50. Why are puppies getting smaller and smaller?

A: Because it goes further and further.

Once upon a time, there was a horse! It ran into the sea.

So, it becomes a "hippocampus"!

Another friend of this horse fell into the river in order to find the horse that fell into the sea. Later, he

It became a hippo.

The third horse is white. In order to find two missing friends, it came to a city with chaotic traffic.

It was run over by several cars in a row, leaving several black stripes on its body.

Turns out to be a zebra!

One day, the fourth horse came to a factory in order to find the companions of the first three horses, and the result was transformed into "iron"

Horse ".

But later, those horses still couldn't escape the fate of being eaten, and they were all made into "Shaqima" and ravaged everywhere.

No horse was spared, and it became a world without horses. ...

Then, a group of people saw the joke and couldn't help saying, "The horse is really cold." .

Finally, in order to commemorate this joke, someone edited it into a class, and we called it "Marseille class"!

52. One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend.

He kept crying. ...

Cry sadly all the time ...

result ...

male ...

send ...

bud ...

it is ...

53. One day, a lump of black shit saw a lump of white shit.

The black stool asked, Why are you so white and beautiful?

White shit is very angry!

He said: I am not shit! I am ice cream! ! !

54. A cat found a mouse.

So he jumped on the mouse like a hungry tiger to eat it.

But then the cat was eaten by this mouse … ..

why

because

Tigers and mice are stupid and can't tell them apart.

55. A software company is recruiting.

On this day, a dog came to apply. The supervisor felt depressed and wanted to drive the dog out. The dog took out a piece of paper and a pen.

Write a few words neatly: please don't discriminate against animals.

The manager knows that this is not an ordinary dog. Out of curiosity, he decided to have a try.

The manager took out the application conditions, which read: 1. Must be able to type. 2。 Must be able to program. 3。 Be proficient in at least one subject

foreign language

So the dog came to the computer, skillfully typed an article and wrote a very complicated program. then

Come to the supervisor and say: meow! !

56. Sister Toothpaste often changes her mind.

Suddenly, dating my brother's soft toothbrush

I suddenly fell in love with electric toothbrush.

A new neighbor came today.

Sister Toothpaste: "Wow, you are so tall and stylish ~ What's your name ~ Come out with me ~"

The new neighbor said coldly, "No! Because I am a comb ~ "

One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple.

The snake said, "I am too young to fart so smelly." It must be a cow. 」

The cow said, "I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly." 」

The pig said, "people who fart will blush." 」

Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out, knocked the pig away, and said, "How many times have I told you, I was born blushing. 」

58. He is not a romantic.

Because he knows that she likes roses, and there is a place where she can cut flowers herself.

After buying cheap and beautiful self-help roses,

Occasionally, I will buy eleven roses for her on purpose.

When she received flowers from him, her happy expression always inadvertently showed puzzled eyes.

She didn't know until one day she saw the flower language represented by the number of flowers in a book.

You don't have to send flowers in pairs,

Moreover, the representative flower language of eleven roses is really touching!

But she still wants to hear it from him,

When she asked what eleven roses represented,

He can only prevaricate.

He hurriedly asked the florist about the flower language of eleven roses.

The florist said: I have been planting flowers for 30 years and have never heard the language of any flowers!

I often hear men who come to buy flowers say some sweet words to women.

Then why do you sell eleven flowers each?

He asked doubtfully, and the florist said:

because ...

Buy ten and get one free ~

60. Xiaoming owes 200,000 yuan to the underground bank.

Xiao Ming begged him to stay a few more days.

The banker said, "Be sure to return it tomorrow, otherwise ... chop off two fingers; The day after tomorrow ... chop 4; On the third day ... "

Xiao Ming: "There is no need to return it, right?"

Banker: "no, then you will become a tinker bell." 」

6 1. Sister is holding a doll.

Come and see the flowers in the garden.

The doll cried for her mother.

The bird in the tree smiled …

This is actually a KB nursery rhyme … and the most terrible thing is its origin, because there is a little-known story behind this song …

This "elder sister", formerly known as "Yu Shang in Kitamura", is the daughter of a general's foreign wife.

Ugly from an early age, even uglier when you are older.

Therefore, my father has never seen her, and Yu Zi has never left any feelings for his father …

Jade is therefore reluctant to see people and is increasingly closed. Even his own mother and sister are afraid to go near her …

Just because ugliness is regarded as an infectious plague.

And the only thing that can accompany jade is the smiling doll that will always be like this. In the morning and evening, jade holds it …

Sad Yu Shang finally hanged himself in his room when he was about to be in the mood for love at the age of fifteen …

Because Yu Zi has been closed since childhood, no one will enter her room at all.

In this way, it was not until the body's hair grew from the waist to the floor and its clothes changed from white to dark red that it was discovered by his mother …

My mother burst into tears when she saw this. After dealing with things, my mother couldn't forget the scene. She took everything.

It's my fault that I prefer my second daughter.

In this way, my mother became increasingly weak because of grief, and finally died of depression at the age of 30.

I was holding the doll before I left, as if I thought I had left with my daughter. ...

After the death of mother and daughter, things gradually became dull.

But at night, when crows crow, there is a faint sound.

"mom! I am really lonely "~" Mom! Why are you always away from me? "

The place where the voice came was where their mother and daughter hanged themselves.

And the only thing that belongs to them in the room is the doll with a white face and a smiling face!

In order to calm people's fears, the general sent a sculptor to carve the doll's face into a cat's face (Japan uses cats as mascots), but in order to prevent it from making a sound (following the fear of the general's own guilt for his daughter), the general

People are not allowed to carve mouths on cats' faces.

In this way, the doll has been placed in the Ministry house for more than one hundred years … ..

In a series of wars after the lock-up policy, the Kitamura family was slaughtered, and of course everything was taken away. In this way, as an antique in the eyes of foreigners, dolls are sold everywhere.

Finally, in the past hundred years, dolls have been made public, but the story is still little known.

Because the doll's appearance is pleasing, there are many wild geese floating around.

But ordinary people collect it only because of its attractive appearance.

You must have seen the doll with such a sad story. It is a white-faced cat that used to be human.

↓↓↓↓ (Please pull to the end)

Hello kitty!

62. This story happened in China a long time ago.

I played a guessing game with scissors, stone and cloth all afternoon, my good friends.

Go home together, take a walk …

Si Tong noticed an oil lamp by the roadside, just like Aladdin's magic lamp.

He picked it up curiously and dusted it off.

Suddenly, white smoke came out of the bottle of Ran Ran magic lamp.

A dragon slowly emerged from the white smoke. ..

But the dragon is dry and a little malnourished.

He said, "Who let me out?" Fuzzy

Stone said: I let you out.

Dragon: "Oh … Ahem … Then I can give you a wish …" "

Stone: "Ah ... only one. Oh, there are three. "

Dragon: "I'm sorry ... because I'm a half-toned dragon ... if you don't want to, forget it ..." "

Si Tong: "OK ... and then ... can you make all three of us adults?" We are tired of guessing boxing every day.

. "

Dragon: "Oh ... I'll try … but maybe only one can succeed … because I'm a semitone dragon …" "

The dragon coughed a few times and spat at the three of them respectively.

The three people gradually began to be shrouded in white smoke, and the dragon gradually disappeared into the three-character sutra.

Wait until the white smoke clears. ...

Stone or stone, scissors or scissors, but cloth is no longer cloth, cloth has successfully transformed into human beings!

When one family is happy and two families are sad,

Someone happened to pass by here and saw this scene.

I recorded him,

This man is Mencius.

He wrote:

…………….

Cloth succeeded and became a man.

Then this statement spread to later generations and was added to Chinese textbooks.

63. An old man in a family passed away.

Because there is a public sacrifice, the body is frozen, and then please come out during the public sacrifice.

It happened to be hot at that time,

There were thawed water droplets on the body,

Grandson beside to see, very nervous shout loudly:

"Grandma, grandma ... grandpa is sweating ..."

Grandma replied:

"Shh ... Grandpa died for the first time, so nervous! 」

64. One day, a man met God. ..

God suddenly kindly gave the man a wish.

God asked …

Do you have any wishes …

The man wanted to think. ...

I heard that cats have nine lives. ...

Then please give me nine lives. ..

God said, ..

Your wish has come true. ...

One day, that man was idle and bored …

I want to say die. ...

There are nine lives anyway

Lying on the tracks ...

As a result, a train passed by. ...

That man is still dead ...

Why is this?

Because that train has 10 cars …

65. Xiaoxue asked her father, "Dad, do you have a KB book?" 」

"Yes, of course. 」

Dad said, "I read a book about your father for more than 20 years, and I still think it's KB. 」

"ah? Really? What book will read for more than 20 years and still think about KB? 」

"Marriage certificate. 」

66. A lady met a red light while driving.

The traffic police on the side watched her as the red light turned green and the green light turned red …

Still parked in the middle of the road, not moving.

So the traffic police went over and asked the young lady, "What's the matter, don't you have a favorite color?" 」

67. Have you been dating her for several years?

There seem to be fewer phones recently.

I feel weak.

Ask her why

She just lowered her head and said nothing. ...

I don't know what to do.

After all ... feelings can't be forced.

Listen to your friends.

She has been close to a man recently.

I can't believe it.

I don't want to believe it either.

Because ... I really like her. ...

But ... that day in the street.

I can't believe I saw her with another him.

Hand in hand

Very intimate joke.

instant

My heart ... is broken. ...

After my inquiry

Only then did I know that he … turned out to be a medical student.

There is also a big hospital at home.

I am a third-rate college student, so I can't compare with it. .....

I have been unable to sleep these days.

Do you still want to save our feelings? .....

I thought about it for a long time.

Decided to send her an apple every day.

because

I believe

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

68. Two foreigners went shopping in Carrefour. When checking out, the clerk asked, "Can you speak Chinese?

」

Two foreigners replied in Mandarin: "Speak slowly, we can understand!" ! 」

The clerk said, "Can you … speak … Chinese? 」

69. One night. ...

Xiaoming couldn't sleep, so he decided to go out for a walk …

He just walked on the highway near his home …

Unfortunately, I was caught in a police raid. ...

Xiao Ming was called for questioning.

The policeman asked Xiao Ming why he took to the expressway, and gave him a ticket after asking.

It says

1. Not wearing a seat belt

2. Driving without a license

3. The speed is less than 60 miles per hour

70. Beautiful MM must be seen ~ ~ ~

Coffee diet:

Materials:

One hundred grams of coffee beans (raw)

500 ml of water ...

Exercise:

1, drink 500cc of water.

Step 2 put coffee beans ...

Sprinkle it on the ground and pick it up one by one.

Repeat it three times a day for a month …

7 1. Life is like shit, once washed away, it will never come back.

Life is like shit, it always looks like that, but it's different every time.

Life is like shit, sometimes it's cool, and sometimes it's tangled with five senses!

Life is like shit, you never know what you will pull out. ..

Life is like shit. If you want results, you must plant them first.

Life is like shit, you often work hard for a long time, but only a few farts come out. ..

Life is like shit, even if it is beautifully decorated, the essence is still the same. ..

Life is like shit, only you have to face it silently and bravely.

So, as people often say—

"You go to eat shit! 」

In fact, his original intention is "you should seriously integrate into your own life." 』

72. A guy went to the hospital for a check-up and did a lot of tests.

The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I found that you have a potential homosexual tendency.

Tendency! ! And it's hard to cure!

This guy said, oh, my god! What's the good news?

The doctor said shyly, I found you very cute ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

73. One day, the physics teacher of a class in a girls' middle school called in sick.

Forty female students are expecting who will take this course.

In physics class, he is actually a handsome male teacher.

A female classmate quipped, Teacher, can we play some exciting games in cut class?

And then what?

The male teacher was silent for a moment and said:

Ok ~ ~

Dear students, put away your textbooks and take the exam now!