Humorous SMS quotation for customers

1, working again? I have told you more than once not to work so hard and pay attention to your health. But you always say meaningfully, "If you don't roll more dung balls while the weather is warm, what will I eat in winter?" ! ! "

2. There are some things you should know! Days are used for windy and rainy days; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I was used to prove the greatness of mankind. And you: "It is used to stew vermicelli. ! "

Don't get drunk in the future. Yesterday, someone saw you chasing a pig with a glass and shouted, "Are you a brother?" Brother did it! ! "

4. I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass by me, I will fall for you, and it is in vain not to smash you.

5. If I leave in autumn, I will wait for you in the snow; If the world goes, I will love you in heaven; If I leave, I will let her take care of you. Really, her pig-raising skills are not bad!

6. I know you pay attention to hygiene. Wash your hands carefully every time you go to the toilet. Suddenly you stopped washing your hands. I'm surprised: why don't you wash your hands? You replied: "I brought paper this time! ! "

7. It is a very happy thing to miss you; Nice to meet you. Loving you is what I will always do; Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing; However, lying to you just happened.

8. I pray to the Buddha for a long-lasting rose every day. When I get 999 roses, I will give them to you together and say emotionally, "Little son, I don't believe that the attracted bees won't sting you! ! "

9. It is reported that a few days ago, Iraqi armed forces hung your jade photo on the wall of Baghdad, causing a large number of American soldiers to vomit and die. After investigation and evidence collection by the United Nations, it is confirmed that this is a weapon of mass destruction, so run quickly.

10. Couples in western countries always divorce because their lover is a baby. Look at the old man under the moon in China. They are experienced, so China's marriage lasts longer. When carrot saw the customer, he respectfully handed in his business card. The customer looked at the business card and asked, why is it called Korean ginseng? Carrots have a thin waist. "People haha!"

1 1. Today, when you woke up, there was a mosquito lying on your pillow and a suicide note beside you: I struggled all night. Your face is so thick that I have no face to live in this world! Lord, forgive him! I killed myself.

12, someone saw you today. You are still so charming. You walk slowly in a plaid vest. You look so detached and comfortable. It is really cute. I don't know how you beat rabbits in those years.

13. One year, a man wrote more than 800 love letters to his girlfriend, and finally her girlfriend announced that she was getting married. The groom is the postman who delivered these letters to her.

14, the barber was chatting while helping the guests trim their faces, and they were so busy that they didn't pay attention to shaving the guests' eyebrows. The barber asked: Do you want to keep your eyebrows? Guest: Stay! Barber: Alas! Why didn't you say so earlier? Shaved off!

Husband: Honey, I'm fired. Because of a little thing, it's so unfair! Wife: Why? Husband: I forgot to close the tiger cage after work last night. But they don't want to think, who dares to steal a tiger!

16, "Do you know why men like to have long hair like ladies recently?" "Because, if your lover or wife finds long hair on their clothes, he will smile and say,' This is my hair!' "

17, you were practicing in a mental hospital, and suddenly a psycho came after you with a kitchen knife. You turned and ran until you reached a dead end, thinking it was over. The patient said, "Here's your knife, it's your turn to chase me!" "

18, a player caught the ball unsteadily. While practicing passing and catching the ball, another player gave him a good ball. He was afraid of losing his grip, so he shouted "Hold on". As a result, the ball hit him on the head and he only heard him say, "With whom?"

19. When you are lonely, a pencil may be your best plaything. You can cut it, you can cut it, you can cut it with a small knife, and you can vent yourself and shout loudly, "I killed the pen, I killed the pen, I killed the pen!" " ! "

20. The sky is so clear, the sun is so bright, and the sea is so boundless. You were standing on the blue beach, and I stabbed you with a stick: "Hey, this little bastard, his shell is quite hard! ! "

2 1. On the first day of the obstetrician's internship, his wife asked him, "How was today?" The doctor said, "It's not too bad. Although the mother and the baby were not saved, the baby's father was finally saved. "

22. In class, the teacher found two students sleeping with books on their pillows, one with excellent grades and the other with poor grades. The teacher pulled the poor student up and said, you are a lazy boy. You sleep as soon as you read. Look at people reading when they sleep.

23, the first lovelorn: once the sea was difficult for water, amber forever; The second lovelorn: once the sea was water, except Wushan or clouds; The third lovelorn: once a drop in the ocean, except Wushan.

24. I am not alone with you, dancing with you and taking you on the road of life. I can't help leaving you. I count the stars at night, look for you during the day and look for you in the crowd. So you are in the deepest part of the flock.

25. Wukong drew a circle, and Tang Yan was safe; Little Sage drew a circle and Pleasant Goat was saved. You drew a circle, you can't do anything. Although you are no longer a child, you still wet the bed. Happy holidays!

26. Do you want the clouds in the sky or the gods on the earth? I do my best to prepare for you! Honey, I know, you only need my loyalty and love, and it can't cost you your heart! Wife-loving Day Vow: If you want to spend your heart, please be cautious.

27. Tomorrow, the super action hero will teach me to use dynamic light waves, and the day after tomorrow, Altman will teach me to fight monsters ... Alas, every day will be very busy: Conan, Spider-Man and ... have a good rest today, and I will be a very busy person from tomorrow on.

28. How hard do you usually work? I want to sleep when I get home. I work hard to earn money. I advise you not to be too tired at work. The weekend finally came again. The lazy bed is not really good, the mobile phone doesn't work, and the game is uncertain. In short, everything is fine at the weekend!

29. Wife, it's very kind of you, just like our big cat; Wife, wife, you are so beautiful, just like the curved moon pouting! Wife, wife, you are really bad, just like a little slander; Wife, wife, you are really good, just like the heroine behind the pot!

As a professional goalkeeper, I really admire your professionalism. Yesterday at the class reunion, the old cow threw you a cigarette. I didn't expect you to kick it out with one foot, and it fell into the teacup in front of the old cow.

3 1, I am a wolf in the north. Gentle and kind since childhood. I only dare to watch my companions eat meat. Others think I'm a coward and dislike my wandering alone. Being single is really hard. I want a gentle sheep. You can spend the long mountain with me, and I will spend eternity with you.

32. I hope to have a pair of hands that can adjust the vibration of the earth to * * *; Let the smile of Mount Fuji replace the tears; Let north Africa no longer be filled with smoke; Let the supermarkets in China be filled with dazzling array of iodized salt.

Neighbor: Is there something wrong with the car? Tommy: I bought a valve that saves 30% fuel, a carburetor that saves 40% fuel and a spark plug that saves 50% fuel. Neighbor: Tommy: After driving for 20 kilometers, the oil overflowed!

34. If you have a level in your heart and a diploma in your bag, you can rise or fall. I have no moral level, and the vault can fill it. I have a bottle in my left hand and a medicine bottle in my right. I have a vinegar bottle at home and a vase outside!

35.a: How can we live longer? B: Give up drinking. A: I don't drink. B: No color. A: I don't like women. B: Vegetarian. A: I don't eat meat! B exclaimed: Then why do you want to live long?

36. The furthest distance in the world is when I stand in front of you and you turn a blind eye. The most embarrassing thing in the world is to bring enough money to eat steamed buns, only to find that the price of steamed buns has just increased when checking out.

37. The secret recipe handed down from ancestors is very effective: on the last night of the year, three eggs are wrapped in three layers of red cloth and put on the pillow. Cooking it and eating it the next day will bring you good luck for a year. Don't miss the chance, try it quickly, idiot!

38. What is the most painful thing in the world? The radiation came and the salt was gone; What is the most painful thing in the world? When radiation comes, salt doesn't work; What is the most painful thing in the world? Radiation didn't come, so I bought too much salt. What is the most painful thing in the world? When people die, they can't run out of salt.

39. If you run, I will chase you. If you marry, I will marry. If you dare to spend money, I will make money. If you dare to be Kotaro, I will be Grey Wolf. If you dare to be a mother, I will dare to be a father; If you dare not leave, I will be dead set; I believe you in this life!

40. It's leisurely to go out by bike, and the beautiful scenery is very eye-catching; Why does it rain on a sunny day? "raindrops" hit the face; Looking up in confusion, a bird flew to the edge; Suddenly I didn't feel very good, so I touched the shit with my hand.

4 1. Today, you will step onto the historical stage at an amazing speed. Your name will be circulated thousands of times, and everything will revolve around you. Hey hey, dear rice dumplings, I will eat you today! I wish you all a happy Dragon Boat Festival!

42, ten years of life and death, Sanlu Xiang, sulfur ginger. A lonely grave thousands of miles away, dyed steamed bread cold. Even if we meet, we should not know that clenbuterol has changed. I dreamed of coming home suddenly at night. Sudan Red, I am as good as an ox. Don't care about salt, just care about waste oil.

43. The ancients talked about houses. Confucius said: those who ascend are like husbands, and they will not give up day and night; Cao Cao: Why buy a house, only mortgage; Li Qingzhao: How expensive is the house price? Du Fu: An Neng arranges thousands of rooms, which makes people who apply for affordable housing happy.

44. Without the help of friends, rivers and lakes are too dangerous to go. Wandering in the downtown streets without the care of relatives. Without your blessing, the world of mortals is full of sadness. How many text messages do you send me a year? No wonder my head turned white with worry!

45. Chinese can at least increase your literary knowledge! English can let you communicate with ghosts! History can keep you from betraying! Geography can keep you from getting lost! Politics can let you know how to defend your rights! But what can mathematics do besides destroying the whole life? You use functions to buy food! When you go to the Yellow Crane Tower, you have to calculate how far the ships in the Yangtze River are from you! When you see a row of phone numbers, think about whether there is a general formula between them!

46. My daughter hasn't heard this story. I simplified the story: a swan turned into a beautiful woman and married a prince ... My daughter was worried that the prince would let her have children. What if she lays an egg?

47. I am gentle and considerate to you. A drop of wine makes you intoxicated; The delicious part keeps your stomach healthy. I'm waiting for your date by the river. I cast so many baits. Fish, why don't you take the bait?

48. Xiaoming always likes to lie prone on his desk in class. The teacher can't bear it. Xiao Ming stands up and is not allowed to listen to the class at his desk. Xiao Ming said helplessly, teacher, there is no way. I'm restricted. As long as you give a lecture, I will fall down.

49. I wish you to be a happy shop assistant: if you have nothing to do, just watch duets. Happy plum blossoms bloom twice, listen to beautiful duets, get paid twice, don't have to be idle at both ends, go out and take two steps, and everyone says you are stupid!

The best food in 50, 20 17: cutting cakes; The most famous father: michel platini; The worst group: shareholders; The most troublesome policy: high-speed free; The most famous restaurant: Peking University Dream Taoyuan; The most powerful answer: my surname is Zeng; The most beautiful dance: the worst prediction of aircraft carrier style: 20 16. This year is coming to an end, no matter whether the prediction is true or not, I wish you peace and joy throughout the year.

5 1, pig hunting notice: I lost a pure white pig. Features: smart, considerate, with mobile phone, check SMS. Send the information back quickly! Master misses you now!

52, why I eat ice factory is not frozen! Why do I wash my hair with Rejoice, but I don't feel confident at all! Why did mother send Wangzai milk to school, and the school didn't call me on the radio? I went to the supermarket to buy Yida and forgot to take it. Why didn't a beautiful woman tell me: You Yida! I'm going to say: it's your intention, Dale! Why did I drink red bull? My wife didn't say you were good today. I didn't summon the villain when I drank 7-up!

53. The tortoise and the white rabbit went to look for a job. The examiner asked, "Tell me about your resumes." The white rabbit said, "I was born a white-collar worker." The tortoise said, "I took a bath in the sea once, so I am a tortoise."

54. A: I just read a math problem, and the method is very strange. I think if you do this problem, it will definitely increase your familiarity with formulas, which is excellent for your mathematics. B: Speak human words! A: I can't do this question.

55, current affairs joke: Volkswagen and BMW are waiting for the red light, and a Jetta opposite them rushes towards them like crazy. Watching will hit BMW, a turn will hit the public, shouting * * *! Hit the steering wheel and knocked over a small scooter next to it. Jetta owners immediately got off the bus and apologized: they couldn't afford to crash, so we had to crash your scooter ... The old man bowed his head, smiled and said nothing ... Jetta, you are so naive.

56. The president of Peking University told the students that love is prevalent: "Peking University is a place to train elites. Statistics show that successful people are older than their spouses on average 12 years old, and elites are older than their spouses 17 years old. If they win the Nobel Prize, they may be 54 years older than their spouses. Your future wives are still in kindergarten or not yet born. Now they spend time and money raising other people's wives! " The male students unanimously replied: "We are trying to please the future mother-in-law!

57. This morning in spring, I woke up easily, went to work and went to sleep. If the boss is accountable, he still has to sleep; Finally, the boss got angry, so you can take this opportunity to ask for a raise! Because you have good reason, you are a poor household!

58. People are really tired when they are alive! Standing thinking about sleeping, waiting in line when getting on the bus, unrequited love is really painful, eating is tasteless, drinking is easy to get drunk, work is particularly tired, robbery is not enough, you have to pay taxes when you earn money, and even you have to pay for texting pigs!

59. Beautiful women are in droves, the money runs with you, the boss is in charge of you, the police see you detour, everything can be settled, everyone smiles at you, and the days are bubbling with beauty. Wake up, I told you to stop taking a nap and daydreaming.

60. When the ant saw the elephant swimming, he said, Come up! The elephant climbed up, and the ant looked at it and said, get down! Elephant Anger: What are you doing? Ant: Nothing. I lost my swimming trunks. Let's see if you are wearing them.

6 1, Tang Priest: Bajie, run two steps to show your master. Bajie: Why did Master suddenly want to watch his disciples run? Tang Priest: I have never eaten pork or seen a pig run since I was a teacher.

62. Send you an email in case you pretend not to see it; Calling you, I don't know what to say; I have to text you to tell you that your boy is awesome now? How long has it been since you saluted me?

63. My daughter refused to sleep at night, so she was scolded by her father and shed a lot of tears. When she went to bed, she whispered to me, mom, let's sell dad and buy a better one, okay?

64. From a distance, memories are surging, but when you look closely, the middle of the lake is choppy. I don't want to be gentle, just say it! You are really annoying, very annoying, very annoying ... lovable, never tired of watching it, haha!

65. The shortest amazing adventure ethical novel in China's history, and watch VCR; Bed, money, bright moon, lamp; Clothes are torn and cold on the ground; A month of fear, theft and despair; Do your best, die, hometown.

66. The couple quarreled, the wife swore, and the husband rolled on the ground without saying anything. Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband: "I am punishing you. Your clothes are dirty and I don't need to wash them. "

67. Listening to you makes me feel like a spring breeze; Seeing your performance makes me feel relaxed; Listening to your songs, I am ecstatic; I am glad to see your message; I was talking about you. Why didn't you text me?

68. The next time I meet you, I will definitely pull you to the bedroom, lock the door, quickly push you down on the bed, cover your head with a quilt, and extend my big hand ... Look, my mobile phone is blue.

69. On the way to work, a man fell asleep in the carriage. Suddenly, his cell phone rang: "Report to your majesty, there is a unruly person who asks for an audience. Answer or cut ... "Suddenly, there was silence in the subway ...

70. Young people don't work hard, but the boss visits Taobao. Businesswomans don't know how to hate their country, and they visit Taobao all day. Looking up, I found it was moonlight and looked down at Taobao. If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, tell them that I am visiting Taobao. An upright man is open and poised, little people visit Taobao. Sitting up critically ill, I didn't visit Taobao today. Living as an outstanding person, you should visit Taobao even after death. No one has died in life since ancient times, and continue to visit Taobao in the afterlife. Looking for him in the crowd, suddenly looking back, the man stayed up late to visit Taobao.

7 1, black student: it's convenient for you white people to cheat! White student: Why? Black student: You can write your answers on your lap, but once I followed them and lost my mind!

72. When doing Chinese papers, I always feel that I am British. When I was writing my English thesis, I felt that I was from China again. When I faced the math paper, I suddenly found myself an alien. ...

73, looking for a boyfriend, the requirements are not too high, handsome and have a car, that is chess. It is the bank that has money and houses. Have a sense of responsibility and justice, that is Altman. Handsome, with a car, money and a house, as well as a sense of responsibility and justice, that is Altman who plays chess in the bank.

74. My cousin needs to write the word "benefit" when he enters the examination room to do the problem, but he can't write the word "benefit". He thinks and thinks fruitlessly. Surprise! Bring a bottle of drink into the examination room during the exam. There is a word "thank you for your patronage" on the bottle cap, which should be the same as grace. Sneaking, pretending to drink water, unscrewing the bottle caps one by one. Dizzy! I saw "another bottle" printed on the cover!

75. The old farmer went for a ride in the town. Driver: Grandpa, please fasten your seat belt. The old man looked at the tape next to him and smiled: there is no need to tie it. Although I am a farmer, I still know the truth of saving money by car.

76. The foot of my bed is shining with such bright light-without windows, could it have been frosted? There was no door. Looking up, I found it was moonlight. Without a roof, I sank again, and I suddenly thought of home. I was hurt. Appreciation: This poem reflects the poet's painful feeling of becoming a house slave as a China native!

77. Question: The person I love is taken! People who love me are terrible! ! Why is this happening? Answer: although the famous flowers have been taken, they can be loosened occasionally.

78. In class, the female English teacher asked: What are eyes? The student replied: I don't know! The female English teacher asked again: What do you think are on both sides of my nose? Student: freckles!

79. Young people should not always surf the Internet. Just go to the bookstore when dating. The bookstore has classified you. If you want to find someone who loves learning, go to Band 4 or Band 6. If you want to find someone with temperament, go to the music score area; Looking for literature and art, go to the prose tourist area; Want to find a fashionable and beautiful one, go to the beauty magazine area; Want to find a family, go to the menu food area; Want to find a smart one, go to the economic and financial zone; Want to find a young one, go to the teaching consultation area; Even the grades were scored.

80. In the sky, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold. I was dumbfounded. I told you to study hard. You're not listening. Pick eight words you know and read them!

8 1, it's summer, and I'll teach you how to dress well: first, be thin, second, be thin enough, and finally, everything looks good. Make you laugh, be happy!

82. Eat watermelon to cool off the heat. Beauty beauty is a cucumber, Qingchang Diuretic is a melon, the sweetest cantaloupe. You are family with them. Why are you hiding underground? So you are a sweet potato.

83. A master explained to the audience how to distinguish extremely successful people: 1. No business card; 2. Don't drive by yourself; 3. clothes have no logo4. 4. there is no community name, only the house number; 5. Take a nap every day; 6. Frequent activities in the suburbs; 7. There is almost no cash in the bag ... A peasant brother under the stage interrupted excitedly: There are such people in our village.

84. I will always think of you after making mistakes, and I will always miss you after missing them. I will travel all over the world just to find you, but you only have your legend, but there is no trace of you. Where are you? -regret medicine.

85. The final exam is not far away. I hope that the students will take surprise attack as the main factor, supplemented by cheating: adopt the policy of "teachers enter Tibet, teachers withdraw their copies, and fight in a roundabout way"! Send you a couplet: If you don't cheat in the exam, you'd rather fail in your junior year next year than fail without personality. Horizontal criticism: I have to die. The necessary skills for the exam are three long and one short, and the shortest choice; Three short and one long choose the longest; Choose b for different lengths; If it is not uniform, choose d. Taking copying as the main task, supplemented by Mongolia, and combining Mongolia with copying, we will certainly be able to pass.

86. Our days: drinking Sanlu milk, making Shengyuan milk powder, eating white flour, chewing gutter oil fried dough sticks, swallowing Sudan red duck eggs, eating lean pork, fighting fake vaccines, living in the bean curd dregs project, sleeping in the Da Vinci bed, taking the Otis elevator and taking the Beijing-Shanghai high-speed rail. With the sound of "rising" and riding the whistling mountain wind, we are walking on a road leading to "peace", my friend, safety comes first!

87. Happiness hugs, happiness kisses your mouth, sleep stumbles you, life smiles at you, health is never too late, move your feet easily, smile instead of worry, I wish you happiness!

Finishing: zhl20 1704