Does anyone have funny text messages?

1 I’m giving you the heaviest gift since I’ve had feces. You’ll definitely eat a pound, and you’ll need more. If you feel the poop is not enough, please help yourself!

2 Tips for self-testing vital capacity: After farting, lower your head and inhale sharply, and then observe whether the people around you smell any peculiar smell. If so, you must strengthen your training according to this method; if not, it proves that you are a superman!

3 A man went shopping and needed to pee in a corner. When the old lady saw him, he said, "You will be fined 5 yuan for urinating in public." This person said: Who said that if I take out my urine and take a look at it, it won’t work?

4 A new overseas travel route - a seven-day tour of Afghanistan has been launched: live in a cave, learn bomb making and escape skills, and lucky ones will have the opportunity to take photos with Bin Laden

5 Love The payment is in arrears, the love has been shut down, and the fate is not in the service area. It is painful to think about it, and sad to think about it. When will the payment be made and the phone will be turned on again? Hengpi: Dreams come true

6 During the Water Splashing Festival, a person suddenly yelled: Who the hell is throwing water at me? People advise: Sprinkling you with water is a blessing to you. Scolder: Don't do this, who idiot poured boiling water on me

7 Instructions for jumping from a building: Go to the seventh floor happily, gasp to the sixth floor, struggle to the fifth floor, become disabled to the fourth floor, and be hospitalized to the third floor. Go to the second floor to see the scary things, and go to the first floor to watch the fun.

8 That day you slashed a pig wildly with a knife, and the pig fled into a dead end. The pig knelt down and begged you for mercy: "We are born from the same roots, so why rush to fry each other!"

< p>9 Warning: Due to overload use, your mobile phone has undergone violent internal changes and is about to explode. Please throw your mobile phone away in an empty place immediately after reading this prompt...

10 Please call 110 for free If you call, you can win a 15-day value-for-money tour with board and lodging, and arrange a special car transfer. The top ten will receive a photo at the detention center and a fist and foot massage for thousands of people.

11 The four ideals of men: money is falling from the sky, and all the beautiful men in the world are dying. The beauty was so brainbroken that she cried and shouted for me to soak her.

12 Read this message, you owe me a hug; delete this message, you owe me a kiss; save this message, you owe me a date; if you reply, you owe me everything; if you don’t reply, you It’s mine

13 Congratulations on winning the big prize. Please go to the People’s Bank of China with your saber, shotgun, and cannon at 10 o’clock tonight to claim it while masked.

14 Man Twenty is semi-finished product, thirty is finished product, forty is fine product, fifty is top grade, sixty is top grade, seventy is waste product, and eighty is souvenir.

15 The horse jumps and jumps when it's sexy, the donkey brays when it's sexy, the man is cocky when it's sexy, the woman wants it when it's sexy, and the most slutty one looks at the phone and keeps laughing.

16 When everyone wakes up, I am drunk alone. The most precious thing is to have a clear understanding. I will never regret meeting true love, and I will only be with you in this life (the secret is in the fifth word of each sentence)

17 Urgent reminder: Look at your left side, and then look at your right side. Please be careful of a psychopath who has just slipped out. His characteristic is: looking around with his mobile phone.

18 I wish you to be happy every day 365 days a year, happy every moment 8760 hours, wonderful every minute 5256000, and happy every second 31536000.

19 I spend my days like this: playing basketball with Jordan, boxing with Tyson, playing chess with Weiping, chatting about scandals with Clinton, blowing up buildings with Bin Laden, and giving pig hair Sending text messages

20 If your mobile phone is not waterproof, be careful not to laugh so much that you drool on the phone when reading text messages, otherwise it will break!

21 Warning: You good! Because your mobile phone has an ugly appearance and outdated style, which has seriously affected the city's appearance, we decided to send a signal to destroy the phone.

A thunderous sound in the middle of the night woke Bush up late at night on the 22nd. He shouted: "Quickly, turn on the light!" The bodyguard lit the candle knowingly. Bush looked at the heavy rain outside the window, sighed and said: "Afghanistan."

23 Someone said you are a stupid donkey, and I criticized him seriously: How outrageous! You can’t just tell someone what they look like

24 Test you: What should you do if all the pigs in the world die overnight? (Name a song)......"At least I still have you"!

25Dear user, your mobile phone number won the first prize in our city’s online prize-winning event. The bonus is 10,000 yuan. Please go to any bank with a pistol to collect it. Password: Do not touch it

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26 Tip: Wrap your mobile phone in rice dumpling leaves and boil it in a pot for 30 minutes. The battery standby time of your mobile phone will be doubled, the signal will be enhanced, and you can smell the fragrance of the rice dumplings when making calls.

27 I have known you for so long, and you have always cared about me. I really don’t know how to repay you. I will definitely pull grass for you to eat in my next life!

28 We are very poor here. We basically rely on the party for food, spinning for clothes, thinking for a wife, and robbing for money! Transportation basically relies on walking, communication basically relies on roaring, public security basically relies on dogs, and sex life basically relies on hands.

29A bought a firecracker and hid it. B asked why he didn’t set it off. A said he would wait until the Chinese New Year to set it off and wouldn’t light it now. B said: I don’t want to light it! I'm not sure! As soon as he finished speaking, ambulances gathered. Several people in white clothes and armor jumped out of the car and pulled B to the isolation center....

29 A long time ago, in a wind On a snowy night, a white-bearded man was walking alone on the road. He accidentally fell and broke his penis~~ Later, in order to commemorate him, people called him Old Man Shandan~~~

< p>30 I used to raise two dogs, the one called Face was given to you, and the one called Butt was given to me. Later, your dog died. Three years later, whenever I see Butt, I will think that it was not three years ago. In that car accident, your face became bigger than your butt

31 God saw you were thirsty. He created water. God saw you were hungry. He created rice.

God saw you. I don’t have a lovely friend. So He created me.

However, God also saw that there are no idiots in the world.. By the way, He also created you!

32 This is scary but true The story ~ takes place in a village in western Hunan that is famous for exterminating corpses. As long as you wear a black top at midnight and comb your hair twelve times in front of the mirror, you will see... dandruff< /p>

33 Did you know? A zero score on an exam is called a duck egg, doing bad things is called a bad guy, having an empty head is called a fool, getting fired is called a fuck, calling someone a jerk, and being miserable is called a loser. There is another kind of egg~ the one who is reading the text message. Idiot!

34 It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay!......Just I told you it was okay, but you still pressed your butt!

35 I wrote your name in the sky - but it was blown away by the wind.

I wrote your name in the sky Written on the beach - but washed away by the sea.

I wrote your name in every corner - wow... I was arrested by the police.