You didn't open the lens cover of the camera!

Man: I don't have a house or a car ... Woman: Why do you say that? It makes me look like a woman who only cares about material things. . . The man was very moved and silent. W: What color do you like? M: I like red. W: Oh, I like blue. I'm sorry, but our preferences are different.

I was smoking in the toilet, and my wife said, "Husband! Are you ready? " Me: "Soon, soon." Wife: "hurry up, husband, I can't hold on!" " "Me:" Don't worry, it will be all right soon. Wife: "Are you all right?" "Me:" Don't worry! Don't worry! There are two more. " The wife suddenly shouted, "honey, what are you doing?" "I ... . .

Talking about holidays with a friend again. ..........................................................................................................................................................................

When I first entered junior high school, I once offended a junior high school punk for some reason. My friend advised me to buy a pack of cigarettes and apologize to him. . . Reluctantly, I bought a cigarette and searched the whole school for him. Finally, I found him in the toilet behind the school. He squatted in the pit. As soon as my brain was hot, I kicked him into the toilet. His ass went straight to the pit, which was terrible. . . Then I was blocked by him several times. . .

For example, have you ever been praised by your neighbors or relatives? Once I visited, I heard that my neighbor was reprimanding my child for puppy love at the age of fourteen. Seeing me come in, the couple said to the child, look at this big brother, who is 29 years old and has no object yet. You are only 14 years old. What's the hurry!

There is a billionaire widow who is 50 years old and still has charm. She looks much younger than her age. Later, she married a handsome boy who was only 30 years old. "You are so different in age, how could he marry you?" Asked the widow's best friend. "I lied about my age." Replied the widow. "You said you were only 30 years old?" The friend asked. "Wrong." The widow said, "I lied to him that I was 70 years old!" " "

People's hearts are always hard to guess. Play with a little friend. His daughter-in-law was going to have a baby at midnight last night. Knock on my door in the middle of the night and ask me to take it to the hospital. I'll drive them to the hospital at once. His daughter-in-law screamed in pain all the way. I drove 120 and ran two red lights. Finally, he sent his wife to the hospital. Successfully gave birth to a son of 6 kg and 6 Liang. I received a traffic fine today. He even told me after he found out that you didn't have to drive so fast last night. It's deducted now. Not worth it. I immediately flew into a rage. Psychological dark scold: if it's not your daughter-in-law's child, it's mine. I don't care about your dead of night.

I attended a classmate's party during the Chinese New Year. My classmates who haven't seen me for more than a year suddenly asked me, "Do you still play stealing farms?" Me: "I stopped playing long ago!" " ""Then you can add my buttons. You were hacked for stealing your food every day. " ……

A person went to the African jungle to investigate. When he took out his camera to take a photo with a group of indigenous children, he found that the children were yelling at him. The man patiently explained to the children, "This is a camera. It won't hurt you. His principle is ... "The indigenous leader tried to get in a word several times, but he couldn't find a chance. Finally, when the man finished, the indigenous leader smiled and said, "The children are actually telling you that you didn't open the lens cover of the camera!" " "

The company draws a lottery and draws a water margin character card. Lao Wang shouted: "I got Xiao Li Guang Hua Rong!" Manager: "Send a pair of bows and arrows!" " "Lao li shouted," I caught Lou! "Manager:" Send a string of beads! " I shouted, "I have won Wu Dalang, manager. Will you give me a beautiful wife? " The manager smiled and said, "send a green hat!" "I thought to myself: even a golden lotus is not bad! My colleague Xiao Wang brought me a beautiful woman. I was shocked: Jinlian, who turned out to be my idol "Gan Ting Ting", was moved to tears involuntarily: The manager was so sympathetic to me! At this moment, the manager came over and patted me on the shoulder and said, "Work hard, work hard next year, and send you to Fan Bingbing! "! Me. . .

When I was in junior high school, I had a crush on a female classmate. One day, all the other students went for lunch break, only she and I were in the classroom, and they were talking and laughing. Suddenly I stopped to talk and looked at her quietly. Strange to say, I don't know why she closed her eyes and just sat there. I thought, "I can't sleep and keep talking." So I opened her eyes with my hand …

Mood phrase: the desperate situation lies in that your heart has not been opened.

The most beautiful scenery in life is actually inner peace and calmness. Friends should last as long as tea, not sweet coke. After the noise, the music will be over. People you like should cherish it. People you don't like, don't try to smile. You can make some changes for your friends, just don't change beyond recognition.

There is no despair in life, despair lies in your own heart not being opened; The most important thing in life is spiritual happiness, not anything external; I didn't know until later that tea tastes different in the hearts of all beings. The pot of new tea boiled in still water is wrapped between the lips and teeth of the tea drinker. Some people feel bitter when they are alive, while others are as light as the breeze. Tea has shades, warmth and coldness, and joys and sorrows.

We can't avoid some experiences, and we don't need to avoid them. After experiencing the pain of heartbroken, I know that ordinary is also happiness; After experiencing the pain of the root of the tongue, I know that tasteless is sweet; After experiencing the sadness of parting, I know that loneliness is also beautiful; After a desperate journey, we know that living is also a pursuit; After experiencing the peak failure, we know that lack is also a choice; After the Covenant of life and death, we know that indifference is also the ultimate goal. Only experienced, life will be heavy, will be enriched, will have no regrets.

If you don't know how to cherish it, you won't be happy when you are guarding Jinshan; If you don't understand tolerance, no matter how many friends will eventually leave; If you don't know how to choose, no matter how hard you try, it will be difficult to succeed; If you don't know how to act, no matter how smart you are, it is difficult to interpret a dream; If you don't understand cooperation, it will be difficult to succeed again; If you don't know how to accumulate, it's hard to have money if you earn money again; If you don't know how to be content, no matter how rich you are, it's hard to be happy; If you don't know how to keep in good health, you won't live long after treatment. Only those who know love know how to cherish it, and those who know the heart know how precious it is.

The so-called aestheticism only exists in the plot. Because it is not beautiful, we will strive to pursue it; Because it is not beautiful, let us know that there is another thing called hope. In fact, feelings can't be greedy, don't pursue perfection in courtship, just seek a true and down-to-earth love to cleanse your mood, which is the correct emotional state.

In order to maintain prosperity, people have to endure loneliness. The most painful thing in life is not letting go of happiness that doesn't belong to you. Letting go in time may be a relief. There is no right or wrong in life, only fit. When you find that many things have changed, you have to face the facts.

Generally, deep love is forged by accumulated emotion and tempering. It must have a ignition point to guide it to burn violently. And fate is this burning point, unpredictable and wonderful.

Even if the whole world denies you, you should believe in yourself. Regardless of others' opinions, others' words are just dust in the sun, and the next second they are blown away by the wind. This is your life, no one can get involved, and no one is important except yourself. Sad, crying in a big mess, tears dried up, looked up and smiled still brilliant.

Even if the whole world denies you, you should believe in yourself. Regardless of others' opinions, others' words are just dust in the sun, and the next second they are blown away by the wind. This is your life, no one can get involved, and no one is important except yourself. Sad, crying in a big mess, tears dried up, looked up and smiled still brilliant.

If you firmly believe that you are the best, then you are the smartest.

Between life, some meet, because we pass by in a hurry; We missed some opportunities because of lack of treasure. Sometimes because of willfulness, I missed a brilliant period; Sometimes we are so impulsive that we miss our life together. Some people, because they have been with you for a long time, you are indifferent. In fact, they have propped up the sky of life for you. Some people, separated, forget it, disability is a great beauty.

Actually, there is no despair in life. Despair lies in your own heart not being opened.

1. To love her is to help her unexpectedly stop menstruating and marry her without hesitation.

Second, don't force the blind date, so as not to hurt others and embarrass yourself.

Third, the ring is like love, worn on the hand and on the heart; If you hurt your heart, you will also hurt your hand. What I dare not touch is the hurt in my heart; It's love that I can't give up.

Fourth, the height of life, half begins with hard work, and half comes from choice.

Love is the joint efforts of two people, and it is naturally beautiful. Falling in love with someone who can't be together is robbery. All encounters are inevitable, all predestinations, and God will help you complete your previous predestinations. Whether we can be together depends on the efforts of both sides and people.

Six, tears, no paper towels, no shoulders.

You never know how long the person who suddenly lost his temper with you has put up with you. Isn't it impossible to have feelings without contact?

Eight, everyone has their own difficulties, others can't see through, and they can't feel the same; Everyone has their own sufferings, which are difficult for others to understand and touch; In fact, everyone is silently bearing the pressure at work and the hardships in life.

9. In spring, I saw some new leaves. First of all, they are curly and bright yellow. When they grow up, the leaves are slowly loosened and they can see the leaves. The colors are getting darker and darker, light green, light green, grass green, dark green, and finally become a big family of green leaves, which can no longer be distinguished.

Ten, for the sake of the future, we must suffer now. Bowing your head is not giving up, giving up is a coward.

Eleven, so many people have lost, but you are the most sad to leave.

Twelve, dusk is actually a state of mind. The scenery on the horizon is wonderful, vicissitudes and shocking; The feeling in my heart is a kind of release, a kind of memory and a kind of sadness; The warmth of the palm of your hand is simple, weathered all the way and happy all your life. Beautiful things, the metropolis is short-lived and can never be touched. All the prosperity, all the glory, all the circulation, will eventually pass away, and will eventually return to calm and become a bowl of pure water.

Thirteen, life will not only love, love will not only once. Don't be melodramatic in the dead of night, don't look back when you are lonely and don't miss the past.

Fourteen, some things are just not worth forgiving, regardless of size; Each has its own bottom line. If you do something wrong, you should consider paying for your mistake. I don't hate you, but I won't forgive you

Fifteen, there is no despair in life, and despair lies in the fact that your heart has not been opened; The most important value of life is the happiness of the soul, not anything external; Luck can never last a lifetime. The only thing that can help you last a lifetime is your personal ability. Even the most hopeless thing, as long as you persist in doing it, there will be hope in the end.

Sixteen, gradually found that staying up late is actually very sleepy, just something you have been looking forward to and worried about. It makes you feel that you may be surprised the next second. Maybe you are used to being alone. Happy people never sleep late.

17. May someone understand all the hardships behind you, and may someone stay with your soul for a long time. In this world, you will always experience some pain, but you will meet a shoulder, which will bring warmth to your home. The wandering soul finally has a home, and stability is the final answer.

18. I know that no matter how beautiful and moving unrequited love is, it is only a moment of confusion and impulse. Now, I am with you, like a slightly rippling aquatic plant in the soft waves, without soul-stirring, but with practical silence.

Nineteen, some words, the speaker speaks, and the listener is tempted. Life is like a wandering journey, there will always be a lot of helplessness in life, and only after suffering can we know the sweetness; After the pain, you can understand the power; If you are stupid, you will grow up. In life, there are always some embarrassing gaps. Some people make you worry, but they can't be together. Some missed, let you miss, but regret for life.

Twenty, the same bottle of water is in 2 yuan, a convenience store, but in 30 yuan, a five-star hotel. Many times, a person's value depends on his position.

21. My good friend once told me, don't treat yourself like that just because others call you a villain, a bad guy or a loser. The most important thing is how you see yourself. If you want something or become someone, then only you are with you. What I want to say is that everyone is going his own way.

I can't say anything sweet. I like you best except money. If you don't take the initiative, you will lose it, and if you take the initiative, you will not be cherished. From love to perfunctory, from enthusiasm to indifference, from attention to neglect, from unforgettable to forgetting.

23. Behind everyone, there are difficulties that others can't understand, and in everyone's heart, there are difficulties that others can't feel.

24. To live without a princess, you must have a queen's heart, and no one will always treat you as a treasure. What is missed is regarded as expired waste. Paying is not necessarily rewarding, and not paying is not necessarily rewarding.

25. Relax your life. After a while, try to find a correct direction and try again. These days, you might as well find something you like to do and write your troubles in your diary. After a while, you will find that the pain of failure has gradually healed, and then you will have new courage and strength to open up new prospects for yourself.

Twenty-six, the hourglass of time has precipitated the inescapable past, and the hand of memory will always pick up those beautiful sorrows. The wings of youth cut through painful memories; Yesterday's tears stirred up ripples in my heart.

27. True tenacity should be to cry thoroughly, laugh heartily, speak incisively and vividly without hesitation.

Classic funny quotations make you fall into silence-funny quotations

You are a real beauty-only in the tunnel, because there are no lights in the tunnel.

Love is like pi, which never circulates. ...

Piano, chess, painting and calligraphy are not good, and washing and cooking are too tiring.

There is no room for two tigers in one mountain unless there is a male and a female.

Water can carry a boat and cook porridge.

I drown my sorrows in wine, but this damn pain learned to swim.

It's not terrible to fall. What's terrible is that when a person falls, he is sober.

Even if the bowl is made of iron, what can I eat without food in it?

When I was a child, my teacher told me the definition of "handsome boy", which puzzled me. Later, my classmate showed me a mirror, and I suddenly understood.

It takes thousands of years to change from a monkey to a human, and only one bottle of wine is needed to change from a human to a monkey.

Love is like two people using rubber bands. The injured one is always unwilling to let go.

Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find it.

Driving is not difficult, but there are new people!

Only women and heroes are sad, and wives and jobs are hard to find.

There are three things that hurt people: worry, quarrel and empty wallet. The most hurtful thing is an empty wallet.

I'm an actor-at the sight of a beautiful mm, my eyes go round.

Never speak English in front of me in the future.

The sky is falling, you support it, I support it. ...

The pull ring of cans loves cans, but the cans are filled with coke.

I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future, but I can't find a way out.

Crowded in Beijing, causing trouble to the capital. ...

Who can be as loyal to me as RMB?

Life is her person, and death is her mascot.