Tell me about Bajie Chihuo.

1, look at the previous conversation from the beginning, I really can't stand it! I really want to slap myself to death

2. In fact, "be sure to marry him" is not a great ambition, but "be sure to be buried in his ancestral grave" is the decisive heart.

3, women are good at three obedience and four virtues. Never reasonable, never gentle, never considerate. Say no to scold, say no to fight.

4. Good-looking people have youth, and bad-looking people only have acne.

5, Bajie, you are secretly watching the teacher talk again.

6. The difference between you and a pig is that a pig has always been a pig, but sometimes you are not a person.

7. Children practicing the piano upstairs, don't forget when your neighbors downstairs say their acceptance speeches in the future!

I want to be an onion in my next life. Whoever bullies me will burst into tears.

I gave you my phone number. Why don't you understand my mind? You should charge me a few tens of dollars for something!

1 1. Next time a man scolds you for having thick legs, you should answer him, only your legs are thin and all three legs are thin.

12, a classmate, doesn't buy toilet paper himself, but always takes mine. I saw it once: Why do you always take mine? ! He replied: What a stingy man! Isn't it just a little toilet paper I'll give it back to you when I'm finished!

13, "Do you want to start over?" "Do you think this is a game? Can you still be resurrected with blood? "

14, it was still very easy to mix in ancient times. Cut it and you can be a civil servant.

15, the other party scolds you: (all kinds of swearing)! You have to answer: Are you introducing yourself?

16, Sichuan is like Oreo, where earthquakes twist first, mudslides lick again, and floods soak again.

17, index finger is you, middle finger is fuck. Suddenly I understand why so many people like to make scissorhands.

18, a couple watched the dance in the ballroom. The husband said with emotion: this world is really strange. Every ugly fool has a beautiful wife. The wife smiled and said, honey, you really know how to kiss up.

19, since people get tanned, their faces look good, their teeth turn white, and they don't blush after drinking.

20. I often point to the ugly pictures in the textbook and say to my deskmate, look, this is you. My deskmate rummaged through the whole book looking for uglier pictures than this. Look, this is you!

2 1, some classes are like Fu Nan battery, and one class is longer than six classes.

22. How can I be separated from you? I want to see you get married, quarrel, cold war and divorce.

23. "I really like you. May I kiss you? " "Shame on you ..." "Then I'll kiss you ..."

24. There are only two kinds of mathematical proof questions, one is "lying in the trough can also prove" and the other is "lying in the trough can also prove"

25. The child came to his mother in tears, and her mother asked, What's the matter, baby? Child: Dad accidentally hit his finger with a hammer. Mom: Then why are you crying? Child: Because I just laughed.

Zhu Bajie's love letter

Dear moth: Hello!

Hum, hum, I wander in the long pigsty. Eager to meet a girl dressed as white as lilac. She has the temperament of lilac, and she has sighing eyes. This is the old me. Since I met you, I began to change my mind. No longer wandering in the pigsty, just waiting by the road you walked. If I can be seen by you, I will feel my glory.

What can you expect? That damn horse plague. He turned into you and tore my straight leg. A big fire burned down my fairy mirror cave house and treated me like a demon. Threaten me to go to the Western Heaven for Buddhist scriptures. You know, why don't we know some people in Chinese characters? It doesn't matter. He wants us to pick something to lead the horse. Look, we are behind the horse. I don't know how many winters and summers have passed, and finally I have arrived in the Western Heaven. Fortunately, I was merciful and was appointed as the messenger of the altar. Finally, I can stop worrying about reincarnation and hell.

It's just that I've always held a grudge: that damn Po Hou burned my fairy house. Makes me homeless. We are all immortals, but we have no home. What chagrin and regret! You know, Guo Hua has been developed into a tourist attraction. The local government invested tens of millions to worship those monkeys as monkey parents. If we stay in Fuling Mountain, there must be a group of piglets, don't you think ~!

Look at us, although we are subject to the incense of others, we must protect them! Are immortals also called immortals? Jiro Shinji lives in Guanjiangkou, listening to music but not to announcements. Hericium erinaceus lives in Guo Hua. I just lost my old pig, homeless and naked. Poor thing! I wonder if your Guanghan Palace can accommodate you?

Our old pig is ugly, but his heart is kind! I am ugly, but I am gentle! What a good man! Of course, you can't just do face work. You can't just make the surface smoothness of donkey dung eggs. We have the strength and brains to bear hardships, and are not selfish, which is much better than the post-80s generation. Choosing us is of course the first choice. How can you just pay attention to men's appearance like those idle girls? You say so!

How can you bear to listen to me sing "The Big Man is Difficult"? How could you have the heart to let me sing a love song? When the moon is full of yin, people have joys and sorrows. How can you make me despair while waiting? I have been waiting for a long time! How can you let me wander alone?

Io, you won't, you won't. This is not your character.

Tonight, the moon is full, and the old pig only envies Yuanyang but not immortals. Eo, the old pig saw it again, and saw your graceful posture. I read your poem. It's not my fault that I'm ugly I don't think you have a result.

Eo, follow the Tang Priest, and we old pigs can also write poems. Although not as good as Tang Priest's, it is still a great progress! Do not believe me to write to you:

Gently, I'm leaving.

When I came softly

I waved my hand gently.

Say goodbye to the western clouds.

Io, don't laugh at me when you see it. You know, it took me 120 thousand courage to write this love letter: leave this love letter with a good reputation and live in heaven like a human being.

Io, you are tired! Then write here first: wish people a long time and sleep for a day.

Love letter of modern pig bajie

Yulan: It's been several days since I left Gaolaozhuang. Do you know how much I miss you?

It is a terrible taste to be dragged alive to the west by two bachelors.

Tang Priest, an old guy, was born a sadist. He is not only a vegetarian all day, but also makes me suffer with him.

Do you know how many days I haven't smelled oil?

I miss spending * * * days with you in Gaolaozhuang. Every day, you weave and I plow. Although it's hard, it's very satisfying to eat your own cooking. I only eat more than 200 steamed buns every day, and the combination of meat and vegetables is just a jar. But your father always thinks I eat too much. But I have done a lot of work by myself! I have been waiting for your father to kick me, and then we will have a bunch of pigs, expand our pigsty and live a happy life!

But all this can only be imagined now.

Since the master came out of the spider silk hole, he has been fascinated by the Internet. The master chats all day and plays games all night. Finally, one day, he got sick. Like I used to be rich in nutrition every day, I still can't do the work my father-in-law gave me. He is a vegetarian all day, but he is not short of nutrition. Sooner or later, you have to put your life online. However, it doesn't matter if he can put his life on the line as soon as possible so that I can see my wife Yulan as soon as possible.

But things can't always go as I imagined. Po Hou, the Monkey King, recently joined a food company called the Fourth Meal, which is called "The fourth meal made by human beings" and "Networm Power". According to Na Po Hou, this is the world's first food for Internet users and mental workers, which can refresh the brain, prevent radiation, protect eyesight, nourish eyes and replenish energy quickly. I wonder if there is such a god!

Two bachelors were away the other day, so I stole one and tasted it. Not bad. It's from My Sweetie. I was afraid that they would find out that I didn't dare to steal more, but strangely, I was full of energy for half a day. I used to help the master pick out luggage, and I was so tired. This time, I was smarter than the monkey, and I caught all those goblins along the way. See how dare they call me a stupid pig this time!

At the moment when the Monkey King gave Master the power of networms, he finally changed his mind and decided not to go to the Western Heaven for Buddhist scriptures, but to take pure natural green food that produced the power of networms.

The master said: this net worm power is rich in green tea essence, DHA, vitamin B 1, spirulina and VC; Rich in inositol and glutamine; Absolutely free of any preservatives and pigments.

And it is fast food, not limited by time and place, so I can save the time of eating more than 200 steamed buns every day, and its rich nutrition and energy can definitely support my daily consumption.

Your father won't say I ate too much this time.

We can also use mechanization to control all the fields at home. After eating the power of the net worm, my pig brain has become smart.

Magnolia! Look how beautiful our future is. You must wait for me. The ancients said: if two feelings last for a long time, it will be sooner or later!

Hey! While those two bachelors are asleep, I'll steal another net worm!

Pig brother bajie

Gao Yulan's letter to Pig Bajie!

Brother Pig: Hello! You dead pig, why don't you die! Where are all the pig killers? Is it because wages have been owed and there has been a collective strike? I haven't eaten pork for months. Seeing a fly yesterday made my mouth water.

When I was sixteen, I had not graduated from high school. Grow as beautiful as flowers and jade, like a fairy. When the fish saw me, they foamed at the mouth and sank to the bottom. When the geese saw me, they vomited blood and fell flat on the ground. Several dudes, including the four kings of cream players, Li Zekai, a fair-price player, and Stallone, a muscle player, all fell in love with my pomegranate skirt, so I had to constantly widen it to accommodate more people below. The threshold of my house, made of stainless steel, is one meter high, which was just trampled down by these young people. What a spectacular scene! I stopped at Gaolaozhuang, and it crawled below. Black head.

However, one dark night in a month, you, an ugly man, a man who couldn't stop vomiting after I saw it, suddenly broke into my heart. You pick your nose and say to me: Sister, I want to sleep with you! How direct and vulgar, at first glance, I have not received any good higher education. Will I promise you? Please use your head a little! I picked up a pair of scissors, aimed at you first, then at myself. I haven't done anything. I didn't expect you to blow a gust of wind while I was unprepared, and swept me into your hole, leaving me a little widow for two years in vain.

It's a good thing Monkey is here. He is so handsome. He is really a handsome boy. If he doesn't keep a papaya face all day, I think I will fall in love with him. Especially the way he hit you. That's great. I have been afraid to look at you carefully for fear of losing myself. You said you never cared, but I still deeply blame myself. It's not that I'm careless, but that my true feelings are irresistible. I didn't mean to, but I'm sorry. I digress. Anyway, I thank the monkey for saving me. I am heart to heart with monkeys, and I have belts with monkeys.

You know what, pig? Yesterday, a sunny day, I finally got rid of you. Do you know how happy I am?

In two years, I will get married. I officially inform you today that you have little hope.

I wish the trend of eating is unstoppable!