My parents are eccentric-prose

I am a girl who has been working for more than five years, but my parents are always partial to my brother, so my heart has been very painful. My brother, who is far away from home, has been sickly since childhood. After finishing college, he didn't find a suitable job, so he stayed at home with peace of mind and bad temper. His parents are afraid to talk about him because he is always ill. My mother felt that she owed her brother when she gave birth, and she always felt guilty. Supposedly, as a daughter, I should be taken care of by my family, but I have taken on many responsibilities. I send money home every month. The family also thinks that my sister should share more. Once, I called home, and my mother said that she was in poor health, but the family was short of money and refused to treat her. I was very angry and said, "I send money every month, and seeing a doctor is the most important thing." My mother said, "Our family's economic conditions are still very tight. You can't blame me." As soon as I put down the phone, I began to cry. I felt that my home was in a mess and I couldn't ask my brother. As a sister, I am so tired. Why should I do this? How can I change this situation? My parents are diligently protecting my brother. I really don't know what to do!

As a sister, if my brother really has any physical problems, it is natural for my sister to do something for the family. However, from your story, we can feel that your brother's illness is not serious, because he can finish college, so your complaint may be that his brother should share some family pressure instead of putting it all on you. This feeling should be right. Understandably, we don't know what happened in your family. We don't know whether my brother can't find a job for the time being or has no job at all. So, first of all, you should understand that some anxiety is in your heart. It is just a hope that parents want their children to take care of their families. Do as much as you can. You can't go beyond your ability. You can't give yourself too much family pressure and contradictions. Because you have a life, you must help your family or your brother within your ability. If you think like this, your pressure will be less.

However, your deep-seated complaint may be that, generally speaking, in the family, the elder brother bears greater responsibility, and the elder sister will spoil it a little, while your family is upside down. In your family, my brother has been the center since he was a child. Why can my brother be the center of the family? Because my brother is ill, he is a sick man, so he gets a lot of benefits. The biggest advantage is that he doesn't have to bear any responsibility. When the younger brother is ill, the parents have to take care of the younger brother, and the younger sister actually becomes a younger sister. She began to share the troubles at home and went to work early to make money to supplement her family. You never agree with this. You think it's unfair. In fact, when a family is facing a crisis, if the elder brother is excellent, goes to college and has a good job, it will also help to improve the family economy, while the younger sister has accomplished nothing, and working is also an ordinary job, and her pain will be deeper. What you are suffering from now is that you have taken on too many family financial burdens too early, so your development is not good, but if you change your way, you may not feel better than now.

Facing an eccentric mother, your heart is very unbalanced. How can I feel at ease? In fact, when you take on family responsibilities, you also gain some rights. For example, you can complain about your parents' life, guide them, let them change their lives, let them see a doctor and pay attention to their health. You have obtained this right. Generally speaking, the more family responsibilities you undertake, the more rights you have in the family. For example, if your brother is ill and doesn't take any responsibility, his rights will be less, so he can't change the family situation. In fact, in many families, brothers and sisters want others to be weaker and stronger, and they are willing to take themselves as the center. Many family fights are caused by this. I want to be weak, let others be the center, let others take responsibility, and hide less examples of myself.

American psychologists have studied the struggle between family members. They think the contradiction between brothers is natural. An elder brother will naturally be jealous of his younger brother. Why? Before my brother was born, my brother was unique. After the younger brother is born, he will be very angry. How can he think that mom and dad care about that little thing and don't care about me? This kind of jealousy is often the hope that you are good, for example. You also have a big factor to make yourself better than your brother. Although you didn't go to college and your brother did, it's no good for your brother to go to college. He still has no job. Objective reasons make you better than your brother. From the perspective of western psychology, you should feel happy. You have grown up and become strong. When dealing with your own life, you are not only capable now, but also capable in the future. Your ability is cultivated from an early age, which is equal to being born with talent. Your brother is weak, so should you, but you are stronger. You have really gained a lot in growth and life experience, but your responsibilities and rights are equal. Of course, you have to pay a lot. Now you are always complaining about your efforts, but you didn't expect to get a lot. In the future work, marriage and children's education, your ability will far exceed your brother's.

You're so good. I hope mom and dad are doing well. You have a job and income to make your life decent. I want my parents to live a decent life. Perhaps because of your ability, you can't have so much energy to change the reality of your family, so you often worry about your family.

I want to remind you about two issues you care about: First, my daughter's lifestyle is different from my parents'. Young people pursue a scientific, healthy and fashionable lifestyle, and once they reach this lifestyle, it will be generalized. I hope my parents and brothers have phones and cars like you. However, the elderly pursue a simple and simple lifestyle. They think those fashionable things are meaningless. It's enough for a person to have enough food and clothing, a house to live in and be happy. So, sometimes, your pain and sadness come from the fact that you want to give your parents your lifestyle and let them live according to their own ideas. Because from the current situation, it is not that the family can't eat at home, but that they want their families to spend money on medical treatment, but the elderly are unwilling to spend money on medical treatment, especially in rural areas.

Second, your emotional connection with your family is too close. Although you are very independent and working, in fact, most of your feelings come from your family, because you are deeply involved in family affairs and are still worried about your brother. When a girl in a city has a job, she should slowly transfer her feelings to the society to get compensation, make a boyfriend and keep close contact with her colleagues, and her family feelings will gradually decrease. This is how people's socialization is formed. Love is still love, just not as anxious as in the past, so it will be influenced by family. There will be no troubles about her brother, and things about her parents will also make her suffer. Although there should be troubles, it should not be uncontrollable.

So you have to understand that you can't ask your parents by your own standards. You should be proud of taking on so many family responsibilities. You should feel that you are growing faster than your peers and that you are capable, because you can not only take care of yourself, but also your family. In addition, in daily life, we should expand social contacts, turn our attention to people around us and develop our own social circle. Once a stable emotional source is formed, it is easy to identify with family problems and not easy to fall into various pains.

According to the laws of nature, families usually expect more from their brothers or sisters. As for the sharing of family rights, if they expect more from their brother, they will get more rights. For example, parents sometimes ask their brother's opinion, but they don't ask the youngest child's opinion. Therefore, in general families, it is often the eldest son who develops fast, while the youngest child is the most favored, slow to develop and has many troubles and problems.

So, how can such a family achieve balance? The eldest son is under great pressure, but he gets more praise. His parents may praise him because he is always better than other brothers and sisters. He can share family affairs, think for his parents, take care of his younger brothers and sisters, and even work early to help his family earn money. Although the youngest is optimistic, there are many problems, so there are many criticisms, which forms an illusion of balance. The child in the middle will think, "although I am not trusted by my parents like my brother, I am not as tired as my brother." I don't have to help everything. I can be lazy. Compared with my younger brothers and sisters, although I don't get so much love from my parents, I won't be beaten. " The child in the middle can balance this.