Three bogeys: don't say it early, don't say it, and don't talk nonsense.

I once published a book "Public speaking is a technical activity", with special emphasis on practicing speaking as a technology.

However, I don't deny that language or speech is art. I have been engaged in speech and eloquence training for many years, and students and non-students often come to me for advice on how to speak without offending people. This is about art.

I divide eloquence into three levels: daring to speak, being able to speak and being smart. The so-called dare to speak is a psychological problem, that is, to have confidence, to dare to break through psychological barriers, and not to be afraid to talk to strangers and powerful people. The so-called meeting is a technical problem, so you should have something to say and make it clear. You can answer any topic, just open your mouth. The so-called witty repartee is an artistic problem, that is, it must be persuasive, infectious and appealing, and people will listen to it, and then they will do as you ask.

The following story should be related to the artistic level.

A couple are chatting.

The woman asked, "Do you love me?"

I love you! The man replied at once.

The woman was very angry: "You don't love me at all."

The man is puzzled: "Why do you say that?"

"If you say you love me without thinking, you must be perfunctory." This woman seems very reasonable.

"Then ask again." A man's advice.

The woman asked again, "Do you love me?"

The man waited for ten seconds and replied, "I love you."

The woman was very angry: "You don't love me at all."

"Why?" This man is stupid.

"Do you still need to consider whether you love me or not?" This woman is right.

Alas! The same sentence, no matter how you say it, will offend people.

Speaking is a basic life ability of each of us.

Today, we are faced with the problem of how to speak and how to speak well, and the ancients can't escape. So Confucius gave some very good suggestions 2500 years ago.

Confucius is a teacher. A teacher can't be a good teacher if he can't talk. Although we see in The Analects that Confucius is a particularly eloquent man, Confucius often finds it difficult to speak.

"The Analects of Confucius Yan Yuan Twelve": Sima Niu literati. Confucius said, "Benevolent people are also confused." He said, "His words are also false. Is it enough to say that he is kind? " Confucius said, "Why is it so difficult?" Sima Niu asked how to be kind. Confucius said, "Benevolent people are cautious." Sima Niu asked, "Seriously, is this called benevolence?" Confucius said, "It's very difficult. Can you say it casually? "

Confucius also said in the chapter "The Analects of Confucius" that a gentleman is "sensitive and cautious", which means that a gentleman is diligent in doing things, but cautious in speaking. Because Confucius was a gentleman, he particularly emphasized keeping faith with others and demanding that he keep faith with himself. So he doesn't talk nonsense easily.

Confucius also limited the content of his speech. I was particularly impressed by two topics, one was "Zi Han Yan Li" and the other was "Yan Zi Machamp was distracted". Why is it "children don't talk about benefits"? Confucius in the Analects of Confucius said, "A gentleman is righteous, but a villain is beneficial." Why doesn't my son talk about Machamp's confusion? He doesn't mean that these things are bad, he just "keeps a respectful distance from others". He knows these things exist, but he is more concerned about the interpersonal relationship in real life. On the other hand, Confucius didn't want to be a generalist, he just said what he cared about and knew.

Confucius is a master of interpersonal communication. Confucius has explained the rules in many interpersonal relationships today.

Confucius pointed out three common mistakes in people's speech in The Analects of Confucius. Confucius said, "There are three things to serve your son: if you don't say it, you will be impetuous, if you don't say it, you will be obscure, and if you don't see it, you will change your color."

Confucius said: "To serve a gentleman, we should pay attention to avoid three kinds of mistakes: first say and then ask, which is impatience;" If you don't tell when you are asked, this is called concealment; It is blind to speak rashly without looking at Mr. Wang's face. "

Although Confucius talked about the "three taboos" when serving the monarch: taboo, taboo and taboo, which is equivalent to talking to leaders, but in fact, in all interpersonal communication, isn't it necessary to achieve these "three taboos"? Perhaps, the difference is that speaking to the monarch or leader, violating this "three taboos" will have more serious consequences. That's why people are more nervous when talking to big shots, right?

I once watched a TV series "Little Shenyang". There is a plot in the play, in which the Emperor Qianlong was entangled in whether to do it because the prince broke the law, so he asked Xiao Shenyang what to do. Xiao Shenyang is an asshole. He said, "This is a big event, a small thing ..." Before the words were finished, Gan Long took it and said, "I know what to do." Little Shenyang went on to say, "This is an old saying."

You see, Xiao Shenyang is good at divining divine will. He actually wanted to give the emperor a step down. The prince broke the law, but it was big or small. The key is how you characterize it. You think it's a big deal, you do it; You think it's a small thing, you do it, that's what it means.

Little Shenyang bypassed all the "three taboos" mentioned by Confucius.

To sum up, Confucius' "three taboos" can be raised to three principles: first, seize the opportunity; The second is to dare to express, and the third is to pay attention to the object. This is appropriate, this is the golden mean.