22 classic funny sentences: Will your ass be awkward when you walk and always bump my head?

1, the company recently came to a goddess and talked to a diaosi colleague: "Sister, you look like a person." "Who do you like?" "Like a person ..."

2. Wife: I remember you saying that I look like Meijia in ipartment? Me: Very much. Wife: Do you mean appearance or personality? Me: IQ ... Wife: Get out!

3. Send the goddess home at night. She says it's too late, or sleep here. It's not safe to drive at night. As soon as I heard this, I got angry at once. I have been driving for several years, and I am still afraid of the dark. I was so angry that I turned my head and left, and the chain of the car broke.

4. Go on a business trip with beautiful colleagues, run a day's business during the day, eat local specialty snacks together at night, and visit the local night scene together. Just after returning to the hotel to take a shower, she sent a text message saying that she had a backache and asked me if I could go over and help her pinch her back. I just turned it off. People are fucking people, and you're not the only one who runs all day. Why should others wait on you?

5. Sleeping in bed at night, my wife asked: Do you still love me after so many years of marriage? Me: Love my wife: How much? Me: Very much! Wife: How much do you love? Me: Very, very! Wife: How much do you love? Me: love, love, love! Wife: How much do you love? Me: ... Wife: Go to sleep if you can't say it.

6. I drank some wine and drove last night and was stopped by the traffic police. I was asked to test the alcohol concentration. I took out my lighter, sighed at the same time, and repelled the traffic police with fireballs.

7. The biology teacher asked: What are the benefits of having two eyes? A wonderful flower in the class blurted out: one is blind and the other is blind.

8. Daughter and husband play together. It seems that her husband won. I was lying in bed watching, and I felt a hand grab my ankle. Then she heard her daughter say to her father, "Don't move, or I will crush your wife." This fucking baby can't be held wrong in the hospital.

9. My sister is two years older than me! When we were children, we often fought and were always beaten by my sister. I finally called, and my sister began to reason with me! Say I've grown up!

10, A: Why is your face swollen? I went boating in the park yesterday, and a bee flew in front of me. A: Just remove it! B: Before ... my dad beat him to death with boat pulp!

1 1. Just now, boys and girls from anhui tv rushed forward, and a woman rushed over and said that it was for the baby. My baby is three years old! Then my mother looked disdainful and said, gee, my baby is twenty! Me: ......

12, I heard the children on the opposite bed eating. My 2-year-old niece said anxiously to her mother, Help me up quickly, and I'll see what she eats.

13, I went to play ball today, and I accidentally caught a buddy's Tintin while defending. Not only did he say nothing, but he also smiled. Since then, he has been staring at me affectionately, and both employers and employees have to leave quickly after this game.

14. Last night, the Internet cafe stayed up all night. When I went, the Internet cafe was almost full. I slept in the middle and woke up almost scared me to death. Suddenly I was the only one left in the whole Internet cafe, and I didn't know the lol update until I asked the webmaster.

15, one day, the deskmate was late for class, and the class teacher asked angrily, "Why are you late?" Deskmate: "I didn't clean up because the room was too messy." Head teacher: "So you would rather not attend class and clean your room at home?" Deskmate: "No, my mother said there were too many things piled up on my bed. She searched everywhere and couldn't find me. She thought I had gone to school! " "

16. In the morning, my wife said angrily to her husband with a black face, "You have to do it seven or eight times a night. Don't you know I don't like turning on the lights? If you do this again tonight, sleep on the sofa! " Husband wronged: "I will try my best." I took the medicine today, so I shouldn't have diarrhea again. "

17, parking downstairs in the community, I saw a young woman coming across the street with a five-or six-year-old child, which made me laugh ... The child said, "Mom, are you awkward when you walk, and you always hit my head?"

18, master: "I like to travel around the world, and I like to take pictures when I see beautiful things. This is also a way to become a monk. " Policeman: "Is that why you slapped a girl's thigh?"

19, "Girl, have some strawberries. I just picked it today. " "All right, give me twenty dollars!" "Okay, oh, it's still three dollars and twenty-five. Do you want a complete girl? " "Well, good grandpa!" "Oh, hehe, there's still two dollars and thirty dollars short, girl. How about the whole one?" "Er ... OK!" "Hey, girl, how about thirty-five dollars?" "Grandpa, I will take care of your car. How much do you calculate? " "Ok," said the uncle happily, raising his head. "Where are you? Hey, hey, girl, don't go. "

20. Gao Fushuai: "Do you have a girlfriend?" Diaosi: "No, I'm still single." Gao Fushuai: "Let me introduce someone to you." Diaosi: "Good." Gao Fushuai: "Her family is rich and beautiful." Diaosi: "Great." Gao Fushuai: "There is only one shortcoming. She suffers from intermittent mental illness. " Diaosi: "That will do. I won't choose this condition. When will you tell her? " Gao Fushuai: "Wait until she is ill, otherwise it will be very difficult."

2 1, people who often say that you are fat will not dislike you. People who often say that you are short will not laugh at you because you are short. People who often say you are stupid will not care about your stupidity. People who often call you stupid … you hit him and he gets used to it!

22. I look down on some colleagues who clearly think that what the boss said is wrong and nodded yes. I am different from this kind of person. I don't think the boss is wrong.