Humorous sentences about love

1 500 years ago, you were a long-term worker in our family. I fell in love with you the other day when I peeked at your posture of cutting vegetables in the window. Don't blame me for not telling you! Because there were no text messages at that time!

2. The wife should follow when she goes out, obey her orders and blindly follow her mistakes; The wife has to wait for makeup, remember her birthday, be willing to spend money, and endure beatings.

Hello, dear users, this is a network test. If there is no signal on your mobile phone, please slam your mobile phone on the ground until there is a signal. Thank you for your cooperation. Goodbye.

4. A man raising a woman outside is called "the golden house hides the charming". Women raise men outside, called "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon".

5. An unmarried woman lamented: Why do all good men become husbands? She was reminded that a wife cultivates a good husband by self-production and self-sale, and no man can learn by himself.

6. Stupid man+stupid woman = marriage; Stupid man+smart woman = divorce; Smart man+stupid woman = extramarital affairs; Smart man+smart woman = romantic love; we?

7, you are the sun in the sky, I am the mountain on the ground; You are the moon in the sky, and I am the ocean on the ground; You are a crow flying in the sky, and I am a local dog chasing behind. ...

8. A first-class man has a home outside his home; There are flowers outside the second-class men's house; Third-class men find a home in flowers; Fourth-class family members go home from work; The wife of a fifth-class man is not at home; A sixth-class man has no wife and no home.

One kiss for your rose, two kisses for my home, and three kisses for your honeymoon. I am a fool in love, and I will never change my love for you! ! ! hum

10, you, you little goblin, poisoned me with your love poison, but you didn't give me the antidote! Little villain! Oh! I'm dying! Help me! The solution is simple: give me your love!

1 1. You are handsome, you are handsome, you are the most handsome in the world, with a nest of cabbage on your head and a sack of kelp around your waist. You think you are Dong Fangbubai, but in fact you are the second generation failed god.

12. The rooster and hen are husband and wife, and they are busy incubating chickens all day. Chickens are mentally ill. They don't eat, drink or rest. The rooster and hen are in a hurry and hide to see the chicken. Silly chickens are secretly looking at their mobile phones.

13, sister, I love you just like a mouse loves rice. It missed you, fell in love with you at first sight, chased you without saying anything, and came to you again and again. I must catch up with you. ..

14. Being single is understanding, falling in love is wrong, breaking up is awakening, getting married is wrong, getting divorced is awakening, remarriage is stubborn, no lover is a waste, and many lovers are animals.

15, baby, I love you just like a mouse loves rice. You are a phoenix flying in the sky. I am a jackal chasing on the ground. I won't hit you or scold you. I torture you with my feelings.

16 Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in the past life, I only got this life passed by. If it is true, I am willing to exchange 10 thousand encounters with you and tell you: "I really want to love you."

17 You are the wind, I am the sand, you are the leather shoes, I am the brush, you ignore me and I commit suicide.

18 loving someone means that the phone is on, and suddenly I don't know what to say, just want to listen to the familiar voice. What I really want to get through is just a string in my heart.

There is a farmer who keeps a group of pigs. One day, he found that one was missing. He asked the other pigs where they had gone. Other pigs said: that pig is reading mobile phone messages in the corner!

20. The fish said to the water: You can't see my tears because I am in the water. Water said: I can feel your tears because you are in my heart.

2 1, when you go out, your wife has told you not to take the first row by car. Don't get up until you get the food clip. Don't get drunk. Don't pick wild flowers by the roadside. Don't bring your lover into the house.

22. Honey, I miss you very much. Do you know that?/You know what? I love you like drinking boiled water to eat, as natural as breathing, sleepless and gentle, so I will love you forever.

23. Although I am destined for someone, I hope that in the days to come, I can add a beautiful memory to your memory, and I can make up for the affection in the afterlife through my efforts in this life.

24. There are thousands of children in China. If this doesn't work, we'll change it.

25, mud is short! Mud is the dream of the Bird's Nest! I looked at the mud in dismay! I want to say to mud, I lack mud! Please read aloud in ascending and descending tones.

26, brand and gender: 20-year-old man Pentium 30-year-old man Hitachi 40-year-old man. Zheng Da! Fifty-year-old man Microsoft! Sixty-year-old Panasonic! Lenovo at the age of 70

Holding your hand is like holding a dog to touch your head, like touching a monkey to hold your waist, like holding a cat.

28. No matter how big a woman is, it is also a trivial matter. No matter how small a brother's business is, it's also a big deal. Is to eat in one place for a lifetime, but eat in every place for a lifetime.

29. I was discharged on Monday. Tuesday, hand in hand. Wednesday, "First Kiss". Thursday, in love. Friday, beautiful lies. Saturday, romantic "kiss goodbye". Sunday, rotation.

30. I wish you: the position is high, the responsibility is light, the money is much and the things are little, and you are close to home. You sleep until dawn every day, your hands cramp, you spend money to give you gifts, and others work overtime to give you a raise!

3 1, Meimei Meimei I love you, like a mouse loves rice, you are my bread when I am hungry, you are my fruit knife when I commit suicide, you are my heart, you are my liver, and you are three quarters of my life!

32. Hope: the leader follows you, the car lets you, the money sticks to you, the court dotes on you, the official transportation accompanies you, the school depends on you, the real estate depends on you, and the lover loves you!

33. First-class smokers in Greater China can eat whatever they want. People who smoke second class can't estimate three or five wives. Third-class smokers are on their own. No one knows that level 4 smokers are exhausted by cigarette shreds.

Dear, you always say that I love to brag, so please listen to me: "For you, I can spend nine days fishing for the moon, but I can catch turtles in five oceans!" " Because: that "moon" is you, and that "turtle" is you!

35. Husband, husband, I sleep in Guangdong during the day and relax at night. If I figure it out, I will become a rich man. If I can't figure it out, my husband and wife won't come to Guangdong. I can't put down two empty bags when you come to Guangdong.

You are an ugly duckling in my pond. You are a silly crow in my old tree. You are the truth that I am drunk. Oh, what are you laughing at?

I am a vine, a melon, a fish, a shrimp, a pot and a flower. I make you laugh every day!

38. I think of your smile when I get up, I smell you when I wash my face, and you are my need before going to bed. I really can't leave you, dear-the toilet!

39. Me! The sky is like a dragon, you are like a phoenix on the ground, I fly in the sky and you chase after it on the ground. I love you, and I won't lie to you, just as farmers love corn.

40. I am your summer ice cream, winter cotton-padded jacket, light bulb in the dark, and bread when you are hungry! I really want to say "I love you"! !

4 1 You are a phoenix in the sky, I am a hungry wolf in the ground, you are a crow in the sky, I am an underground toad, you fly in the sky, and my mouth is watering in the ground. ......

I have an unknown poem. No one in the whole world knows. Only idiots and I know. Idiots are watching.

When I love you, you are beautiful; When I hate you, you are a zombie!

The first time, I went to see you, and your mother hit me, one by one! The second time, I went to see you, and your father hit me, one by one! Oh, uh, that sweetheart!

Judge: "It will be filmed soon. What is your last wish? " Prisoner: "Put on your bulletproof vest!" " "

Humorous and funny love words

1: Half of life is bad luck and the other half is how to deal with it.

2. It's better to be beautiful than to live beautifully!

3. It is not necessarily the prince who rides the white horse, but the Tang Priest; Wings are not necessarily angels, but sometimes birds.

4. Wife: Please! Stop drinking for me! Husband: Nonsense! I didn't drink it for you.

The more deeply loved and mature a husband is, the more immature a spoiled wife is.

6. Humor means that when a person wants to cry, he still has the interest to laugh!

7. Love precedes sex, and sex precedes love, just as eggs precede chickens and chickens precede eggs. It's hard to say which is truth and which is more noble than the other.

I allow you to walk into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

9: Don't be angry when your wife hits you. It's a kiss. Wife says you are a pig. Don't be angry, scolding is love. The wife beat and scolded, all for love.

10: If you see a shadow in front of you, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind you!

1 1: You never know who inadvertently said goodbye to you and then really disappeared.

12: There can be love and sex without marriage, just as there can be four seasons without fruit. However, if you don't get married, you won't get a welfare house.

13: The temperature of love is like bath water. It's not that the hotter the better, but that you feel comfortable.

14: Like a grandson when you are in love. After engagement, learn to talk back like a son; Give orders like Lao Zi after marriage.

15: Officials flatter each other, artists despise each other, and businessmen tell the truth when they meet.

16: Good men make women understand the world, while bad men make women misunderstand the world.

17: A man's biggest secret is often told to his confidante, not to the same sex, family or wife. When the confidante became a wife, this part of her power was immediately revoked. This is called gain and loss.

18: A man's promises are like the teeth of an old lady in her seventies and eighties, and few of them are true.

19: beautiful women have many love stories, while ugly women hear many love stories.

20: Love, just say it out loud, because you never know which comes first, tomorrow or accident!

Sentences about funny humor

I asked, "What do you do?" Man: "I am an indoor lighting control device." I thought it was high-tech, for fear that people would think I didn't know anything and didn't have the courage to ask, but I was flattered. I learned later, damn it, it's a curtain seller. . .

Second, since I became a piece of shit, no one dared to step on my head again.

Third, like a flower. It's not that I despise you, but that I don't even have the desire to see you.

Fourthly, I sent a message to 10086, I love Jerry Lee, and I replied that everything will be fine, and all shall be well.

Five, since people get tanned, their faces look good, their teeth turn white, and they don't blush after drinking.

In the afternoon, I sat alone in Starbucks drinking coffee. Suddenly a little boy ran over and asked, Sister, are you here on a blind date? I said no, and then he said to a handsome guy outside: Uncle, come in! Don't worry, it's not her!

After his mother knew about her boyfriend, my aunt locked her boyfriend at home and refused to see me. I begged outside the door, and menstruation said behind the door, Go home, I am an only child. Me: Aunt, if you let us be together, you will have two sons. . .

If I want to sweep the floor, I will never wash the dishes. If I want to wash the dishes, I will never sweep the floor. Both? You think I'm an alien!

I preach a lot to my son every day, just to make him understand that people who preach all the time like me will not succeed.

Ten, shopping with girlfriends. Girlfriend: "Why do you think it is so hot in April?" Me: "Nothing, it's not too hot." Girlfriend: "Go and buy me a cold drink." Me: "Good." Girlfriend: "Buy another pack of tissues." Me: "Well, not bad" Girlfriend: "Buy a fan by the way." I suddenly got angry: "Can't you take off your down jacket?"

Eleven, nothing to squat down next to the toilet and sing me a little song. They say I look like Chow Yun Fat, but I look like Andy Lau.

Twelve, one day shopping with my best friend, my best friend was harassed and molested by a group of hooligans. I can't take it anymore. I went up to help my best friend, and I solved half the hooligans on the spot, half molested my best friend and half molested me. . .

Although I am poor, I have all the problems of the rich.

14. When God closes the door here, he will open the window there. As the saying goes, God never shuts one door but he opens another.

15. My roommate and I agreed to jog in the street for half an hour every night. We persisted for a month, and the effect was really obvious. We ate all the barbecue stalls along the street.

Sixteen, there has been no charming mother on the Internet since ancient times. There are several pairs of mandarin ducks and perverted pheasants.

Seventeen, summer is coming, how to make your predecessor regret if you don't lose weight, how to make your secret love public, and how to make your face grow now!

Eighteen, a buddy loves to show off his wealth. One day, he invited him to dinner and said, "I don't want anything now. I have a house, a car and a deposit." I don't even know what to bring her. " At this time, a sister next to her said lightly, "You can ask her to bring you a child!" "

Nineteen, if the quilt is the grave of youth, then I would rather die in it.

Twenty, women have countless QQ numbers just to flirt with a man. Men often use a QQ number to fill in all kinds of women. ...

2 1. I really don't want to use my endless colorful words to attack your barren and unsightly language.

22. If I win 5 million, I think I'd better donate it to my account.

Twenty-three, the so-called pure friendship between men and women is nothing more than two situations: girls are very masculine and boys are very sissy.

24. Ambiguous is that I asked you for money, but you didn't say it, nor did you say it, only that my husband was not at home. ...

Twenty-five, today I went shopping with the goddess who has a crush for a long time. When you see an idiot friend, go up and say hello. He saw us and asked me, is this your girlfriend? I slapped you when I went up: Who the fuck let you spoil it!

Twenty-six, some people were born in the car, and some people were pregnant in the subway. Beijing is really a vibrant city …

Twenty-seven, primary school students are a team, middle school students are a bunch, and college students are one-on-one.

28. Don't read what you shouldn't, don't say what you shouldn't say, don't listen to what you shouldn't hear, and don't think about what you should do.

Twenty-nine years, I finally entered her house yesterday and took 2000 yuan. It occurred to me that I was kicked out a few years ago before I proposed. I just want to say: it's good to be a thief! !

Thirty, when the elder brothers get married, the host asks the elder brothers to express their gratitude to the other parents. My buddy opened his mouth and said, thank your mother-in-law for giving me such a good daughter! The audience is a mess. . .

You are now connected to the sea wolf's refrigerator. Please disconnect after putting food in. Thank you for your cooperation.

32. What do you say you look like? When you see you, you are scared to take refuge in the Buddha.

Thirty-three, the wife is a big tree, the lover is a grass, planting a big tree to enjoy the cool, raising a grass to walk the birds, harmonious society, green and environmental protection.

Thirty-four, girls only need to succeed once from virgins to women, and boys need to be tempered repeatedly from virgins to men!

35. If I win10 million, I will buy 30 houses and rent them to others, and charge the rent once a day. Wow, Kaka ~ ~ It's full!

My boss helped me a lot the other day. Today, I invited him to dinner. After dinner, I shouted: Boss, pay the bill. Then. . . The boss stood up to pay the bill. . . Should I resign? . .

The real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not to eat in one place all your life, but to eat anywhere all your life.

38. Living wastes air, dying wastes land and dying wastes RMB.

If life is a game, my controller must be a player who doesn't pay.

Forty, I went to the public toilet and found a girl in it. . . I stayed for a few seconds and then hurried out. Think again, it's not right! I didn't say I was sorry, so I went in again. . .

41. Don't be overly superstitious about science. Science is only a few hundred years old, and there are many strange phenomena in this world that science can't explain. Like why I'm so poor.

Forty-two, in order to cooperate with the successful completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

Forty-three, when women comfort women, they often say that they are miserable; When a man comforts a man, he often says that another man is miserable.

Forty-four, girls! Where are so many white horses? Find a donkey to make do, don't wait until one day all the donkeys are taken away, leaving a pile of mules. ...

Why can't the men's soccer team even rush out of Asia? Because there are 1 1 women on the court.

Forty-six, according to the pig's aesthetic, I am basically a handsome boy.

47. A man slept with a girl who has a boyfriend. The girl asked a man why he didn't marry her. A man replied: I went too far and stole other people's food. Why should I take someone else's pot?

48. Even if it is a piece of shit, there will be a day when I meet dung beetles. So you don't have to worry too much about yourself today. .

Forty-nine, the woman with a knife said to her boyfriend with tears: "You actually let me do that. We have been together since college, and it has been two years now. Can you be worthy of me? " Oh, honey, stop it. Just cut an onion. Is it necessary? I'll cut it. "

Fifty, I say others are introverted and others say I am abstract.

Fifty-one, accompany your buddy on a blind date. He sneezed as soon as he sat down. Just when I said hello rudely, I saw my colleague silently look up and say, "I'm sorry, I'm allergic to beautiful women and I can't help it." I admire it. Too fucking witty.

Sentences about humor

1, planting grass doesn't make people lie down, so plant cactus instead!

2. I have a little thought, but I don't lack it; I have a good temper, but not without it!

3. The difference between people and pigs is that pigs have always been pigs, but people are sometimes not people!

It turns out that as long as people are separated, people who are familiar with each other will gradually alienate.

5, go to the pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me whether to cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. I thought about it and said: 8 yuan! 12 can't eat!

6, men fool women, called flirting; Women fool men, called seduction; Men and women fool each other, which is called love.

7. The government thinks about how to tax reasonably, the boss thinks about how to avoid taxes reasonably, and I think about how to sleep reasonably!

8. Time is for wandering, body is for loving, life is for forgetting, and soul is for singing.

9. Love is like a ghost. Many people believe it, but few people see it.

10, how far is it forever? Get out, boy!

1 1, met a writer's signature: it may look like it, but it may not. I met a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

12, no one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.

13, I want to puppy love, but it's already late. ...

14, my god! My clothes have lost weight again.

The important task after 15 and 80 is to manufacture 08.

16, people have plenty of backgrounds, but I only have my back ~ ~.

17, gold always shines, but when there is gold everywhere, I don't know which one I am.

18, reminding everyone that it is very important to learn how to repair notebooks! Once upon a time, there was a man who couldn't repair his notebook ... and everyone knows what happened afterwards. (Since the Edison Chen incident, I won't say much about the reasons. )

19, I'm not a fortune teller in the square, so I can't say so much as you like.

20. It's not that the ending of the story is not good enough, but that we are too demanding of the story!

2 1, flowers often do not belong to people who appreciate flowers, but to cow dung.

The difference between a lie and an oath is that the listener takes it seriously and the speaker takes it seriously.

23. It's not difficult to be single, but it's difficult to deal with people who try their best to get you to end it.

Sometimes, it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but that you take the other person too seriously.

25. Even if you believe it, there are lies hidden in the middle.

26. Real good friends are not together with endless topics, but together, even if they don't talk, they won't feel embarrassed.

27, no other half 100 points, only two people 50 points!

28. The people who are willing to stay and argue with you are the ones who really love you!

29. There is no rehearsal in life, and every day is live broadcast; Not only the ratings are low, but also the salary is not high.

30. Nothing that can be solved with money is a problem, but I am poor.

3 1, only women and heroes are sad, and only wives and jobs are hard to find.

32. After seeing me, you will suddenly find-ah, handsome can be so single-minded!

33. Ask a colleague: "Did you buy PetroChina?" Colleagues said, "Bah! You just bought PetroChina. Your whole family bought PetroChina and Sinopec! "

34. I ordered two dishes in the canteen at noon. After eating the first one, I was shocked. "Is there anything worse in the world?" I cried after eating the second one. "There really is." .

When a mouse gets angry, everyone is a sick cat.

36. People who travel all over the brothel are not old. Please use Huiren Shenbao.

37. Take your advice and leave me ten books!

38 years old and 0 years old, 10 years old is improving every day. 20-year-old dream, 30-year-old effort. At the age of 40, it is basically oriented, and at the age of 50, it is full of popularity. Playing mahjong at the age of 60 and wandering around at the age of 70. 80-year-old lesbians are very common, and 90-year-old lesbians are hanging on the wall!

39. I am an animal when I take off my clothes, and I am the devil wears Prada when I put on my clothes!

40. "Honey, I'm ... I'm pregnant for ... three months, but don't worry, it's not yours, and you're not responsible ..."

4 1, we have a little difference: she wants me to turn stone into gold, and I want her to treat gold like dirt.

42. After reading the language of 10 years, it is better to talk about QQ for half a year.

43. Being lazy in bed in the morning, I took out six coins from my pocket: If all six are heads, I will go to class! Think for a long time, forget it, don't take the risk. ...

44. I spent 80,000 yuan on a pottery jar of the Western Zhou Dynasty. I went to Jianbao column for appraisal yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Which Western Zhou Dynasty did this belong to?" This is from last week! "

45. I can tolerate that my figure is fake, my face is fake, my chest is fake and my ass is fake! ! ! But I just don't tolerate money. Yes! ! ! !

46. Scholars play dead for their confidants, while women have plastic surgery for those who please themselves.

47. Don't wait until everyone says you are ugly to discover that you are really ugly.

48. personals: The requirements are as follows: A is alive and B is female.

49. Give me a little sunshine, and I will rot.

You must eat a little properly to lose weight.

5 1, shake, shake to Naihe Bridge.

52. Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

Come back quickly, I can't fool you alone!

54. Life is the mouth of Song Like Zude, and you never know who will be unlucky next ~ ~ ~

55. If you fall, get up and cry ~ ~ ~

56. Besides teeth, there is love in the world.

57. A dinosaur went to the toilet when passing by Xi Jiaotong University. When she came out, she sobbed, "555, I finally don't have to worry about getting married in my life ..."

58. Life is simple. Live, relax. Life is not easy.

59. Asking how worried you are is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel. ...

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. In old age, mirrors are flat.

6 1, if something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first, and don't blame the earth for not having gravity when you are constipated.

62. clap your head to make a decision, and clap your chest to ensure that you leave.

We walk so fast that our souls can't keep up. ...

64, don't and the earth person general knowledge ~ ~ ~

65, come out to mix, the wife will change sooner or later!

When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me. ...

Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

68, why sleep for a long time, will sleep after death? ...

A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver.

70. You told me to get out, and I got out. You asked me to come back. Sorry, I'm leaving.

7 1, it's over, and you ignore me, too. I've become a dog ~ ~!

72. The bus I caught in the morning had already left when I got to the platform. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " At this time, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing." …

73. See you soon after graduation; Have a wife a year after graduation; Later I regretted having a wife; Later, there was a stepmother; I regret having a stepwife the most.

74. I won't hit you, you don't know that I am both civil and military.

75. I like you so much that you will die.

76. There is a grave in my heart where the widow is buried.

77. I allow you to walk into my world, but I don't allow you to walk around in my world. ..

78. Be patient or cruel.

Although you wear cologne, I can still vaguely smell that scum.

80. Journey to the West tells us that all monsters with backstage were taken away, and those without backstage were killed by a stick.

8 1, I accidentally want to grow old with you.

82. The merry-go-round is the most cruel game in the world, chasing each other, but always separated by a sad distance.

83. The ideal is full, but the reality is very skinny.

84. It is inevitable to blame the hand of time and write love as love.

85. Waiting for your concern until I close my heart.

86. When I love you, you are what you say. What do you say you are when I don't love you?

87. Love hurts.

88. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me?

89. If you are doomed not to give me the expected response, then keep a safe distance.

90. Our goal: Look at money and make money from it.

9 1. Go to the supermarket to knead instant noodles when you are in a bad mood.

92, get out of here, keep rolling. ...

93. In the dead of night, missing becomes so presumptuous.

Please don't take my tolerance for you on the spot as your shameless capital.

95. Zhuge Liang didn't lead a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience?

96. Memory is a bridge, but it leads to a lonely prison.

97. I knew you were Uber as soon as I opened my eyes.

98. I am a passer-by who you turn around and forget. Why should I spend time with you on earth?

99. Happiness is a comparative level. You can't feel it until something is at the bottom.

100, love is like a ghost, many people believe it, but few people meet it.