Have you ever had a preference for boys over girls?

I have experienced it. At the end of 1980s, China people, especially rural people, still had serious feudal thoughts of "preferring sons to daughters" and carrying on the family line. At that time, the country's family planning policy still implemented "a couple only had one child for life." If a child is a girl, you can apply for government approval to have two children every year. "Because our first child is a daughter, naturally four old people on both sides want us to have a son even if they violate the policy and accept punishment. However, contrary to expectations, we violated the policy and gave birth to a second child, also a daughter! At that time, my wife was still in the hospital after giving birth, and my four old people were busy trying to give their newborn second daughter to someone else's home. Don't give up until we have a boy! My mother-in-law is nursing my wife in the hospital. As soon as they discussed it, they found a family willing to adopt in the vegetable team near Hanzhong Maternal and Child Health Hospital. I happened to be there when the other party went to the maternity ward to hold the baby! After I knew it, I resolutely stopped their behavior! After we left the hospital and went home, my wife had a friend of mine who lived in another county contacted. My friend and his wife gave birth to two boys, and they agreed to exchange the boy born in my friend's house for the girl who was less than two months old. A friend came to my house to discuss with me, but I politely declined. After my family saw my resolute attitude, they didn't think much!

My idea at that time was: both boys and girls are the product of our husband and wife's feelings and the continuation of our lives! How can we send her away! No matter whether children live with us for good or bad, we will never feel the guilt and pain of separation. Children's lives will not be overshadowed or resented because their parents abandoned them in those years!

In addition, I don't want to go against the country's policy of governing the country according to the times.

The facts now prove that my thoughts and practices at that time were completely correct.

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I have a cousin and a cousin. My cousin is about my age and my cousin is three years older than me. I vaguely remember that when I was a child, my aunt's attitude towards my cousin was always rigid, because my aunt was particularly patriarchal and always thought that my cousin would get married sooner or later. Marriage is like splashing water, so she doesn't love her cousin at all.

My cousin and I are classmates. The distance between our two houses is only about 50 meters, which is only a few steps away. When I was a child, I often visited my cousin, but every time I came home from school, my cousin had no time, because as soon as my cousin came home, my aunt arranged a lot of housework for my cousin, such as chopping wood on the mountain, cooking on the fire and working in the fields. My parents don't want me to do these things, but my cousin is very skilled.

My cousin's academic performance has been very good. We are in the same class. My cousin can get 1 in the class almost every time. Even if it falls behind, it is not lower than the top 5. Every final exam, my cousin has become a role model in the class. The teacher often blames other students with her examples.

Every time my cousin comes home from school, she has time to finish the homework assigned by the teacher at night, because she has to do a lot of housework during the day.

Later, when we were in high school together, my cousin was admitted to a key university. My cousin and I went home happily with the school notice. As a result, my aunt actually let my cousin drop out of school to work. At that time, my parents advised my aunt to coax her to study, because my cousin's academic performance was so good, and my parents often followed my cousin's example and asked me to learn from her.

It's a pity that their family conditions are too bad. My aunt said that my cousin is in college now and needs a lot of money. If my cousin goes to college, my aunt can't afford it at all, and my uncle is helpless. Although my uncle is not patriarchal, he can't help it.

My uncle's legs and feet are inconvenient all the year round and he has never had a good job. That's why my cousin's family is so poor.

My cousin found a boyfriend after working for two years. He is very handsome. At that time, I envied my cousin and found a friend who was willing to pay for her, because my brother-in-law was really good to her.

Even when my cousin and brother-in-law were planning to get married, my aunt actually asked her brother-in-law for 500 thousand bride price money. You know, our local people's wedding gift money does not exceed100000 at most. After all, we are rural people here and can't compare with people in the city.

When my cousin and brother-in-law came together, my parents and I went to their home together and witnessed the feelings of my cousin and brother-in-law. My parents were shocked when my aunt asked for the bride price money, and so was my brother-in-law. My cousin even had a big fight with her aunt.

Cousin said: Why do you ask people for such colorful gifts? Are you betraying me or marrying me off?

Aunt said: Anyway, their family has money. Besides, your brother is not married. I don't want any more money from his bride price. What shall I marry for your brother in the future?

Cousin said: My brother's marriage is his business. Why do you use my marriage with my brother as a bargaining chip?

My aunt said that it was not easy for me to raise you so much. Now that you are married, what's wrong with me asking your husband for bride price money? Isn't this a matter of course?

On that day, the wedding has not yet been decided. Later, I don't know what happened. My brother-in-law actually agreed to give my aunt 500 thousand bride price money. The brother-in-law said that as long as the aunt agreed not to ask her for other expenses, the brother-in-law promised to give her 500,000.

Aunt also promised very well at that time.

We have hardly contacted each other since my cousin got married. After all, people are married, and the topics between us are naturally much less. But I'm sure my cousin is very happy after marriage, and her parents-in-law are also very kind to her. She often buys gifts for her cousin and often gives her pocket money.

More importantly, my parents-in-law never let my cousin do housework, and my brother-in-law dotes on her and often takes her to travel.

Soon my cousin also found a girlfriend, which may be menstruation's retribution. At the beginning, she asked her son-in-law for high-priced bride price money, and this time it was her turn to worry. Although his wife agreed to the marriage, she didn't like living with old people, so she asked her cousin to have a house.

In order to help my cousin buy a wedding, my aunt bought a house on the edge of the city with 500 thousand yuan from her cousin. The total amount is 480,000 yuan. Although it is only 80 square meters, the house is quite good.

Two months after my cousin got married, my wife thought it was inconvenient to go to work and wanted to buy a car, but how could my cousin have money? Then my aunt found her cousin and wanted her brother-in-law to pay 200 thousand to buy her a car. Her brother-in-law refused.

My brother-in-law said: Mom, we agreed that you can't ask us for money after marriage. How can you break your word?

My aunt said, son-in-law, this is the last time. Just help mom, and mom is helpless.

No matter what my aunt said, my brother-in-law refused. My aunt looked at her cousin helplessly and wanted her to say a few good words.

Cousin said, Mom, you can't expect my help. When you asked us for 500 thousand bride price money, I thought I had given you enough.

Under the euphemism of my aunt, my brother-in-law decided to give my aunt100,000. As soon as he got the money, he bought my cousin a car, and his wife's parents also paid 20,000 to 30,000 yuan. Later, he bought a Geely in full, 120 thousand, and gave the rest to my cousin.

Soon after buying a car, menstruation has been urging his wife to have children. The wife said helplessly to her aunt, mom, don't you know what conditions are at home now? How can you afford to raise a child?

Aunt said: don't worry about this. Leave it to your son to earn money to support your family. All you have to do is be responsible for giving birth.

My wife said, just your son's salary? Are you kidding? It's not what it used to be. It's really easy for you to have money to raise a child, as long as the child is full. It's different now. Now children are either remedial classes or remedial classes, which cost a lot. I have a headache myself. Let's talk about it later.

My aunt said, daughter-in-law, you care too much. Raising children is not as easy as you say. You see, my son didn't grow up healthily.

No matter how my aunt advised me, my wife refused to have children, and then my aunt scolded her in a rage.

My aunt said: daughter-in-law, I really don't want to say anything in front of you, but there are some things you have to understand yourself. You have been married for a year. Why hasn't your stomach moved yet?

My wife said, what's your hurry? Why don't you have it yourself? You're still young anyway.

Although my wife is beautiful and has a good personality, she is not at all polite to talk to menstruation under the pressure of menstruation. When she said this, she also completely angered her aunt.

Aunt said: daughter-in-law, how can you talk? If I can still have children, then why did our family marry you? Just so you can have a baby for our family.

My wife said, does that mean that your family married me to have children?

Aunt said: Otherwise? What do you think I bought you a house for?

My wife said, then you'd better find someone else to have a baby. I'm not a tool for your family to have children.

After that, his wife ran away from home, and his cousin tried to persuade and coax her, but she didn't come back. My cousin and his wife had a cold war for about four or five days, and his wife filed for divorce.

Therefore, as parents, don't be too patriarchal. Now is not the feudal era. Although there are differences between the rich and the poor, at least men and women are equal. Boys nowadays are not necessarily more useful than girls. Whether we have boys or girls, as parents, if we can't even make a bowl of water level, it is very likely that our daughter will be ruined in the future, and our son may not be able to live independently in society because of the doting of his parents.

On grandma's side, there is only one girl, that is, my aunt. She obviously feels that grandma is dominated by her son and misses him for everything. I am the only girl in my life. I don't think my grandparents are any different from my brothers.

But something happened recently, which touched me a little. Grandpa has been gone for more than 20 years, and grandma is over 80 years old and lives in a nursing home.

I went to see her during the Dragon Boat Festival. As usual, she said that she had a good life, and she didn't have to visit him often or spend money on things ... At some point, she asked about my cousin's recent situation. Said I hadn't seen him for a long time and asked if I could contact him. Cry when you talk. As soon as I saw it, I quickly comforted him and said that I would contact him immediately. So, the WeChat video was sent to my cousin, and grandma met him in the video.

This is the first time in more than 40 years that I feel what people often say is "son preference". I have heard that grandma gave money to two grandchildren privately before, and they all laughed it off. The money belongs to grandma, and she has the right to dispose of it. Although it was a small blow this time, it has not caused shadow and harm to me as an adult. More or understand it!

In the minds of the older generation, some ideas have long been ingrained and cannot be changed. The way to minimize the damage is that we should strengthen our hearts and live a good life so as not to be swallowed up by the so-called shadow.

Grandma said: the preference for boys over girls means that boys take the heavy ones and girls take the light ones [hum]

I am the only child in my family. Because my parents are the oldest in my family, I have been loved by thousands of people since I was born. At that time, I didn't feel anything about son preference.

My grandparents and uncles and aunts all like me, except my aunt, of course.

Let's start a small business in our family, a well-off family, which is not bad in our area. There are two suites at home, one for self-occupation and the other for rent all the time, either for rent or to gain popularity.

My uncle's family is average. Uncle menstruation works in a factory, and his family also provides for two children to go to school. He has never saved any money.

Once menstruation came to borrow money, maybe my mother was really short of money during that time, because business needed capital turnover, or maybe my mother just said that she didn't want to lend it to menstruation at all, saying that she was short of money and had no money.

My aunt said, don't you have two houses? Lend me one when you sell it.

I don't even know what to say. My mother will definitely disagree, saying that the house will be mine in the future.

My aunt said disdainfully, what house does the girl want? If you give me a hand, I won't lose you.

My mother's face changed at that time, but my aunt obviously didn't realize it and was still talking nonsense.

Then my mother kicked her out, and the two families have not been in contact until now.

All the people in our family prefer boys to girls. I have a brother. Because the father is the eldest son and grandson, the younger brother has been highly valued by everyone since he was born. Grandparents like him very much. I was born in a military hospital. According to my mother, my grandmother never came to the hospital to see me when she knew it was a girl, not to mention never going home in the next month.

After growing up and being sensible, I also noticed that my grandparents, uncles and aunts hated me very much. What's more, every year during the Spring Festival, I go to my grandparents' home to pay New Year greetings. My grandfather only secretly gives my brother lucky money, but not my share. If it's time to go to my grandparents' house for dinner, what's more, grandma will let my brother stay for dinner and let me go home by myself. Although grandparents are gone. However, the concept of son preference still exists among uncles and aunts. In our family, boys are always valued more than girls.

Because the son preference of the older generation also affected my marriage and pregnancy. I am particularly worried that I will have a girl. Now that I am old, I gradually understand that having a daughter is a lifelong happiness.

I am the youngest of the sisters, with one brother and two sisters. My brother is the boss. My grandmother thought it was a boy when I was born. She took three inches of golden lotus to my mother's house and met a neighbor on the way. Neighbors say your daughter-in-law gave birth to a baby girl. Hearing this, grandma turned and left. This is what my neighbors told me when I grew up. Because she likes boys, my brother grew up beside her, and it was good to eat and drink since childhood. If only we three sisters were not hungry around our parents. My brother had a lot of pocket money when he was a child. We didn't have a dime a year.

The year after my brother died, I adopted a baby boy. In the third year, I went abroad (I heard that sex can only be said abroad) to be a test-tube baby and gave birth to a boy. Then I have been instilling the idea that elder sister is the father. Now I have graduated for 4 years, and I am independent early. I also bought my own car and house. I haven't married my boyfriend for seven years. Maybe I'm afraid to let my family participate in my affairs again.

I had a dream last night and came up to search the topic of son preference.

In my dream, my brother abused me and beat me (it happened several times in reality). I told my parents that they were indifferent. I was anxious and angry, and then I accidentally hurt my father ... and then I woke up.

When I woke up, I suddenly remembered that I was beaten at home in high school. Although I am in high school, I can't remember what hit me, and I can't remember whether my brother or father hit me. But I still remember the feeling at that time. Their family insulted me as an outsider, and I didn't tell anyone about it. Maybe I subconsciously chose to forget.

Going home this Spring Festival, despite the epidemic, I chose to return to work on the third day. For many years, I have chosen to leave early during the Spring Festival. Every year when I go home, my parents will ask me how much I earn. A few years ago, I complained about making money for my family. Later, I found out that I was not that stupid, and I never said it again.

I don't have any feelings with them now. I lived with my grandmother until I was seven years old. At the age of seven, I went straight home to live in primary school instead of going to preschool. The only remaining relationship is the nominal parental title and some mutual use value. Last year, I moved my hukou to my home. Actually, I really want to break up this relationship.

Dad cheated on me because I was a girl, and grandma just left me at home to take care of my cousin because I was a girl.

When I was a child, I didn't know what son preference was, except that my father didn't like me. He is often away from home, and then suddenly he doesn't come back. Later, I learned that my parents divorced and my father would never go home again.

My mother and father are both married for the second time. My mother died of a sudden cerebral hemorrhage when my sister was two years old. At that time, she was about 26 years old and her family advised her to remarry. It happened that my father divorced because of emotional discord. At that time, my father chased my mother and got married.

At first, my feelings were ok. My father had no children at that time, but I was born in expectation. As a result, my father often doesn't go home. Later, my mother knew that he spent all his money gambling outside, and suddenly one day she brought a pregnant woman and said she was pregnant with a boy. My mother complained to grandma, and grandma said, "My son is charming!" " After listening to this, my mother had no choice but to sue for divorce and let him leave home clean. Because I was afraid that my stepmother would be bad to me, my mother tried hard to win my custody and began a life of procrastination.

I heard that he later gave birth to another daughter.

At that time, my mother had no choice but to ask my grandmother to come and help me. My grandmother was very kind to me at that time. As a result, as soon as I entered elementary school, my uncle divorced, and my cousin in junior high school was left alone. My grandmother went to take care of my cousin without telling us all night. I went to school alone from primary school, and later moved to a place far away from school. I rode my bike by myself. Grandma didn't care either.

They are really completely patriarchal. I'm married now, and my mother has been hurt a lot because she prefers boys to girls, so I must have a boy. Hey, I can't decide the little guy in my belly!