The upper beam is not straight and the lower beam is crooked

There is an old saying in China, which is: if the upper beam is not straight, the lower beam is crooked. I didn’t understand this sentence deeply at first, but since I visited a relative two days ago, I have a deep understanding of this sentence. By the way, my relative is a retired teacher in his seventies. He has four sons. Let's rank them as the eldest, the second... Among his four sons, the eldest and second son were both divorced and married for the second time. Although the third son was not divorced, he was still the first wife, and there was also an upright mistress outside. Now, the fourth child is going through a divorce and it's a big deal.

In our previous interactions, I have always wondered why his four sons made their marriage and family so complicated. In the past two days, I finally solved this mystery that has puzzled me for many years. Let’s talk about the fourth child in his family first. He and his wife have two children. The daughter is in junior high school and the son is in the second grade of elementary school. He opened a decoration company. It is said that the business was good and he made the first pot of gold in his life. The fourth child used the money he earned to open a farmhouse restaurant. Then, as the old story goes, the boss and the young manager of the restaurant called. Later, because the boss was only interested in having a romantic relationship with his lover, the restaurant went bankrupt due to poor management. The money lost also involved the decoration company. In such a vicious cycle, Lao Si not only lost his fortune, but also owed more than 600,000 yuan in foreign debt. His lover ran away, and his wife was disheartened by him and did not file for divorce. For the sake of her two children, she went out to work alone to support the family.

But things happened to take a dramatic turn. The fourth child actually hooked up with a divorced woman by relying on his man's forty-one flowers. The woman also said that as long as he divorced and married her, he would marry her. She helped him pay off more than 600,000 yuan in debt, and then accompanied him to make a comeback. Without any thought or hesitation, he filed for divorce from his wife. The wife refused, saying that as long as the two of them worked together, the foreign debt would be paid off quickly, but he had no room for maneuver and had to leave. He also said that he expected her to never repay the debt in her lifetime. At this time, something strange happened. This retired teacher actually came out to scold the fourth son’s wife, saying that she was ignorant of the general public, did not consider her husband, and that she was incapable of repaying his debts. women and so on. The father and son insulted her in disguise, pretending that they would never give up until they got divorced. This poor woman finally gave in and agreed to divorce.

When the retired teacher told me all this, he gritted his teeth and was indignant. He kept emphasizing to me how bad the fourth daughter-in-law was and how excessive she was. He also said: She has no ability and will only work like a cow. If we, the fourth child, don't leave her, we will never be able to repay the debt in our lifetime. I didn't interrupt. I didn't know what to say. Silence was the best attitude. Who is right and who is wrong seems to be a question that does not need to be explored in depth. Justice lies in the heart of the people, and it will be clear to anyone with a discerning eye. But I obviously couldn't tell him these things. One of the reasons was that he was an elder, so I had no choice but to obey. Secondly, it was difficult for an upright official to deal with household affairs, and I didn't have the time to take care of his household affairs. However, I really want to know, how could he, who is a role model for others, confuse right and wrong and not distinguish between right and wrong?

Is it just because his son is his biological son and his wife is someone else’s daughter? It was obvious that his son had done something wrong, but he still cursed others with confidence and ruthlessly forced his wife, who had given birth to a pair of grandchildren to him, out of the house.

Recalling the glorious history of his family over the years, it seems easy for me to understand that the upper beam is not straight and the lower beam is crooked. With such a father, he can only educate such a son. The eldest son of his family has a decent job in the fire brigade, and his wife is a doctor at the People's Hospital. When his son was in his freshman year, he divorced and married another woman. The second child owned a furniture store. After divorcing his first wife, he married a seventeen-year-old girl. His father-in-law was two years younger than him. The third child, the only one who is not divorced, relied on his eldest brother's connections in the fire brigade to open a fire equipment store. It is said that only fire equipment purchased in his store can pass the inspection. The third daughter-in-law works as an accountant in a big shop. She is reluctant to break up the family, so she can only coexist with her mistress. Although the four sons cannot be said to be the best among men, they have each achieved their own achievements. From the perspective of outsiders, the big family that they are proud of, who would have thought that there are so many holes hidden behind it. One son's divorce was accidental, but it was the same for all four sons. Is this the inevitable result of failed family education? This may be a matter of opinion.

However, from the issue of the fourth child, it is not difficult to see that as the head of the family, the retired teacher also has problems with his moral outlook.

In his eyes, the responsibilities of marriage, the concept of family, and the bonds of family affection are not the most important. The most important thing is that at the critical moment, when they need money, whoever can pay for it will be the savior of their family. As a father, he not only failed to educate his sons well, but also encouraged them to ignore the love between husband and wife and only put money and interests first, leading to the disintegration or changes of each family. Although he cannot control the emotional life of his four sons, it must be said that it has a lot to do with his moral values ??and family education. Don't underestimate the power of subtle influence, as the ancients said, it is the fault of a father who is not a god. Father's behavior has a great influence on children in their early childhood. Having been educated by a father who is only interested in profit and has inverted values ??since childhood, can the four sons be indifferent to fame and wealth? In the face of interests, wives and children can be abandoned. This is the truest portrayal of them.

I just don’t understand. As a retired teacher and a knowledgeable and educated person, how can this father not be able to distinguish between right and wrong? Could it be that, in his eyes, there is nothing else besides money? Alas, I don’t want to think about it anymore. Anyway, there are still many things that I can’t figure out, and this is not the least of them.