Ask for a few funny jokes

Xiao Lin was waiting for the bus at the station, and a girl kept staring at him and laughing. Xiaolin knew that she was handsome and attracted the attention of girls, so she walked around for a few laps. As a result, the girl opposite smiled more and more brightly, and Kobayashi began to walk around in the same place more vigorously. An aunt on the side said to Xiaolin, "Young man, will you stop stepping on shit?" .

A, B and C went out together, and A caught a cold. ...

Everyone sleeps in a bed at night, and A sleeps in the middle.

In the middle of the night ... A sniffled,

B-C's whole face is the crystallization of a.

Let us know next time ...

Half an hour later,

A: Attention. ...

Hearing this, B and C quickly got into the quilt.

And make sure there is no contact with the outside world. ...

As a result, a fart.

Three rabbits shit.

The first one is only long.

The second one is just spherical.

The third one is actually triangular.

Asked, it replied: I pinched it with my hand.

A: I never say it twice.

B: What?

A: I never say it twice.

The white rabbit met the wolf.

The white rabbit said, the wolf, the wolf, you asked me if I was a white rabbit.

Ask! Ask! ! ! !

The wolf said, are you a white rabbit?

The little white rabbit is very happy. Yes, yes, I am! ! !

then

The white rabbit said to the wolf, Wolf, you asked me if I was a giraffe.

Ask! Ask! ! ! !

The wolf is helpless. All right. . . that . . Are you a giraffe?

The rabbit slapped him on the back of the head, you idiot!

I told you I was a white rabbit! ! !

One day, the toothpick was walking and found his shoelaces open, so he bent down to tie them, and then his waist broke.

One day, Xiao Qiang came home crying and said, "Mom, mom, everyone at school says my head is a kite."

Then my mother said, "How come? Won't it? Come and run with me. "

In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

One day there was a mother-in-law in a car …

Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way. ...

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass … ..

Wife: Before I married you, I was really blind and stepped in shit.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ......

What is it with three heads and one foot?

Answer: Three monsters with one head and one foot! ! ! ! ! !

The ants went to the desert. Why didn't he leave footprints on the beach, but only a line?

Answer: Because it rides a bike!

The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back! Why ah!

Answer: I saw his bike parked downstairs.

One day, a female drug addict was arrested in the police station. The police saw a tattoo on her hand and asked her why she had her boyfriend's name tattooed on her hand. Is his name Xiao Liang ... Ah ... Really? Come on, say … is he taking drugs … come on.

I saw the female drug addict raise her head with angry eyes.

Say to the police

This is hatred. ...

One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a ride.

The car is running out of gas, and there is a gas station next to it. When driving by, a sudden gust of wind blew my boyfriend's hat away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her:

"I'll get my hat, you help me to refuel. 」

Not far from her boyfriend, she heard Xiaomei shout behind her:

"come on Come on! 」

There are two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time,

I shook my sausage. Wow! It's cold ~

Another sausage said in surprise, huh? You are a sausage. How can you talk?

A sausage in the refrigerator feels very cold. Then I looked at the other one next to me and felt a little comforted. I said, "Look at you, frozen like this, covered in ice!" " "The root said," I'm sorry, I'm a popsicle. "

A little boy came home from school and peeped out of the window at a woman lying in bed rubbing her chest, shouting: I want a man, I want a man!

The next day, the little boy went out of the window and found a man lying on the woman.

So the little boy went home and lay in bed, rubbing his chest and shouting, I want a bike, I want a bike!

(This I collapsed! ! Where's mopper? )

Why do boys have a lot of GF to envy and girls have a lot of BF to despise? Because just like a key can open many locks, it is called a master key, and a lock can be opened by many keys, which shows that there is something wrong with this lock.

Five children share a cake, and only three knives are allowed. How can we split it equally? Answer: Cut a child to death with one knife, and then cut the cake into four parts with two knives. . .

43. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down.

Xiao Ming and Xiao Hong are deskmates. One day, Xiaoming borrowed a pen from Xiaohong.

Xiaohong said "don't borrow"

"Lend it to me and you're dead!"

Then Xiaohong said, "Oh, I'll lend it to you."

When Xiaoming returned the pen to Xiaohong, Xiaohong really died. (It's so cold ...)

I saw from a magazine whether my girlfriend was a rotten woman and asked her what the antonym of' attack' was. If she replies' defense', it means normal; If she replies' accept', she is obviously a rotten girl.

One day I suddenly remembered and asked her, "What is the antonym of' attack'?"

She replied, "Mom!"

It seems that I didn't express myself clearly, so I went on to say, "No, it's an attack."

She said, "Yes, the mother of the hen!" " "

Her answer proved that the dog sample test was completely unreliable. ...

The work pressure in modern society is great, especially for gay men, who have nowhere to vent and are really depressed.

When I saw an old friend on QQ at night, I exchanged ideas with each other.

Q: How to effectively decompress?

None of these? The shortest answer. Right-click winrar to decompress!

My mother received a phone call saying that xx Bank was in arrears with its credit card. My mother said, "You must be a liar. Banks are all voice systems. "

Hang up the phone over there. A few days later, I got another call and said, "This is a voice message. Your xx bank account is in arrears. Please press 9 for details. "

My mother said, "I don't have a 9 on my mobile phone."

There said, "How is that possible?"

My mother said, "Aren't you a voice?"

Hang up the phone over there.

An American tourist came to Taiwan Province Province and got on the bus in Taibei. Just as he was about to put in the coin, the driver said, "Get off and vote!" "

Americans are at a loss: "What, get off and vote?" So he ran out of the car, picked up the coin and pointed it at the coin box, shaking his head with a wry smile: "How can you throw it like this?" I'm not Jordan. "

There is a couple in the park, very sweet. The girl said her husband: I have a toothache! The boy then kissed the girl and asked, Does it still hurt? The girl said no! After a while, the girl coquetry said: Husband, my neck hurts! The boy kissed the girl's neck again and asked if it still hurts this time. The girl said happily: it doesn't hurt! An old lady stood by and watched for a long time, but there was nothing she could do. She stepped forward and asked the young man, young man, you are really something. Can you treat hemorrhoids?

Nietzsche went to an interview and the interviewer asked, "What's your name?" "Nietzsche." "Guess you are grandma! Next! "

One day, I dropped eye drops, and as soon as I finished, I closed my eyes. When I opened it, I found that I couldn't see anything. It was all black. I thought, it's over, I bought fake medicine, I'm blind! At this time, my father went upstairs with a candle and said, "Why do you go back longer and longer?" You'll cry when the power is off! "

Guest A: Are your peppers spicy?

Vendor: Don't worry about keeping it spicy!

A: forget it then. I can't eat anything too spicy.

Supplier: …

Guest B: Are your peppers spicy?

Vendor: Don't worry if it's not spicy!

B: What kind of pepper is not spicy? number

Supplier: …

Guest C: Are your peppers spicy?

Vendor: I don't know …

I don't know my own business, you psycho.

Supplier: ...

A strange handsome guy knocked on my door and asked in a heavy voice, "Is this Mr. XX?" I nodded, and he suddenly leaned down, kissed my lips hard, and put his tongue into my mouth, stirring wildly. I was shocked at first, and then I struggled angrily to push him away: "Bastard! What are you doing? " The man held out his hand innocently and said, "I sent it by express." That kiss just now was from your girlfriend in America. Please check it. "

A: "I used to play chess with your father. Once, your father had only one elephant left, and I had only one scholar left. So, I suggested that elephants and people cross the river, and your father agreed. Your father will use his image as me, and I will use your father. Your father used his image as me again, so I used your father again. Your father is like me and I am like your father. Your father is like me, and I am your father. B: Get out!

In a traffic accident, there were so many onlookers that a reporter couldn't squeeze in. He had a brainwave and shouted: I am the son of the injured, please make way! The onlookers quickly got out of the way. The reporter looked intently and saw a donkey being run over and lying in the middle of the road. .

1. A passenger plane was suddenly hit by a small airflow in flight. The passengers were in a panic, thinking that the end of the world was coming. A beautiful young girl stood up and got up the courage to say to everyone, "Dear male passengers, who can let me taste the taste of being a woman before I die?"

2. The fat man asked the doctor, "Doctor, what is the most effective way to lose weight?" The doctor glanced at the fat man and said, "Shake your head." "shake your head? When? " "When someone invites you to dinner."

3. A guy went to the hospital for a check-up and did a lot of tests.

The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I found that you have a potential homosexual tendency! ! And it's hard to cure!

This guy said, oh, my god! What's the good news?

The doctor said shyly, I found you very cute ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The general manager who is engaged in customer development is always doing nothing. He is depressed and has a bad income. After working overtime, he went downstairs to eat noodles and chat with his boss. Do you need clients? The boss said it was all for the customers. Can you get clients?

I asked, "Mosquito, are you an angel with a broken wing?" The mosquito replied, "No." I said, "Then you can hurt yourself ..." Bang! ! !

In order to interest my husband in ironing clothes, I bought an ironing board. This ironing board is very unusual, with a beautiful woman in a bathing suit printed on it. As soon as the board was hot, the swimsuit disappeared. As a result, he glued the board to the radiator.

7. The director and the section chief take the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief, You farted! The section chief said: I didn't let it go ... Soon the section chief was dismissed, and the director said at the meeting: You can't afford to fart. What's your use?

8.a: My salary has gone up, and my monthly salary can reach 60,000. What about you? B: We also went up by less than 70,000 yuan. A: Not bad, but the salary is good. I heard that the supermarket cabbage is on sale tonight, as long as 3 thousand yuan a catty! Shh, keep your voice down so that no one can hear you!

The store manager is scolding one of his salespeople. "I saw you arguing with a customer," he said very angrily. "You don't remember, in my shop the customer is always right. You got it?

"Yes, sir," said the clerk. "The customer is always right."

"Why did you argue with him just now?"

"Oh, sir, he said you were an idiot."

10. A woman asked her boyfriend, Do you love me? Boyfriend said: love. The woman asked: Do you love others, too? Boyfriend said: Love too. The woman asked again, didn't you always say that I was everything to you? The man said: Yes, you are my concubine. . .

1. When I have money, I will buy a bus, take the bus lane and stop at the bus stop. When someone wants to get on the bus, I will say, sorry, this is a private car.

2. Guest, are you staying in a hotel or a hotel?

I shit.

I was very young. What about you? Are you old?

A gentleman is just a patient wolf.

5. It is not necessarily a good thing for everyone to stand on one side, such as standing on the side of the ship.

6. relax, I'm not a good person ...

7. You said ... you like me? Actually ... first of all ... actually, I also ... well, to be honest, I actually like myself.

As a typical loser, you are really successful.

9. I just learned to ride a bike when I was a child. Before I knew it, I ran into the street. When I saw an old man walking in front of me, I felt I was going to hit it. I said, don't move, don't move. The old man stood there for a while without moving, so I turned around and hit him. The old man stood up and said, did you aim?

10, if there is 300W, do you want to buy Mercedes or Ferrari?

It's best to buy 300 second-hand Otto cars and hire 300 drivers to drive behind you, one in an S shape and the other in a B shape.

1 1, smile more, and beware of catching a cold on cloudy days!

12, I laughed at the sky from the horizontal knife and went to bed after laughing!

13, Lu Yao knows that the horsepower is insufficient, and people will watch for a long time.

14, my father expressed his views on my obesity: Han Hong's life was not lost, but Han Hong's disease was also found.

15, I never hold a grudge, but I usually report it on the spot.

16, don't cry at my grave. Dirty my path of reincarnation.

17, that's right, Mr. Zhang. You can't press CTRL+C on your home computer and then CTRL+V on your company computer. Not even the same article. No, no, it's not even an expensive computer.

18, I thought you were just a number between 1 and 3, but I didn't expect you to be a combination of 1 and 3.

20. A cannibal went to work, and the manager repeatedly told him not to eat his colleagues and agreed. I couldn't help eating a detergent in a few days.

People were discovered immediately. The sentiment is: never eat people who really do things.

2 1. Now you scold me because you don't know me yet. When you get to know me later, you will definitely hit me.

22. People never know who inadvertently said goodbye to you and then really disappeared.

23. The road to success is always under construction.

24, I don't go to hell, who loves who.

25. Guess an English sentence: "ababbaaaaaaaaaabbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

26, think of your eyebrows, think of ambiguity. I suddenly feel that most of my thoughts are like this, and they are getting weaker and weaker (I vaguely remember that this is the lyrics of Faye Wong's "I don't want this either", don't you know? )

27. Years later, I lamented those two teenagers: one was amazing and the other was gentle.

28. If she (he) says to you, "Forget me." You tell each other, "I never remember."

29. You are very kind to us. I will always remember that I will never let you go if I am a ghost.

Dear female colleagues, please don't be angry with me. My wife has a caller ID.

3 1, smile, wave, goodbye, over.

I remember I decided to be an interesting person.

33. Think about the salary ratio, forget it, and don't want to live.

34. Well, give me an affordable grave.

35. I have lived for more than 20 years and have done nothing for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about it, my heart aches.

36. Do all the bad things you can while you are young. It's only been a few years

37. Earn money to sell cabbage and white powder.

38. A seven-year-old boy is the most terrible creature on earth. They are curious, active, destructive and have the law on the protection of minors.

39. A man keeps his word-I won't pay back the money if I say no!

40. Laozi said: Sleep can sleep, very sleep.

4 1. Although I believe in vows of eternal love, I may not believe you.

42. God said: Don't forget to take an umbrella when you go out. I will water the flowers later.

43. Special people never say they are special, such as me.

44. My answer was good, but Tai said he couldn't come.

45. I know all banquets must come to an end, but at least I want to eat well at the banquet!

46. I will take my sunshine road and you will cross your Naihe Bridge.

47. The world belongs to us and our children, but ultimately to our children and grandchildren!

48. Whenever I encounter difficulties, I will read Tibetan scriptures: "Oh, moo, coax", which translates into English: all the money goes to my house!

49, the simplest secret of longevity-keep breathing, don't die.

50. Confucius said: Sleepless at noon, collapse at noon. Mencius said: Confucius is right!

5 1, kindness means that bia ji doesn't eat meat when others are hungry.

52, the long road of life, there will always be a few wrong steps.

53. I never bully the weak ~ ~ ~ I didn't know he was weaker than me before I bullied him …