A joke for children.

Ask for a joke suitable for children! Thank you, my daughter took part in the joke telling contest 1: A beautiful customer just came. After washing her hair, I asked her what hairstyle she needed. The beauty said, "Who is the star in the stereo in your shop ... just her hairstyle?" Lady gaga's song is playing in the shop. I thought about it for a moment and found it too difficult, so I changed the song to Li's. ...

2:

Daughter: Mom!

Mom: Am I that old?

Daughter: Sister!

Mom: Go ahead, what's the matter?

Daughter: I have no money. ...

Mom: I'm going to find your mother!

Who can tell jokes? Ask for super jokes. Thank you. One day, when God looked down on mankind, he found a very poor man. He is so kind that he wants to help him. He threw a box of treasures on a road he often walked every day. When he went out, he suddenly thought, I go this way every day, but today I go a different way. As a result, I found no treasure. I'm angry with God. I deserve to be poor, but I still want to help him. I can't help it. I turned into a mortal and went directly to the man and said that every shot can realize a wish. After God left, the man thought, * * *, I have never seen anything in such a big world. Let's open our eyes and shoot an arrow "all JB" Donkeys, pigs, JBs and dogs all fly. When this person sees * * *, it won't do. He shot another arrow, "All JB Go" and the donkey, pig and dog flew all JB.

Beg: a little joke suitable for children in children's park, thank you! I was originally an angel, but I stayed on earth because of my weight. . . . I try to lose weight in order to return to heaven one day. . . Three years ago, I could do trigonometric functions, solve multivariate higher-order equations and recite classical Chinese. Although my English is not very good, I also know the secret.

No, knowing the significance of the Revolution of 1911, I can draw the atmospheric circulation map ~ further, I can recite the chemical element list, know the redox reaction and neutralization reaction, read the circuit diagram, know Newton's three laws, and know that plant cells have cell walls but animal cells don't ~ Now I am illiterate.

Today in KFC, I heard a fat girl crying at a slightly fat girl and said, Don't trust men, no man likes fat people. He wants to fatten you up for two purposes. One is that you can't change your mind when you are fat, but you can only be dead set on him. The other is that if you get fat, you can't buy clothes, and you won't be in the mood to shop for clothes in the future. In the long run, you can save a lot of money on clothes. ...

Ah, ah, ah, ah, just now I was standing in a daze on the bus, and suddenly a white head came into my hand. I thought Samoyed was there, so I touched it. It turned out to be the head of an old lady who squatted down to tie her shoelaces! Some people say I'm crazy. . .

Time is fair to everyone, and everyone is given 24 hours a day. Others are more successful than you because their parents gave them money when you played Weibo.

My friend who works in a driving school told me with regret that since they added "Couples should speed up their driving when they pass in front of the car shop" in the theoretical examination exercise, there has been an endless stream of candidates who choose "right". ...

There is a magic thing in chemistry that is insoluble in acid, alkali, salt and organic matter. It is not harmed by fire and water. Whether it is heated on a blowtorch or electrified by high-voltage electricity, it is unscathed. It has the most stable and excellent chemical properties, but it is always abandoned by people. Its name is impurity.

She foolishly put his number in her mobile phone as her boyfriend, thinking that she would not be seen dead anyway. One day at a class party, he happened to be sitting next to her and couldn't find his cell phone. He asked her to borrow his phone to make a phone call. She quickly said that she didn't have his number, so he grabbed it and dialed it. Looking at the three words popping up on the screen, she blushed to death. He hesitated for a second, then took out his mobile phone from her bag and said, hey, how did you call me?

Miss, your hair is very poor. Do you want to … "Well, how long have you been in this business?" "ah? Me? I have been working for five years. " "Oh." (Silence) "Miss, do you want to have a party ..." "Uh, do you live nearby?" "ah? Right. " "Oh." (Silence) "Miss ..." "Married?" "ah? Not yet. Isn't the family in a hurry? "Uh, ahem ..." (silently got a haircut.

Tell you a terrible fact, don't go to the toilet at 23: 59 on February 313+03. Otherwise it won't come out until next year.

Tell a joke to your girlfriend. When wolves invaded, small animals set up death squads to fight. Mantis: I have two knives. Hedgehog: I'm covered in hidden weapons. The longicorn sings while swinging its tentacles: Hum! I have nunchakus! Nunchakus! Hum, hum, haha!

In the middle of the night, Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed with his head distributed. Bush was startled and said, How dare you break into the White House at night! Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard and said with a grimace, "It's so soft and confident!"!

Zhang Sheng has lunch with his favorite girl. Suddenly, the girl shouted "Zhang Lang". Zhang Sheng fainted with joy and woke up to find a cockroach in the bowl.

The dung beetle fell in love with a mosquito. Lang: What's your occupation? Mosquito: What about you, nurse? Dung beetles said with a smile, Fate, my colleague, I am a pill maker in the Bureau of Traditional Chinese Medicine.

One day, 0 and 8, 6 and 9 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said, fat is fat. Why wear a belt! 6 without looking at 9, he said: Cool is cool, don't stand upside down!

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "It's almost ripe and still so stubborn."

The farmer drove the donkey into the city and met a rogue. The rogue asked, did you eat? The farmer said he ate, and the rogue said, I asked the donkey. Hearing this, the farmer turned and slapped the donkey: there are relatives in the city, without saying anything.

Pig: Hi, Bear! Guess how many sweets I have in my hand?

Bear: Well, I guessed right. Can I eat your candy?

Pig: Mm-hmm. If you guess correctly, I will give you two pieces of candy!

Bear: Well ... I guess there are five.

Pig: (handing the bear two pieces of candy bitterly) Here are two pieces of candy. I'll give you the three later.

Ask for a joke suitable for telling his girlfriend. An adult said to a eunuch who waited on his master, "Grandpa, how about I tell you a joke?" The eunuch greeted him and listened carefully. The adult said, "Then please listen carefully! Once upon a time, there was a eunuch.

The eunuch waited for a long time and found that the adult only said so many words, so he was puzzled and asked, "My Lord, where is your head?"

Adults sneered: "Bow your head? The head is gone. " Said, staring at the eunuch's crotch, ambiguous smile, disdain and disdain eyes.

The eunuch realized that he was speechless.

Who can tell jokes? I want to tell my girlfriend 1. Now old Wang Yue is becoming more and more rampant. In order to prevent his girlfriend from cheating, I have to vent my anger before going to work every day, otherwise it is not practical to move bricks on the construction site.

2. Having dinner with a colleague, a colleague said that time really flies. I am old after 90, and I hear Lao Tzu in a cold sweat. It's none of my business to think about it later. I am a post-80s generation. .

3, the sun will still climb up tomorrow, and Lao Tzu will still be the same tomorrow!

Today, you are indifferent to me. Tomorrow and Friday will be sunny and cloudy with a temperature of 28~37 degrees. . .

I was walking in the street yesterday, and I saw a handsome guy coming across the street. I am so excited. When we passed each other. I'm sorry that my bag was robbed. I cried all night. I really can't figure out where I am worse than my bag.

If you have any jokes to tell your children, please adopt my question!

1. It is said that there is a polar bear. Because the snow is too dazzling, he wants to wear sunglasses to see things, but he can't find sunglasses, so he crawls around on the ground with his eyes closed and crawls until his hands and feet are dirty. Put on sunglasses and look in the mirror, only to find: Oh, I'm a panda.

3. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice. When he was really bored, he began to pluck his hair, one, two, three, and there was no last one left, and then he froze to death.

4. Once upon a time, there was a bird that passed through a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in that cornfield, and all the corn turned into popcorn! ! ! After the bird flew by ... it thought it was snowing, so it was very cold.

Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged, so he ran outside crying and flew away.

6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly refused it. Spider asks: Why? This is why! Butterfly said: My mother said that people who fool around on the Internet all day are not good people.

7. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes. As a result, he skinned it. As a result, the banana in the back fell down. Then peeled bananas become dried bananas ~

One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout out what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to have a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! " The next jump is really full of beautiful women waiting for him.

The second is a bookworm, shouting "Book Book Book Book Book Book!" Then, jump into the valley and get books full of pits and valleys.

The third kind is an indecisive person, who can't decide what he likes after thinking about it. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful thing, so he went to the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded, "Shit!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley.

9. What about Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening.

Xiao Ming's mother asked anxiously: Have you finished all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it.

Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.

10. The panda loves the deer deeply, but it is rejected when expressing its love. Panda roar ~ why? What's all this for? The deer said timidly, my mother said that those who wear sunglasses are all bad teenagers.

1 1. One day, Xiao Ming was walking on the road. I suddenly feel sore when I walk! Why is this happening? Because Xiaoming stepped on a lemon!

12. Which Chinese character is the coolest? Thong (cool)

The towel said to the coin, son. If you put on a doctor's hat, you will be worth a hundred times.

The "ruler" said to "do": Sister, the results have come out. You are pregnant with twins.

The minister said to the giant: the same area as you. I have three rooms and two halls.

13. One day, a university teacher asked a student that there were ten birds in the tree and one was shot dead. How much is left?

The student asked: Is it silent pistol? No, how loud was the shot? 80- 100 decibel. Is it illegal to shoot birds in this city? No offense. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Of course. At this time, the teacher was impatient: "Will you just tell me how many birds are left?" Are there some deaf birds in the tree? No. Have you ever been caged and hung from a tree? No. Are there any other trees nearby? Are there any other birds in the tree? No, if a bird is pregnant, is it a bird in its belly? Not exactly. Is there a flower in the bird photographer's eye? There are no flowers, only ten. The teacher was sweating all over, and the bell rang, but the students continued to ask: Are there any stupid birds that are not afraid of death? Fear of death. Would you kill two with one shot? No, the student said confidently, if your answer is not a lie, "if the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and doesn't fall, there is only one left." If it falls, there will be none left. " . The teacher immediately foaming at the mouth fell to the ground!

14. One day, someone passed a crossroads and found something super scary. He found Kakashi and the Monkey King laughing!

15. Once upon a time, one night, there were three shrimps in the pond. Ha ha ha, a female ghost farted to death.

16. A female alien engaged in biological research came to the earth. Turning around, she felt that there were many things worth learning from human genes, so she arrested a person and wanted to take him back with written information about human genes. But the ship is too small to take him away, and the information is too huge to take away at one time. Just when she was anxious, the computer help system of the spaceship said, "This man has a small stick, which can solve all your problems …" Then she suddenly realized and smiled and said to the drooling man. . . . . Give me the flash drive! " .

17. A potholed man was crossing the road, but he was accidentally run over by a truck. When he died, he looked at his body and said, "I was stuffed with bean paste, not meat."

18. Brother, stop touching it! You touched the top and the bottom, and your hair fell out. Such tender skin, you have touched all the water! How do you want me to sell it later? These peaches are all fresh, don't buy them!

19. Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf. The wolf said: I want to eat you! The lamb is frightened! Guess what happened? As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

20. Once upon a time, there was a swordsman. He was cold, his heart was cold, his sword was cold, and finally he died of cold.

2 1. Once upon a time, there was a tiger chasing a deer on the road! The deer was frightened, ran faster and faster, and finally turned into a highway.

22. One tomato was smashed by a stone, another tomato was smashed, another tomato was smashed, countless tomatoes were smashed, and the last tomato fell! Tomato sauce!

23. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

24. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up, whatever you wanted. At this moment, the wolf grinned and drooled and said, Then tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is.

25. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

I've been calling for a long time, so adopt it!

1 said that there was a polar bear who had to wear sunglasses to see because the snow was too dazzling, but he couldn't find his glasses, so he closed his eyes and climbed up on the ground, looking for sunglasses with his hands and feet dirty. Put on a pair of sunglasses and look in the mirror. It finds: Oh, I am a panda.

A polar bear stayed alone in a daze on the ice. He was really bored and began to pull out his hair. One, one, three, and the last one was left. Then he died of cold.

Once upon a time, there was a bird. He passed a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day the cornfield caught fire and all the corn turned into popcorn! ! ! The bird flew over later ... The snow was freezing.

5 Li Xiaoming's new hairstyle. When I came to school the next day, my classmates saw his new hairstyle and said with a smile: Xiao Ming, your head is like a kite! Xiao Ming felt wronged and ran out to cry. When he cried, he flew.

The spider fell in love with the butterfly, and the butterfly refused it. The spider asked: Why? This is why! Butterfly said: My mother said that hanging out all day is not good for the international community.

One day in summer, bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt very hot. He said, It's so hot. I want to take off your clothes. He peeled off the skin. The result fell behind the banana. Then take off the banana bees and dry the bananas.

One day, three explorers finally found the legendary "Valley of Hope". Just stand by the valley and shout what you want, and then jump into the valley in droves to get what you want. So the three of them decided to give it a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted, "A woman! That woman! " There is a large number of beautiful women waiting for him.

The second one is a bookworm, shouting "Book Book Book Book Book Book!" Then, jump into the valley and have a lot of books.

The third is that a person is always indecisive and indecisive, thinking that this way and that way are not their favorite decisions. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful, so he walked to the edge of the valley. He kicked a stone and scolded "Shit!" But the unstable center of gravity below the valley.

Xiaoming, there will be an exam tomorrow, but I will watch TV in the evening.

Xiao Ming's mother asked: Have you finished reading the book? Exam tomorrow

Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I'm finished.

Xiaoming's mother praised Xiaoming happily: OK, then you will do well tomorrow.

Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I said,' Mom, I know.

10 The panda loves the deer, but the expression of love is rejected. Panda roar ~ why? Why is all this? The deer said timidly, My mother said that wearing sunglasses is a bad boy.

One day Xiaoming was on his way! I suddenly feel sore when I walk! Why? Because he stepped on a lemon!

12 Chinese characters, which character is the coolest? Thong (cool)

Towel says to money: My son. You wear a doctor's hat, and your social status suddenly rises.

The "rule" said to "do": Sister, the result came out. You bring ins.

"I" said to "Giant": It has the same area as you. I have three rooms.

13 one day, a university teacher asked a student that there were ten birds in the tree, and one was shot and killed. How many were left?

The student asked: Is it silent pistol? How big is it without gunshots? 80- 100 decibel. Is it illegal to shoot birds in this city? Stop it. Are you sure that bird was killed? Sure. By this time, the teacher was impatient: "Will you tell me how many birds are left? Are there no deaf birds in the tree? No. Not locked in a cage hanging from a tree? No. There are no other trees. Trees have no other birds? No. If the bird is pregnant, is it counted in the bird's stomach? Not really. Do human birds have flowers? There are no flowers, only ten. The teacher was sweating like a pig, and the bell rang, but the students continued to ask: Are there any silly birds that are not afraid of death? Everyone is afraid of death. Can't shoot o? I can't. The students said confidently: If you answered no lies, "If the bird hanging on the tree doesn't fall, there is only one left. If you fall, there is no left.". The teacher was foaming at the mouth and fell to the ground!

14 On this day, people passed by the crossroads and found a super scary thing. He found Kakashi and the Monkey King laughing!

15 One night long ago, there were only three shrimps in the pond. Hahaha, a ghost farted and died.

16 a female alien who studies biology came to the earth and turned around. She felt that there were many lessons in human genes. She arrested a person and wanted to put him back in the written materials related to human genes. But it's all big, so don't take it away. The data is too big to have a score. Anxious, the computer help system on board said, "This man has a * * * universal stick that can solve all your problems …" Then she suddenly saw the light and smiled and said to the man who was drooling ... Give me the USB flash drive! ”。

17 once, when crossing the road, he was crushed to death by a truck tire. He looked at his body and said, "I am stuffed with bean paste, not meat."

18 eldest brother, don't move! You feel the hair on it, making you feel lost, so tender skin, you feel running water! How do you want me to sell it? This peach is fresh, don't buy it!

19 Once upon a time, there was a little sheep. One day, he went out to play and ran into a big bad wolf. The wolf said: I want to eat you! ! ! Big surprise! Guess what, what was the result? The wolf ate the lamb.

Once upon a time, there was a sword. He was cold and cold-hearted. The sword was cold and cold.

2 1 Once upon a time, there was a tiger chasing a deer in the street! The deer was surprised, ran faster and faster, and finally ran to the highway.

There is a tomato, which is broken by Bata mixed with stones, a tomato is pickled and broken, and a tomato is countless. The last tomato fell! Tomato sauce!

The squad leader of the 23 rd soldier asked: Did you step on a mine in the battle? Even growing up angry: Shit, what can I do? Tread on compensation.

On the 24th day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid the wolves. The wolf easily destroyed the grass, wood and brick house. The three little pigs ran desperately, but they were caught up by the wolf. The three little pigs said desperately, you did it. No matter what you do, we will give up. At this time, the wolf smiled slyly and kept drooling and said, please tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is?

Twenty-five elephants were sitting in the middle of the road, and an ant was passing by the top of the mountain. Looking at the clouds, it couldn't help singing: Ah Suo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~ ~ ~ ~

The children's jokes are very interesting. Tell the children. 1, the younger brother said, "The courage of the sun is really small!"

My brother said, "How can I see it?"

The younger brother said, "Because it won't dare to come out until the day."

The kitten went to kindergarten. One day, the teacher asked, "Who knows how many countries there are in the world?"

The kitten said, "I know!" "

The teacher said, "Then tell me which countries there are."

The kitten said, "There are two countries, China and foreign countries!" "

There is a little girl over 5 years old this year. She grew up in Beijing and goes back to her grandmother's home every year. It happened that I went back to my grandmother's house this year. A girl in her village was getting married, and my grandmother took her to a wedding reception. At the dinner table, people talked about the girl's good luck and married the capital Beijing. At this time, the little girl asked her grandmother, "Grandma, did she also marry in Beijing?"

Grandma said, "Yes, this aunt married to Beijing like your mother!" " "

The little girl suddenly said in a hurry, "huh?" She didn't marry my father, did she? "

Mouse: I'm in love with bats now, and children will live in the air in the future, so I'm not afraid of your cats. The cat sneered, pointed to the owl in the tree and said, look, she is pregnant with my child!