Humorous jokes on the wine table

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. I have arranged humorous jokes. Welcome to study together!

1, my husband will travel for half a year. A good wife lovingly gave her husband a pack of condoms and said, if you can't help it outside, remember to wear condoms. Her husband said excitedly after listening, if your family is not well off, use theirs!

2, a man saw an advertisement: no surgery, no hospitalization, let your genitals easily become bigger and thicker! I was overjoyed and remitted the money immediately. A few days later, I received the parcel and opened it eagerly. Fuck! Magnifier.

A 70-year-old man and a young lady died of excessive excitement. Her family refused to take the young lady to court. The judge asked the forensic doctor to conduct an autopsy to find out the reason. The next conclusion after forensic autopsy: so comfortable!

On the wedding night, the groom woke up and found the bride in tears. Surprised and asked, Honey, why are you crying? The bride cried: your things shrank to a deformed size after being used for one night! What to do in the future!

5. A lady ordered a stir-fried whip flower while eating, and accidentally fell between her legs when picking vegetables. The young lady was shocked: this thing is really amazing! Cooked and chopped, it actually knows the way!

6. My son sleeps with his mother every night. Her mother said: Did you sleep with your mother when you grew up and married your daughter-in-law? The son replied, "Well," and the mother said, "What about your daughter-in-law? The son said, let her sleep with her father. Dad said excitedly: this child has been sensible since childhood!

7. A village woman reported that it was a shame! I was played last night. The policeman asked me what I looked like. "I didn't see it clearly, but I must be a novice. After searching for a long time, I couldn't find a place, but I finally helped him in.

8. A butcher was caught, fined 4000 yuan and issued a receipt. When his wife found this receipt, she only knew 4000 yuan. She couldn't read, so she asked the butcher, What is a fine of 4,000 yuan? The butcher replied: punish me for injecting water into the meat!

9. My dog seems to have fed the cat two or three times ... Just now, I went downstairs to walk the dog. The stupid dog took a piece of meat from its bowl and went downstairs. I thought it wanted to eat it on the way, but downstairs, out of the unit door, a stray cat lay on the side. It spat out the meat next to the cat and the kitten began to eat. The stupid dog pretended that nothing had happened and ran back and forth wildly in the clearing as usual.

10, take the grandson to take a bath, see you naked. Grandson asked: Why is the hair above white and the hair below black? Answer: Because the above are all nerve-racking, and the following are all happy!

165438+ macho man: rub it inside!

12, the wife and sister-in-law crossed the river together, and the brother-in-law carried his wife and sister behind his back. The wife and sister touched it and asked what it was. A: Bad guy. Brother-in-law asked: What kind of goods are you? My wife and sister are half shy. This is a police station, which specializes in catching bad guys!

13, a car driver is often punished by the traffic police and hates the traffic police very much. His wife advised him that we should have a baby and call the traffic police in the future. I will hit him when I am angry. If you still can't get over it, fuck the traffic police mom!

14, a driver sent the leader to a literary evening, and the leader entered the venue. The driver was stopped by the security guard. The driver said: I have a system with the leader. The security guard said: * * is also a system with eggs. If * * goes in, can eggs go in?

15. My brother gave the reasons for his resignation: manual labor, working in the deepest place, having to stick his head in, no holidays, wet and dark working environment, breathing difficulties with a plastic mask, and always being forced to work until he vomited.

16, m-girls said what to do in the afterlife, make flowers, and everyone kissed me! Playing mahjong, everyone touches me! Making ice cream, everyone licks me! Everyone who is an ambulance can fuck me from behind, and I can scream!

17, a couple quarreled, and the man said: I can't beat you! You have one mouth above and one mouth below! The woman said: I can't beat you more! You have a mouth above, a microphone below, and two stereos! ......

18, the gangster broke into the house and was resisted to death by the woman. When the husband came back from the field, he saw his wife being held down by a gangster and shoveled with a jerk. He listened to his wife scold' Shit' and resisted for a long time, which was photographed by you with a shovel.

19, the little girl always shows off her new toy to the little boy, and the little boy takes off his pants and says, you will never have this! The girl also took off her pants and said, my mother said that as long as you have this, you can have as many things as you want!

20, boyfriend and girlfriend sleep in a room, the woman drew a line: the beast crossed the line. Woke up and found that the man really didn't cross the line, and the woman slapped the man hard: you are not even as good as an animal! The next day, two men and women slept in the same bed, but the woman drew a line warning: the man had the last lesson and crossed the border late at night, but he didn't succeed because of nervousness. After dawn, the woman slapped the man again: I didn't expect you to be worse than an animal!

2 1, the zipper of the female teacher's pants opened during the lecture, and a girl stood up to remind: Teacher, your door was not closed! The teacher waved his hand: Never mind, the dean will come to visit in a moment.

22. The family planning office went to the mountain village and found that the super-life was very serious, so he asked the fellow villagers why. The fellow villager replied: There is nothing to do without electricity. "Nothing to do?" The official looked puzzled. If you have nothing to do, just do it.

23. Male unmarried, female unmarried. They were introduced by a matchmaker. The man introduced himself: one gun, two eggs, no war of resistance for 38 years. Woman: One window, two doors. I haven't been in there for 26 years. Stupid than stupid.

25. Newcomers in an oilfield get married. Captain's couplet, newcomer, new well, new drill. The deeper you drill, the more oil you get. Horizontal approval: Yue. Everyone knows couplets, but they don't know horizontal comments. The captain said, read the words separately!

26. After the man went in, he squatted on the woman's body and whispered: We are connected now. Women are a little unhappy. The man violently attacked, and the woman shouted loudly: Mobile is better than Unicom!

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