Tell jokes with poems.

Someone suffered from mosquitoes in summer, and a friend told him, "You can make a sandwich cover with two layers of linen to prevent mosquitoes." The man asked why, and his friend said, "When it bites, it pulls the top layer of linen aside and pulls out the mosquito's mouth. Take a rest 120 days, and when its mouth is ready, the weather will be cold. " -Ming? Zuiyuezi selected elegant laughter.

Dare not disturb in the air

Su Dongpo and Huang Tingjian live in Jinshan Temple. One day, they made bread to eat. They agreed not to tell the Fo Yin monk in the temple about the cake fight. After a while, the cake was ready. They counted it, first presented it to Guanyin Bodhisattva, bowed down and prayed diligently. Unexpectedly, Fo Yin had been hidden in God's account in advance. When they knelt down to pray, they reached out and stole two cakes. When Su Shi finished worshipping, he got up and saw that two cakes were missing. Then he knelt down and prayed, "Guanyin Bodhisattva is amazing. She ate two cakes. Why didn't she come out to see him? " Fo Yin replied in his account: "If I had noodles, I would cook something with you. How dare I bother you? " -Ming? Anonymous "Hua Yan Fun, Laughing and Drinking Order"

be excessively fond of drinking

Once upon a time, Guanyin Bodhisattva warned Lv Dongbin: "At the beginning, you were drunk three times in Yueyang Tower, which was a good wine; Private flower He Xiangu is lewd; Dingzhou is greedy for selling ink; Flying sword to cut Huanglong, this is still angry. Since you have become a fairy, why not abandon wine, color and wealth? " Lv Dongbin attacked Guanyin and said, "Since you are not good at making wine, why do you have a clean bottle around you?"? Since you are not lustful, why do you keep this virgin? Since you are not greedy for money, why do you have to wear gold makeup all over your body? Since you are not angry, why did you surrender to Dapeng? " Guanyin was robbed, so she called Lv Dongbin with a tea lamp and a clean bottle. Dong Bin said with a smile: "Just one bottle of two, you can't beat me!" -Ming? Anonymous "Hua Yan Fun, Laughing and Drinking Order"

Bottled drinks will do.

Once upon a time, there was a man who was very greedy. He met an old acquaintance when he was doing business in Beijing. The acquaintance didn't mean to invite him home for dinner, but just chatted on the way. Seeing this, the drunkard said, "I should go to your house and have a look." I'm thirsty and bored, or I can borrow a cup of tea or wine to quench my thirst. " An acquaintance said, "My home is far away, so I dare not bother you to come." The greedy man said, "I'm sure it's only twenty or thirty miles, not far." An acquaintance said, "I'm afraid it's inconvenient because my place is narrow." The greedy man said, "as long as you can speak." The acquaintance added, "My utensils are incomplete, and there is no cup." The greedy man immediately said, "Because of our friendship, we can only drink one bottle." -Ming? Anonymous "Hua Yan Fun, Laughing and Drinking Order"

Cynical, shameless

Once upon a time, a scholar wrote a poem saying: "The willow line is green when the wind blows, and the peach blossom in the sun is red." A person next to him said, "This poem has a bad artistic conception. I'll modify it for you." As a poet, he said, "If you can fix it, please write one yourself." The reviser said: "The author does not cultivate (shame), and those who cultivate (shame) do not do it." -Ming? Anonymous "Hua Yan Fun, Laughing and Drinking Order"

Three and a half sentences of ballads

There is a scholar named Xipo who is good at writing seventeen-character poems. One year, during the drought, the satrap was leading some subordinate people to hold a ceremony to pray for rain. Xibo wrote a poem: The people are more grateful to the prefect for rain. Last night, I opened the window to see the moon! The satrap was furious and asked him to make poems and laugh at himself. He linked himself with Su Dongpo and blurted out: The ancients called Dongpo, and today people call it Xipo. If you compare two people, it's much worse. Later the satrap sent him to Yunyang. Before he left, his uncle came to see me off. His uncle is blind in one eye. So Xipotou wrote another poem: I was sent to Yunyang, and seeing my uncle is like seeing my mother. Two people cry together, three lines. When he arrived in Yunyang, the local governor liked his poems very much and asked him to try one. He blurted out again: the bell rang and the young lady went out of the back hall. The golden lotus is three inches smaller. -Green? Mix Lu, a retired scholar who seeks defeat alone.

Scold the dog

A little beggar was lying in the street, covered with sores and his legs rotted. A dog came and licked his leg. The beggar scolded, "The beast is in such a hurry that it will be your meal sooner or later. What are you busy with? " -Green? Chen is laughing.

Tap money

Some people like gambling, lose everything and have to hang themselves. Suddenly I saw a foodie shouting on the beam: "Get the head!" The man said, "it's a good thing you asked!" " Call me tap after losing this way! "-green? Chen is laughing.

Have a good time

A woman was having an affair with a monk and her husband found out. One day, the husband beat his wife for something else. The monk happened to pass by his door and came in to persuade him. The husband even hit the monk. The monk was beaten and complained to the government. The official refused to accept it, only wrote on the plaint: "Bing Zhou scissors Yangzhou tapestry, Suzhou shoes Yunnan knife." The monk didn't understand the meaning and asked a scholar. The scholar read it and told him, "This means' well played, well played'." -Green? Chen is laughing.

Papa tortoise

There was an old man who hated it when someone peed in the corner outside his house, so he drew a turtle on the wall and wrote, "This is the same thing that peed." A man urinated there without seeing it, and was caught by the old man. The old man pointed to the wall and scolded, "You are not blind, and you don't look!" " The man who urinated quickly replied, "I don't see dad here!" " "-green? Chen is laughing.

Stolen bowl

This is a treat for a family. There are many bones on the table, but there is little meat. The guest asked, "Was your bowl stolen?" The host was surprised to ask the reason, and the guest said, "I once heard my neighbor scold: Who stole my bowl of bones!" " "-green? Chen is laughing.

Eat in it

The guests sat outside and didn't leave until dinner time. The host sneaked into the back room for dinner. The guest said loudly outside, "What a big living room! Unfortunately, many beams and columns have been damaged by insects! " Hearing this, the host rushed out and asked, "Where is it?" The guest said, "How do you know if he is eating in it?" "-green? Chen is laughing.

Killed a little.

When a condemned man was about to be beheaded, he said to the executioner, "Kill whatever you want, but please kill it above the neck." When the executioner asked why, the condemned man replied, "I have a boil on my neck." If I kill it when it is boiling, won't it hurt more? " -Green? Shi's Smile.

a two-part allegorical saying

An official was very annoyed. When the waiter next to him saw it, he said an ironic sentence to his companion: "What an asshole!" " He hinted at the word "official" after the sentence, and then hinted at the word "brain" after the second word "dog", which is homophonic with "annoying", so he hinted at the word "official annoying". Unexpectedly, when the official heard it, he was furious and shouted, "Why didn't you say' the sky is full of pearls and horses'?" -Green? Shi's Smile.

Forget the Dragon Boat Festival.

A teacher didn't receive a gift from his host at the Dragon Boat Festival, so he asked his students, "Why didn't your father give a gift?" The student went home and asked his father. The father said, "If you tell your husband, tell him that his father forgot." The student answered the teacher as his father said. The gentleman said, "Let me give you a pair. No, I will hit you. " Then he went out and said, "There were three outstanding people in the Han Dynasty, Sean, Han Xin and Weichi Gong." The students couldn't keep up, didn't dare to fight, and went back to tell their father in tears. Father said, "Go and tell your husband if this pair is right. Weichi Gong belongs to the Tang Dynasty, not the Han Dynasty. " The students went back to report, sir. Mr. Wang asked, "Your father remembers everything thousands of years ago so clearly. How did he forget the Dragon Boat Festival yesterday? " -Green? Shi's Smile.

Monk wine is hard to ban.

There was a monk in a temple. He loved to drink. Master reprimanded and punished him many times. The monks who drank the cup were disgusted, so they got together, blackened their faces, held sticks and forced him to sit under the master's seat, saying, "We are all the embodiment of economic depression. We have nothing to fear except greed, anger and delusion. What are the disadvantages of eating wine and meat? " Say, lift the stick and hit. Master knelt down in fear and repented, so he couldn't help drinking and eating meat. When the local government heard about it, it arrested the monk's master and punished him. The master said, "I am willing to be punished by the master and dare not violate the teachings of the living Buddha!" " "-green? Huang Tu felt "Looking at the Mountain Pavilion"

Ridiculous answer sheet

After the Ming Dynasty, imperial examinations were generally based on four books. For example, in the Analects of Confucius, he said that he was "thirty years old", which means that he can stand in society at the age of thirty. Once the exam topic was "Standing at Thirty", a candidate said at the beginning: "Ersheng is fifteen years old, although he has a chair and a stool, he dare not sit." The Analects of Confucius also said: "The son's family is a swallow, so it is given, so it dies." It means that Confucius lived peacefully and comfortably at home. Someone wrote an essay on these words, and at the beginning, he wrote, "Remember that the birds of the saints stay, and the beginners are also crooked." -Green? Fang's "Tan Gang"

stiff

When the ancient people died, their families made ingots out of gold paper and silver paper and burned them to the dead, which was called "gold ingot". There is a poor boy carrying a string of gold and silver ingots on the road. As he walked, he looked at the string of paper and silver ingots and sighed, "If you can get hard, it will be useful to me!" " "Silver ingot said with a smile," how can I be hard? Why don't you get hard and make do with me? "-green? Fang's "Tan Gang"

Funny joke

There are some patchwork questions in the examination room in the Qing Dynasty. Two unrelated sentences in the classics are put together to prevent candidates from copying ready-made articles. His writing focuses on the format of the article, ignoring the original intention of the ancient sages described in the classic original text. There was such an examination method in the Ming dynasty, which was once called "beating its embryo with a stick" "The staff knocks on its shin" comes from the Analects of Confucius? "Xian Wen" said that Confucius hit his old friend Yuan Rang on the leg with a crutch. "Que Dang Tong Zi" also comes from this chapter, but in another paragraph, it is said that Que Dang Tong Zi sent letters to Confucius. Because the meanings of these two sentences are not connected, some candidates wrote in the transitional period: "Confucius hit it with a stick, and the original soil was unbearable;" The second crutch goes down and the original soil falls to the ground; When the third crutch went down, the native soil died. Three souls are ethereal, and seven souls are carefree. Suddenly, a breeze turned into a naughty boy. "

Another man wrote an article entitled "The King's Rules" ... and entrusted his wife to his friend. This topic is Mencius? beam

Two paragraphs with irrelevant meanings 2. The original intention of the previous paragraph is probably that if the king likes beautiful women, then he should extend this love to the people so that men and women of all ages can get married in time, which becomes a good thing. If one of the king's courtiers wants to visit Chu by himself and entrust his wife and children to a friend, and when he comes back, his wife and children are hungry and cold, then he should not trust such a friend any more. The meanings of these two paragraphs are not related, so when someone does this topic, he first writes: "Your Majesty loves beautiful women, but he does not share them with ministers, but with the people. This is because all his ministers have wives. " He went on to write: "The courtiers of the King of Qi are going to visit Chu. They don't entrust their wives and children to the King of Qi, but to their friends. This is because he knows that the king is lewd. " -Green? Shi Xiang Cong Dialect of Miao Nationality in Zhang Peiren