Begging for Ji Xiaolan jokes.

Ji Xiaolan, a famous person in Qing Dynasty, went shopping with his friends one day. Walking down the street, he saw a small shop in front of him, and the proprietress was busy.

Ji Xiaolan made a bet with a friend, "I will make the boss wife laugh with one sentence and make the boss wife make trouble with another."

My friends didn't believe me and decided to gamble on a banquet.

I saw Ji Xiaolan go to the store, bowed to the watchdog in front of the store and called "Dad!" ,

The proprietress gave a "poof" with joy.

Ji Xiaolan turned around and shouted at the proprietress: "Mom!" Suddenly, the proprietress flew into a rage and scolded Ji Xiaolan.

So, Ji Xiaolan won a banquet. ........

Clever understanding of "the old man"

Ji Xiaolan is brilliant and sophisticated, but he is slovenly and often disheveled when working in hot weather. One day, Ji Xiaolan was working in the army with bare arms when he suddenly heard a report from his subordinates: "The Emperor is here". Ji Xiaolan was afraid of blasphemy with bare arms, but it was too late to get dressed. In desperation, he had to get under the table.

Emperor Qianlong had already seen everything in his eyes. He sat down in the chair calmly and calmly. Ji Xiaolan hid under the table, panting and sweating. After an hour, he couldn't hear anything, so he got up the courage and asked, "Is the old man gone?" When Emperor Qianlong heard this, he asked sharply with a straight face, "Good Ji Xiaolan, what do you mean by calling me an old man without taking a bus?"

Ji Xiaolan quickly kowtowed and explained, "Immortality is the name of old age, and standing tall is the name of old age. As for the son, the emperor is a purple star, and the son of heaven is also. This is what the old man means. "

Emperor Qianlong turned anger into joy, smiled smugly and pardoned Ji Xiaolan.

Ge ge Cao Bao

Qing dynasty minister, Kun greedy. Once he built a new bamboo garden, knowing that Mo Bao in Ji Xiaolan was precious, he asked him to write a pavilion.

After a little thinking, Ji Xiaolan wrote "Bamboo Bud" on the paper.

He Kun quickly asked craftsmen to carve plaques and hang them on the pavilion.

One day, Emperor Qianlong came to the garden and saw a plaque of "Bamboo Bud" on the pavilion. He couldn't help laughing. Kun laughed with him. Unexpectedly, the emperor said, "What a Ji Xiaolan. This word "bamboo bud" is a straw bag when it is disassembled! "

Anecdotes of Ji Xiaolan's couplets.

Ji Xiaolan studied in a private school when he was a child. He is brilliant, well educated and remembered as a child prodigy. Mr. Shi likes it very much. Because there was no pressure on his homework, he took time to feed the birds to the hole in the wall and then blocked the hole with bricks. Mr. Shi discovered the secret and blamed him for doing nothing, so he secretly threw the sparrow to death, put it in the hole, and then beat it on the brick that blocked the hole:

"Fine feather bird brick is dead,"

After class, Ji Xiaolan went to feed the birds and saw the couplets on the brick, which said that the birds were dead. Knowing that Mr. Shi did it, he continued to write a couplet:

"Mr. Stone, coarse-haired beast."

Mr. Shi was annoyed to see the update of the General Assembly. He took a pointer and asked why he insulted Mr. Shi. Ji Xiaolan, why did you insult your husband? Ji Xiaolan unhurriedly replied, "I will continue to make the next couplet according to my husband's first couplet. Look, coarse to fine, hairy to feather, wild to home, beast to poultry, stone to brick, first to last, life to death. Yes, it's still true. Please advise. "

Mr. Shi was speechless and left. A few days later, I went to see Mr. Shi. Mr. Shi is still angry and his face is as heavy as water. He sat firmly in the plush chair and refused to welcome him. Ji Xiaolan made another strange move. He walked back from Mr. Wang's house and asked how to read and write the word "Shuo". Mr. Shi doesn't mind. He didn't wake up until Jiyun left. It turned out that "lottery", that is, "turtle in the door", scolded himself for not going out to see the guests off, but it was not easy to add responsibility, and secretly scolded: "What a bad talent!"

Jida cigarettes Dai

Smoking is one of the three major hobbies in Ji Xiaolan's life. He is addicted to smoking. He is addicted to cigarettes. The tobacco pouch used is custom-made and has a large capacity. Some people say it can hold three or four ounces of tobacco at a time. Although this is somewhat exaggerated, it is unique in Beijing and rare in the whole country. Therefore, it has the nickname "Ji Dayan Bao".

Ji Xiaolan is a heavy smoker. He often holds a pipe in his hand and keeps smoking, which makes him feel very comfortable. But sometimes I have to give up what I love, that is, eat, sleep and see the emperor. One day, Emperor Qianlong went to Yuanmingyuan to inspect the compilation of Sikuquanshu.

Ji Xiaolan is busy while smoking. No sooner had he smoked a large can of cigarettes than he heard the cry of "Long live Grandpa". In desperation, he inserted the cigarette bag that didn't knock out the fireworks into the boot tube and knelt down to pay his respects to grandpa. After getting up, he felt a burning pain in his ankle, but the emperor was talking and it was difficult to interrupt. He had to bite his teeth and his legs trembled with pain. Seeing his anxious face, Gan Long was surprised and asked, "Ji Aiqing, what's the matter?" "I ... I lost my boots ... I was on fire." It's all vibrato.

Gan Long hurriedly waved, "Get out!" Ji Xiaolan hurried to the outside of the temple, sat on the stone steps with dignity and suddenly took off his shoes and socks. A puff of black smoke immediately appeared in the boot barrel, and a large piece of meat on his feet was burnt. Emperor Qianlong came out and saw that the pot was still smoking in the boot, and people bent over with laughter for a while. After a while, Ji Xiaolan became the real "Tie Guai Li".

Ji Xiaolan was only popular in the dynasty, and his colleagues visited him more often during his rest at home. Seeing that he was still holding a big pipe, he advised him, "Since you have suffered a lot, why not quit?" "Gentlemen, I am tired, but I don't know that I am deeply profitable! When grasping the tube every day, taking a few sips will feel like a spring. Without it, my thoughts will dry up and I will feel lonely. " Ji Xiaolan talked about the benefits of smoking and had a rather grand theory. "I am addicted to swallowing. If those who are obsessed with fashion want to show elegance, I won't."

Ji Xiaolan satirizes quacks with couplets.

According to legend, there was a quack with poor medical skills and frequent accidents. Ji Xiaolan was delayed several times, and Ji Xiaolan was very dissatisfied with him. Doctors have repeatedly asked Ji Xiaolan's "Mo Bao", the intention is, of course, to borrow Ji Xiaolan's fame and status to improve his social status.

However, for a time, Ji Xiaolan was merciless and had to write a plaque for him: "Mingyuantang". The doctor saw the beautiful words and left happily. Others don't understand what Ji Xiaolan's inscription means. He explained: "Isn't there a saying in the scriptures that' if you can't do it, it's enough' and' if you can't do it, it's enough'? Doctors like this have to sayno. " Everyone who listens is dumb. So I asked him again, "What are you going to do if the doctor pesters me again and insists on matching a couplet?"

Ji Xiaolan replied that he had thought of two couplets, one with five words, and changed the phrase "I was exiled by a wise king because of my mistake, and I have been ill for so long without seeing a friend" in Meng Haoran's five-character poem to "the nameless rich man abandoned me, so many patients were scarce" (nameless refers to poor medical skills in the first couplet, the rich man refers to patients who borrowed medical treatment, and therefore "is in the second couplet). It is also a seven-character couplet. The first part is a ready-made sentence in Du Fu's "Chedian" poem: "The new ghost is crying there with the old ghost", and the second part is a ready-made sentence in Li Shangyin's "Ma Wei" poem: "He is indefinite for life."

I don't think these two couplets will be written in the future, but as far as their antithesis is concerned, they can be said to be seamless and ridiculous.