Looking for a lot of romance novels and humorous jokes

Brother... I don’t have to worry about this. There is no untouchable heart in the world. No matter how much he hates you or doesn’t want to date you, it’s okay. I think what you said is not enough and we should date more. When chatting with him, be sure to look him in the eyes and don't be impatient. I have a saying that may be useful to you: "Giving up what should be given up is helpless, giving up what should not be given up is incompetence, not giving up is ignorant, and giving up should not be done is ignorant. What should be given up is persistence.

I only have a few jokes...

1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn it. , what can I do? Compensation according to the price.

2. I haven’t heard from you for a long time. I thought about death. I cut my veins with potato chips; I hit my head with tofu. Jump over the building with a parachute; hang yourself with noodles. But if you die, just treat me to a meal and forget it.

If you feel sad, please. Dial my number! If you want to talk about love, please press 1. If you want to talk about work, please press 2. If you want to talk about life, please press 3. If you want to introduce someone to me, please press 5. If you want to ask me to eat, please just say it. If you want to borrow money from me, please hang up.

4. The giraffe married the monkey. One year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I don’t want to live this kind of life anymore! The monkey was furious: Just leave! Who has ever seen someone climb a tree for a kiss?

5. The fish said: “I keep my eyes open all the time so that I can’t bear to leave you. "Water said: "I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and pick you up properly. "Guo said: "It's almost fucking ripe but it's still so stubborn. "

6. Have you eaten? Please receive a text message. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help singing: Ya la Suo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7. You have grown up, and you should know some things: the sky is for wind and rain; the earth is for Flowers and grass grow; I am used to prove how great human beings are; you are used to stew vermicelli.

8. When you go to the railway station but don’t bring any paper, don’t worry, train. It will remind you: wipe your pants, wipe your pants, wipe your pants! When you go to the river but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape!

9. Money can buy a house but not a home. It can buy marriage but not love. It can buy a clock but not time. Money is not everything, but the source of pain. Give me your money and let I will bear the pain alone!

My God, the sea is too salty! Life is too difficult! I miss you so much! Too far! Oh, what can I do? I miss you so much that I can’t eat with my chopsticks or swallow my bowl!

11. I wish you are as smart as a mouse, as strong as an ox, and as courageous as a cow! Big as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, docile as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog, and looks like a pig!

12. Knowledge! The beauty of poetry lies in making people confused; the beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; the beauty of women lies in being so stupid that they have no regrets; the beauty of men lies in telling lies so that they can see ghosts in daylight.

13. I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you. I care about you as much as I care about you. I care about you. I’m so stupid. !

14. Have you ever heard of it? Five hundred times of looking back in the past life only lead to one encounter in this life. It seems that close friends like you and me didn’t do anything in the previous life. Just look back. !

15. Two counterfeiters accidentally made fake banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to spend them in a remote mountainous area. When they took a 15 yuan bill, they bought 1 yuan of candied haws. Well, they cried, and the farmer gave them two pieces worth 7 yuan.

16. Portrait of your life: Learn to take a bath by yourself at the age of ten - Zhu Ziqing; shine at the age of twenty - Zhu Shimao; find a job at the age of thirty - Zhu establishes a career; be employed at the age of forty Servants - pigs get servants; learn to play basketball at the age of fifty - pigs shoot!

17. A female soldier pretended to be a male soldier and went to the front line. After Guangrong was injured, he was sent to the operating room for rescue. After the doctor came out, he excitedly said to the chief: It's too tragic! His lower body was all blown away, leaving only a seam, which I sewed up.

........

And you also need to learn to be humorous. So what is humor?

■Humor is a manifestation of a special emotion. It is a tool for people to adapt to the environment and a way to relieve mental and psychological stress when humans face difficulties. The Russian writer Chekhov once said: Those who do not know how to joke are hopeless people.

■Humor is also a display of taste and quality. It is not glib, nor is it mocking or sarcastic. As a famous person said: It is difficult to be humorous when you are impetuous, it is difficult to be humorous when you are pretentious, it is difficult to be humorous when you are trying to do something wrong, it is difficult to be humorous when you are stretched thin, and it is difficult to be humorous when you are slow and clumsy. Only when you are calm and magnanimous, treat others equally, are detached from the world, are at ease, and are smart and thorough can you be humorous.

■Humor is a manifestation of intelligence and wisdom. It must be based on mature experience and rich knowledge. Only when a person has the ability to assess the situation, extensive knowledge, and quick thinking can he have rich conversational skills and interesting words.

There is a difference between a person with a sense of humor and someone who can tell jokes or make people laugh. Only those who deeply understand the inner meaning of humor, point out the shortcomings or advantages of others wittily and quickly, and affirm or deny them with a smile can truly understand humor. Such people are full of interest in life, and they can handle many things that seem painful and troublesome with ease. Using humor to deal with troubles and conflicts can make people feel harmonious, happy, harmonious and friendly.

The development of humor culture in China is relatively backward. China is a country that has experienced a feudal system for thousands of years. People have a strong sense of self-restraint and worry too much. They want to show their perfect self when interacting with others, and it is difficult to laugh at themselves. Even humor is mostly directed at third parties. It is more simple and direct, and less intelligent and implicit. Now it has developed to the point where "dirty" jokes, text messages, and limericks are flying all over the place. I personally think that most of these dirty jokes are vulgar and low-level. Hierarchical ones should be eliminated. Therefore, we should all learn to be humorous in life, be more humorous, less angry, less paranoid and extreme, less life-and-death, and less vulgar.

So how to develop a sense of humor?

■The first thing is to expand your knowledge. Knowledge is the basis and source of humor. Knowledge lies in accumulation. To cultivate a sense of humor, you must first explore extensively, enrich yourself, constantly collect humorous waves from a vast sea of ??books, and extract humorous gems from the essence of celebrity anecdotes.

■The second is to cultivate your sentiments and face life with ease. You must have a tolerant heart, be good at understanding others, learn to be graceful and generous, and overcome being careless. At the same time, we must be optimistic about reality. Optimism and humor are close friends. If there is more fun and relaxation, more smiles and games, and more optimism and humor in life, then there will be no difficulties that cannot be overcome, and there will be no problems. Tian was frowning and worried.

■The last step is to develop insight and improve the ability to observe things. Developing the ability to be witty and agile is an important aspect of improving humor literacy. Only by quickly capturing the essence of things and using appropriate metaphors and humorous language can people feel relaxed. Of course, while being humorous, you should also pay attention to flexibility when dealing with different problems, be humorous but not cliché, and truly reflect the charm of humor

1. When introducing your girlfriend to new friends, please Put your arm around her waist instead of standing aside and pointing with your fingers.

2. When you meet a beautiful woman on the street, stare at it for no more than 5 seconds, and quickly point out the flaws in that beauty compared to her.

3. If she has done something wrong and feels very sad, please take the initiative to take the responsibility that you should or even should not take.

4. Only men who listen to their girlfriends will be successful, so you must listen to her.

5. She can bully you, but you must not bully her, because although she bullies you, every time she comes up with something good, the first thing she thinks of is you!

6. If she cries at you, you should take the trouble to coax her until her tears turn into laughter!

7. Post her photos in your wallet, mobile phone...everywhere you can see them frequently.

8. Never leave her for more than ten days

9. In front of her friends, I hope you can show more love for her and be nervous about her than usual.

10. Being a big man does not mean being domineering.

11. Being gentle does not mean having no opinion.

12. Being cool does not mean not explaining anything

13. Don’t always say “whatever” when I ask her “Where is the best place to go”, “What to eat”, etc. This does not mean that you are accommodating her, it just means that you have no intention of paying attention to her.

14． Say "I love you" to her often, otherwise she will assume that you don't love her

15. Never yell at her or leave her alone in public.

16. It doesn't matter if you teach her something wrong when she does something wrong, the most important thing is to comfort her after that.

17. Don't ignore her when you lose your temper, and don't give her time to calm down. In fact, she doesn't need time to calm down at all.

18. You can accompany your friends, but you must prioritize sex over friends.

19. When she watches cartoons, not only are you not allowed to laugh at her, but you are also required to watch them with her.

20. When she misses you, race against time to find time to date her

21. The look in her eyes was extremely focused.

22. The tone of his speech was affectionate.

23． To be able to objectively see other excellent girls, but subjectively think that she is the best

24. When a girl talks to you, hold her hand. If she happens not to be nearby, keep your distance from them.

25. Hold her hand while crossing the street.

26. Know how to cherish every minute with her.

27. No matter how busy you are, never forget to make a greeting phone call every day

28. Sing love songs to her often.

29. Both people have the right to be angry, but not on the same day. If she gets angry that day, then you can't get angry.

30. If your girlfriend is not going well in life, you should be patient, help analyze, and come up with some constructive plans

31. You must love your girlfriend very much---she, firmly support your girlfriend's decision, and obey your girlfriend's leadership.

32. You must not pay attention to other girls for more than 5 seconds, and you must not look at the same girl more than 5 times in total.

33． Even if no one in the world believes in her, you must believe in her unconditionally. Because she will do the same to you.

34. If she wears nice clothes, you should praise her sincerely.

35. It is strictly forbidden to act poor or show off in front of ladies (ages 3-80). If there is a violation, depending on the seriousness of the case, the girlfriend will severely and quickly crack down. Anyone who makes excuses or denies in any form will be punished as obstructing justice.

36. Don't smoke. Fired immediately upon discovery.

37. When quarreling with your girlfriend, each statement should not exceed 3 minutes (inclusive), and the volume should not exceed 20 decibels (inclusive).

38. We need to exercise more, strengthen our body, and carry her up to the fifth floor in one breath

39. When she is in a bad mood and loses her temper, hug her instead of arguing with her.

40. I hope there won't be a situation where the phone is out of battery and she has no other way to contact you. It would be better if you could call her frequently to tell her "I miss you" and report her whereabouts at any time.

41. She has many shortcomings, and she is already troubled enough without having to remind her of them all the time.

42． When your girlfriend is unreasonable, she is acting coquettishly, not acting wildly.

43． She really wants to share everything with you. Although you may not understand, I hope you will pretend that you are listening.

44. The most important thing: always think that your girlfriend is right. Because she loves you the most

This is my love message to you

. If one day you think of the people who once loved you, then I will be one of them. If one day no one loves you anymore in this world, that will be when I die.

4. Marrying you is not my ultimate goal. I also want to grow old with you slowly. I will stay quietly with you, accompany you, and pamper you.

5. It is the biggest dream of my life to meet you, know each other and fall in love with you in the world of travel. Let me realize my dream and let me leave your beautiful shadow deeply in my heart.

6. I am always afraid when happiness comes, afraid that it will disappear at a glance.

7. May good luck be like a mine, always stepping on you; misfortune be like a shooting star, never hit you; may wealth be like garbage, you can pick it up everywhere; may happiness be with you all your life, like a fly staring at you.

8. I love you, but I don't dare to say it because I'm afraid that I will die immediately if I say it. I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid that no one will love you like me after I die.

9. I miss you every night, I miss you in every happy moment; I hope you miss you every moment, and love you every breath.

10. In such a beautiful night, loneliness is a pity, and missing love has become a habit. Love songs make me waste my romance, and finally the song ends.

11. I understand now that what is lost is always the most precious, but if you only know how to cherish the past but fail to grasp the present, then you will lose a more beautiful future.

12. Don't ask me how deeply I love you, I really can't tell. I just know that you have become a habit in my life, an indispensable habit. Every day, I can skip meals and sleep, but I can't let myself not To miss you.

13. If every thought I have can turn into dust falling from the sky, then soon there will be a second Sahara Desert in this world.

14. I can go without eating or sleeping every day, and I can't forget you - you are my heart, and if you stop beating, I will disappear.

15. I always want to tell you something, but I am afraid of making the same mistake again. Every time I want to sleep at night, I always want to call a phone number, but it is already early in the morning.

16. The farthest distance in the world is not the end of the world, nor the separation between life and death, but standing in front of your true love, but he has already forgotten you.

17. Maybe I am just a shooting star that quietly glides by when you look at the stars, but I hope that I can fall with your pious wishes.

18. I want to rely on you for the rest of my life and be the last angel in your relationship.

I hope you can succeed.. Be sure to hold on to this perfect girl. Don’t give up on her easily