Pig brain joke

Sweet potato: Who should assemble urgently? Who! Attention! Attention! Count off! 、

Everyone: one, two, three, four wastes,

Sweet potato: Who?

Jia Ming: I ~

Sweet potato: Why is there a waste pinch? Five in English should be pronounced five.

Jia Ming: Waste.

Sweet potato: five.

Jia Ming: expenses

Sweet potato: You worthless thing. Pinyin: h w I love five

Jia Ming: He loves five.

Sweet potato: That's right! Re - calculation

Everyone: one two three four five six seven

Sweet potato: Whose 7?

Fat ya: My 7.

Sweet potato: Come out! Why are you so depressed? People are fluent in English. When I came to you, you had an Arabic numeral. Why can't you speak English?

Fat ya: I won't talk about it.

Sweet potato: Do you want to learn? Huh? We are all tourists, so we must learn some foreign languages around the world. Go home and study hard, okay?

Fat ya: Yes, er.

Sweet potato: What time is it? Just go to the night market (er) to see how fat you are. Do not go to the emergency room.

Fat ya: Yes, er.

Sweet potato: Still going?

Fat ya: No.

Sweet potato: Then where to go?

Fat ya: Huaguoshan Road

Sweet potato: You are not allowed to go to Huaguoshan Road either. Get down.

Fat ya: Yes, er.

Sweet potato: Say it again.

Fat ya: You can only say yes, but you won't let me.

Sweet potato: I just got a call. It's no use talking to him, and he won't look at me. This call is very important. This is a first-class 40-member tour group ... I have the confidence to take him down.

Jia Ming: Yes ~ ~

Sweet potato: Who leaked the news? Who said anything about it?

Jia Ming: I said.

Sweet potato: Speak louder. You look like a thief. Are you confident of winning the job?

Everyone: Yes.

Sweet potato: Yes.

Wang Jinlong: The boss has a letter from Li Jingji.

Sweet potato: Is there a plum economy in it?

Wang Jinlong: Last year, we arrested one in the Public Security Bureau.

Everyone said: it? ...: inside? ..... what? …

Sweet potato: Who, who, who, who ... in trouble again?

Everyone: no, no, no, no.

Sweet potato: No, no, no,no. Why is he here again?

Wang Jinlong: I don't know.

Jia Ming: Boss. No, let's run.

Sweet potato: Stop! ! If anyone dares to run, I will never take him back to play er again. Didn't last year's cases all be closed?

Everybody: Yes, yes, yes, yes. ...

Sweet potato: What is there to be afraid of? Don't I have all the keys? See how I deal with him.

Everyone: OK, OK. ..

Sweet potato: What's there to be afraid of?

Li Jingji: Big orange! Big orange ~

Sweet potato: Li Jingji

Li Jingji: Big orange.

Sweet potato; Li Jingji, ah ah ah.

Li Jingji: Big boy, let bygones be bygones. Now, I have formed a tour group er, and I am doing this for the first time. Er really has no experience. I hope you can cooperate. Just called the er tour group of 40 people.

Sweet potato: There are so many tour groups in Henan, you have to come to me if you don't look for them. You face me alone.

Li Jingji: I won't say anything about you. I sincerely look forward to your cooperation. In this way, after the 40-person tour fee is earned back, it will all belong to us. You will keep 8 and I will keep 2.

Sweet potato; Excuse me. Excuse me. If you say so, you have found the right person.

Everyone: Go and listen. ..

Sweet potato: I dare say that the service provided by our big orange tour group is snake service.

Li Jingji: What?

Sweet potato: in a big way, it is one-stop service, which makes tourists have fun and we make fun. Right?

Jia Ming: Yes! ! ! !

Sweet potato: How do you listen to er here?

Jia Ming: Boss, I didn't hear er. I'm here to ask how to spell the pinyin of waste.

Sweet potato: You little punk. Uh, Hui Aiwu.

Jia Ming: Yes, er.

Sweet potato: This English is all elite.

Li Jingji: Orange, let's talk about the price.

Sweet potato: The price depends on which level you want tourists to go. Different grades will lead to different prices.

Li Jingji: Ah. Still grading er

Sweet potato: There are three grades. The first level is to make tourists smile and come ... cry. ...

The second grade is to let tourists come with a smile ... walk with a smile ... and cry when they get home ... The third grade is advanced, to let tourists come with a smile, walk with a smile, come again with a smile, and finally cry with a smile. Just like him.

……………….

Long face: He is too strong to take medicine.

Li Jingji: Juzijun, is it possible for your team to be a tour guide?

Sweet potato: Is that all right? I dare say that our big orange tour groups are all elites, and everyone has been complained by tourists.

Li Jingji: Forget it. Have been complained by tourists. Can we use such a person?

Sweet potato: You don't understand this, do you? Not being complained by tourists proves that you don't rely on tourists to make money. Give it to me. I don't want him yet.

Li Jingji: Oh ~ ~ Eh! ! Then how do they make money from tourists?

Sweet potato: er ... this thing is hard to say, so I'd better experience it myself. You can be a tourist and I'll be your guide. Let our elite team provide VIP service for you.

Li Jingji: OK.

Sweet potato: Do you have any money?

Li Jingji: Yes!

Sweet potato: Then let's play er.

Sweet potato: The tour group of Orange is about to set sail. Come here, come here ... Where do you want to go?

Li Jingji: I want to go to Huaguoshan.

Sweet potato: OK, the 24-hour terror tour of Huaguoshan officially set sail!

Li Jingji: Hey .. Hey, we can't. We travel for pleasure. Why don't you take a scary trip? Who dares come?

Sweet potato: You just don't understand tourists. Tourists like to look for excitement! Some like rock climbing, some like bungee jumping, some like skiing, and some can't play well with their legs.

Li Jingji: Oh ~ ~

Sweet potato: Listen to me. Arrange the missed big truck!

Chen Feng: Er ~ I'm here, boss.

Sweet potato: Is the big truck ready?

Chen Feng: Yes, let's go! If I can't leave, I'll close the road and buy it at a high price.

Li Jingji: Oh, my God, what's going on?

Sweet potato: book a flight instead!

Chen Feng: Er, no.

Li Jingji: Do I still need to fly from Shenyang to Tieling?

Chen Feng: Oh, Val, honey, what are you talking about? We all took off from Lianyungang airport, bought return tickets in Beijing and flew back to Lianyungang airport from Beijing. When we came back, the snow had almost melted. We can let tourists go to Huaguoshan by bus, OK ~ Baby?

Li Jingji: Are you fucking spinning, baby?

Li Jingji and sweet potato: Muttering to each other ... (The plane ticket price is higher. )

Li Jingji: Aha ~ ~ You still have experience. Money is earned, but will tourists be satisfied?

Sweet potato: gnome male-"~ Dear tourists, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just caused you traffic inconvenience. Now that we are in Huaguoshan, we will arrange an authentic Korean food for you, all of which are Korean. Serve ~!

Pink: Anihasai sometimes goes. I'm a waiter from Korea, Smecta. My Korean name is Si Shun Smecta. Do you want to eat dried bean curd smecta, shuttle soup smecta or Korean rice smecta?

Li Jingji: Hehe ... Is he a Korean waiter or a Japanese waiter?

Sweet potato: He is Smecta, a waiter from China, Japan and Korea.

Pink: Take your time, big brother.

Sweet potato: Actually, it belongs to Huaguoshan, hehe. Have you finished eating ~?

Li Jing: I'm full.

Sweet potato: This tourist has had enough to eat and drink. We are going to the scenic spot. Ok, follow my little flag ~ Look ahead, the shopping street in Huaguoshan is just ahead.

Li Jingji: Well, we're going to see the scenic spots after dinner. What are you doing in this shopping street?

Sweet potato: You don't understand this. What is the tourist's heart? They sleep when they get on the bus, pee when they get off the bus, faint when they get to the scenic spot, and know nothing when they get home. Do you know what can evoke memories? It's those souvenirs.

Leader: You don't understand this. What is the psychology of tourists? When they get on the bus, they sleep. They got off the bus and took pictures while peeing at the scenic spot. When they got home, they knew nothing but remembered. Do you know what this is?

Li Jing: What?

Leader: Those souvenirs.

Li Jingji: Ah ~ ~ It really makes sense not to say.

Leader: Let's go.

Fat ya: Brother, buying ginseng is not authentic. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Li Jingji: Your ginseng is so big.

Fat ya: No hormones, Wang Shen.

Li Jingji: You can forget it, Wang Shen. I don't know radish yet.

Long face: iron,

Li Jingji: Ah, hahaha.

Long face: What brings you here?

Li Jingji: Who?

Li Jingji: Ah.

Long face: are you from the northeast, where in the northeast, and where in the northeast?

Li Jing: From Shenyang.

Long face: I guess it's your father's? I guess it belongs to your father?

Li Jingji: You are also in Shenyang, alas, my mother and fellow villagers.

Long face: I'm from Heilongjiang

Li Jingji: Ah, you are also a tourist ~ ~

Long face: I'm not here to travel. I'm here to sell myself. Do you think I am sexy?

Li Jingji: Ah, hahaha, alas, selling ginseng there.

Long face: Can there be anything good for you?

Fat ya: Brother, will you still buy my ginseng?

Long face: Tie Zi, I tell you, you must pay attention to what the ginseng seller looks like. Look at your brother and me, pure ginseng. Look at our bodies, pure ginseng. Dude, I grew up from a snack ginseng. Do you believe that she grew up eating ginseng? If you say that she grew up eating ginseng, I believe it.

Fat ya: Brother, I'm telling you, he's really right. You really have to judge people because they are thin. If you look at his ginseng, it is malnutrition. If you look at me again, I will plant that kind of ginseng, which is as nutritious as my body. At most, he can sell a pair of shoe pads. Look how similar his face is.

Long face: Who are you talking about? You are a big white radish. You don't know.

Fat ya: What are you doing, er ~ er, what are you doing, what are you doing, what are you doing!

Long face: alas, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Fat ya: You bastard!

Sweet potato: big sister, big sister, big sister. Calm down, second sister, calm down, calm down.

Long face: Oh, my God, no, no, no card. All because of you, alas, all because of you.

Li Jingji: I'll buy ginseng. Get up. I'll buy it.

Long face: Did you buy ginseng? Oops ~ ~?

Fat ya: Get up, they bought ginseng.

Jia Ming: Oh, where are you going to buy ginseng?

Li Jingji: OK, I'll buy ginseng. I buy

Long face: What about the money?

Li Jingji: What?

Long face: What about the money?

Li Jingji: How much is it?

Big face: sell it to others for 20 and ask you for 80.

Li Jing: Wild ginseng?

Long face: pure ginseng

Li Jingji: OK, change the money. ..

Long face: Oh dear? ~ ~ ~ Oops ~ ~ Oops ~ ~ Okay, here you go.

Long face. Fat ya: Haha!

Fat ya: Hehe ~ One person is half, one person is half.

Li Jingji: Big orange.

Sweet potato: Ah.

Li Jingji: I look at it now. It's really not easy except to do a little business.

Sweet potato: Who is easy to fool?

Jiang Yishan: A travel friend.

Sweet potato: Ah, here we are.

Jiang Yishan: Here we are. Look at the first scenic spot, Li Jingji 00.

Jia Ming: It's worth it. You can tell at a glance. I just got out.

Jiang Yishan: Look at the second scenic spot. Er is 200.

Jia Ming: Great! I was dazzled before I came out. Hehe ~ Right

Jiang Yishan: Look at the third scenic spot. Er is 250.

Jia Ming: Yes, not 250. I won't come out until someone goes in.

Li Jingji: Let's go to that big orange.

Jiang Yishan: Slow down.

J Li Jingji: Huh?

Sweet potato: buy a ticket!

Li Jingji: Huh?

Sweet potato: buy a ticket, buy a ticket! Money!

Li Jingji: Ah. Rich ... here

Jiang Yishan and Jiaming: OK, let's go.

Sweet potato: The 24-hour terror tour is over, comrades, gather around.

Li Jingji: Wait!

Jia Ming: Slow down?

Li Jingji: Big orange! I tell you, if you do this, I will tell you that you are cheating tourists.

Sweet potato: Have the tourists come? Are you here?

Everyone: no, no.

Li Jingji: Where am I? You lied to me.

Sweet potato: You are not a tourist either.

Li Jingji: You cheated me of my money.

Sweet potato: Who lied to you?

Li Jingji: Didn't you just say drill?

Sweet potato: Who told you to practice? I'm a real gun.

Li Jingji: Juzijun, if you say so, I will solemnly tell you that many people are reporting it now, and many tour groups are cheating consumers in various scenic spots. I'm an undercover who was sent to look for your evidence today.

Sweet potato: You are the only one with evidence. All the people support me. Who can talk to you?

Li Jingji: What you just did was recorded by the camera in my pocket. Go to the public security bureau

Sweet potato: Who told you to record it? You violated my right to portrait. Go ahead!

Li Jingji: Huh?

Sweet potato: Did I ask you to record it? Xx, xx. Spread it!

Jia Ming: Take out the camera!

Li Jingji: Delusion!

Jia Ming: You don't know what I do until I practice for you.

When fighting. ...

Jia Ming: Oh, my God, who hit me in the eye?

Sweet potato: Li Jingji, look! We've already done it to our own people, so stop talking about you. Guys, let's go!

Li Jingji: Big orange! Don't go, come with me to the public security bureau.

Sweet potato: What are you doing?

Jia Ming: Wait a minute, District Public Security Bureau, and solve my problem first. Last year, I stopped talking about running money. This year, you have to pay for these two eyes.

Li Jingji: Who do you want money from?

Jia Ming: With you.

Li Jingji: How much do you want?

Jia Ming: Beaten money.

Li Jingji: I didn't ask you to take the beating for me either. You just hit me.

Male sweet potato: That's not right. I was just beaten to protect you.

Li Jingji: You did. You were beaten. You didn't. How can you say I hit you? I didn't even hit you. It was that big orange that hit you just now. You didn't ask him for money, but you asked me for money ~! (Quick) I didn't hit you just now. You hit you with a big orange. You hit me first. I didn't ask you for money. You asked me what money I wanted!

Male sweet potato: Yes, boss, you have to give me money ~

Sweet potato: I'll get you as much money as I want. The man who hit you just left. I've never done it. The man who hit you just ran away. You asked me for money. They hit him. You ask me for any money you want!

Jia Ming: I don't care whether you hit me or he hit me. If I get hit, you have to give me money!

Li Jingji: It's no use asking me for money to negotiate with me. Go to the public security bureau, where there is money. I'll give you money when I go to the public security bureau. 、

Sweet potato: I'm afraid of you when you go to the public security bureau. How much does it cost to go to the public security bureau ... (noisy ending)

Yang Bing: Alas, the money is not here. Where is my money? You all split the money and walked around. You didn't send me money or let me go. You still have to let me post more money. You asked me to ask someone for money. You all ran away. I ask people for money, whoever gives me money will give me money ~!

1. Teacher, you are playing with our feelings.

One day, the teacher forgot to bring the lesson preparation book in class and asked the class representative to get it. Other students asked the teacher why he didn't bring a book. The teacher said that I had an exam today, and they were all stupid. When the class representative came back, the teacher said, "I lied to you. I have a class today."

Then one of them complained in tears: "Teacher, you are playing with our feelings."

2. Don't be silent

I remember when I was rehearsing the chorus, there were always classmates whispering in it, and the class teacher shouted: Don't be quiet! Everyone laughed wildly. What he means is: don't talk, be quiet! )

You humans must stay away from it.

In physics class, the teacher talked about radioactive elements and said: radioactive elements are very dangerous, so you humans must stay away! !

Wonder! Isn't the physics teacher human?

Don't blame me for not being human.

Our high school head teacher once again angrily scolded us for being disobedient in class and said, "Don't blame me for turning against you in the future!" "

5. The math teacher's signature action

The math teacher made a symbolic gesture, put up two fingers and said to the students, "Students, the key to learning math well is three words:' Do more exercises'!"

6. Classmate, are you a woman?

Go back to the dormitory after studying at night, Liu Yuxian mm, and then follow.

I always wanted to strike up a conversation, but I didn't have the courage to go forward until fairy mm was about to enter the girls' building.

I gritted my teeth and stepped forward to ask mm loudly: Excuse me, classmate, are you a woman?

Later ... later, I enjoyed the white eyes of the fairy mm for two years.

7. I feel very depressed that the motherland is not unified!

A kindergarten child was caught smoking in the toilet, and the teacher asked him why he smoked. He bowed his head and replied deeply: the motherland is not unified, and he is depressed!

8. Who painted this ass?

When a teacher came to school, she sued her students. Her missile student said that the apple she drew was an ass.

The headmaster decided to severely criticize these students.

When he came to the classroom, he saw the picture on the blackboard and shouted, "Who drew this ass?"

9. The flowers are angry and in full bloom

Wang Han is a first-grade pupil.

One day, the teacher asked, "The text says that bees add life to the garden. What does this mean? "

Wang Han replied: "When bees steal pollen, flowers get angry!"

The students laughed at this.

Wang Han retorted, "If flowers are not angry, where will they bloom?"

10. How dare you ask a lady in my class!

One day, after three boring Chinese classes in a row, the teacher refused to finish the class. Finally Bao couldn't help shouting, "I have to pee!" " "

The teacher was furious: "How dare you shamelessly ask for' Miss' in my class!"

1 1. Stupid little dream

One day in class, the teacher was teaching how much four times four equals, but Meng Xiao didn't go to class!

The teacher said angrily, "I ask you, what is four times four?"

Meng Xiao replied, "I ... I don't know."

"Go home and ask your parents!" The teacher severely criticized Meng Xiao.

After school, Meng Xiao went home and asked his mother (Otto's mother), "Mom, what is four times four?"

Mom didn't hear me and said, "Make a bowl of rice."

Meng Xiao then asked his father (Otto's father), "Dad, what is four times four?"

Dad just woke up and said, "It's so comfortable!"

Meng Xiao didn't ask his younger brother, who just answered the phone and said, "You make me angry!" "

The next day, Meng Xiao went to school. Yesterday, when the teacher asked questions, Meng Xiao said, "Make a bowl of rice."

The teacher hit him with a pointer, and Meng Xiao said, "It's so comfortable!"

The teacher dragged him outside to stand as punishment. Meng Xiao said, "You make me angry!" " "

12. At least let me know!

The teacher asked Xiaoming questions in class, but Xiaoming stood up without saying a word.

Teacher: Xiaoming?

Teacher: Xiaoming

Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know!

Xiao Ming: Zhi ~

13. Reasons for sleeping in class

The first quarter is in a bad mood, so take a nap.

I should have woken up in the second quarter, but I fell asleep when I saw the teacher.

I'm too tired to sleep in the third quarter. Take a rest and sleep.

There is an old saying in the fourth quarter: sleeping before meals is the noblest; Sleeping after meals is the most auspicious thing. Sleep again.

The fifth part is the same as the fourth part. Go to sleep.

The sixth section cultivates the mood of the next class. Go to sleep.

I slept in six quarters before the seventh festival, so go to sleep.

Section 8 Go back to sleep with your girlfriend at night. How can I sleep with her if I don't get enough sleep? Sleep again.

Sleep ten thousand! Sleep ten thousand! ! !

14. Ten classic students interrupt in class.

1. In high school, the whole school should wear school uniforms, and some repeat students never wear them. The teacher in charge of this field squats at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw that the classmate didn't wear a school uniform and asked him why he didn't wear it. This classmate was furious and said, my mother is not dead. Why should I wear mourning clothes?

2. An art teacher is very famous. A newspaper has a big report with photos, so he boasted in class: "Recently, some classmates always told me that you are really good. You have published photos in the newspaper ..." A student: "Looking for you?" From then on, the art teacher refused the student to take art classes.

In Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the questions. This classmate is in a daze and can't speak. The teacher said helplessly, "Will you?" I won't scream either! Classmate: "Cheep." "The teacher is sweating.

4. The entrance examination is coming soon. One day in geography class, the teacher reported a place name on it. Let's answer the local minerals. After talking about many places, the teacher suddenly asked, "What is produced in Jiangnan?" The boys in the class said in unison: "Jiangnan produces beautiful women!"

In junior high school, a biology teacher once talked about the ecological environment on the African grassland, but no one in the class listened, so he got angry and said, "You all look at me! If you don't look at me, how do you know what African wildcats look like? "

6. In an advanced mathematics class, the teacher asked my brother, "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is the goal of our study of calculus? " The man deserted at that time. Without thinking, he shouted, "No cavities!" " "The whole class burst into laughter.

7. In biology class, the teacher said, "In fact, weasels don't eat chickens. The scientists did an experiment. They once locked a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what the next day is? " The classmate chimed in: "Is the chicken pregnant?"

8. In senior three, the geometry teacher is an old lady who likes to brag and is particularly annoying. One day in class, he said, "I am highly valued by the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study the problem together, and I pick up the car every time. " I accidentally asked, "Three rounds?" As a result, I was banned from geometry class for a week.

9. In high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties) thought that we boys wouldn't listen, so she cursed, "What are you thinking?" I was at a loss and said inexplicably, "I miss you!" " "There was a long silence in the classroom, but a pair of frightened eyes were looking at me. The teacher stayed for a while, then pointed at me and cursed: "you smelly rascal!" " "Illegal!

10. In high school, I had my first labor class. The teacher was an old man and introduced himself: "My name is Wu Shushan." I immediately had a brainwave and immediately replied: "Looking at Chang 'an in the northwest, there are countless mountains. "The whole class laughed, the teacher was livid, and then I was punished for heavy work.

65438+

One day, the geography teacher asked the students, where does this river go?

A student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward.

The teacher ignored him and then said, how many stars are there in the sky?

That classmate sang again: the stars in the sky can participate in Beidou.

The teacher is short of breath: get out!

Student: Just leave.

The teacher said helplessly, are you sick?

Student: You have everything I have!

Teacher: Try again. .....

Student: shout when you see an uneven road!

Teacher: Do you believe I hit you?

Student: Do it when you should. ...

The teacher was angry: I told you to drop out of school!

Student: Rush into Kyushu!

Hehe, I wish my brothers and sisters who are wandering outside in advance.