Why put yourself in others' shoes?

It is said that Mahatma Gandhi of India accidentally dropped a shoe on the edge of the roadbed when he was on a business trip. By the time he wanted to get it, the train was already moving slowly, so Mahatma Gandhi quickly took off his other shoe and threw it on the edge of the roadbed. Others asked him why he did it. He said, "so that others can find a pair of shoes to wear." Hearing this, all the people present were deeply moved. Gandhi is deeply loved by the Indian people because he thinks of others first in everything he does. In fact, people are also like this. If you always put your own interests first and always want to associate with him, is it good for me? Then, you will never be a respected and popular person, and others will never want to associate with such people.

During the SARS period in 2003, a farmer who went out to work returned to his hometown from other places and rushed to his hometown by bus. When he arrived more than fifty miles away from home, he suddenly felt unwell, had a fever and coughed. He saw the propaganda of "SARS" symptoms on the news, and was shocked when he contacted his symptoms.

He thinks that if he is infected with SARS, then a car full of people will be infected. He stopped the driver, got off the bus and walked home slowly.

He walked dozens of miles and for a long time, and when he reached the village entrance, he was thirsty. He really wants to go home and drink a bowl of herbal tea and see his wife and old father at once. But he stopped. He is afraid that his illness will spread to his relatives and villagers.

He stood at the entrance of the village and shouted his wife's name. His wife came after hearing the news. He asked her to bring him a bowl of water, put it on a big stone at the entrance of the village, and then told her to go away, not too close to herself.

When the water was finished, he said to his wife, "Call my father."

His wife helps his old father. He knelt down and kowtowed to his old father. He said: "The baby may have SARS. Go to the hospital quickly. Take good care of yourself. " After that, he walked to the hospital alone in the tears of his father and wife. Fortunately, he didn't suffer from SARS.

This is a true story, which happened in Fengxian County, Jiangsu Province. After hearing this story, the secretary of the municipal party Committee was deeply moved and praised the honest farmer named Zhang.

When interacting with people, don't always think about what you can get from each other, but always think about what you can do for each other, so that you can get wider and wider in interpersonal communication.

Avoid social "psychological dislocation"

Everyone is inseparable from communication, but the quality of communication is different: some people are flexible, flexible and popular; Some people are stretched and constrained everywhere, which makes interpersonal relationships tense. The reason is that there must be various psychological factors affecting normal communication in the latter person, so these negative psychological factors undoubtedly require us to constantly reflect on ourselves and strive to overcome them. Only in this way can there be good social interaction.

Let's start with narcissism.

Generally speaking, people are not satisfied with their wealth, but they appreciate their cleverness very easily. Self-appreciation is often due to overconfidence in one's intelligence. There are two forms of his expression: one is relying on talent and being arrogant. This kind of person has a sharp language and is not as good as himself in some aspects, either dismissing it or swearing; Even compare others' shortcomings with their own strengths, and set off others' clumsiness with their own cleverness. The other is narcissism. Although it does not exert itself to reveal itself, it is indifferent to other people's actions and hobbies, which shows that it disdains to talk about topics that the communication object cares about.

Treat people like this, people will avoid you and make you feel isolated in the crowd. Lin Daiyu in A Dream of Red Mansions is a typical example of narcissism. Although she is the niece of Jiafu in Jiafu, she has never been treated sincerely by Jiafu from the grandmother to the maid, and she really loves her because of her high self-esteem, arrogant attitude, sharp words and modesty. On the contrary, although Xue Baochai is not as closely related to Lin Daiyu and Jia Fu, she is never narcissistic, but versatile, able to respect the elders close to Jia Fu, easy-going and humble, and not mean to others. Therefore, it was loved by the grandmother and taken a fancy to by Mrs. Wang. Even the maids praised her and eventually became Jia's mistress. I think there are many factors, but Xue Baochai's lack of narcissism is one of the important reasons for her popularity.

Secondly, talk about belittling yourself.

Self-contempt and self-humiliation is a psychological reflection opposite to narcissism. When dealing with people, there is no handsome posture, only fear. This kind of person always thinks that this is not good, and that is not good. Lack of self-determination, often watching others blink. See the boss, bow and scrape; When interacting with colleagues, I am always afraid of being laughed at by others; Touching the neighborhood and always paying attention; When I am with friends, I always say that I am not as good as others. Psychologically speaking, inferiority complex is at work. Because of inferiority, I have no confidence in myself; Without self-confidence, you will show contempt for yourself; If you despise yourself, your behavior will be timid, your expression will be dim and your language will be dull. From the heart, people who belittle themselves often want to win people's sympathy with their own actions. However, contrary to expectations, people will think you are too cheap to associate with you. Inferiority and inferiority generally occur in small people with weak temperament. Because of their status, they are always afraid that others will look down on them. In fact, the more you have this mentality, the more people look down on you. If this self-contempt becomes morbid, it will not only fail to improve interpersonal relationships, but even bring misfortune to itself.

The protagonist in Chekhov's novel The Death of a Small Civil Servant is a small civil servant. He sneezed at the theater and spat at the front-line general. He felt that he had made a big mistake, so he apologized at the commandant's field and went to the general's house again and again to show that he didn't mean it. Finally angered the general and kicked him out. The loud noise scared him to death. This civil servant is a typical example of belittling himself on the island.

Moreover, it has poor adaptability.

You can often see such people in your life. You can be personable in front of acquaintances and talk about Kan Kan. When you see strangers, you will lose control and be incoherent. Being a host can be free and generous, but being a guest is often rude; At home, the unit can behave properly, but in public, it blushes and beats; I can readily accept the living customs that conform to my habits, but refuse to accept things that are different from my habits. The performance of this kind of person is caused by poor adaptability.

Poor adaptability, the superficial reason is cowardice, and the deep reason is psychological imperfection. They always feel that there is no danger in interacting with equal people or familiar people, so they have no psychological burden and can cope with it freely; However, if you associate with people who are better than yourself and strangers, your psychology will be unnatural, and you will feel that your language is poor, and the consequences will be unpredictable. Of course, it will be awkward before dating.

Poor adaptability has little effect on the existing social circle, but it is difficult to expand the scope of communication. People with poor adaptability mostly "hide in the small building to form a unity" in their communication activities, and it is difficult to know that "there is more beauty outside the castle peak building outside the mountain".

Finally, talk about the lack of humor.

Lack of sense of humor is also a negative attitude that needs to be changed in dealing with people. Be serious, but don't get along with others with a face of "heroic death". If you lack a sense of humor in communication, it will affect the quality of communication. Humor can sometimes achieve communicative effects that solemnity can't.

There is a joke that a person who is caught by mistake is not guilty. Seeing that he was joking, the guard teased him and said, "If you say something that can make me laugh, I'll let you go." The man blurted out a word "fart". The doorman asked inexplicably, "How do you say this?" The man said absently, "Let it go, don't let it go!" " "The guard smiled and let the man go.

Among the factors that affect the smooth progress of communication activities, narcissism and inferiority are psychological problems; Poor adaptability is mainly due to psychological factors, but more is the lack of training in communicative activities; Lack of humor is a problem of attitude towards communicative activities. Generally speaking, the factors that affect communication activities are mainly psychological reasons. Only by constantly adjusting one's communication psychology, not being narcissistic, not being arrogant, being able to adapt to various communication environments and participating in communication with a humorous and philosophical attitude can communication activities be carried out normally.