Zhao Benshan’s sketch

Sketch "Kung Fu"

Zhao Benshan, Fan Wei, Cai Weili, Wang Xiaohu

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Text:

Zhao Benshan: I heard that he is not a chef. Anti-scam hotline. How dare you threaten to never be deceived again. The cruel reality has penetrated my psychological defense line. If I don't sell him something this year, I won't be able to fulfill the topic I promised for three years to the audience.

Cai Weili: Master, go in!

Zhao Benshan: Don’t worry, make a harassing call first. (phone call) Got through. Hello!

Fan Wei: Hello. Here is the anti-fooling consultation hotline of Meet You Meet You. I am Lao Fan, a veteran scammer. With years of experience in being deceived, we can make a clear judgment on whether you have been deceived. If someone is selling crutches, please press 1; if someone is selling cars, please press 2; if someone is selling a brain teaser, please press 3; if someone is selling stretchers, please dial 110 directly.

Zhao Benshan: Hello!

Fan Wei: Hello!

Zhao Benshan: Are you Master Fan?

Fan Wei: Who are you?

Zhao Benshan: I am... I have a question that I would like to ask you directly.

Fan Wei: Yes. you say.

Zhao Benshan: I have an old sow at home, with black ground and white flowers. In the morning, I open the door and run forward at a speed of 80 pulses per hour. "Kang Dang" hit a tree and died!

Fan Wei: Killed? Is there something wrong with this pig’s eyesight?

Zhao Benshan: Both eyes are 1.5.

Fan Wei: Is there any mental illness?

Zhao Benshan: Is the psychology healthy?

Fan Wei: How could he be killed?

Zhao Benshan: That pig’s brain doesn’t know how to make sharp turns!

Fan Wei: I said you don’t play tricks! For brain teasers, you have to press 3! In that case, let me ask you a question.

Zhao Benshan: You say.

Fan Wei: It’s the Chinese New Year, and our family didn’t buy anything for the New Year, except for a pig and a donkey. Do you think I should kill the pig first or the donkey first?

Zhao Benshan: Then you kill first... (Talking to the apprentice) Give you two chances.

Apprentice 1: Kill the donkey first.

Zhao Benshan: Kill the donkey first.

Fan Wei: Congratulations, you got the answer right. The pig thinks so too. mock up!

Zhao Benshan: Sad! It makes me feel so sad for you! Now that I am about to venture into the world alone, how can this make me feel at ease?

Wang Xiaohu: Master, let’s kill the pig first.

Zhao Benshan: That donkey thinks so too! Let me tell you, on this issue, it won't work if you kill whoever you first. Why didn't I answer? Just because I think about it is problematic. Did you see it? He has gone from having one heel to two blocked tendons now!

Apprentice 1: Master, he is so awesome. Let's go back!

Zhao Benshan: Can’t go back! Selling crutches deceived him into lameness; selling cars deceived him into becoming weak. If I don't deal with him within ten minutes, I won't be able to be a teacher with you two anymore.

The disciples all said: The master brought me in, it’s just me who is fooling me!

Zhao Benshan: OK. Act according to my eyes. Go in.

He's so beautiful!

Apprentice: Excuse me, is Master Fan here?

Fan Wei: Who? I'd like to ask you for advice... (Looking at Zhao) Oops! oops! ah! ah! ah! ...What kind of look is this? Quite unique! Very 6+7? ! How did the all-powerful liar end up in this situation? Heaven, earth, is it the angel sister who gave me this tone? The pig hit the tree, did you hit the tree? It was a rear-end collision, right? Why did it change to three again?

Zhao Benshan: For three years, I have missed you so much.

Fan Wei: Fooling!

Zhao Benshan: I am here to confess to you.

Fan Wei: Continue to cheat!

Zhao Benshan: My apprentice is the witness.

Fan Wei: They formed a group to fool me. Inappropriate, big liar. As long as we kind people are more vigilant towards you, what else will you do? A few brain teasers coming soon? There is one monkey on the ground and several monkeys on the tree. These are two monkeys, or maybe eight monkeys.

Zhao Benshan: Maybe three monkeys, maybe nine monkeys.

Fan Wei: Why has it changed again?

Zhao Benshan: A monkey is pregnant.

Fan Wei: Is it interesting?

Zhao Benshan: It’s boring. This is no longer the primary stage of brain teasers for you. I came here to apologize to you. For three years, the person I feel most sorry for in this world is Chef Fan. What a nice guy. I often tell you, why do you think I lied to him? How loyal and honest you are, you say something about me, you hit me twice, but you can't do it. You scold me a few words, but you can't open your mouth. In this way, I will come anyway if you forgive me, and I will come if you don’t forgive me. Forgive or not, I come at you with sincerity.

Fan Wei: Yeah, yeah! Still blowing. You see, cheating, hey. Then lie.

Zhao Benshan: Help me up.

Fan Wei: Can you stand up? Yeah yeah yeah. Go, take two steps. Take two steps, come on. cough. Blackmailing, right? Is it blackmail? Everyone is watching. Whatever accident happens has nothing to do with me. Why are you always hanging lanterns? Do you always stand up? Can you please tell me if there is anything you need?

Zhao Benshan: Do you want to hear it?

Fan Wei: I want to hear it.

Zhao Benshan: Do you believe it after listening to it?

Fan Wei: I will believe you as long as you stand up.

Zhao Benshan: Please withdraw, I can stand up.

Fan Wei: Huh, tell me.

Zhao Benshan: It’s a long story. I remember it was the first snow in 2003, which was a little later than the one in 2002.

Fan Wei: What are you doing with the lyrics? If you have anything to say, please tell me directly.

Zhao Benshan: I won’t play tricks with you anymore. I am here to apologize to you today.

Zhao Benshan: Load the goods! Does it look familiar?

Fan Wei: Is this the hundreds of dollars you deceived me about?

Fan Wei: Not a penny was moved.

Fan Wei: Which watch is this?

Zhao Benshan: When you wear it on your hand, there is no word left.

Fan Wei: This, brother,

Zhao Benshan: The grudge between the two of us should be settled, right? And it, this wheelchair is the culprit that has delayed the relationship between the two of us in the past few years. Today I have to smash it in front of you.

Apprentice: Master, you can’t smash it. Master, this wheelchair is a testimony that your two brothers are getting back together.

Zhao Benshan: Don’t talk nonsense, I can’t pull me away.

Apprentice: Master, ouch, Master!

Fan Wei: Big brother. If you want to hit me, hit me. Brother, you are so sincere. The children are right, it is not only a testimony of our reconciliation, but also a warning for me to avoid being fooled in the future. I have collected it.

Zhao Benshan: No, the students paid me to make it, how can you collect it?

Fan Wei: I’ll give you a lot of money. How much did it cost?

Apprentice: Two thousand.

Fan Wei: Me, two thousand.

Zhao Benshan: I’ll give you two thousand and five.

Fan Wei: Me, three thousand.

Zhao Benshan: Me, three thousand and five.

Fan Wei: I have four thousand.

Zhao Benshan: I have five thousand.

Fan Wei: Deal.

Zhao Benshan: You are Chef Fan. Hey hey.

Fan Wei: You shouted five thousand, I won’t, it’s a deal!

Zhao Benshan: That’s not right. You remembered it wrong. Why did you shout?

Sheng: I heard it was Chef Fan who shouted.

Fan Wei: What, what?

Student: No, the master shouted.

Zhao Benshan: It’s a mess. That's it, it doesn't matter who shouts. You see, let's take a look, it's a bit chaotic, who shouted first?

Fan Wei: I shouted first.

Zhao Benshan: How much did you shout?

Fan Wei: Me, two thousand.

Zhao Benshan: Me, two thousand and five.

Fan Wei: Three thousand.

Zhao Benshan: Three thousand and five.

Fan Wei: Four thousand.

Zhao Benshan: Four thousand and five.

Fan Wei: Five thousand.

Zhao Benshan: Look, it’s clear.

Fan Wei: Hey, it’s a bit messy, a bit messy.

Zhao Benshan: You can do the math again.

Fan Wei: Don’t talk to anyone. I’ll figure it out myself.

Zhao Benshan: You just messed up.

Fan Wei: Stop talking, two thousand, two thousand and five, three thousand, three thousand and five, four thousand, four thousand and five, five thousand, hey

Zhao Benshan: You I'm sorry, you were the one who asked for two thousand.

Fan Wei: Two thousand, two thousand five, three thousand.

Zhao Benshan: No.

Fan Wei: Two thousand, two thousand and five, three thousand, three thousand and five, four thousand, four thousand and five, five thousand.

Zhao Benshan: Yes.

Fan Wei: Oops.

Student: I remembered wrongly, it was you who shouted.

Fan Wei: No, no, brother, after I shout four thousand, you can just shout five thousand, right?

Audience: Yes!

Zhao Benshan: That’s it, it’s a mess. Since we brothers, you agree to collect it, let’s shout it again, right? Let’s understand who is shouting these five thousand. What’s the starting price?

Born: two thousand.

Fan Wei: Me, two thousand.

Zhao Benshan: (falling vertebrae) Deal! No more chaos this time.

Fan Wei: Are you going to stop shouting?

Zhao Benshan: I’m afraid it will cause chaos again.

Sheng: It was you who shouted this time.

Fan Wei: Hey, okay, don’t move, don’t move, this wheelchair is mine, don’t move, I’ll pay you, two thousand.

Zhao Benshan: Brother, logically you shouldn’t ask for money, but you want face, and you want face, right? It shouldn't matter what you want, but it's not your character not to give it.

Fan Wei: I was fooled if I gave it to you.

Zhao Benshan: Fooled? Let me tell you, at all, I didn’t think about it at the beginning...

Fan Wei: I snatched it instead.

Zhao Benshan: You misunderstood. I want to ask you for...

Fan Wei: Stop pretending. From the moment you entered the room, you used the trick of suffering and playing hard to get. The master and the apprentice worked together to smash the car, and suddenly the vertebra fell out of nowhere. I only used one trick.

Zhao Benshan: Take advantage of the situation.

Fan Wei: I’ll give you a trick.

Zhao Benshan: Walking is the best strategy.

Fan Wei: No!

Zhao Benshan: It failed. Do you know why it failed? This chef doesn't care about the recipe, he cares about the art of war. Retreat!

Apprentice: Master!

Fan Wei: Hey, Master, Master

Zhao Benshan: What are you doing? Where are you kneeling? I am here, what are you two doing? What are you doing?

Apprentice: Master, I’m so sorry. Your IQ is too low for your deception. I can’t learn anything from you. What are you supposed to do? Go quickly. You won't be able to catch the No. 2 bus in a while.

Zhao Benshan: Oops!

Apprentice: The master is here, please bow to me!

Zhao Benshan: Oh my god, oh my god, this world is so crazy, even mice have become bridesmaids for cats, oh my god

Apprentice: Master! Please accept us!

Fan Wei: Hey, children, there is no cliff in the sea of ??suffering. When you turn around, you will find shore. Just learn well. It is the Chinese New Year. I will give you red envelopes, give you red envelopes.

Zhao Benshan: Sad, indeed sad, can you two ask for this money? Didn't I pay you two wages last month? sorrow!

Fan Wei: Come on, one for each person, take it well.

Zhao Benshan: Sad

Apprentice: Master Xie

Fan Wei: Oh, goodbye, you’re welcome

Apprentice: Master, Master , take it!

Zhao Benshan: Anti-treachery.

Fan Wei: Oh, it’s hard to guard against, but it’s a big liar, I don’t accept you. You fool me, fool me, am I still in a wheelchair?

Zhao Benshan: What do you want?

Fan Wei: What is your promise to the audience?

Zhao Benshan: What promise?

Fan Wei: Where is your stretcher?

Zhao Benshan: Develop it yourself!

Fan Wei: Hey!

Zhao Benshan: It is custom-made for you. If it is short, it can be lengthened.

Fan Wei: Oh, you worked so hard for me. Thanks to my outsmarting you, I opened the red envelope. It’s the Chinese New Year, and I’ll give you a couplet:

One year brings a year’s worth of fate

Thank you for gaining wisdom after each hardship

Zhao Benshan: I’ll do it again Let me give you a horizontal review

Self-taught!