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There was a pig. It walked and walked until it reached England. What did he become?----Pig.

The teacher in class randomly checked and memorized the text, Piggy, Both the puppy and the kitten have raised their hands. Who will the teacher call? - Puppy, because Wangwang Senbei.

Butterfly, ant, spider, centipede, they work together, in the end, which one does not get paid? - Centipede, because he has no merit.

The elephant in the zoo has the longest trunk, so who is the second longest? - the baby elephant.

Which fruit has the worst eyesight? - Mango.

Which two fruits have mobile phones? - Carrots and greens, each has its own phone.

A turtle walked across a pile of poop, but only left three footprints on it. Why? --One foot is holding the nose.

If there is a car, the driver is a prince, and the passenger is a princess, whose legs does this car belong to? - If

Gold, wood, water, fire and earth, whose legs are longer? ——Ham Sausage

The cobra went on a date with the elephant. After some pleasantries, he said, "Come on if you want. You're welcome to lead such a big pig."

A The gangster boss met a young man at the entrance of the alley and asked him: What is one plus one? The young man was very scared and thought for a long time and said: It is equal to two. The gangster boss quickly took out his pistol and killed him. When I left, I left behind a sentence: You know too much.

I think that as long as I have a little more modesty, I will be a perfect person.

One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend. He was very sad, so he kept crying and crying and crying... and finally... it sprouted. ~~~

Police: "Tell me, what's your name~?" Prisoner: "My name is Jackie Chan." Police: "Why don't you call me Chen Zhen? Please keep your attitude straight~ Please tell me your name What~?" Prisoner: "My name is Chen Zhen."

Two jellyfish collided at the beach. Jellyfish A: "What are you doing! You don't have eyes for swimming!" Jellyfish B: "What? Are they eyes?" Jellyfish A: "I don't know, he scolded me like this the last time I bumped into someone." Jellyfish B: "Oh! That's it!"

Primary school nature class , the teacher told us that if we tap lightly on the knee, we will have a knee jerk reflex. When I got home, I took a hammer and hit my dad's knee. As a result, my dad stood up and kicked me. It turns out that the teacher was right!

If one day I become a gangster, please remember to tell me that I was once pure.

The first lie in life begins with writing essays in primary school, while the truth begins with writing love letters

The Brothers Grimm were very prophetic when they wrote "Snow White" , in which the man who finally rescued Snow White and lived happily with her was named "Prince Charming". Nowadays, female compatriots all want to find the prince charming in their hearts. Why do they hold back? Because the pinyin abbreviation of Prince Charming is BMW, or Z series.

A man was about to jump off a building, and his wife shouted: "My dear, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!" After hearing this, the man jumped down with a whoosh. The police said: "You really shouldn't threaten him like this!"

Shit and Pee were good brothers. One day, Shit was hit by a car while crossing the road, and Pee said: I really want to poop...

Xiao Ming: "Mom, my classmates say my head is so big." Mom: "Nonsense, they are all bad boys. Ignore them. Go and help mom buy chestnuts." Xiao Ming: "What are you pretending to be?" Mom: "Use your hat."

First think of a number in your mind, multiply it by two, add five, then subtract the number you originally thought of, multiply it by eight, and subtract Go to five, then close your eyes and you can't see anything, right?

A certain classmate has a crush on a PLMM that he meets every day after school, but he has no chance to get close. One day, I followed MM to a ramen restaurant and finally plucked up the courage to talk to her: "Classmate......what's your name?" MM: "Beef noodles.

”........................................< /p>

A man fell down while walking. He got up and kept walking and fell again. So he said: If I had known better, I wouldn’t have gotten up just now

The drizzle falls When I got to the river, I got goosebumps

Which cartoon character is the most dedicated? Answer: Mermaid (because she can’t cheat)

As for Xiao Ming, he has an exam tomorrow. But I was watching TV at night

Xiao Ming’s mother asked worriedly: Have you finished reading the book? There is a test tomorrow

Xiao Ming replied readily: Mom, I have finished reading. /p>

Xiao Ming’s mother happily praised Xiao Ming: Good boy, you will definitely do well in the exam tomorrow

Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I mean, ‘Mom, I see, It's over.

Little A said to Little B: It's raining outside! Did you see it?

Little B was very excited: Yes, I saw it. What about you

Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher:

There are a lot of ants in the toilet.

The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so Test Xiao Ming: What did Ant say?

Xiao Ming looked confused... and said:

Ant... said nothing...

< p>One day, the three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by the big bad wolf. The big bad wolf blew down the thatched house, the wooden house, and the brick house without any effort. The three little pigs ran as hard as they could, but they still managed to escape. The big bad wolf caught up.

The three little pigs said desperately: We give up.

At this time, the big bad wolf. *Smiling and drooling, he said: Then tell me where is Little Red Riding Hood?

This diver’s move was very difficult. He did a triple turn and a front flip and a triple and a half back flip. Somersaulting for a month.

It is said that one time, Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Cao Cao were on a plane together. They suddenly encountered an emergency and needed to parachute to escape. At this time, they discovered that there were only three parachute bags left on the plane. Everyone was nervous for a while, then Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan and cleared his throat and said, "Let's do this. The mountain man will ask a few questions. Those who can answer the questions will jump out, and those who can't will have to jump on their own." The man had no choice but to agree. Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan again and asked Liu Bei: "How many suns are there in the sky?" Liu Bei thought briefly and replied: "One." So he took an umbrella and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again: "How many moons are there in the sky?" Sun Quan replied: "One." " He also took an umbrella and went down. Finally it was Cao Cao's turn. Zhuge Liang asked: "How many stars are there in the sky? "Cao Cao was stunned. He was too confused to answer, so he had to jump in. Unexpectedly, he jumped into the sea and saved his life. Cao Cao was secretly grateful. The second time four people encountered an emergency on a plane, four people After some discussion, it was agreed that we should stick to the old method. Zhuge Liang waved his feather fan again and asked Liu Bei: "What was the battle in which King Wu of Zhou defeated King Chu?" Liu Bei thought briefly and replied: "The Battle of Muye." Zhuge Liang nodded, so Liu Bei took an umbrella and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again: "How many people died in that battle?" Sun Quan thought for a moment and said, "About thirty or forty thousand." "Zhuge nodded, and Sun Quan took an umbrella bag and went down. Cao Cao couldn't help but snickered and thought: "Zhuge Liang, Zhuge Liang, I know everything about ancient times and the present, especially military affairs, but you failed this time, haha! Zhuge Liang asked, "What are their names?" "Cao Cao almost fainted when he heard this, so he had to jump in. Unexpectedly, he jumped into the sea again and saved his life. Cao Cao smiled secretly: "md, I am very lucky, let's see what you, old man Zhuge, can do to me? ! "The third time the same four people took a plane, the plane encountered another emergency. Cao Cao thought, Old Man Zhuge was going to tease me again, so I might as well just jump off myself to avoid being insulted. So he jumped out of his mind and got there. Descending at high speed in the air.

I could only hear Zhuge Liang's laughter coming from above: "Cao Cao, Cao Cao, I wish you were so smart, haha, there are four parachutes on the plane today! Cao Cao: "Ah---" and fainted.

< p>My mom asked me to translate!!! (Super hilarious)

Today I was watching a DVD, and my mom came in with another book and said: Tell me what these sentences mean< /p>

Mom: What does "i don't know." mean?

I said: "I don't know."

Mom: Send it to you. How come you don’t know anything after studying in college!

I said: “I don’t know”!

Mom! ! $@%!#$^&%#$%@$%@#$%!^%^!^%$^#&..(a beating)

Mom: You Tell me about this. You should know what "i know." means. Tell me.

I said: "I know."

Mom: If you know, tell me quickly.

I said: "I know"

Mom: Are you looking for trouble? Didn't you clean it up just now lightly?

I said: I know it!

Mom: I knew you didn’t tell me yet! ! Don’t pretend to understand if you don’t understand! &*$%^@$#!%$@^%#*$^^^##$%(another beating)

Mom: Be careful, you spend so much money I gave you money to go to college, but now you don’t know how to do anything. You know a few things and you still show off to me.

I’ll ask you the last question. Please explain it to me. If you can’t tell me, I’m taking care of it. You, please translate for me what "i know but i don't want

to tell you." means?

I fainted, picked up a pillow and banged it on my head more than 30 times, hit my head on the wall more than 40 times, slapped my mouth more than 50 times with both hands, and kicked the table with my legs

After more than sixty strokes, my flesh and blood were blurred, I asked my mother: Are you satisfied with this?

She came to ask me again: "Son, I`m very annoyance" , don`t tuouble me. What does it mean~?"

Me: "I'm very annoyed, don't bother me"

Mom: "I'm looking for a fight, like your mother" "Speak" (so I was flattened)

My mother asked again; "I hear nothing, repeat. What does it mean?"

I said: "I didn't hear clearly, say it again"

My mother said again: I hear nothing, repeat”

“I didn’t hear clearly, repeat”

The result was flat

Mom asked again: "what do you say "How to explain it?"

I said: "What do you say" (being flattened again)

Mom asked again :What does "look up in the dictionary" mean?

I said: "Look up in the dictionary"

"Look up in the dictionary and I asked you what you did" (flattened)

p>

Mom asked again: you had better ask some body. How to translate it?"

I said: "You had better ask someone else"

"You are my son , I asked others what they were doing and got beaten up again."

"Ah! god save me!"

"God save me!"

"Playing Even if your mother is playing with you, even God can’t save you! (Being flat)

I’ll ask you again: “use you head, then think it over, what does it mean!”

I said: "Use your brain and think about it carefully."

"You brat, you still dare to play tricks on me" and then started to do it again

I quickly said: "You are the only one in the world." Thank you, Mom."

"Well, that's pretty much it. I'll make something delicious for you later, and I'll ask you tomorrow."

One or two bananas for a walk, one for hot Then he took off his clothes and threw them on the ground. The result was that the banana peel slipped on the banana behind him

2. At the Guandi Temple, everyone smelled a fart. When Xiao Ming asked anyone, everyone said it was not the case. I put it myself. Xiao Ming got angry and said: "Whoever released it should be ashamed of this matter." Suddenly, Guan Yu jumped down from the altar and beat Xiao Ming: "My blushing is natural!!!"

3. Xiao Ming was afraid of the dark because there would be ghosts at night. But one day, he thought of a way to turn himself into a ghost, so he was no longer afraid. So he committed suicide...

4. There was a fat man...jumped from a tall building...and turned into...a dead fat man.

5. The most lustful animal is the koala, for: it always hugs the tree (trunk); the most delicious animal is the zebra, for: black and white; the animal that is most likely to fall is the fox, for: it is cunning. (slippery feet); the one with the least sense of direction is Sibuxiang, for: Its name is Elk (lost).

6. Once upon a time, a dog pooped out four pieces. The owner noticed that a button was stuck on the dog’s buttocks.

7. One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: "Dad, am I a stupid boy?" His father said: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?"

8. The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces to play badminton. The mother earthworm thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong. The father thought for a while and then cut himself into four pieces to play mahjong. Cut into minced meat myself. The mother earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? If you cut it into pieces like this, you will die!" The father earthworm said weakly: "...Suddenly I want to play football."

9. Q: One day, It takes 1 hour for the little bird to fly from Kaohsiung to Taipei. But it took 2 hours to get back! WHY? A: Because it was raining! So you have to cover the rain with one hand and fly with the other.

10. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl: "Why doesn't the plane hit the stars when it flies so high?" The little girl replied: "I know, because the stars do." Flash'ah!"