The most profound joke in Beijing is

1. An emergency expert came to Beijing. It is said that saving lives is his stunt. Doctors in local small hospitals were frightened and asked for advice one after another. Doctor A asked, "Professor, the patient didn't breathe or have a heartbeat at the scene of the incident. What should I do?" Experts said: "mouth-to-mouth artificial respiration, extracorporeal heart massage." Anyone can. Who asked such a stupid question? The doctor at the bottom thought. Dr. B asked, "Professor, what if the patient is taken to the hospital and his heart stops beating and breathing?" The expert said: "electrical pacing, use a ventilator." Doctors believe that the same old stories are often staged in movies. Dr. C asked, "What if electrical pacing doesn't work?" The expert said, "Then inject drugs directly into the heart." Not surprisingly, doctors expect higher questions and puzzled experts. Dr. Ding finally spoke: "The patient's heart stopped for 4 hours, and various measures were ineffective. What should I do? " Experts are experts. He smiled gently and said, "Well, go and see if the patient's family is still there. Don't let them get away." The doctor examined a patient with a bad temper. "What's the matter with you?" He asked with concern. "Sir," growled the patient, "since you have received the consultation fee, you can find it yourself." "I see," the doctor thought for a moment and said, "please give me an hour. I'm going out to find a friend-he's a vet. I know that only this guy can make a diagnosis without asking the patient any questions. " The boss said to his secretary, I'll take you to Beijing for a walk these days. Get ready. The secretary called her husband: I'm going to Beijing to have a meeting with my boss these days. Take care of yourself. Husband calls his lover: My wife is going to Beijing for business these days. Let's come out and play. My lover called the little boy who was tutoring his homework: there is no class these days, so I have something to do. The little boy called his grandfather: Grandpa, the teacher has something to do these days, so there is no need for class. Please play with me. Grandpa called his secretary: I will play with my grandson these days and I can't go to Beijing. The secretary called her husband: The boss has something urgent these days, so we won't go to Beijing for a meeting. Husband calls his lover: I can't come out to play these days, and my wife won't go to Beijing. My lover called the little boy who was tutoring his homework: I will continue to have normal classes these days. The little boy called his grandfather: Grandpa, there will be classes these days, so I can't play with you. Grandpa called his secretary: I'll take you to Beijing for a walk these days. You're ready. 4. Face to face is great love. Occasionally there is the warmth of a bonfire. Once you are together for a long time, you will inevitably end up with a burning eyebrow. So the married person accidentally did these things ... but what did she tell her partner after the affair? My husband left, and my lover said that there was a buddy named Lao Zhang. This guy did a good job in the unit, so I won't say what he did. Anyway, he is always on a business trip! Speaking of this day, when Lao Zhang arrived at the unit, the unit leader looked for him like a fire, without saying that he didn't know. When he said it, he was shocked. The customer is in a hurry, and the company needs him to go on a business trip immediately! While it's still time, Lao Zhang asked for leave with the leader and went home immediately after receiving the task, not for anything else. First, he wants to go back and get some clothes. Second, he is afraid of his wife. He wants to say goodbye to his wife. At home, Lao Zhang explained the situation first, then said some warm words, and then said goodbye to his wife with tears in his eyes! Let Lao Zhang go on a business trip. Tell me more about Lao Zhang's wife. As soon as the husband left, he immediately dialed a phone call: "Hey, buddy, it's me. I tell you a good news. Our Lao Zhang is on a business trip today. He won't be back for ten days. Will you come tonight? " Charming night, the lights are on, at Lao Zhang's house, his wife is drinking and singing with a man, touching! A surprise time for my wife passed quickly, and seven days passed in a blink of an eye. Because things went smoothly and Lao Zhang had super working ability, Lao Zhang finished the task ahead of schedule! In order to surprise his wife, Lao Zhang decided not to call home first! The night is thick, standing downstairs and seeing the warm lights on the balcony, Lao Zhang's heart is full of happiness! "Mao, Mao, Mao" Lao Zhang gently knocked on his security door. "Oh, my God, your man is back!" The man on the bed pushed away Lao Zhang's wife and jumped up high! "Look at your bear. The drunk downstairs must have drunk too much and knocked on the wrong door. Our Lao Zhang won't come back until three days later. Come, let's talk for a while! " After listening to Lao Zhang's wife's explanation, the people on the bed lay down in shock again. "Mao, Mao, Mao" Lao Zhang continued to knock at the door! What's the matter? Didn't you hear? Lao Zhang thought. "Your Lao Zhang must be back!" The man can't lie down any longer, saying while dressing! "Impossible, Lao zhang never lied to me. He said that he would be back in ten days. It must be the old lady who collects health fees on the street. Leave her alone and let's talk for a while! " After a panic, "Mao, Mao, Mao" Lao Zhang was really anxious. What happened? Why didn't you open the door for so long? Hearing the third knocking at the door, Lao Zhang's wife finally got impatient: "Who knocked at the door in the middle of the night?" "It's me, I'm back!" Now listen carefully, Lao Zhang is really back! After being stunned and panicked, the man on the bed has turned pale with fear. He has long heard that Lao Zhang used to be the coach of the boxing team! "Help me, what can I do now!" He whispered to Lao Zhang's wife! "Don't talk, listen to me!" Lao Zhang's wife has calmed down a lot, she said, tidying up a few messy rooms and pulling a big sheet to the living room! "Hua, Hua" Lao Zhang's wife finally slowly opened the door! The coolest way to deal with it is "What are you doing? Why don't you open the door ... "It was late, but soon. Before Lao Zhang finished, his wife put a big sheet on Lao Zhang's head! "Dear, don't look. I know you will come back today. Guess what I did for you? " Lao Zhang's wife pointed to the man who was already shivering in the room. The man immediately got the message and slipped away from the door with his shoes! "Noodles!" Going out to make friends and entering the facade, Lao Zhang guessed. "No, you keep guessing!" Lao Zhang's wife waved her hand at the man and said. Jiaozi! "No, guess again!" ..... "God, it's killing me. What is it? " Seeing that the man had gone away, Lao Zhang's wife finally breathed a sigh of relief, pulled off the big sheet covering Lao Zhang's head with one hand and closed the door with the other: "You stupid thing, what else can you have?" It's rice! " Early in the morning, the director walked into the office building with shiny hair and hands behind his back. His pants were not zipped up, and his crotch opened like a surprised mouth, revealing red underwear-the director was 49 years old that year. The doorman and the security guard were the first to see. The young man from the countryside is strong, but his reaction is slow. Before he blushed and thought about whether to tell the director, the director had walked up the stairs in four steps (in order to keep healthy, the director never took the elevator). The director met the female secretary of the Youth League Committee on the second floor. The young female secretary was about to ask the director to sign the document. Seeing the director's trousers, she pretended to run into each other and said that the director was early, so she turned and left in a hurry. I am a lesbian. Let me remind you that this is inappropriate. The director continued to go upstairs and met the section chief of the administration department on the third floor. As soon as the chief of the administration section saw the director, he smiled: he leaned aside and made way for the director. When the director passed, he quietly went downstairs-the director defended his mistakes, and whoever made suggestions during the "three stresses" was unlucky. I can't say that. The director continued to March on the fourth floor. In the corridor, the director of the office and the director of discipline inspection are chatting. When they saw the director coming with his pants wide open, both of them were startled, but they still greeted the director quietly as usual. When the director passed by, the two whispered, "Why didn't you tell the director that his pants chain was not fastened properly?" "Why don't you say something?" "You are the director of the commission for discipline inspection office! If there is a problem with the leader's crotch, you can ask! " "Nonsense, it's not a matter of style, it's a matter of leading the quality of pants, it's up to you!" The director continued to March on the fifth floor with goose steps. On the stairs, he met the deputy section chief of the audit department and went downstairs to fetch water with a thermos bottle. At the sight of the director, the deputy section chief turned red. He just nodded and smiled sideways until the director passed. The audit section chief appeared, greeted the director kindly as usual and left-no one reminded me from the first floor to the fifth floor. Why should I remind him? The director has gone up to the sixth floor and turned left into his office. At this time, the deputy director was coming. He gave the director a surprised look and said nothing. He thought to himself: It is rumored that the director will be transferred, and he is the most suitable candidate. The director walked past the secretary's office, and the secretary also found his red underwear. He secretly sneered in his mind-open it and have a meeting later to see how you make a fool of yourself! The overall cadre meeting was held at 9 o'clock on time, and the director held his head high and took a group of party Committee members to the rostrum. His pants chain was still wide open, but the audience was silent and pretended not to know anything. In this way, the director was active for four hours in full view, until his car driver came to pick him up and was dumbfounded, pointing to his pants chain. The director lowered his head and zipped up without saying a word. The next day, the driver was transferred out of the small motorcade, and the director of the office solemnly pointed out when talking with the aggrieved crying driver: Why didn't you see it when you drove the director here this morning? 6. The old farmer lost his wife in his early years and got married through a matchmaker. On the wedding night, the old farmer couldn't help but ask the bride, "How old is she?" At first, the bride refused to say anything. Later, the old farmer kept asking, and then she said faintly, "I am actually forty-seven or eight years old." For this answer, the old farmer said with a grain of salt: "What happened between us has passed. You might as well tell the truth. How old are you? " The bride didn't want to ask this question any more, so she said, "well, I'll tell you the truth, so don't ask again." I just turned 55 this year. " "Fifty-five years old!" Although the old farmer was surprised, he still didn't believe it, and he was embarrassed to ask any more questions. The old farmer looked at the time and found it was getting late. He got up and said to the bride, "I'm going to the kitchen." The bride asked, "What are you doing in the kitchen so late?" The old farmer replied, "I'm going to cover the kitchen with salt, or my mouse will get up and steal salt at night." Just then, the bride laughed and said, "I have lived for 67 years and have never heard of rats stealing salt." 7. At dusk, I jog on the industrial road. A young man ran up from behind me and shouted into my ear, "Run!" " ""What happened? "I asked the young man next to me." Run. "The young man ran to me. After chasing 500 meters quickly, I panted and asked, "What's the matter?" "You run too slowly. "The young man left me and ran away.

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