Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Urgent 1 Back to the vernacular version of Journey to the West! Somebody help rewrite it! Thank you ~ urgent!

Urgent 1 Back to the vernacular version of Journey to the West! Somebody help rewrite it! Thank you ~ urgent!

In ancient times, the world was divided into four continents: Dongsheng Shenzhou, Xiniu Hezhou, Wuzhou in the south and Luzhou in the north. There is one in Dongsheng Shenzhou.

I am proud to come to China. There is a mountain in the sea called Guo Huashan. There are plants that never wither at four o'clock, fruits that never stop at eight o'clock, and pairs of deer and cranes on the mountain.

Apes form groups. There is a fairy stone on the top of the mountain, three feet six feet five inches high, which is 365 degrees on Sunday; Its circumference is two feet and four feet.

According to the twenty-four solar terms; There are nine orifices and eight points in life, according to the nine palaces and eight diagrams. This boulder was influenced by the aura of heaven and earth, the essence of the sun and the moon, and suddenly one day

Burst open, lay a stone egg and turn into a stone monkey in the wind. The stone monkey opened his eyes and two golden lights pointed to the bullfight. Jade emperor Zheng

Sitting in Lingxiao's hall, I was shocked and ordered Clairvoyance and Clairvoyance to have a look. Clairvoyance and Clairvoyance came back and reported, "This is

Once a natural stone monkey in Huaguoshan eats earthly food, the light from its eyes will not be golden. "The jade emperor didn't take it to heart.

After being born, the stone monkey will run and jump, and enjoy the fun of eating flowers and drinking mountain springs with apes. One day, the stone monkey followed the monkeys.

Take a bath in the mountain stream and find water for a while. The monkeys went up the river and saw a waterfall flying down the mountain in front. crowd

The monkey said, "whoever can go in and have a look will worship him as king and will not harm his health." The stone monkey stepped forward, closed his eyes and jumped into the waterfall.

Cloth, but there is no water in it. There is an iron slab bridge. After crossing the bridge, there is a cave, and a stone tablet stands at the entrance of the cave, engraved with the words: "flowers!" "

Difuguo Mountain, water curtain cave is a cave. "Into the hole, there are stone tables, stone chairs, stone pots, stone basins and stone bowls. Stone monkey

Jump out and tell the monkeys. The monkeys jumped into the waterfall, got into the cave one by one, and fought for pots and pans one by one, making a scene. Stoneboog

The monkey sat on the stone chair in the middle and said, "You said that whoever can enter the cave will be worshipped as king. I found such a good home for you,

Why not worship me as king? "All the monkeys knelt down together and kowtowed, calling the stone monkey the Stone Monkey King Chitose. Stone monkeys don't like writing with stones.

I changed my name to the Monkey King.

Not to mention the years in the mountains, it is hundreds of years in a blink of an eye. On this day, the Monkey King was playing with a group of monkeys when suddenly tears fell in his eyes. monkey

He knelt down and asked, "Why is your majesty unhappy?" The Monkey King said: "Although the king of the world doesn't care about us, Lao Zi, the king of hell, cares."

If you can control us, you will die of blood failure one day. An armless ape stood up and said, "Your Majesty, there are only gods, immortals,

Buddha is not controlled by Yan, but lives with heaven and earth. If you want to escape from reincarnation, you can't live or die, only go to Xianshan.

Learn from the ancient caves and learn the magic of immortality, and King Yan will will leave us alone. All the monkeys said in unison

Great! Tomorrow, we will find more fruits, hold a grand banquet and send the king to seek immortality. "

The next day, the monkeys gathered exotic flowers and fruits, held a big banquet, and took turns offering flowers to the Monkey King for a toast and drinking for a day. Then, the monkeys

Fold up the dead tree and weave a raft. A lot of fruit is piled on the raft for the Monkey King as dry food. The Monkey King spread the raft and floated in.

The vast sea coincided with the wind and the current, and in a few days, it reached the southern island. The Monkey King went ashore and saw someone drying salt on the beach to make up the salt.

Net, dig clams, run over and make faces, frighten everyone to run away. He caught an inescapable one.

I was alive, undressed, put on, and waddled past the state government. It didn't take long to learn people's manners and languages. He is everywhere.

Looking for the cave house in Xianshan, I couldn't find it for eight or nine years, so I made a raft and drifted to Niuhezhou for many days. this

One day, the Monkey King came to a high mountain. When he saw the beautiful scenery, he climbed it. Suddenly I heard someone singing in the forest, and my ears tilted.

Listen, it is clearly to persuade people to forget the fame, honor and disgrace in the world and cultivate immortality. He hurried to see a woodcutter kneeling while chopping wood.

He bowed and said, "Old Immortal, disciple has found you." The woodcutter quickly threw down his axe and said, "I am not a fairy." This song was taught by the gods. "

I sang it. This mountain is called Lingtai Fangcun Mountain, with a three-star cave and an oblique moon. There is a bodhi ancestor in the cave, that is, a living fairy. "the monkey

The king asked the way, thanked the woodcutter and ran to the abode of fairies and immortals.

When reading an official, remember: Taiwan's inch refers to people's hearts, and the oblique moon's three stars are strokes of the word "heart", which are actually "heart" and "heart".

Cave. The Monkey King found the bridal chamber, saw that the cave door was closed, and dared not knock, so he went up to the pine tree to pick pine nuts to eat. After a while, the door of the cave opened.

Then a fairy boy came out and asked, "Who is making trouble outside the door?" The Monkey King immediately jumped down and said, "I'm here to learn Taoism.

Dare not make trouble. Fairchild said, "My master is preaching that a yogi will come outside and let me receive him. Beautiful monkey

Wang quickly adjusted his coat and hat, followed the fairy boy into the cave, and saw an old fairy sitting on the stage with thirty fairies standing on both sides.

Take a few steps, kneel down, kowtow again and again, and say, "Master, Master, disciples bow down, bow down." Asked the fairy.

: "What's your name? Where is the surname? " The Monkey King said, "Disciple Dongsheng is proud to come from water curtain cave, Guohuaguo Mountain." The fairy said, "This is."

Liars and troublemakers. Dongsheng Shenzhou is separated from here by two seas, a southern mountainous continent. How did you get here? ""Disciple Park

I traveled across the ocean, looking for it everywhere. I visited here directly in 1989. ""In that case, forget it. What's your last name? " "Brother!

The son has no name or surname. ""Did you tie it to the tree? " "I jumped out of the stone. The fairy was secretly happy and said, "I"

Seeing that you look like a monkey, put a monkey next to the dog. Your surname is Sun. I have twelve characters under my door. You are the tenth generation.

When I use the word' Wu', I will give you a French name, Monkey King. "the Monkey King kowtow shane, so called the Monkey King.

The Monkey King was studying in Sanxing Cave in Xieyue, sweeping graves and burning incense every day, reading classics and listening to lectures, planting flowers and trees, burning firewood and burning fire, and suddenly passing by.

Six or seven years. On this day, the founder went to the altar to preach. Speaking of beautiful women, the Monkey King couldn't help scratching his head, dancing and smiling.

. The ancestor asked angrily, "the Monkey King, why are you making trouble and not listening to my sermon?" Wukong said, "My disciples listened to Master's speech well and were very affectionate.

I can't help it How dare I make trouble? The founder asked, "How long have you been here?" Wukong said, "I remember chopping wood in Nanshan. I have had seven full meals. "

Peaches are gone. ""that's seven years. What do you want to learn? " "As long as I can become an immortal, I am willing to learn anything." "I have three.

One hundred and sixty Daoism, which one do you want to learn? Then he said the words "technique", "flow" and "quietness".

Several side doors, such as the "mobile" door, talk about the benefits of each door. Wukong asked, none of these side doors can live forever, and even said, ""

Do not learn, do not learn! "Father was angry, jumped off the platform and scolded:" You monkey, you don't learn this, you don't learn that, what do you want?

What? "Picked up a ruler, according to the Monkey King's head played three times, carrying a hand into the back room, shut the door. Everyone is complaining about Wukong.

Against master and drove him away, only Wukong solved master's riddle and was secretly happy.

That night, Wukong took his disciples to bed. At about midnight, he got up quietly and walked from the front door to the back door.

Sure enough, I left it open. When I went in, I saw Master sleeping soundly face in, so I knelt in front of the bed. Soon, the founder woke up and Wukong said: "

Master, I have been waiting on my knees for a long time. Father sat up and asked, "you monkey, what are you doing here because you didn't sleep well?"

"Wukong said," Master hit me three times, which means that I entered the middle door with my hand behind my back in the middle of the night and told me to go through the back door. grasp

Promise me in public, and I will come boldly. "My father was happy, so he taught Wukong the secret of immortality. Wu Kong Ji's book

After learning the secret, he thanked the master, went out the back door, saw the sky dim, went back to his residence, and shook his bed noisily.

Shouting "it's dawn, get up, get up!" " "How did the disciples know that Wukong learned magic while sleeping?

Three years passed in a blink of an eye. On this day, the ancestor went to the altar and said, "Wukong, how is your practice?" Wukong knelt down and answered

: "The roots of disciples have gradually solidified." The founder said: "You have learned the law of immortality, but there will be three major disasters."

. Five hundred years later, lightning strikes you; In another 500 years, the sky will burn you; In 500 years, the evil wind will blow you. each

Can kill you every time, you must learn to avoid disaster. Wukong's hair stood on end, and he quickly bowed down and said, "Master is merciful and teaches his disciples.

Brother's method of avoiding disaster. The founder said, "In order to avoid disaster, we must learn to change." I have two changes: one is thirty-six changes, which should be

Number of plows; One is seventy-two changes, to be counted. "Wukong said," disciples learn a lot. " The founder said, "Your ears are connected.

Come here. "He whispered the formula in his ear. Wukong knows everything, memorizing formulas, practicing and practicing, and soon.

I learned 72 kinds of changes.

One day, Wukong was playing with his brothers in front of the cave when his father came over and asked, "Wukong, have you learned?" Wukong said, "Duo.

With the help of Master, my disciples have been able to ride the clouds. ""Let me see. "Wukong was anxious for quite a while before he flew five or six feet high.

It's not two or three miles back and forth The founder said, "What is this? You are sure to travel around the world in one day. I think you are a monkey, so.

Pass your somersault cloud. "Pass the recipe to the wu is empty.

Spring goes and summer comes, and the weather is getting hotter and hotter. On this day, Wukong and his disciples played under the pine tree. Everyone said, "Wukong, master taught you to change."

Change and you will become a pine tree. "Wukong read a spell, and when he shook his body, he became a pine tree. The chorus high call:

"Good monkey, be good!" The founder came and asked angrily, "What are you arguing about?" They hurriedly bowed their heads and dared not make any noise.

Wukong is busy changing back to its original state. The founder yelled at him: "You are all yelling, not like a yogi at all. Wukong stays, and you all practice.

"After everyone left, the founder said," What can you do? Dare to show off this skill in front of people? Wukong said, "Please forgive me, Master." "

The founder said, "I don't blame you either. Go ahead. " Wukong was surprised and asked, "Where are my disciples going?" "Where are you from?

Where are you going? Wukong suddenly remembered that it had been twenty or thirty years since he left Huaguoshan, and said, "My apprentice has been away from home for more than twenty years.

Although I miss my children and grandchildren, I dare not leave because I have not repaid their great kindness. "father.

Say, "What do I owe you? As long as you stay out of trouble and leave me out of it. Remember, wherever you go, don't say anything.

It's my apprentice. Say a word, and I'll skin you and file your monkey so that you can't turn over! "Wukong said.

"Disciples dare not mention the word master, only that I practiced it myself."

Wukong bid farewell to master, pulled up a somersault cloud and returned to Huaguoshan within an hour. He held down the clouds, but he listened to cranes and apes.

Crying, sad and sad, crying and saying, "son, I'm back!" " "You can see it from the edge of the cliff and the trees in the grass.

Thousands of monkeys came out, surrounded the Monkey King, bowed down and said noisily, "Your Majesty, as soon as you came here.

For a long time, let us think hard. Recently, a demon tried to seize our abode of fairies and immortals, and took away many guys and Xu.

More sons and nephews. If the king doesn't come back in a few years, even the abode of fairies and immortals will be his. "Wukong asked angrily," what is the demon? Dare to be so innocent

A gift? "The monkeys said," he claimed to be the incarnation of the devil. He lives in the north, from the clouds to the fog, I don't know how far it is. "

Wukong ran a somersault to the north, saw a high mountain, fell down, and soon found himself in front of a dirty cave, where he met several small demons.

He said while playing at the mouth of the cave, "Express some miscellaneous birds and demons to your family, and tell them that the Lord of water curtain cave Cave in Huaguoshan has taken revenge!" small

The demon hurried into the cave to report. The devil incarnate came out of the cave dressed up and armed with a broadsword, and found that the Monkey King was less than four feet long and skinny.

Bones, no weapons, no attention at all. The Monkey King jumped up and split his face with one punch. The devil said, "You are too thin.

I killed you with one knife and made everyone laugh, so I hit you all the way. "The devil put down the knife and threw down the shelf. Wukong lost weight.

Small, drill around, hit the ribs, took out his crotch, played a few rounds, and punched the devil a few times. The demon king was injured and robbed the knife.

Cut it off. Wukong dodged, pulled out a handful of hair, threw it into his mouth, chewed it up, looked into the air and shouted, "Change!" as soon as...

change

Hundreds of little monkeys swarmed around a demon king, pulling their arms and legs, picking their noses and eyes, and Wukong grabbed the knife.

Split the demon king in two with one knife, and then kill the little demon completely. He shook himself and took back thirty or fifty hairs.

What you can't get back is captured by the devil. He asked the little monkey to carry the guy on his back, close his eyes, say a spell, and drive the wind back to the flowers.

Guo Shan.

The monkeys held a banquet in water curtain cave to welcome the Monkey King. The Monkey King talked about the experience of learning Taoism, and then said, "We have surnames now.

My name is the Monkey King. All the monkeys were very happy and said, "Your Majesty is the old grandson, and we are the second grandson, the third grandson, the little grandson and the little grandson …"

... a grandson, a nest of grandchildren! "

The next day, Wukong cut bamboo into guns and wood into knives, and taught the little monkeys to practice martial arts. One day, he said, "Although we practiced.

Martial arts, but how to fight against the enemy with bamboo guns and wooden knives? "Four old monkeys came, two are red-ass macaques and two are armless apes.

, said: "East 200 Li is a proud country, and there must be a blacksmith in the country. Your majesty can buy some weapons and teach us how to use them.

Wei shanzhai. "Wukong came to the proud country with a somersault and saw the six streets and three cities in the proud country. It was very lively. I thought, I have some ready-made ones.

Wouldn't it be better? There was a strong wind until it was dark, and the sun and the moon were dark, and everyone closed their doors. He pressed the cloud,

I found the armory of the palace, pulled out a handful of monkey hair, turned into countless little monkeys, moved countless guns, knives, swords and halberds, and sailed back to the flowers and fruits in the strong wind.

There are more than 47,000 monkeys in Wukong Mountain, so a team is organized for children and grandchildren to distribute weapons and practice. This one

Come, disturb the nearby Lich King, wolves, insects, tigers and leopards ... * * * There are seventy-two caves, all of which worship Wukong and pay tribute every year, four of them.

It is time. Huaguoshan is getting more and more prosperous.

One day, Wukong sighed again: "you all have weapons, and my knife doesn't work well." What should I do? " Four old monkeys said, "Your Majesty.

It's a fairy, but a mortal weapon is not easy. Our iron bridge leads directly to the Dragon Palace in the East China Sea. Why didn't the king borrow weapons from the Dragon Palace?

"Wukong exultation, came to the bridge, made a water avoidance method, jumped into the water and came to the bottom of the sea. A sea patrol hag asked, "Who are you? "

Where did it come from? Wukong said, "I am the Monkey King, a natural saint of Huaguoshan and an old neighbor of your Dragon King."

Hag ran back to the Crystal Palace and reported to the East Sea Dragon King Ao Guang. Ao Guang led the dragon son, grandson, shrimp, soldiers and crabs to meet him. Wukong enters.

Dragon Palace, sit down. The Dragon King asked, "When did the immortal get the Tao? What fairy method did you learn? " Wukong asked, "Can I become a monk?"

Immortal body. I don't have a weapon at hand to guard the cave. I've heard a lot about how many treasures there are in Gao Neigong. You don't need to lend me one.

"The dragon king refused badly, so he ordered Gu Dusi to take out a big pole knife. Wukong said, "I can't use a knife." The Dragon King also ordered Qiu and Yi Lishi to make a nine-legged fork. Wukong tried it. It was too light. The dragon king also ordered the prefect and the carp company commander to take a square shot.

The halberd painted by Wukong is still too light. "The fork weighs 3,600 Jin and the halberd weighs 7,200 Jin," said the Dragon King. "It's not heavy in my palace.

about

Weapons. Wukong said, "As the old saying goes, the sea dragon king has no worries about treasures!" Look again. "Long Po said," that piece of Tianhe will be repaired.

Poseidon's needle iron, is it suitable for him these days? The Dragon King said, "That was when Dayu decided the depth of the river when he was controlling the water.

Stator, what's the use? "Longpo said," Whether it is useful or not, just give it to him and tell him to leave early. "

The dragon king told Wukong, and Wukong said, "Show me." The dragon king said, "If you can't move it, please go to the fairy and see for yourself." realize

Kong and the Dragon King came to the middle of the sea, saw the golden light and touched it. It's an iron pillar, about as thick as a bucket and 20 feet long.

Just say, "I wish it were smaller." As soon as the voice fell, the baby was a few feet shorter and lost a circle. Wukong added, "No matter how detailed it is.

Some are better. "The baby is really thin again. He pulled it out.

The baby saw an iron bar with gold hoops at both ends and a line engraved on it: "

Ruyi gold hoop weighs thirteen thousand five hundred Jin. "As they walked along, he said," it's better to be thinner. "That stick is a little thin. Ambassador Wukong

A magical force, dancing with a stick, frightened the Dragon King, and fish, turtles, shrimps and crabs fled everywhere.

Wukong returned to the Crystal Palace and sat down. He said, "Gao's neighbor lent me weapons and then lent me a pair of armor." "Go up," said the Dragon King.

Xian, I really don't have armor. Let's go to another sea. Wukong said, "If one guest doesn't disturb the two masters, I'll find you." . "said the dragon king.

: "I really didn't." Wukong said, "Really? Then let you taste this stick! " The dragon king was startled and quickly said, "I released three."

Call a younger brother and see if they have it. "The dragon king ordered the catfish to play the golden bell, and the turtle handsome played the iron drum. Soon, the dragon king of the South China Sea

Aoqin, Aoshun and Aorun, the dragon kings of Beihai, came to ask, "Big Brother, what's the big deal?"

The Dragon King said that the Monkey King borrowed weapons and armor. Aoqin was furious and said, "Let's get some soldiers and take him alive!" Ao Guang

Said, "no, no! That stick is too heavy for anyone to stop. " Aorun said, "Let's just give him a pair of armor.

Send him away, then play the jade emperor and send heavenly soldiers to kill him. "Three sea dragon kings will gather together a pair of gold and chain mail and a phoenix wing.

Zijin crown, a pair of lotus root silk walking shoes. Wukong was dressed neatly and said, "Excuse me!" Shake down the iron bar and leave the Crystal Palace.

When Wukong returned to water curtain cave, all the monkeys bowed down when they saw the king's shining armor. Wukong told the story of borrowing treasure, which made the monkeys happier.

. Wukong made the stick smaller and smaller until it was as small as an embroidery needle and could be hidden in his ear. He came out of the hole, made the stick bigger, and then he himself

It also made a magical power and became tall. The stick went down to eighteen levels of hell for thirty-three days. Demons all over the mountain saw it.

Scared out of her wits, she hurried to pay homage. The Monkey King ordered all the monkeys to hold a big party and brag about drinking with all the demons. Because four

The old monkey made meritorious service, so he named the two horse monkeys Marshal Ma and Marshal Liu, and the two one-armed apes were General Ben and General Ba, and released the mountain.

All the affairs were entrusted to four old monkeys. He relaxed and walked around the world all day, visiting heroes, making friends and talking with Niu Mowang.

Wang, Jiao Mo, Peng Mo, Lion Camel King, the Monkey King and Xun Wang became seven brothers, talking about martial arts and drinking wine.

Drinking for fun.

One day, Wukong entertained six demons in water curtain cave and got as drunk as a fiddler. After Liu Wang left, under the shade of pine trees next to the iron bridge.

Lie down and can't sleep for a while. Four old monkeys sent all the monkeys to protect the Monkey King, and no one dared to speak loudly.

Wukong was so sleepy that he saw two men coming, holding a document with the words "the Monkey King" written on it, which was beyond reproach.

Last/better/previous/last name

Pull him up with a rope and go. He stumbled and came to the ideal city. When he looked up, he saw that "the underworld" was written on the top of the city. he

Startled, the wine woke up and asked, "Why did you arrest me?" The two men said, "Your life is over, and I would like to offer it.

The orders of the king of hell have hooked you. "Wukong was furious and said," I have become an immortal. How dare you hook me!

"Just take the stick out of your ear, shake it, it's the thickness of a bowl, just once, and paste it. Then untie the rope.

Open a stick and fight the city. Cow's head and horse's face were terrified out of their wits and rushed to Rosen's hall to report, "A hairy-faced thunder Lord has come.

! Yamaraja of the Tenth Hall quickly adjusted her clothes and asked, "Who is Shang Xian?" "。 "Wukong asked angrily," you don't even know who I am.

Tao, can you introduce me? "No, I think the policeman mistook one for another. "Wukong said," nonsense, you

Don't give orders, they dare to hook me? Bring me the book of life and death! "

Yamaraja of the Tenth Hall invited Wukong to sit down in the Treasure Hall and ordered the judge to fetch the book of life and death. Wukong examined humans, no, animals,

No, I checked the birds again, but not yet. Finally, it is found that the Monkey King is a natural stone on Monkey SoulNo. 1350.

The monkey died of natural causes at 342. He said, "I can't remember how many years I've lived, so I'll sell my name!" " "ask

Pick up a pen, write off the monkey's name, throw away the book of life and death, and hit the underworld with a club. Walking, accidentally tripping

I fell down and suddenly woke up. The four old monkeys shouted, "Your Majesty didn't wake up until he slept all day and all night." Wukong said that he had a fight in his dream.

After the mansion passed, he said, "From now on, we will never accept the jurisdiction of the ghost king!" Up to now, many monkeys on the mountain live forever, that is to say,

Because Wukong destroyed the life and death book.

On this day, the Jade Emperor was sitting in the dedicated hall, and Ao Guang, the dragon king of the East China Sea, played, saying that the Monkey King had robbed the anchor needle and made a scene.

Dragon Palace, ask the Jade Emperor to send troops to capture it. Then, the director of the nether world, Qin Guangwang, went to the desk of the Tibetan Bodhisattva and said that the Monkey King was making a scene in hell.

, pin the book of life and death, please send troops to suppress the jade emperor. The Jade Emperor asked, "What is this the Monkey King?" Clairvoyance, downwind

Ear stood up and said, "This is the Monkey King, a stone monkey born in Huaguoshan more than 300 years ago. I don't know where I learned the magic, and I had a big fight. "

Get up. The Jade Emperor asked again, "Which way will the gods take to appease him?" Taibai Venus Li Changgeng stood up and said: "Since ancient times, all

Whoever has nine tricks can cultivate immortality. This monkey was born in heaven and earth, and the sun and the moon are pregnant. Your majesty can be merciful and send a blessing to the saint.

Purport, he announced to heaven, give him a fairy casually. If he listens, he will be promoted in the future. If he disobeys, he can be arrested at any time.

Take him away. "The jade emperor said," that makes sense. He ordered Wen Quxing to write an imperial edict and sent Venus to Guo Hua to meet the Monkey King.

Venus came to Guo Huashan with an imperial edict. When she saw the monkey playing in front of water curtain cave, she said, "I am an angel sent by the Jade Emperor.

Please go to heaven. "The little monkey report to the abode of fairies and immortals, the Monkey King busy dressing, facing the hole. Venus read the imperial edict and said:

"Please seal it with me." Wukong said, "Thank you for your kindness. Little friends, arrange a banquet! " Venus said: "

Imperial edict for the body, dare not stay. Please go to heaven with me at once. Wukong said to the four old monkeys, "I'll leave the housework to you."

Anyway, I'll know the way to heaven first, and then I'll take you to heaven together. "Venus took the Monkey King to heaven.