Fitness and beauty jokes

One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a ride, and the car was almost out of gas.

There happened to be a gas station next to it, and when I drove by,

Suddenly a gust of wind blew the hat of the little beautiful boyfriend away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her, "I'll get my hat and you help me refuel."

My boyfriend just ran away. She heard Xiaomei shouting behind her: "Come on! Come on! "

Two:

The director and the section chief share the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief, you fart!

The section chief said: I didn't let it go ... The section chief is about to be dismissed.

The director said at the meeting: you can't afford to take care of big things. What's the use of asking you

Three:

Affinity education for sons and fathers

The father found that his 12-year-old son was premature and decided to give him early sex education.

However, it is always embarrassing to talk about such things with children. But out of concern for the children,

Father still got up the courage: "son, dad wants to talk to you." "What's the matter, Dad?"

"Nothing, it's about sex." Father's face was flushed with depression.

Words are a little hesitant. The son stared at his father's strange face.

Asked with concern: "Never mind, what kind of question do you want to know?"

Four:

One person has a bad stomach. One day, he came to the Stomach Hospital to see a doctor.

Said to the doctor, "I pull whatever I eat, eat watermelon and pull watermelon,

Eat cucumber and pull cucumber! "The doctor thought about it and said to him," I think you have to eat shit! "

Five:

Q: What do African cannibals eat?

A: people!

Q: Then one day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What did he eat?

A: Eat vegetables!

Six: I didn't hear you clearly.

When a young man and a young woman are dating in the park, the girl especially wants to fart. She had an idea.

Woman: Have you ever heard the cuckoo?

M: I haven't heard of it.

Woman: I'll teach you, boo (fart sound)-gu (accent).

Woman: Did you hear me clearly?

Man: I didn't hear you clearly because of the loud fart.

Seven:

One morning, an officer known for his strictness asked the early soldiers, "Are you cold?"

Xiao Bing replied: "Not cold!"

The officer was annoyed: "Then why are you shaking?"

Xiao Bing replied: "Frozen!"

Eight:

The hospital has a 100 lane to prevent patients from escaping. Two mental patients still want to escape from the hospital.

Trying to climb over the wall in the dark. Facing the thirtieth wall, "Are you tired?" "Not tired."

So the two continued to turn outwards. 60 under the wall "Tired?" "Not tired."

So the two of them continued to turn outward to the 99th wall. "Are you tired?" "tired"

Ok, go back to rest when you are tired!

Nine:

One day, A Jun picked a mirror and looked at it. Are the people here familiar?

B jun said after listening; Is it? Let me see (holding the mirror). After reading it, Mr. B: Me! You don't even know me?

Ten:

A hunter went hunting with his hounds and wandered around the forest all day without any prey.

It was dark, but he continued riding in the Woods.

The horse suddenly said,' You won't even let me rest. You want to kill me! ? '

The hunter was startled and immediately rolled down from his horse, pulling the hounds and running away. When he ran to a big tree to catch his breath, the dog patted his chest and said to him, "You scared me to death. Horses can talk!" "

So the hunter was scared to death on the spot.

Eleven:

A guy went to the hospital for a checkup and did a lot of tests.

The doctor said that there is good news and bad news. After reading your test results,

I find that you have a potential homosexual tendency! And it's hard to cure!

This guy said, oh, my god! What's the good news?

The doctor said shyly, I found you very cute! ~

Twelve:

One day a man met God, and God suddenly showed mercy and intended to give that man a wish.

God asked: Do you have any wishes?

The man thought for a moment and said, I heard that cats have nine lives, so please give me nine lives!

God said: Your wish has come true!

One day, that man was bored and wanted to say, die, there are nine lives anyway!

So he was lying on the tracks. As a result, a train passed by and the man was still dead.

Why is this? Because that train has 10 cars.

Thirteen:

Three rabbits shit, the first one is long and the second one is round.

The third one is actually triangular. Curious to ask why, it replied: I pinched it with my hand.

Fourteen:

One day there was a mother-in-law in a car …

Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass … ..

Fifteen:

Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.

Bug: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I'm so useless!

Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.

Sixteen:

Xiaoming owed the bank 200,000 yuan, and he begged the bank boss to stay a few more days.

The boss of the bank said that it must be returned tomorrow, otherwise ... two fingers will be cut off.

The day after tomorrow ... chop 4; the third day ...

Xiaoming: Is it necessary to return it?

Banker: No! Then you are Tinker Bell.

Seventeen:

The teacher asked Xiaoming questions in class, but Xiaoming stood up without saying a word.

Teacher: Xiaoming?

Teacher: Xiaoming? ……

Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know!

Xiao Ming: Zhi ~

Eighteen:

In the summer camp, the teacher took a group of children to the mountains to pick fruit.

She announced: "children, after picking the fruit, we can wash it together, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children ran to pick fruit. It's assembly time, and all the children are assembled.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

Nineteen:

On his way home from school, a little boy saw a woman lying in bed from the window.

Rubbing his chest and shouting: I want a man! I want a man!

The next day, the little boy went out of the window and found a man lying on the woman.

So the little boy went home and lay in bed, rubbing his chest and shouting, I want a bike! ~ I want a bike! ~

Twenty:

An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your breasts grow on your back?"

The camel said,' stay away from death, I don't talk to things that grow on JJ's face!

2 1:

100 loaf of bread

The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much." "I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, are there a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Sorry,no." "Well ..." The little white rabbit left in frustration again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, are there a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today!" " "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

22:

Three friends; A Shou is the thinnest, Xiao Pang is the fattest, and Xiao Ba often pretends to be a standard figure.

Chatting one day, the three of them were talking about their lifelong events. Hachi laughed at Shou and Xiao Pang and said, "Why can't you two average?" One is the waist of a bear, and the other is the waist of a snake ... "

Of course, they refused. At this time, I had a brainwave and asked Xiao overbearing: "What about you?"

Hachi said without thinking, "Of course I am a demon!" "

23:

One day, a male deer ran faster and faster, and finally, it became a high-speed male deer.

Twenty-four: Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.

Squid is very happy to say: you test, you test!

Then the man roasted the squid. ..

Twenty-five:

In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

26:

I just saw something like a news scroll bar on the top of my senior's computer screen, and the words on it spread quickly.

I asked curiously, are these lyrics?

Senior: Yes!

Senior: How did it pass so quickly? I didn't even see it clearly!

Senior: From Jay Chou! !

Twenty-seven:

A man went to the toilet and just closed the door. He listened in the next room and asked, are you there?

He said, yes, but he thought, who is next door? Do I know him/strange!

Then the next door asked, what are you doing here?

He said angrily, damn it Can I still eat here? !

Ask next door again; When would you like to go?

He thought: this person is probably a mental derangement! He said with chagrin, just pull and go! !

At this time, the next door asked again, will you come to me later?

The man was surprised: Cao! So it's gay!

He cursed: you pervert, go to S!

The next door said, well, hang up first and call you back. There is a psycho next to me! Ta, V, talk to me! ! ...

Twenty-eight:

Henan baby asked Henan mother: how does ABCDEFG make sentences?

Henan mother: A, this child B is from family C? Standing barefoot on D, ef is not wearing, GG is still exposed ~! Ha ha.

Twenty-nine:

A student asked the teacher how to write the word dung, but the teacher forgot for a moment and had to say:

"It's on my lips. Why can't I get out?"

When I was a freshman, our instructor was so funny that both front teeth fell out.

Once we had a singing contest, and it was announced that the next song, Crying Sand,

The instructor muttered "Why are you crying"? After a while, the same song will be announced.

The instructor wondered, "Sing it again?"

During the self-study class, the classroom is quiet and the teacher corrects homework on it.

The following students fart, and the pound raises its head.

Come on: "if anyone talks, get out."

The teacher was giving a lecture when a little boy raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I want to shit."

The teacher told the students, "You can say it in another civilized way."

The student thought for a moment and said, "teacher, my ass wants to vomit."

I took an English class in junior high school, but I didn't study hard at that time, so I studied English specially.

There is not a saying called teacher, is there? Where is Lily,

Where's Lily? Our English teacher's name is Li.

Li Rang I read the text in class, so I stood up and made this sentence clear.

Clear your throat, "My son Li Li". The teacher one leng, "you?

Again, "My son Lily" turned out to be. ...

I haven't had an English class since then.

When the doctor ordered food in the restaurant, he found that the waitress had been scratching her ass and screaming, so he asked with concern: Are there hemorrhoids? The waitress pointed to the menu and said, would you please order the dishes on the menu?

Military training for students in a school? A boy is standing in the first row under the tree. After the assembly, the coach said to the students, "Count off in the first row!" "The boy looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly," Count off! ""So the boy reluctantly turned around and hugged the tree!