It's a long night, so boring. Who can tell me a joke?

1. A man is in the hotel lobby and wants to ask the waiter a question. When he turned to the counter, he accidentally bumped into a lady next to him, and his elbow touched her chest. The man turned around and said, madam, if your heart is as soft as your chest, you will certainly forgive me. The woman replied, "If your job is as hard as your elbow."

2. A business person found himself lucky to sit next to a beautiful woman after boarding the plane. After a brief greeting, he noticed that she was reading a manual of sexology statistics, so he asked her about the book. She replied, "This is an interesting book about sexology statistics. It points out that American Indians have the longest average length, while Poles have the thickest average length. Oh, by the way, my name is Jill, and you? He replied coldly, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you" (the first name is Indian name, and the second name is Polish surname).

One night, when a couple was lying down to sleep, the husband patted his wife on the shoulder and began to rub her arm.

The wife turned around and said:

Sorry, honey, I have an appointment with a gynecologist tomorrow. I want to keep fresh. "

After the husband was rejected, he turned to sleep.

A few minutes later, he turned around and patted his wife.

This time whispered in her ear:

Are you going to the dentist tomorrow, too? 」

A man walks into a bar with his pet crocodile.

He put the crocodile on the bar, then turned to the surprised drinker and said:

"Make a deal with you, I will open the crocodile's mouth and put my penis in it.

Then it closes its mouth for a minute, then opens it again, and I will take my people out unscathed.

At that time, each of you will buy me a drink as a reward for witnessing this spectacle. "

Everyone whispered, and the man stood in front of the bar and took off his pants.

Put his DD in the crocodile's open mouth, and the crocodile closed his mouth with the audience holding their breath.

After a minute, the man hit the crocodile on the head with a beer bottle.

The crocodile opened his mouth, and the man really took out his guy unscathed. The crowd cheered and brought drinks to the man.

Soon the man stood up and put forward another proposal: "I will give 100 yuan to anyone who dares to try."

There was silence in the crowd. After a while, a hand was raised behind the bar, and a blonde said shyly:

I can try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle.

5. The condom said to the sanitary napkin: Sister, don't go to work. As soon as you go to work, I will have no business for seven days! Sanitary napkins versus condoms: Big Brother, you are satisfied. If you fucking leak, I won't have a job for ten months

6. On one occasion, Ge You invited a friend to dinner and went to the toilet on the way. His trousers were wet when he came back.

Friend: "Why are your pants wet?"

Ge You: "It's been like this since I became famous."

Friend: "Often?"

Ge You: "Yes! It is often that the people next to him suddenly turn around and shout,' Isn't this Ge You!'

7. Skills

One day, a woodcutter met an ascetic monk in the mountains and chatted with him. ...

Woodcutter: "I wonder how long the master has been practicing here?"

Monk: "About thirty years."

Woodcutter: "That's what Master Qing Xiu does. I don't know how many times a month you will be emotional? "

"Monk:" I am a poor monk and I am emotional three times a month. "

Woodcutter: "Master is really an extraordinary person. I admire him! ! "

Monk: "There, there! ! Ten days at a time. "

8. Be baptized

One day, a church held a baptism ceremony for newly educated women. The old nun who presided over the ceremony said, "You new girls must repent before God." Here is a basin of holy water. Come one by one and see where you touch men. "Wash with holy water! The first one came in to wash his hands with holy water ...: The old nun said: Well, nothing, just by hand ... The second one came in to wash his eyes with holy water ...: The old nun thought for a moment and said: Oh, so you just need to look, very good, very good ...: After the third one came in, suddenly the fourth one came in. The fourth girl said: I ... I ...: I don't want to rinse my mouth with the water she washes her ass!