Who gives a few funny jokes, preferably ones that can be used in daily life?

1, invited a girl to drink last night, trying to get her drunk, haha.

I took a bottle of 56-degree white wine, split it in two and finished it. I think she is still awake. I ordered four more bottles of beer and finished them. She's still awake. I'm drunk. I woke up this morning and said:

The most painful thing for boys to buy wine for girls is that the wine is gone and people are not drunk. The most painful thing is that the girl is still awake. The boy is drunk.

Me: I have had a crush on you for a long time.

I hate you for a long time.

My heart is hurt ...

3. Playing cards with several colleagues, the woman caught good cards several times in a row, which made us very depressed. I accidentally said: Niu B, really Niu B, and then asked the girl if she knew what Niu B was-and then it was embarrassing and everyone ignored it.

After graduation, the computer moved. I was idle for a day, so I read files in my computer and found a hidden folder. I opened it and found it was a/-film. Of course, I enjoyed it alone. I didn't expect to finally fall asleep. When I woke up, my dad actually sat next to me and said earnestly, "We can all understand that the child is older, but I am surprised that the heroine is your girlfriend and the hero is not you?" The heroine in that movie is really like my girlfriend. At that time, I was so embarrassed that I really wanted to hit the wall, and I didn't know if my dad was really confused or playing dumb.

5. I ate roasted wings with my friends again.

I want to say that the waiter took a glove.

It turned out to be a waiter's set.

I don't think so.

But the eyes around me tell me, my child, that you are embarrassed. . . .

6. Once I went to the toilet at my classmate's house, I found that the toilet was broken and I couldn't flush it. Finally, I had to call my host for help, and several people were watching. Alas, the most embarrassing thing in the world is this. ...

7. One day, my friend was driving, and I was bored in the car, and the car began to shake. Later, everyone got bored and four people hung out together. As a result, when the car behind us ran a red light, everyone looked at our car (thinking we were. . . . . **。 . )

8. Our sister is too lazy. She has been watching TV since supper. After telling her n reasons to wash the dishes, she finally agreed. When she went to the kitchen, she immediately ran out and said it was too greasy to brush. When I heard the fire, I flew into a rage and shouted at her: you can't wash with sanitary napkins (detergent) ... it's very depressing. At that time, the whole family was staring at me ... Hey (so excited

Once, I walked on the road without glasses and saw a very handsome and familiar person, so I took a closer look and found that, ah, it was just a mirror.

9. At work, two female colleagues talked about learning to drive and taking a driver's license test. A female colleague asked, "What driver's license do you need to drive?" I casually inserted a sentence, C cup. I can't wait to jump down the stairs.

10, once I had a little problem with my girlfriend because she said I didn't care enough about her. After making peace, I let her watch some movies. In order to show that I really care about her (it was very cold that day), one of me wanted to ask her if she wore threaded pants and the other wanted to ask her if she wore underwear. . . . . . When I get nervous, I say, "Are you wearing underwear today?"

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12, wandering around the street with friends, met a foreign friend and greeted him: "Hello!" "

The friend also said, "Ha Lao, cool dog!" "

Awkward. . . Go to hell! 、

13, went to have a snack with a group of friends. At first, we served several dishes, but we all ate politely. Later, we served the last few courses.

Everyone ate faster and faster, and finally grabbed the food in one round like a hungry dog grabbing shit. After eating, everyone began to chat.

A friend said, "The food just now seems a little salty?"

Another friend said, "Well, it's a little salty!" " "

(BS, these two guys, let's talk after eating.)