A complete collection of phrases and jokes from one to ten.

1. Change my girlfriend's phone number to mine when my classmate takes a shower. Send him a text message in bed at night "Husband, I'm pregnant". I saw that guy suddenly turn over and get out of bed. Badabada smoked a box of cigarettes and asked the dormitory people to borrow money …

Today is Valentine's Day, a girl who has a crush on me for a long time called me: "Come to my house, no one!" I ran away with excitement! ! ! ! ! ! ! I knocked on the door for more than an hour and found that there was really no one. ...

In class, a note came from anonymous. When I saw the content, I really wanted to beat him up. It said: Are you there?

4. Today, when the whole family was watching the costume film shown by Hunan Satellite TV, they suddenly asked my dad: Dad, why do you think I should call you Dad? -My dad's weak answer: You can also call me Amar.

A friend recently bought a car and took us out for a walk. Another friend had the following conversation with his sister:

MM: Brother, your friend drives steadily.

Gabby: Well, yes. Look, another bike has passed.

6. One day, my sister went to my brother's room.

Sister: "Brother, take off my pajamas, will you?" Brother did it.

My sister said, "Take off my bra again!" So is my brother.

Sister said: "Finally, take off my underwear!" " When the younger brother finished, the younger sister picked up her clothes and said, "Don't wear my clothes any more! Pervert! ! !

7. One day, a friend was stuck in a traffic jam in Beijing for several hours and finally couldn't stand it. He angrily opened the car door, opened the trunk and took out a long stick. Everyone in the traffic jam looked at him in surprise, only to see him curse and hit a snail on the ground, knocking and cursing: "Don't you dare follow me!" "

8. It's a waste for the handsome guy across the street to eat noodles. Eat two noodles and go. So I poured the bowl of noodles to the hungry wild cats on the roadside. After a while, the handsome boy came back with a bottle of water in his hand. I looked at the empty bowl with a suspicious face … at that moment, I just wanted to be a passerby who buried himself in noodles …

1 1. When I got up in the morning, my husband turned over and was wrapped in a quilt for several layers.

I looked at him who continued to sleep and felt very cute, like a sushi to be cut.

Then he wrapped this big one in the middle with a belt and went to work.

When I came back at 4 o'clock in the afternoon, I saw my husband still lying in bed. It was the shape of sushi to be cut in the morning, but he looked at me from different angles.

He said: Hungry for a day is not the key. It's not the key to turn off the air conditioner when you leave and heat him to death. Explaining that you didn't go to work the next day and didn't answer the phone is not the key.

The point is: the wardrobe is directly opposite the bed, and he feels embarrassed and funny when he looks at himself in the mirror. I didn't hold back when I laughed. . . .

12. Someone posted a question: Is there any good way to pursue a bank counter MM? If you save money without taking your passbook, she will stop you ... Bank sister: Hey ... your passbook! ! ! The landlord replied with a smile: it's your passbook! ! !

In junior high school, the school is close to home, and every small holiday is to walk home.

13. One winter vacation, I was walking alone on my way home and I accidentally saw an eagle flying in the sky.

The coat I was wearing that day had a big white-collar worker who imitated rabbit hair. At the moment I caught a glimpse of the eagle, I didn't think it would fly down and catch me as a big rabbit, did it? So I resolutely found a hidden corner to hide and stood in the cold wind for nearly half an hour ... During this half an hour, I leaned out an eye from time to time to secretly see if the eagle was still there, but now ... now ... all the time, so I finally found something strange, so I bravely observed the eagle carefully for a while, and then ... cursed in a low voice: "mental derangement, cold weather!"

14. It is said that one day I had a stomachache and hurried to the toilet. It took me a long time to take off my pants. I have been farting loudly all my life.

Then I heard my buddy in the pit next door: "Holy shit ..."

When I was leaving, the buddy said, Brother, do you have any paper? You scared me just now, and the paper fell into the pit!

15. Take the subway to work in the morning. It's too crowded There is a very lovely girl next to her. Kawaii is texting. I accidentally took a look and found that she wrote, "There are many people on the bus today, which is very crowded." After a while, I remembered something and laughed to myself. I inadvertently looked back for a while and saw the girl continue to write, "There is still an SB standing next to me."

16. When I was in the third year of high school, I went downstairs one day after self-study and thought that the person who walked in front was my roommate. I sneaked up to him and gave him a good kick in the ass, yelling, You came to study by yourself? ! The man rubbed his ass and looked back at me piteously, trembling and saying, hmm. After staring at each other for a few seconds, I hesitated how to apologize. The man replied, big brother, I'm a freshman, and I won't dare to do it again …

17. Once in class, a classmate was very hungry and made instant noodles. In order not to let the teacher find out, he put away the book and buried his head, but the heat still came out. The teacher said calmly, "Who is this classmate who is obsessed with reading?"

18. My girlfriend said that I agreed without much pursuit. She broke me up too much, and I pursued it again. I agreed. Then, it's gone. Deceiving each other is not fun.

19. Go shopping in the school supermarket today.

Don't you have to brush the bar code when you register ~ There will be a beep ~

I bought a marinated egg and it won't come out. ...

I don't know what's going on in my head. ...

In this way, a long sentence came out: "sandy! ~~~"

Full-site petrochemical ~ ~ ~

When I was a child, my teacher told me that everyone has a diligent villain and a lazy villain. You hesitate, they fight. Diligent villains often beat lazy villains out of the water in primary school, tied in junior high school, and lazy villains often win in high school. But when I got to the university, I suddenly found that they stopped playing, and the little man who worked hard was killed.

2 1. I met a red light when crossing the road. My friend wants to move on. I stopped him: "Wait for the light!" My friend turned to me with disdain and said, "Only you have Intel!

22. I asked a friend what the password of his photo album was. He gave me a string of 17 English "cptbtptpbcptdtptp". I was surprised and asked, "How can you remember it for so long?" He replied weakly: "Don't spit grape skin if you eat grapes, and spit grape skin if you don't eat grapes!" The question is happy event, my desktop assistant in sogou, not a joke.