Why can't mother-in-law and daughter-in-law be like mother and daughter?

Aunt Zhang is in a bad mood recently because of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Aunt Zhang’s daughter-in-law has a good personality and is considered hard-working, but in Aunt Zhang’s opinion, she spends money lavishly and always buys useless things. Although her daughter-in-law will buy things for Aunt Zhang every time she comes back from shopping, Aunt Zhang still Feel dissatisfied. My son works hard to earn money, so he doesn’t squander it like this. Although my daughter-in-law also has a job, isn’t it good to save the money?

Aunt Zhang didn’t like her daughter-in-law’s behavior, but instead of telling her daughter-in-law, she told her old sisters and neighbors. Some old people had nothing to do, so they sat together either as the head of the East family or as a member of the West family. After talking about the affairs of this family, they talked about the affairs of the next family. ?Picture: Source Internet, any infringement links will be deleted and passed back and forth. Aunt Zhang’s daughter-in-law heard from her old classmate that her mother-in-law suspected her of squandering. As a result, Aunt Zhang's daughter-in-law was unhappy. "Mom, if you have any opinions or ideas, tell me directly? What's going on when you go out behind my back and say bad things about me?" Aunt Zhang was not very happy either. Firstly, she felt embarrassed when her daughter-in-law asked her this question. Secondly, she also blamed the old sisters and neighbors for spreading what she said. Originally, I just wanted to find someone to talk to and talk about it to make my heart feel better, but I didn't expect that it would cause so many things.

Actually, no one likes to hear about the conflicts in your family. You may feel happier if you tell them about them, but many times others will just treat your family's affairs as a joke and tell them to other people. Conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have always existed. The root cause is mainly due to different lifestyles and habits, which lead to mutual incomprehension. Over time, conflicts have arisen.

The two generations have different educations and different insights, so they naturally have different ways of looking at problems. However, many times conflicts can be avoided.

1. The son is very good, but the daughter-in-law is not that bad. Many times, as a mother-in-law, she will feel that her son is the best. It's normal to love your children very much, but we can't forget that our daughter-in-law is also someone else's daughter, and she is also the best child in the eyes of her parents. When two people get married, no one is unworthy of the other. It is a matter of mutual consent. As parents, don't make your children unhappy because of your own faults. The older generation always pays attention to "if you marry a chicken, follow the chicken, if you marry a dog, follow the dog." But now times and society are progressing, and young people have more choices. No one is inferior to anyone, and no one has to depend on anyone. Sometimes young people quarrel over trivial matters, which may not necessarily lead to major conflicts. However, as a mother-in-law, when her son and daughter-in-law have a dispute, she always feels that it is the daughter-in-law who is making trouble unreasonably, so she is dissatisfied with her daughter-in-law. Some stronger elders will not only teach their daughter-in-law a lesson, but also Will spread the news about daughter-in-law’s behavior among relatives and friends.

Aunt Zhang is such an example. In order to feel happy for a while, I told my friends and neighbors about my thoughts about my daughter-in-law, which ended up making everyone unhappy. The best way to resolve family matters is through communication among family members. No matter how good old friends or sisters are, they don't like to hear about the troubles in your family, let alone those who like to laugh at others. They will only spread the news behind your back, and family conflicts will not be resolved, but may worsen. Therefore, when you encounter a problem, don’t talk to outsiders, first find a way to see if you can solve it at home.

2. Don’t force respect. As a mother-in-law, it is inevitable that she prides herself on being older and more experienced. However, what we think is right may not be what our daughter-in-law thinks. Different concepts of life allow everyone to choose different ways of living and dealing with others. Even our own children may not be able to agree on this, let alone our daughters-in-law who have lived in other families since childhood. We can feel we disagree, but we cannot force our daughter-in-law to accept our views. In fact, the most important thing is that the couple live well. If we force the younger generation, we think it is right, but if the children are not happy, will we be happy as parents?

Some mothers-in-law hope to be respected by their daughters-in-law because they are older, the elders, and have life experience. However, true respect between people is earned and cannot be taken for granted. When these mothers-in-law put on the airs of elders and wait for their daughters-in-law to respect them, it usually backfires. Many times it's not that the daughter-in-law is ignorant, but that the mother-in-law is forcing her.

Each family has different education methods. I have heard of a family before. Before the daughter-in-law got married, she was taught by her parents that there was no need to be polite. She knew in her heart that actions were enough to express gratitude. Therefore, the daughter-in-law would not say hello to her parents because she felt it was too much. When I married into my husband's family, my parents-in-law were very polite people, so my daughter-in-law also learned to say hello and say thank you, but my mother-in-law still thought her daughter-in-law was too rude, but in my daughter-in-law's eyes, thanking her back and forth like this seemed strange. And very awkward. Some things cannot be forced. Even our own children may not do things and live according to our ideas, so why ask our daughter-in-law. The most important thing is to figure out where the differences are, and be as tolerant as possible to those who can tolerate it. If you find it intolerable, sit down as a family and discuss adjustments. Everyone gives in half a step, and everyone feels more comfortable. This is what a family should be like.

3. Don’t always compare. Comparison is the most taboo thing between people. As a mother-in-law, she also once served as a daughter-in-law. A sentence that many mothers-in-law like to talk about is "I was not like her at that time..." Yes, each generation is different, and their lives are also different. The daughters-in-law of each generation are different, but, each generation's Mother-in-law should be different too. It is meaningless to compare your daughter-in-law with your own experience as a daughter-in-law, because you are not from the same era. If you were bullied by your mother-in-law when you were a daughter-in-law, then be considerate and treat your daughter-in-law kindly, and don't let yourself become a disliked mother-in-law. If you are a daughter-in-law who works hard and doesn't complain, don't blame your daughter-in-law for not doing housework. Her mother is also a daughter-in-law of the same generation. It is precisely because the older generation works hard and does not complain that the younger generation is more lazy. In addition to not comparing yourself with yourself when you were young, you should also be careful not to compare your daughter-in-law with those of others. Some people like to pick up good things when they go out and say that their daughter-in-law is obviously not that filial, but they say that her daughter-in-law always buys things for them just to look good. You know best what your own daughter-in-law is like. The daughter-in-law in other people's mouth is not only the daughter-in-law of other people's family, but it may not be true.

If someone else’s daughter-in-law is really better than your own, don’t be dissatisfied with your daughter-in-law. It is your son who chooses to marry her. If you are picky about your daughter-in-law, in the end you are just picking on your own son’s bad taste or poor taste. If you don't have the ability, you can't marry a better wife. People who live a comfortable life don't like to compare, because they feel that they are living a good life. Only people who are dissatisfied will compare, but the result is that the more they compare, the more dissatisfied they feel. Such comparisons have no benefit except increasing the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As a mother-in-law, she really should see less of her daughter-in-law’s actions and behaviors, interfere less in the lives of her son and daughter-in-law, and arrange more rich content for her own life. More importantly, don't go around talking bad about your daughter-in-law. This seems both inappropriate and annoying. This 2-volume set of emotional intelligence books is a physical examination for mothers-in-law with high emotional intelligence. You must have a sense of propriety in life and speech. Don't let yourself lose in speaking, and know how to communicate.